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Colm
post Jan 22 2015, 05:15 PM
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I was the victim...or perhaps more "the person at the receiving end" of workplace bullying. But I didn't realise it until it was over.

The person in question may not even think they are bullying anyone. They just behave in an immature fashion. They help you if they like you. If they don't they make it difficult to ask them questions.

Picture this - you pluck up the courage to ask them for a minute of their time and they reply with "too busy to help" or "talk to me tomorrow" in quite an unwelcoming tone of voice. Then 5 mins later someone else asks them for help and they spend 20 mins helping them, and laughing and joking with them as nice as can be.

This has happened several times to me.

The same person openly humilates people at meetings in a jokey, jovial fashion. Everyone laughs. No one says anything because only one person perceives this as undermining.

The new people see this and it intimidates them. Soon there are two camps of people. One that likes the guy and sees no harm in him. One that hate having to deal with him because he makes it difficult to approach him.

This has been my life for the last 14 months. Workplace bullying is different in some respects to schoolyard bullying. There are no names being called. No wedgies or ducking. There's just a terrifying atmosphere.
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Colm
post Jan 22 2015, 05:29 PM
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I reported it this morning.

Anyone else have experience in this?


This post has been edited by AntoineTTe: Jan 22 2015, 06:08 PM
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Suedehead2
post Jan 22 2015, 06:09 PM
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It will be interesting to see how this turns out. It is certainly true that workplace bullying is a major problem and that it is far more subtle than bullying at school.
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Doctor Blind
post Jan 22 2015, 06:24 PM
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Our annual staff survey reported 9% having experienced or witnessed bullying/harassment at work over the past year. A worryingly high number IMO.

I know exactly the type of environment you are describing and it is not only intimidating but difficult to put a stop to, I hope you are able to get some support and the person concerned takes some action to change their ways.
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Colm
post Jan 22 2015, 07:54 PM
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I cant see me ever being happy in this company.
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Cremey
post Jan 22 2015, 11:23 PM
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I had a 'working with respect' workshop today, as mandatory training.
It involved an external company coming in to act out certain scenarios and while it was mainly light-hearted, some serious issues were raised about the treatment of others; avoiding prejudice; respecting other cultures etc. Most of it seemed pretty straightforward but some of the other people attending (whom I didn't know as the company is so big) admitted they had struggled to fit in due to differences in personality or culture, it really was quite enlightening! ohmy.gif

Hopefully reporting it will have made a significant difference!
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Colm
post Jan 22 2015, 11:28 PM
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I dont think it will make much of a difference. I nearly signed myself into a hospital the other night because the mental pain was so bad.
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Cremey
post Jan 22 2015, 11:35 PM
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If reporting it doesn't make a difference, there needs to be a serious look into the management team, surely? It's really not okay for a colleague to make you feel that way! sad.gif
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ionderella
post Jan 23 2015, 06:52 AM
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QUOTE(Fareek 2K15 @ Jan 23 2015, 04:46 AM) *
Count yourself a bit lucky if it's not sexual bullying.

http://www.buzzjack.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=173909

Jesus. Are you physically unable to not make everything be about yourself? :/ And what a f***ing IDIOTIC, cynical, ignorant and rude comment to make. Yes, sexual harrassment is bad but Tony's situation is not an easier ordeal, nor one who experiences it should ever feel lucky in any way.
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5 Silas Frøkner
post Jan 23 2015, 08:30 AM
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There's a woman in my office who can create a vile atmosphere at times. She's so controlling that she has to be all up in everyone's business even when it doesn't concern her. We have two centres for doctoral training, one of which I administer and the other her team administers. Continually she's all up in my grill about how out one is being managed wrongly. The last time my boss was there to swat her away thankfully. Annoyingly she's a supervisor of another team. So when my team was without a supervisor for a couple of weeks she was all over my team talking down to us and trying to enforce her way on us and just generally being rude and controlling. Ironically, my team is far more efficient and effective than hers.

