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​9 Madonna films that were actually quite good
20 APRIL 2016
BY JOSH BURT

Lots of people will tell you that despite smashing through walls as a performer, Madonna never quite did the business as an actress - she's forever handcuffed to notorious turkeys like Shanghai Surprise and Swept Away. But actually, if you double back and revisit her old work, you might find that you quite enjoy some of her oeuvre. Yes, we said oeuvre. Here are nine Madonna movies that aren't completely awful…

1. Die Another Day (2002)
Probably best remembered for the moment Halle Berry emerges from the ocean bikini-first and sashays towards 007 in slow motion. But it also features a cameo from Madonna as a sophisticated fencing instructor with a confusing accent that never quite lands in a completely definable country. Is she American? English? Jamaican? Hang on, is it New Zealand? No one will ever know. Good to see her though.

2. Arthur and the Invisibles (2006)
Time hasn't been entirely forgiving to this computer-animated fantasy frolic, which looks like the intro to a game on your old PS2, but as the voice of a wild-haired troll called Princess Selenia, Madonna does some sterling work. Snoop Dogg, David Bowie and Robert De Niro also lent their dulcet tones to proceedings.

3. Who's That Girl (1987)
An embarrassing flop at the time, this one isn't as bad as the history books would have you believe. In career terms Madonna was at her zenith - it came out around the time of True Blue - and she plays a good-time girl falsely accused of murder with just the right Madonna-ish sense of preposterousness. There are worse ways to spend an hour and a half (like watching Swept Away).

4. Evita (1996)
The one where she lurched towards credibility with a bit of help from Andrew Lloyd Webber and his pals. (Note to Madge's agent: her singing voice is much stronger than her strangely reedy speaking voice.) She plays Eva Peron, First Lady of Argentina, and even had to clear some space on her shelves for acting awards = grabbing a Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Musical About Tragic South American Politicians. But unfortunately she missed out on the all-important MTV Award.

5. Dick Tracy (1990)
At the time, this was intended to be the first movie in an epic new series of belters, but it didn't quite tighten enough trousers to be considered a hit. In retrospect, though, it's a bit like a poor man's Sin City, and Madonna plays it super sexy as Dick Tracy's love interest - a part that spilled over into real life, when she became yet another pile of sawdust at the foot of Warren Beattie's bedpost.

6. Shadows and Fog (1991)
It's hardly Annie Hall, but Woody Allen's film (from his worrying 1990s slump) wasn't as bad as its critics at the time suggested. You've got Kathy Bates and Jodie Foster - both Oscar-winning actresses - playing hookers alongside Madonna, and she almost holds her own. Almost.

7. In Bed with Madonna (1991)
Literally the part she was born to play, Madonna is Madonna in a documentary about Madonna. In America it was called Madonna: Truth or Dare, and it follows her at the height of her gargantuan ego, during the 1990 'Blond Ambition' tour. As an insight into the life of one of the most notorious superstars of all time, it's actually pretty excellent, and because lots of it was filmed in black and white, it's also quite arty.

8. A League of their Own (1992)
Appearing alongside Tom Hanks, Geena Davis and Lori Petty (who played Keanu's ballsy love interest in Point Break), Madonna does a fine job as a sassy wartime baseball player, doing home runs and pitching strikes (or however it works) for the Rockford Peaches. Not to be confused with the panel show.

9. Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
In her first major acting role, Madonna played a wild New York bohemian, hero-worshipped by Rosanna Arquette's bored local housewife. At the time she was at the height of her pop power, so it was a bit like art imitating life, or life imitating art, or the other way round. Life imitating life, expressed through art. Whichever way, it's well worth visiting, or revisiting, or de-visiting and then visiting again.