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 Sweden (Melodifestivalen) · Eurovision Song Contest 2015, Måns Zelmerlöw - Heroes |
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  13th March 2015, 06:48 PM
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#1
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 DROTTNING!
Joined: 15 April 2006
Posts: 63,953 User: 480 
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 Sweden Måns Zelmerlöw - Heroes    We are GATHERED HERE TODAY So huns, it's nearly over for another year. I don't think I even need to essay, as once more Mother Melodi has blessed us with a cornucopia of fabulosity - from the deeply watchable messes that were Midnight Boy, Magnus and Molly's face, to Hasse's country bop, the emancipation (and subsequent demancipation) of Caroline Wennergren, to the sheer spectacles of Ell n Rikki, the Dollies, Jon Henrik, Måns, MARIETTE and her CAPE OF TRASNCENDENCE, and the conception of a new deity in MADAME N-now look I SAID I WOULDN'T ESSAY SHUSH But if there's one thing more enjoyable than the process of Melodifestivalen itself, it's the coming eternity. It's a slow motion process - not measured in certainties of time or milestones - which seeps in. And then you find yourself broadsided on a cold November evening by a sudden urge to listen to Ett andetag (or insert other non-immediately loonworthy moment here). And all of a sudden, you find yourself in the off-season 'ironically' enjoying something like A Different Kind of Love (but secretly living for it), before desperately searching for a Costa in late January of the year after just so you can get enough signal to listen to someone dragging up as the Bride of Dracula to do a limp cover of Love Me Again. And whoops - you're hooked. See you next year huns. So, to the final. One of the following twelve will join the pantheon tomorrow evening, and earn the right to be mentioned in the same breath as ABBA, Charlotte Perrelli, Lena Philipsson, Loreen, Carola, Malena and, uh, Martin Stenmarck - with the exception of JessAn and Eric, for obvious reasons (separate from the fact they probably AIN'T TAKING THE GONG). Regardless of whatever else happens in their careers, they'll always have the validation of having won the top prize in Swedish entertainment, and with the quality on show here, probably going top ten in Eurovision. Not too bad for two or three nights' work. So, here's how the final works. After the performances, the juries CONVENE, with half the vote in the final going to the 11 international juries (primarily composed of music professionals in the countries taking it a bit more seriously, or a group of about six Euroqueens in the others - keep your eyes out for some MINCING VOTES from Royaume-Uni). They all deliver their votes, and then the public vote reopens - leaving a wide berth for tactical voting against a divisive favourite which has underperformed at the jury stage (as YOHIO and Robin Stjernberg can testify to in 2013, or even Ace Wilder and Sanna last year). Then, with 473 points up for grabs in the public phone and app vote, each act gets points in proportion to how many votes they received - so an act with 10% of the vote gets 47 points, an act with 20% gets 95 points (due to rounding), and so on and so forth. With a good million televotes being made at minimum, and at least a few million app votes certain split across 12 acts, any act with over 20% of the vote will be contending for victory, and if they clear the 25% barrier (c. 300-400k televotes) they're probably on for a landslide (also, with so many acts competing, keep an eye out for the acts playing to a niche that none of the other acts cover). Before I collapse into tears at the BARREN STRETCH of 48 weeks that we now face before more Melfest, let's get on with the acts. Who will win?  01: Samir & Viktor - Groupie Text och musik: Anton Malmberg Hård af Segerstad, Kevin Högdahl, Maria Smith, Viktor Thell Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 101 / 100/1 / 12th Orderic Vitalis, Historia ecclesiastica, c. 12th century Christer stopped at nothing to hunt for younger voters. He cut down many schlager hags and destroyed homes and land. Nowhere else had he shown such cruelty. This made a real change. To his shame, Christer made no effort to control his fury, punishing the innocent with the guilty. He ordered that taste and Malena Ernman be burned to ashes. More than 100,000 people perished of starvation. I have often praised app voting in this book, but I can say nothing good about this brutal slaughter. God will punish him. I'm all for democratising the vote more but FUCKING HELL this makes me pause for thought. Thank piss for the juries.  02: JTR - Building It Up Text och musik: JTR (John Andreasson, Tom Lundbäck, Robin Lundbäck), Erik Lewander och Iggy 'Strange' Dahl Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 67 / 66/1 / 10th Sadly, the same reason that this got through heat four with ease probably explains why I adored the heat so much - the relative absence of the sort of generic bollocks that could literally have come from any boy band in the last fifteen years but which nonetheless gets the tweenage girls padding their training panties with extra wads of Bounty (Måns excepted from this critique for his flawless CROSS-DEMOGRAPHIC APPEAL/the ability to actually perform). Anyway, that same reason is probably why this'll struggle so much in the final voting, as there's very little here to stand out from the other tracks hitting that niche tomorrow night, let alone from the death slot of second. Can this hope for much more than bottom three?  