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Posted by: Slayer 20th August 2021, 04:13 PM

Key parts of her interview with "The Guardian".

“I was having these panic attacks out of nowhere. I couldn’t understand what was happening. It got to the point where I thought, this is too much – I need to come out of this now.”

Nelson has been calm, but starts to cry. “I did the music video and had a panic attack, and it was pretty mental that day. God, I haven’t really spoken about it and I’m getting upset. Sorry.” She brushes her tears away. “After the video I just got back in a really dark place and ended up back in hospital. That was when my mum said, ‘No more.’” The tears are still falling, and she grabs another tissue. “I had already decided. Then the girls spoke to Mum and said, ‘We think Jesy should come out of this now. She has to look after herself.’” So in the end it was their decision as much as hers? “Yeah,” she says. “Yeah. I know there are people who think I’ve let the other girls down, and that I’m so selfish, but I do think there comes a time in life when you do have to be selfish and look after yourself, and it was really affecting me mentally.”

“Certain people on my team didn’t care.” She comes to a stop. “I’m not talking about the girls. There were people on my team who knew how I was feeling and didn’t give a ****. They just weren’t bothered.” She means management? “Yep. There was an energy when I walked into a room. I felt there were certain people on my team who just didn’t want me to be there.”
I ask whether her unhappiness has made it tough for the girls over the years. “Of course. Course. We’ve all had our own problems. But it’s never nice to be around someone who’s down and doesn’t want to be there. As much as I needed to come out of it for myself, I didn’t want to keep putting three other people through that as well.”

Now Little Mix is a trio, two of whom are pregnant. Does she think the group will stay together? “I reckon they’ll look after their babies, go off and do their own things for a while, then make a comeback together. I think they’re just as sick as a three. They’re still doing it for girl power. I still love them to pieces. They were like my sisters.” Has she been in touch with them? “No, not as much. Not now. I think we all need time. It’s a big thing that’s happened.”

“What I’ve said about a million times is that I never said I’m coming out of the band to never be in the public eye again. I said I’m coming out of Little Mix because I could not deal with the pressure of being in a girl band, not that I can’t deal with the pressures of being in the spotlight or being famous.”

In May she was accused on social media of “blackfishing” – a term used to describe white people who have altered their appearance to the extent that they look racially ambiguous. “I would never want to offend anyone, and that was really upsetting. I wasn’t aware that’s how people felt.” She sounds bewildered by the allegation.

“In a group, you never really get to show off who you are because you get allocated a part. So now I’m doing this, I get to sing how I want.”

Nelson’s sent me one of her new songs called Boyz. It is R&B influenced, with an element of hip-hop thrown in for good measure (including a sample from P Diddy’s Bad Boy For Life.) In the song, co-written with producers Loose Change, she calls herself out for being attracted to bad boys.

“Part of me feels I should be single for ever because in relationships you have to sacrifice so much. I like waking up and knowing this day is just for me and I don’t need to worry about anyone but me. I’m really not looking for a relationship any more.”

Perhaps the problem is that men just aren’t that great? She beams. “I wish I liked women, I really do. I said that to my sister the other day because she’s gay. I said, ‘Jade, I wish I loved women,’ and she was like, ‘Well, just try it – you never know.’ And I said, ‘No, I love men too much.’ I just love the way men smell, I love muscles, and women don’t have that, do they?” Some do, I say. “Ha ha! I’ll never rule it out, I’ll just say that.”

For now, Jesy Nelson is going to focus on herself. “I feel you only get one shot to make your impact as a solo artist, so I’m going all guns blazing. I don’t want people to be, ‘Oh, that’s nice,’ or ‘I expected her to do that.’ I want people to be, ‘**** my life, she’s here!’”

I remind her what her bandmate Jade Thirlwall said about her becoming a broken doll. Did she recognise that? “Yes!” If she was a broken doll then, what is she now? “Now? I am a dolly that’s been put back together again. I’m not going to say I’m a new dolly; I’m not going to sit here and say, ‘Oh my God, I’m not insecure any more, I’m the most confident person ever,’ because that would be bull****.” If she’s going to stay healthy, she says, it is vital that she’s honest with herself – and her fans.“I still have my insecurities and I probably always will, but it’s learning how to deal with them and accepting them. I still have days when I get down, but I’m definitely not broken. That’s for sure.”

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Posted by: Frenchie 21st August 2021, 08:16 AM

Here’s the full article.

https://amp.theguardian.com/music/2021/aug/21/jesy-nelson-on-leaving-little-mix-i-felt-everybody-hated-me?__twitter_impression=true

Posted by: shadow2009 21st August 2021, 08:33 AM

Seems pretty fair, honestly.

