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[Popchartfreak]

Suedehead2’s Stand-in Chart Commentary w/e 14th March 2024

It’s 3 weeks Hold ‘Em on top for Beyonce, yee haw, and an easy album number 1 for Liam Gallagher & John Squire.

Simon's feeling a bit poorly today so substitute chart service is here!

Beyonce’s Country excursion remains on top for a third week as Texas Hold ‘Em - sorry TEXAS HOLD ‘EM - shows no signs of budging. That equals Crazy In Love and Beautiful Liar’s run on top in the noughties. Benson Boone and Teddy Swims continue their little see-saw party-piece battling for runner-up spot, this week Benson’s Beautiful Things is back at 2 and Teddy’s Lose Control down to 3. Actor Joe Keery aka DJO is up one spot to 4 with his unexpectedly good End Of Beginning, presumably the filming for the final series of Stranger Things is complete now, and he already had a good role in the fab Ryan Reynolds’ feel-good movie Free Guy.

Up 4 is Carnival - sorry CARNIVAL - as one of those annoying non-old keyboard-suitable collaborations climbs to 5. These days it’s obligatory to name everyone that sneezed on a track, so bless me, and here they are: Squiggle Ye aka The Artist Formally Known As Kanye, Ty Dolla $ign (presumbaly devalued about 20% since first debuting on the chart) and Rich The Kid (or Rich Man as he is these days), as they out-do themselves on the lyrical masterpiece which features original, unique never-before-seen observations on a rap record. Just kidding, it’s the cliched N word, the D word, the B word, the H word, and the usual misogynist sex-obsessed, police-dodging, drug-taking, self-worshipping load of verbal drivel that isn’t massively improved by featuring Playboi Carti. So, Kanye, Tyrone, Dimitri and Jordan - as their mum’s named them - have room for improvement, glass half-full. A shame as the underlying track and chant is pretty fine, a missed opportunity to crossover.

Ella Henderson grabs a top 10 with Gangsta’s Paradise, sorry, I mean Pastime Paradise. Oops, no, I mean Alibi, borrowing bits of Stevie Wonder and Coolio, but pretty decent for all that, and giving Ella a 10th top 10 in 10 years and a 7th for Rudimental in 12 years. RAYE is back in with Escapism at 13 following her BRITS awards, and it’s a belated new entry at 38 for the pretty good Worth It due to the same. Kygo and Ava Max are peaking at 15, but hey, Whatever. Young Michael Marcagi also goes top 20 to 16 with his Scared To Start, not heard it before, seems nice enough in a Stick Season sort of way. Meanwhile Bryson Tiller climbs 11 places to 20 with Whatever She Wants.

New in at 26, Charli XCX has gone Von dutch, which is kind of her. I haven’t tried to buy it, but appreciate the offer. Charli seems to have become obsessed with opining she’s my number one throughout the song. Again, kind, but overly optimistic - this week I’ve opted for a late Centenarian as my number one. Meanwhile Becky Hill does an about turn and climbs into the top 30 to a new peak of 23 with the rather good Never Be Alone, aided and abetted by Sonny Fodera. There’s also a new entry at 34 from Twenty One Pilots who wish to Overcompensate who get only their 3rd top 40 hit. The duo have a new album on the way, so this bodes well for them. Kitchen Stove for Pozer is up 1 to 28, Yung Filly up 1 to 31 with Grey, Muni Long up 1 to 36 with Made For Me, and finally, New Era climbs 1 with Birds In The Sky to 39.




Over on the albums chart and Liam Gallagher returns with his 6th name-checked number one album collaboration with John Squire - but one can also add 8 with Oasis for a total of 14, and a career haul of 23 top 40 albums. The album title is Liam Gallagher & John Squire, a little unadventurous when they could have gone for After The Stone Roses Oasis, or even Beady Eye Shirehorses to reference previous incarnations. John Squire hasn’t troubled the album chart since 2002, and his band The Seahorses had just the one album hit 2 in 1997, while The Stone Roses only had 2 charting albums, so this is his first-ever chart-topper 35 years after going top 5 with The Stone Roses, and his 5th in total to go top 40.

Bruce Dickinson also has a solo album enter at 3, The Mandrake Project, his 3rd solo top 40 album outside Iron Maiden in 34 years, though obviously Maiden have had oodles of big chart albums (31 top 40’s). Leeds Rock band Yard Act debut at 4 with Where’s My Utopia, their second album. Manchester band Everything Everything are new at 9 with their 7th top 20 album, 6 of them top 10, entitled Mountainhead. Kaiser Chief’s Easy Eighth Album has some terrific tracks on it and duly enters at number 6, so that’ll make 8 top 10’s in a row, and always interesting and at least good, and at best fabulous. The top 5 is completed by Swing Fever down to 2 for Jools Holland and Rod Stewart and RAYE’s My 21st Century Blues re-entering at 5 following her Brits domination.

Other new entries, Skrapz is at with Reflection at 10, Jacob Collier at 26 with Djesse - Vol 4, and that’s that. Skrapz is a rapper from London on his 4th album, and 2nd top 40, while Jacob Collier’s would be another London reference if it was Wood not would, but he’s from London too anyway, and this appears to be his first-ever chart album.