03: Dinah Nah - Make Me (La La La) Text och musik: Dinah Nah, dr alban, Jakke Erixson och Karl-Ola Kjellholm Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 41 / 40/1 / 8th We shall now read verses from the Book of the Lady. 1 Dinah 5:10 'And after you have suffered a little while, the Goddess of all grace, who has called you to Her eternal glory in Nah, will Herself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.' La 34:19 'In the darkest of nights, many are the afflictions of the righteous, but Ms Nah delivers the faithful out of them all.' 2 Queens 17:24-25 'And the king of Melodifestivalen brought men from heat one, and from heat two, and from heat three, and from heat four, and from andra chansen, and placed them in the cities of Stockholm and Vienna instead of the daughter of Sweden: and they possessed the Final, and dwelt in the cities thereof. And so it was at the beginning of their dwelling there, that they and their fans feared not the Nah: therefore Ms Nah, forsooth as a plane in the sky, sent lions, dancers, and hard EDM beats among them, and slaughtered their wives and children.' This is the word of our Lady. Nahmen. (Imagine the juries giving this a shock win and giving the televoters no choice but to get onboard. IMAGINE *.*) (but not too much as I can't deal with that much heartbreak)  04: Jon Henrik Fjällgren - Jag är fri (Manne leam frijje) Text och musik: Jon Henrik Fjällgren, Erik Holmberg, Tony Malm och Josef Melin Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 4.75 / 15/4 / 2nd 'Man cannot live on tits alone' - ancient Sámi proverb But he can CERTAINLY TRY *.* This one's definitely a contender, and it comes down entirely to what the juries will think. The more likely option is that international juries will be scared off by a track mostly based around a killer chorus/final minute with total filler verses that don't make sense to anybody unfamiliar with jojk - hell, the whole track could be argued to not make much sense without the knowledge of the backstory, which it isn't a given that all of the jury members will have been briefed on beforehand. On the other hand, this stands out like nobody's business, and it's the kind of ethnobollocks that there's a real audience for at Eurovision, even if it isn't necessarily one that would win. Claims that something as uncompromising as this would be a 'guaranteed non-qualifier' can pretty much be dismissed straight off the bat, but at the same time how something like this would do in the finals is almost impossible to call (though my instinct is a divisive top ten), especially with the massive divide between lovers and haters for this - this outdoes even YOHIO in the Marmite stakes, with most people seeming to think it's either the best or worst entry of the year. So, can Jon Henrik do it? If he can landslide the public vote (itself questionable in the same line-up as Heroes), it'll all come down to margins. But will margins be enough?  05: Jessica Andersson - Can't Hurt Me Now Text och musik: Aleena Gibson och Fredrik Thomander Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 26 / 25/1 / 6th 25/1? What are you ON, LADBROKES?! Truth be told, though I was rooting for this bish all through the first deltävling, time hasn't revealed any extra charms to this lightly reheated country retelling of Undo minus the earth-shattering key change which not even Madame Discotits cares enough about to sort out (MF 2015 - The Discotits Suite OUT NOW in a PM inbox NEAR YOU). Gone are the layers possessed by Kalla nätter and I Did It For Love - in a fairly beige what-you-see-is-what-you-get ballad sailing through on a mixture of goodwill and performance power. As the only straight-up ballad in the heat, this already has a niche that none of the others can bank on, and a polished performance might be enough to get the juries onboard in some way, but I can't see this picking up many votes. But then that's not really the point here - old Jess has had her achievement getting to the final direkt for the first time already. Can she hope to add anything to her tally this year beyond that?  06: Måns Zelmerlöw - Heroes Text och musik: Anton Malmberg Hård af Segerstad och Joy & Linnea Deb Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 1.25 / 5/4 / 1st Bless his exceedingly attractive leather socks - he's earned it. After a long period in the wilderness (refer to Nahtthew 4:1-11 for further reading) after crashing out as the comeback kid favourite of Melodifestivalen 2009, Måns here is about to follow Sanna's footsteps as only the second MF artist to win after failing to seal the deal on the year that looked set up for their victory, rather than sinking into a marsh of increasingly diminishing returns and a general response of 'oh god not YOU AGAIN' (Shirley and Andreas Johnson incandescent with rage on the sidelines/Danny fervently taking notes). And as comebacks go, this one's been done in style: a flawlessly conceived performance (and let's not underestimate the value of a