The other girls were of the opinion she should leave for her own mental health as well which was interesting, and they're still on good terms and just taking some time away from eachother right now.

Hopefully that puts an end to any 'shade' or 'fued' crap fans have ran with.

Posted by: spiceboy 21st August 2021, 10:49 AM

That was such an interesting (and sad) read! My heart goes out to her it really sucks that the experience wasn't what she wanted to to be / thought it would be.

Really interesting to hear that the other girls also played a part in saying she should leave too. It's very obvious she needed to get out at that point panic attacks are not a nice thing at all, and that video from Live Lounge shows a lot about her mental health at that time. It's such a shame that she then missed out on a BRIT award, being part of the GH campaign to celebrate 10 years of Little Mix since she was such a vital part in making that group what it was. She may not be here right now if she has done though so perspective is vital.

Melanie C suffered for a long time with her self worth, depression (which she says she still struggles with to this day) and eating disorders due to the same issues of being called the ugly one, the butch one, the lesbian etc by the press, to the extent it made her hate the group she was in and resent them for years, the entire Forever campaign was pretty much halted due to her... the fact Jesy was able to keep going for years says a lot about her inner strength.

Posted by: Slayer 21st August 2021, 11:16 AM

Love Jesy so much, i'm glad she acknowledged the black fishing and it's really interesting to hear more about the story!

I guess it was a mutual thing that she left - nice to see her say Little Mix as a 3 are still incredible and that she still loves them.

Posted by: jsweetxe 21st August 2021, 11:20 AM

Mmk, so that was.. interesting.

Very nice to hear her talk about the girls like that - I feel like there are things we all need to accept and stop peddling - 1 being that she was genuinely unhappy with being compared to other girls in the group and she left due to that - 2 she and the girls still have love they just need time apart. She didn't leave for a solo career and it's insulting to her mental health struggle to say that - especially after she states she was in hospital again after the Sweet Melody video (to what degree we won't know but it's never good)

However - she's fully aware of the term blackfishing and how it offends and upsets people and she's *still* doing it - that awful wig and the darker make-up she's still doing something she knows is offensive? that's messed up, no matter how you want to portray it - I empathise so deeply with her mental health struggles, I really do but the blackfishing and lack of awareness is just too much for me to continue to support her career wholeheartedly.

Posted by: shindymindy 21st August 2021, 11:34 AM

It was an interesting read and great that we can put the rumours of them falling out behind us. I hope they can all remain friends once all are in a comfortable position again.
The things she went through are horrendous so she (and the girls) dod the right thing for her.

But, I agree about the blackfishing - she's been told about it before and never did anything about it.... but still carries on doing it. It doesn't sit right with me at all I'm afraid. It's just wrong.

Posted by: Slayer 21st August 2021, 12:50 PM

Other bits:

She has been obsessed with music and dancing since she was a little girl. Who were her heroes? “Missy Elliott,” she says instantly. “She is the queen. I would come home from school and the first thing I’d do is put on MTV Base and study Missy Elliott’s videos. She always had this little girl in her videos and I so wanted to be her. I loved what we did in Little Mix, but it wasn’t necessarily music I would listen to myself. The music I love is old school R&B and hip-hop.” Her new music reflects her own tastes. “That’s what I grew up with and what I always wanted to make, so now I am making it, it feels amazing.”

She became terrified of going out, and her absences were noted by the press. “When it was in the papers that I wasn’t turning up to work, it was just, ‘Oh, Jesy’s not well,’ but really I was hiding away. I didn’t want to get papped because I’d got so insecure about the way I looked. There were times I didn’t want anyone to look at me. I felt everybody hated me. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong, and it consumed me.” She started referring to herself as an “ugly rat”.

Magazines often featured her, and there were only two topics – she was gaining weight or losing weight. The more she read about herself, the more she went on extreme diets. It became a vicious circle of self-loathing. “I’d only eat a packet of ham for a day or drink Diet Coke for a week and not eat anything. And then I remember, getting to my skinniest at one point, I went on the Daily Mail website, which I was obsessed with, and there was a pap picture of me and the headline was about me losing weight. All the comments were about ‘Oh my God she’s far too skinny, she looks awful,’ and I remember feeling so happy because that’s all I’d ever wanted.” She pauses. “Now I look back, it’s mad. I went to see a therapist and she said, ‘You know that’s an eating disorder, don’t you?’ I never realised just drinking Diet Coke for a week was an eating disorder. My manager said, ‘Jesy, you’re so tiny, you’ve got body dysmorphia.’”

Did the girls tell her the same thing? “Yes, all the time, but it didn’t matter to me because everything I read was the opposite.”