Worst thing is, outside of the office she's actually nice. She just isn't cut out for a managerial role as she can't communicate with people without talkin down to them.
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5 Silas Frøkner
post Jan 23 2015, 08:33 AM
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For the record, all types of bullying and harassment are equally unacceptable. No one "should be lucky it's not..." or any bullshit like that.
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Colm
post Jan 23 2015, 09:38 AM
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I dont think I officially reported it. I explained the situation to my team leader and told him to look out for further cases. I also asked him to keep this confidential.
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Doctor Blind
post Jan 23 2015, 05:33 PM
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QUOTE(AntoineTTe @ Jan 23 2015, 09:38 AM) *
I dont think I officially reported it. I explained the situation to my team leader and told him to look out for further cases. I also asked him to keep this confidential.


Are there others at work that you can discuss the situation with? It may be more cathartic for you (and others) to discuss your concerns which you no doubt share. You mentioned for instance that there were two groups; those that like him and get on with him well and those that don't because he makes working with him difficult.
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Abdul Fareek
post Jan 23 2015, 07:26 PM
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QUOTE(Conderella @ Jan 23 2015, 06:52 AM) *
Jesus. Are you physically unable to not make everything be about yourself? :/ And what a f***ing IDIOTIC, cynical, ignorant and rude comment to make. Yes, sexual harrassment is bad but Tony's situation is not an easier ordeal, nor one who experiences it should ever feel lucky in any way.

Calm your tits. I admit that my sentence was phrased in the wrong way and of course I know that any type of bullying or harassment is not easier than others and my support goes out to Tony.

Tony depending on which sector you're working in I could give you some contacts to find another job if that's the course of action that you will take.
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Colm
post Jan 23 2015, 09:46 PM
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QUOTE(Doctor Blind @ Jan 23 2015, 05:33 PM) *
Are there others at work that you can discuss the situation with? It may be more cathartic for you (and others) to discuss your concerns which you no doubt share. You mentioned for instance that there were two groups; those that like him and get on with him well and those that don't because he makes working with him difficult.



Yeah - there's two others who dont like to have to work with him but their relationship with him is better.

I can't tell the what's real anymore. Am I just using this as a reason to leave? Do I just get depressed in every job because of how unhappy I am in my personal life.
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Josh
post Jan 24 2015, 04:22 PM
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QUOTE(AntoineTTe @ Jan 23 2015, 09:46 PM) *
Yeah - there's two others who dont like to have to work with him but their relationship with him is better.

I can't tell the what's real anymore. Am I just using this as a reason to leave? Do I just get depressed in every job because of how unhappy I am in my personal life.

In a working environment, the team around you contributes to a huge factor (I think) as to how much you enjoy a job. If you're uncomfortable with the people around you, then naturally you're not going to enjoy work. But on reverse side of things you could hate the job you're doing but absolutely love the people around you (which is quite common). You just need to find the right balance - I personally from your experience would look for another job..
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Colm
post Jan 24 2015, 09:10 PM
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Thanks Josh. I think I will.
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Colm
post Feb 11 2015, 01:20 PM
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I walked out of work today. I wont be going back.
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5 Silas Frøkner
post Feb 14 2015, 01:53 PM
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Sorry to hear you were unable to resolve the issue Tony sad.gif

Did work do nothing about it?
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Colm
post Feb 14 2015, 04:16 PM
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It wasn't the bullying. It was just generally the atmosphere that was so toxic. I had an work-related argument with one of the guys who I used to be friends with. He sent me a very aggressive message accusing me of being rude. When I asked exactly what I said that was rude he continued to be aggressive. I had to bring it to my superiors as he would not inform me of exactly which part was rude so that I could try and not be rude in future.

So, I walked out after a chat with my team leader. I said I wouldn't be back for the rest of the week. I went to my GP on Thursday to get signed off for week. He gave me a medical certificate stating I was unable to attend work due to anxiety/depression.

I told my boss I needed time to consider my relationship with the company. As soon as I walked out the door I knew I wasn't going back. I nearly broke down in tears several times on the walk home. When I got home I bawled my eyes out.

I feel better now. Much better. I think this is going to be one of the best years of my life. After 15 months of degrading, confidence-sapping hell.


This post has been edited by AntoineTTe: Feb 14 2015, 04:17 PM
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