performer in the true sense of the word fronting it) accompanying an effortlessly mode track, standing in stark contrast to most of the bandwagon-jumpers that enter the contest, trying to ride the coattails of some recent chart hit but coming off as less than the sum of all parts. Unquestionably, this will immediately make Sweden one of the favourites to win Eurovision should this triumph tomorrow - especially in the female and ballad heavy line-up we have this year - and as fairytale endings go, coming back six years after a rejection to take everything home would probably outdo even Sanna's success last year. But, he's been here before. Can Team Otter seal the deal?  07: Linus Svenning - Forever Starts Today Text och musik: Aleena Gibson, Anton Malmberg Hård af Segerstad och Fredrik Kempe Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 81 / 80/1 / 11th It's truly felt like a YEAR OF REDEMPTION with Black Swan, Insomnia, and this - I feel like I've barely any VITRIOL LEFT for the traditional hate figures loves, it just won't DO! This would probably do quite well at Eurovision, but let's face it, it's just a bit too low key and middle of the road to stand a chance of making it. This doesn't feel anywhere near as dangerous as Brughder did on the televotes, but I have a feeling it could perform fairly respectably on the jury vote. Sadly, redemption didn't do all too well for Caz 'n' Ellen - can Linus even hope to make the top five with this?  08: Isa - Don't Stop Text och musik: Isa Tengblad, Johan Ramström, Gustaf Svenungsson, Magnus Wallin och Oscar Merner Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 21 / 20/1 / 5th Frankly the quicker we can get this shit over with and get her back with a Kempe track worthy of her (very) impressive performance skills, the better we'll be as a civilisation. And shame on any jury members who think that in humanity's prime gay pop contest, a rewrite of one of last year's biggest hits with barely a hint of variation or originality to it is worthy of big points.  09: Magnus Carlsson - Möt mig i Gamla Stan Text och musik: Thomas G:son, Lina Eriksson Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 51 / 50/1 / 9th QUEEN! *.* We're yet to see the true rewards of this getting to the final while barely breaking a sweat, but I hope we'll be able to look back in a couple of years' time at Magnus' qualification and mark it as the turning point where the contest started to get a little bit of its own personality back and get the right balance between big commercial hits and representing the genre which most foreign fans fell in love with Melodifestivalen for. Campy old Carlsson here doesn't have a hope of winning this (IMAGINE though...), but he's done his job already and the final will be all the more fun for the presence of this disco-schlager ode to cruising in Stockholm's gay district with amusingly unlikely appeal to the nans of Sweden. I'll be untucking the back of my shirt for this come Saturday - will the British juries too? *.*  10: Eric Saade - Sting Text och musik: Arash Fahmi, Fredrik Kempe, Hamed 'K-One' Pirouzpanah och David Kreuger Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 15 / 14/1 / 4th Eric Saade, 14/1 - who'd have thought! So surprisingly enough, it turns out that coming back looking like a 40 year old while singing a rapey-as-fuck One Direction song ISN'T the key to getting a second win on the trot - especially if you're blurring the lines between what is and isn't a live performance and what Melfest is about even more in the process of doing so (Eric was always treading the line closely anyway with the backing tracks the first two times around, but inserting snippets of a music video in the process is a step too far even for ME!). I kind of want this to win just to see how disastrous this would end up looking on the Vienna stage, because lord knows as it stands this perf would get vetoed by Jon Ola Sand faster than a post-Burning Alive Shirley Clamp MF submission. That said, if Eric can hide the sheer whiny noxaster (which probably answers itself), there's no reason why this can't still pull in the jury votes, as on record this is diabolically irresistible. And we know Eric still has a fanbase he can call on for televotes - but can he still go all the way with nowhere near as much goodwill this time around? 14/1 certainly looks a little too long to not be worth a flutter.  11: Mariette - Don't Stop Believing Text och musik: Miss Li, Sonny Gustafsson Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 13 / 12/1 / 3rd PRAISE DINAH - it felt like all the hype had gone for QX's 'Lesbian of the Year 2009' in these last three weeks, but as hype-relighting slots go this moment of artful perfection slotted between two party tracks should make it stand out like nobody's business. Pains me though it does to say, even though this leagues above everything else in here (Dinah excepted for holy reasons), I don't think it would be the right choice for Sweden in this year's moody female-heavy Eurovision line-up - though I certainly wouldn't be complaining if it got a shock win. And though I'm probably delving into the realms of fantasy here, it certainly isn't impossible - it's easy to see this getting a big jury endorsement and the public deciding to go along for the ride enough after to stay ahead of the public vote winner. But as it stands, we're probably in for a respectable top five and an underwhelming comeback next year. And you know what? I'd be totally at peace with that. But could Mariette vault Sweden's Eurovision pedigree to higher spiritual heights?  