Last October Little Mix returned to work to make a video for the single Sweet Melody. “In lockdown I’d just become a little porky pig and eaten whatever I wanted, and then they’d sprung on us two weeks prior, ‘Oh, you’ve got a music video.’ I got in a panic because I’d put on weight.” The panic was exacerbated by the styling for the video. “They were like, ‘You’ve got to wear a bikini!’ Obviously, I don’t have to wear it, but I knew I couldn’t be in a video with the other three wearing a bikini and me in a dressing gown. I got in such a state about having to lose weight in two weeks and wear a bikini. I went back to work and was really down about myself.”

In the end, she wore a corset while the others displayed their midriffs. Nelson was often dressed differently from the others in videos. For example, while they wore white, she would often wear black. “I never wanted to wear white because I thought white made me look fat,” she says. “So I’d wear black and there would be this constant joke online among fans: “Oh, someone forgot to tell Jesy about the white memo.”

Posted by: shadow2009 21st August 2021, 01:19 PM

Regarding the video in a bikini does she mean 'Holiday'? As they were all in bikinis for that and I'm sure it was the first work related thing they did after coming out of lockdown?

Posted by: Mr. C. Joel 21st August 2021, 02:27 PM

Hold up this article seems honest however,

The Blackfishing comments she apparently learnt from?! Yet we all know she’s taken it to the extreme in recent promo?

I guess we all expected the girls didn’t really speak now but at least it seems like there’s no hate between them.

I’m really hoping in the future they might be close again, they spent an incredible 9 years together so it’ll be sad if in time a stronger friendship can’t come out of it.

Also SERIOUS shade to Sean (Obviously wasn’t the nicest..)

Posted by: Slayer 21st August 2021, 02:32 PM

Originally they wanted Jesy to wear a bikini top in the Sweet Melody video but Jesy wasn't happy with it so she ended up in the corset that everyone complained about.

There was a second lockdown in the UK so she was on about that one I believe.

Posted by: jsweetxe 21st August 2021, 02:33 PM

I don't think she learnt from them - an article that was done by a cis white man probably wasn't the best idea to discuss such a topic, but it's very annoying to see she now KNOWS what this means and still hasn't done anything to stop it.

The only thing I can think of is that everything was shot in advance, so we have yet to see what her current appearance is like (I don't pay attention to her insta a lot anymore) but I hope that this is at least a tiny stepping stone to her education.

Posted by: Slayer 21st August 2021, 02:34 PM

It's a good step finally acknowledging, hoping she's more conscious going forward.

However, happy with the interview and it's really nice to see she still has love for the other girls.

Hoping one day all four can be all good, their friendship was incredible and what made LM so great. Would love to see them together again one day.

Posted by: Court 21st August 2021, 02:59 PM

To pretend that she didn’t know before now anyway is a joke. She was blocking people who said it to her, she only acknowledged it because he brought it up and seeing as this interview was several weeks ago (before her video shoot where she’s doing the same thing) she hasn’t given it a second thought.

But in regards to the Little Mix stuff I thought she presented herself well. I never doubted why she left but it’s nice to hear it in more detail from her own mouth. It’s interesting she cites the switch to RCA as being when she started hating songs they were sent when she notoriously hates Black Magic and I’d imagine that the scrapped third album was much more in line with music she prefers.

The end where she says she wishes she liked women is a bit iffy as well though. She could probably do with some media training.

Posted by: *Tim 21st August 2021, 04:41 PM

I can't at her knowing about the blackfishing yet doing nothing about it. She's basically saying she knows it offends people but she doesn't care all too much.

Also wishing she was gay is kind of laughable and tonedeaf to say...

Posted by: Slayer 21st August 2021, 05:20 PM

A lot of people say stuff like this, people will jump and attack her for anything - it was obviously a lighthearted joke.

Posted by: Court 21st August 2021, 05:33 PM

And some people will jump to defend her for everything.

Posted by: jsweetxe 21st August 2021, 06:18 PM

i feel like the blackfishing is the only thing anyone shouldn't really be defending, anything else is fair game.

as a gay person i didn't find any offense in her comments in context, because if you have reading comprehension you can read exactly what she's saying and why she said it at that particular moment - a bit.. weird? yes

homophobic/queerbaiting? no.

context matters.

Posted by: Court 21st August 2021, 07:06 PM

Context matters in this thread too, because no one was actually attacking Jesy or calling her homophobic. All that was said was it was a bit tone deaf and that maybe she should work on how she says things because what she did say can be easily misconstrued. And my comment about jumping to the defensive was specifically aimed at the poster who has actively been trying to shut down any critique of Jesy (including the valid blackfishing comments).

