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 Predict Daily Newspaper Headlines front page for tomorrow, use your crystal ball or your cynicism... |
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 18th May 2016, 12:52 PM
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#1
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 BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 18 July 2012
Posts: 22,821 User: 17,376 
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This is a fun new game where you can predict the front page of your chosen newspaper for the next day:
Some will be accurate, some will be flippant. Here's mine: Daily Mail: "IMMIGRANTS CAUSE CANCER SURVEY RESULTS SHOW" Toxins breathed out by foreigners eating disgusting foreign foods are shown to contain chemical toxins which innocent babies of hard-working British families in adjacent properties breathe in. An Expert Spokesman for the survey generously financed through the Daily Mail, Dr Winston Thatcher, comments that this is conclusive proof that the EU is to blame. |
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18th May 2016, 01:54 PM
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 BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 13 April 2007
Posts: 36,670 User: 3,272
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CORBYN'S LINKS TO ISIS REVEALED
Left-wing Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn's links to extremist group ISIS are revealed by the Daily Mail today. An anonymous source claims that Corbyn may once have spoken to somebody who passed within fifty yards of a person who is alleged to have sold a pint of milk to a Muslim who went to the same school as another Muslim who has joined a group of extremists in Syria. Those two Muslims are alleged to have attended the same school as little as fifteen years apart. |
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18th May 2016, 02:29 PM
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 My mother said, to get things done, you better not mess with Maj
Joined: 28 October 2014
Posts: 5,765 User: 21,319
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NICKELBACK'S "ROCKSTAR" CAUSES PARKINSON'S DISEASE
An anonymous source claims that they have developped Parkinson's Disease after exposure to the song "Rockstar" by Nickelback on the radio. The incident is claimed to have taken place in early 2008, at the height of the song's success in the UK, and that the song being played on BBC Radio 1 caused a mutation of the disease, enabling it to spread over the body. The victim demands compensation from the band, and they have threatened to sue if their demand is not met. This post has been edited by Taylor Jago: 18th May 2016, 02:30 PM |
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18th May 2016, 02:37 PM
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 13 April 2007
Posts: 36,670 User: 3,272
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DIANA WAS MURDERED - NEW EVIDENCE
Fresh evidence has emerged proving that Diana, Princess Of Wales, was murdered in Paris in August 1997, the Daily Express can reveal. The shock new evidence also shows that the other passenger Dodi Fayed, a Muslim, was not murdered. Boris Johnson, one of the leaders of the campaign for the UK to leave the EU said "I didn't know Diana, but I know that she would have wanted to have nothing to do with the EU. Voting to remain would be an insult to her memory. Crikey." |
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18th May 2016, 07:31 PM
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#5
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 18 July 2012
Posts: 22,821 User: 17,376
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ALIENS GROPED MY BREASTS
Claims a top Model in the Daily Star, following a visit to a nightclub. 23-year old perky Sammi Starsson is shown with the mammary attractions. So attractive even little green men can't resist them. |
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19th May 2016, 11:53 AM
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 18 July 2012
Posts: 22,821 User: 17,376
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Results:
I'm afraid I was closest with my Daily Mail headline. Actual headline: IMMIGRANTS TAKE 200 MILLION JOBS OFF HARD-WORKING BRITISH FAMILES I may have mis-read it slightly, but that's essentially it. Tomorrow's headline will be grim, but it will be along the lines of IMMIGRANTS BRING TERRORIST THREAT following plane disappearance. |
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19th May 2016, 08:31 PM
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 13 April 2007
Posts: 36,670 User: 3,272
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EU THREAT TO OUR FOOD
The EU are set to crack down on our food if the country votes to stay in Europe next month, The Sun can reveal. Meddling Brussels officials want to impose labels showing the number of calories in traditional British food and drink like pizza, curry and lager according to a secret document seen by The Sun. |
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19th May 2016, 08:40 PM
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Queen of Soon
Joined: 24 May 2007
Posts: 74,081 User: 3,474
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EU causes Cancer (Daily Express & Daily Mail)
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19th May 2016, 09:36 PM
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#9
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It's still will be the return of the Mack 4eva
Joined: 1 February 2011
Posts: 53,690 User: 12,915
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Blown Out of the Sky
Daily Mirror |
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20th May 2016, 06:39 PM
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#10
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 18 July 2012
Posts: 22,821 User: 17,376
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Yes the Mirror headline is spot on, the general theme of the day, sadly.
The Daily Mail seem to have a sense of humour interviewing Elton about his wonderful marriage, while also finding time to blame the housing crisis on immigrants. I thought it was caused by all the rich bast*rds buying several homes for a better return than savings and shares, and the useless British politicians who all promise to build more houses and never do. One thing I'll give Thatcher and Johnny, they managed to build houses. Having all of the builders leave the profession/retire hasn't helped so i look forward to our efforts to coax builders from abroad following a Leave result when the housing crisis doesn't improve. That will be hilarious... I Digress. Tomorrow: The Sun: ANGELA MERKEL DESCENDED FROM HITLER (or at least his 3rd cousin twice removed) |
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20th May 2016, 07:13 PM
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It's still will be the return of the Mack 4eva
Joined: 1 February 2011
Posts: 53,690 User: 12,915
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The Sun:
Premier League Ace In One-Night Stand In Paris Daily Star: BGT Star X-Rated's Past. |
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21st May 2016, 09:07 AM
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#12
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 18 July 2012
Posts: 22,821 User: 17,376
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out of the blue the only thing that could push immigrants off the front page, other than a big tragedy? yes someone climbed over a fence at Buckingham Palace in order to murder the Queen. or summat like that.