12: Hasse Andersson - Guld och gröna skogar Text och musik: Anderz Wrethov, Elin Wrethov, Johan Bejerholm och Johan Deltinger Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f / projected finish): 34 / 33/1 / 7th You know what loves, I'm not even ashamed to admit it - much as I adore I See You, I'm PISSING MYSELF with delight that this fun for Melodifestivalen slice of dansband nonsense is in the final, and that moreover it's gotten the PRIME SLOT of the whole contest (honestly, who'd have PREDICTED  ). I'll have probably supped enough VINTERFRUKTA Kopparbergs to be left MINCING IN THE AISLES when this rolls around, and I like to think the charm of this TRANSCENDS language barriers (because let's face it huns this is EXACTLY WHAT THIS YEAR'S EUROVISION NEEDS) and the juries will be voting EN MASSE for FOLK DANCING AND INCEST this Saturday - and that Sweden will be drunk and suggestible enough to do LIKEWISE  (vote for this, not incest)I'll be BOWING DOWN to our new wrinkled and excessively cheery overlords with OFF THE CHAIN accents - will YOU/SWEDEN/THE JURIES/EUROVISION? -x- The final begins this Saturday livestreaming from SVT.se/melodifestivalen at 7pm. And once more for another year, that's Melodifestivalen done! Thank you very much to everyone who's joined the ride again this year and to anyone new who's come aboard - despite SHODDY UNRELIABLE INTERNET it's been a ball writing these, and I only hope you've found them as rewarding as I have writing them and reading your interaction and responses. See you all next year huns - and now, ON WITH THE RANKINGS AND PREDICTIONS *.* |
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13th March 2015, 07:02 PM
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#2
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thanks for being a sarcy lil bitch
Joined: 25 September 2007
Posts: 79,277 User: 4,397         |
Sad day for buzzjack. Last MF thread for 2015 :'(
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13th March 2015, 07:19 PM
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#3
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 I was born 7 million years ago in Sweden, Africa
Joined: 4 October 2010
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I think a Måns win is inevitable and that is fine by me!
A superb write-up yet again Tirren, they are the highlight of the MF season for me  Ms Nah blesses you.
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13th March 2015, 07:20 PM
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#4
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DROTTNING!
Joined: 15 April 2006
Posts: 63,953 User: 480
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PREDICTION
01 Måns 02 Jon Henrik 03 Mariette 04 Eric 05 Samir & Viktor 06 Dinah Nah 07 Hasse Andersson 08 Isa 09 Magnus 10 Linus 11 JessAn 12 JTR |
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13th March 2015, 07:24 PM
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#5
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I was born 7 million years ago in Sweden, Africa
Joined: 4 October 2010
Posts: 13,253 User: 11,955
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I'm thinking
01. Måns 02. Jon Henrik 03. Eric 04. Hasse Andersson 05. Mariette 06. Samir & Viktor 07. Dinah Nah 08. Isa 09. Linus Svenning 10. Jessica Andersson 11. Magnus Carlsson 12. JTR |
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13th March 2015, 07:37 PM
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#6
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Eurovision Chat
Joined: 7 March 2006
Posts: 11,430 User: 84
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Anything but Eric and I'll be happy! That ego thoughhhhh
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13th March 2015, 07:38 PM
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#7
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I was born 7 million years ago in Sweden, Africa
Joined: 4 October 2010
Posts: 13,253 User: 11,955
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QUOTE(Jack89 @ Mar 13 2015, 07:37 PM)  Anything but Eric and I'll be happy! That ego thoughhhhh I can't WAIT for the meltdown that will follow *.* |
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13th March 2015, 07:47 PM
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#8
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Eurovision Chat
Joined: 7 March 2006
Posts: 11,430 User: 84
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QUOTE(AdamAloud @ Mar 13 2015, 07:38 PM) I can't WAIT for the meltdown that will follow *.* You picked that old man over me?! |
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13th March 2015, 07:49 PM
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#9
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üüü barracüda
Joined: 16 December 2009
Posts: 5,683 User: 10,222
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I will order a write up of the most mundane things every week until MF season is on again!