Of course, we can have discussions and engage in conversations about these things and not everyone’s going to feel the same way. But I i feel that comments like yours, actually explaining how you felt about what she said, are more helpful to those conversations than comments that just deflect to shut down any discussion that could be considered negative.

Posted by: *Tim 21st August 2021, 08:08 PM

Edit: Lemme not continue this conversation, it's not gonna lead anywhere but more arguments

Posted by: jsweetxe 21st August 2021, 09:01 PM

my comments about the homophobia/queerbaiting were more so aimed at the overall conversation i've seen regarding those comments (there hasn't been much but there's still conversation) so I really shouldn't have referred to them in this instance, i apologize for that

i'm trying to see both sides for Jesy, she was my fav for literally 10 years up until like 3/4 weeks ago when her blackfishing just tipped the scale, so i really want to support her, it's just difficult.

but yes I completely agree, critique against is allowed - honestly in all manner, her music might not even be great and things like that, we should be able to discuss her from both sides of the spectrum

Posted by: Tawdry Hepburn 22nd August 2021, 05:36 AM

I've got to say, I find it hugely disappointing that she's acknowledged the blackfishing and seems to grasp it's a wrong thing to do but seems intent on carrying on.

There's a whole swathe of public figures also doing this: Rita Ora, Ariana and pretty much the whole Kardashian clan. It's really messed up, why aren't they being told by people around them that it's actually not cool.

Posted by: J00prstar 22nd August 2021, 04:30 PM

I was shook to find out the Kardashians are white women tbh

Posted by: Dangerous Julian 22nd August 2021, 04:38 PM

I always thought they were dark because of their Armenian descent and then I realized... their father was a Third-Generation Armenian-American... not quite the same.

Posted by: Yousee 22nd August 2021, 05:55 PM

Were the last three episodes of little mix the search recorded before sweet melody video or after sweet melody video?

Posted by: jsweetxe 22nd August 2021, 08:23 PM

Sweet Melody was filmed around 25th September (choreographer's tweet from that day)

so I imagine that it finished a day or so later, so Jesy would've been in hospital around early October? She then was featured in the live shows for the performances of the Search? Maybe she agreed to do that as a courtesy? I remember them going for some sort of halloween performance and Jesy even had a selfie posted with her make-up done but then she was absent.

i remember LM3 watching the bands perform and them crying during a specific song, maybe Jesy's leaving day/decision was that release week when the video was doing bigger rounds?

Posted by: Yousee 22nd August 2021, 09:24 PM

I think they started saying she was ill when she didn't appear for the final episode of The Search. In that episode also, clips from earlier in the week when they spoke to contestants and gave them advice had only Jade, Perrie and Leigh-Anne. The week before, they had performed a mashup of touch and holiday, and New Priority was eliminated.

I don't understand how shooting the video of Sweet Melody, where she also had panic attacks according to the interview, was her breaking point, but she continued to get involved with LM activities afterwards - including the week Sweet Melody was released. She also performed it with the girls on The Search, when Jade was self-isolating. Perhaps it was all out of courtesy as you postulated? Or was the hospitalisation actually when she was absent, which was around album release?
The timeline of events from the video shoot to her leaving isn't very clear to me. It doesn't have to be though.

Posted by: jsweetxe 22nd August 2021, 10:52 PM

i think timelines for things like this are quite hard to pin down - she said "after the SM video" but was that after filming or release? release fits the timeline but there's choppy editing and her missing in the actual video which means that she had some strong opinions regarding the video immediately after shooting.

but yeah, she was actively involved w/things such as being in the first sweet melody performance and holiday / touch performance. i feel like she stayed as a courtesy, maybe those things were too soon to change? secret love song pt 2 was probably always planned so it was easy to just replace her parts but full performance with staged choreo would be harder (and she DOES love performing after all)

idk, hard to pin down, we'll probably never know but at this point we probs don't need to anyway

Posted by: tommie 23rd August 2021, 05:31 AM

I don't doubt that a huge part of her decision to leave was down to her mental health, but at the same time I'm sure there were other considerations - remember, her contract with the group / management / record label was about to expire, so I'm sure she actually must've been thinking about her own future, what she wanted to do and clearly that wasn't to commit to the group again with another contract for x number of years. Add that she's just turned 30 and I'm sure she realised that if she wanted to have a shot at a solo career it was now or never. I'm sure a huge part of her anxiety was the fact that she was realising that she didn't feel like committing to the group again so I'm sure when she took that decision a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders.

Posted by: dannjohn 23rd August 2021, 03:55 PM

tbh it wasnt long after 'sweet melody' that she disappeared and there's a few shots where she's absent...

i'm intrigued to see how jesy does because i think the kinda music she wants to do isn't really going to light the charts on fire?