Meanwhile George Osborne abruptly joins the Leave brigade as he thinks warning of plummeting house prices will be seen as a bad thing by anyone except those who paid too much for their house. And banks, of course who will be hit hard. Poor things. And foreign investors who have already bought up UK property. I feel sorry for them, down to their last half million. The Star has a truly shocking front page. A Corrie actor who watches the BBC. Because of course, nobody in the Coronation Street ITV drama production team ever watches the BBC. Possibly the most non-story of all-time so well done Star writers, a pretty big achievement there! |
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22nd May 2016, 10:55 AM
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 13 April 2007
Posts: 36,670 User: 3,272
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I've missed an opportunity
 I had been planning to post a made-up Express story along the lines of the entire population of Turkey being about to descend on the UK based on "an exclusive opinion poll with a sample size of one". I thought I had a few days to write it up as it was just too ridiculous even for the Express. Ah well.
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22nd May 2016, 11:32 AM
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 18 July 2012
Posts: 22,821 User: 17,376
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Inevitable that one as the Leave campaign get increasingly desperate.
I wish the Leave hypocrites who froth at the mouth every time a foreign President, Prime Minister, person of substance, head of a major corporation explains why they think it's a bad move (that's "explains" not "orders") would hold the same vitriol for those foreign billionaire tycoons and Presidential candidates who "stick their noses" into "our" business. Such as Rupert Murdoch, who wishes to see the EU fragment so he can get even more powerful in OUR UK POLITICS than he already is. That's a FOREIGNER telling us what to vote in each and every single election, referendum and poll. The fact that some of the Leave brigade take money for waffling about this and that from rich foreigners invalidates their whole argument. Bunch of effing two-faced hypocrites. Especially the ones married to EU citizens who feel it's OK for EU citizens to come over here as long they get to shag them, but not for anyone else. One of them wasn't even born in the UK, bloody "foreigner" born in a country of bloody "immigrant" parents. What a massive truth-distorting, reality-bending, policially-ambitious, selfishly-motivated "loveable" old blonde moptop buffoon he is. Just as his views on EU being like Hitler and Napoleon, his views being regarded as substantial because he studied history. Twat. His views distort history for political purposes. The EU: a) is not German or French tyrants attempting to impose their will, willing to commit any atrocity to do so b) is a democracy, the UK government has agreed to everything along with every other member-state So, essentially what Boris Fluffy-bunny nice-bloke JohnThomas is saying is he doesn't believe in democracy in other nations, and democracy that doesn't adopt his views on how life should be is tyrannical and murderous. Sounds like his studies of history should have left him with an "F" at best. Clearly too stupid to understand basic facts, and he gets away with it cos he's so "funny" and "adorable". He's as funny as a does of the clap. Hilarious! |
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22nd May 2016, 11:38 AM
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 13 April 2007
Posts: 36,670 User: 3,272
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Murdoch has admitted that his hostility towards the EU is because he cannot influence it whereas he can tell the UK government what to do and expect them to do it. That in itself should make people think long and hard about voting to leave.
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22nd May 2016, 10:26 PM
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#16
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It's still will be the return of the Mack 4eva
Joined: 1 February 2011
Posts: 53,690 User: 12,915
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UK in row with Turkey.
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23rd May 2016, 06:57 PM
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 18 July 2012
Posts: 22,821 User: 17,376
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QUOTE(Mack @ May 22 2016, 11:26 PM)  UK in row with Turkey. I was hoping this was the Star and was about Christmas dinner  Yes, though apparently everyone in Turkey has been polled by the press and intends to come over, then Cammie-kins made it even worse by saying it would a Cold day in Busted Hell before they were allowed in the EU. It can only be a question of time before he says "Over my dead body" and Johnno takes that as a personal challenge.
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23rd May 2016, 07:39 PM
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#18
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 13 April 2007
Posts: 36,670 User: 3,272
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I'll go for the Express...
LATE SPRING WEATHER EXPECTED IN LATE SPRING |
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23rd May 2016, 08:57 PM
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#19
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BuzzJack Legend
Joined: 18 July 2012
Posts: 22,821 User: 17,376
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Well if its the Express...
LEAVE VOTE WILL CAUSE HOUSE PRICE RISE OF 50% |
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25th May 2016, 09:08 AM
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#20
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Poet and Storyteller
Joined: 11 March 2006
Posts: 6,753 User: 166
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REVEALED! VACUOUS REALITY STAR'S SECRET TELEPHONE CALL TO TABLOID NEWSPAPER!
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