You gave me the quote of the year today and I shall use it forever. Nahmen. Also, that Discotits hardcore outro to 'Make Me (La La La)' is E V R I T I N G and then that key change of epic proportions for 'Don't Say No' left me dangling from my chandeliers. I still think it's Måns to lose but I have an irking feeling he will once again tumble on the votes somehow. Mariette and even Juan Henrique seem to be the biggest threats. But I'd still put my money on 'Heroes'. PREDIX 01. Måns Zelmerlöw 02. Mariette 03. Jon Henrik Fjällgren 04. Hasse Andersson 05. Samir & Viktor 06. Eric Saade 07. Magnus Carlsson 08. Dinah Nah 09. Linus Svenning 10. Isa 11. Jessica Andersson 12. JTR This post has been edited by Måns Vülkerlöw: 13th March 2015, 07:49 PM |
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13th March 2015, 07:49 PM
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#10
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Attack Dog/Sass Queen
Joined: 29 January 2008
Posts: 16,022 User: 5,342
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Hopefully Eric will suggest that the Swedish Public "must be joiking" or something to that effect.
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13th March 2015, 07:52 PM
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#11
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DROTTNING!
Joined: 15 April 2006
Posts: 63,953 User: 480
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He isn't FILIPPA BARK!
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13th March 2015, 08:12 PM
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#12
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 I'm a paragon so don't perceive me
Joined: 3 February 2011
Posts: 37,420 User: 12,929         |
Orderic Vitalis
 Never more relevant.And yes, no more MF threads, I'll miss them for the next 48 weeks. I would not begrudge Mans the win, given he has had two killer entries in the past that would have been worthy, but I am very much team Jon Henrik for tomorrow night as he has the best song by a country mile. Also Hasse to do as well as possible. For reasons of fun. |
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13th March 2015, 10:07 PM
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#13
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I was born 7 million years ago in Sweden, Africa
Joined: 4 October 2010
Posts: 13,253 User: 11,955
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Genrep results from tonight
1. Måns Zelmerlöw(261 röster, 42,9%) 2. Erik Saade(75 röster, 12,3%) 3. Samir & Viktor(72 röster, 11,8 %) 4. Jon Henrik Fjällgren(70 röster, 11,5 %) 5. Hasse Andersson(48 röster, 7,9%) 6. Mariette (34 röster, 5,6 %) 7. Isa(24 röster, 3,9%) 8. Magnus Carlsson(21 röster, 3,5%) 9. Jessica Andersson(17 röster, 2,8%) 10.Linus Svenning(13 röster, 2,1%) 11.Dinah Nah(11 röster, 1,9%) 12.JTR(10 röster, 1,8%) Måns has pissed this. |
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14th March 2015, 02:46 PM
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#14
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 23 December 2010
Posts: 24,411 User: 12,608
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I can't remember where I read it now, but Jon Henrik won the Aftonbladet poll by something like 0.2% over Mans and both were absolutely miles ahead of the rest.
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14th March 2015, 04:32 PM
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#15
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I was born 7 million years ago in Sweden, Africa
Joined: 4 October 2010
Posts: 13,253 User: 11,955
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Current Aftonbladet poll results
Måns Zelmerlöw 35.14% Jon Henrik Fjällgren 20.79% Hasse Andersson 15.18% Mariette 7.64% Eric Saade 3.92% Isa 3.48% Samir & Viktor 3.01% Magnus Carlsson 2.93% Jessica Andersson 2.71% Linus Svenning 2.32% Dinah Nah 2% JTR 0.88% |
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14th March 2015, 04:33 PM
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#16
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Brown cow, stunning!
Joined: 7 December 2009
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JTR dead last <3
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14th March 2015, 04:57 PM
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#17
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 23 December 2010
Posts: 24,411 User: 12,608
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Ah they were referring to a different Aftonbladet poll with the results as follows:
Jon Henrik Fjällgren 33.66% Måns Zelmerlöw 33.19% Eric Saade 8.88% Mariette 6.53% Hasse Andersson 4.63% Linus Svenning 2.99% Magnus Carlsson 2.33% Samir & Viktor 2.03% Isa 1.93% Dinah Nah 1.76% Jessica Andersson 1.28% JTR 0.79% (over 8k votes) http://www.aftonbladet.se/nojesbladet/melo...icle20460498.ab |
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14th March 2015, 05:53 PM
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#18
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BuzzJack Platinum Member
Joined: 9 April 2007
Posts: 7,590 User: 3,245
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When does this shit start?
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14th March 2015, 05:54 PM
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#19
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Brown cow, stunning!
Joined: 7 December 2009
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7pm UK time! (that's in 1hr and 5 minutes, I know you're Canadian and i'm not sure on the time difference
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14th March 2015, 05:56 PM
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#20
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BuzzJack Platinum Member
Joined: 9 April 2007
Posts: 7,590 User: 3,245
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Isn't that later than the other heats we've had so far
 Boourns! I want this to start NAOW
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