BuzzJack
Entertainment Discussion

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register | Help )

 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Independently Minded, or just being stupid
Track this topic - Email this topic - Print this topic - Download this topic - Subscribe to this forum
Yuki On Ice~
post Sep 9 2015, 03:49 PM
Post #1
masala me
*******
Group: Veteran
Posts: 26,293
Member No.: 12,929
Joined: 3-February 11
 


So I have just finished moving into my university accommodation this year. It took me all day. I had many, many heavy boxes to move from one 4th floor place to a 3rd floor room, about a 15 minute walk away (7 times I did that trip, I think). I started at midday and I am so exhausted, I'm pretty much ready to drop dead, so if I don't come on any more, that'll be why. (cue *aww poor iz* plz)

Now why did I have to move everything by myself? Because I thought I could and so didn't bother signing up for a van service (doubt crept into my mind yesterday but by then it was too late), and taxis? Well, by the time I realised that this might be a tougher ask than I first thought, I was already well into lugging huge boxes through the streets, about 5 metres at a time before having to put it down again and catch my breath (I am in reasonable shape, but you just can't hold onto those things). Plus I'd have to wait around for them, and money... so I didn't do that.

Basically, I have problems with asking for help, I don't tend to do it and just assume I can do everything myself - and that is a flaw I have. I was even trying to look like I could carry the stuff just fine whenever someone was walking by because I didn't want them to think I needed help.

How do you guys approach this then, is my question. Do you approach situations by asking for help or do you do everything yourself? Before it goes tits up and maybe even after it does. Are you too independent to accept other people's help or are you totally fine with relying on people helping you when you need to?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
JosephCarey
post Sep 9 2015, 03:56 PM
Post #2
dreadlocked hair don't care
*******
Group: Global Mod
Posts: 48,142
Member No.: 13,530
Joined: 19-April 11
 


Poor Iz cry.gif (srsly though, nice work moving all that stuff on your own)

I think as time went on in school, I became less keen on asking for help, mainly because I hate being wrong about something or making a huge mistake in front of someone. Particularly in Maths, I always wanted to try and solve a problem on my own, even if it took me the entire lesson, cause I didn't really want to ask for help drama.gif I guess it depended on who my teacher was really. It's mainly a confidence thing, I'm rarely very confident in myself and some teachers were more blunt than others - nothing worse than being told "no." imo.

This can apply to stuff outside of school too I guess, I just hate cocking up in front of others so I'll try and sort things out myself as much as I can, a bit too stubborn maybe heehee.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Oliver
post Sep 9 2015, 03:58 PM
Post #3
Buzzjack's Finest Alcoholic.
******
Group: Members
Posts: 8,720
Member No.: 15,367
Joined: 19-November 11
 


I would desperately need help sometimes but I struggle to even look strangers in the eye so asking for help would be too much! laugh.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Klampus
post Sep 9 2015, 03:59 PM
Post #4
wtf are perfect places
******
Group: Entertainment Mod
Posts: 12,609
Member No.: 17,160
Joined: 3-June 12
   No Gallery Pics
 


A very interesting topic and I've recently noticed that it's something I can definitely relate to.

While I do and can ask for help, I mostly try and work/do things independently because I think I CAN do it by myself. So, if I realise I can do it by myself, there's no reason to be a burden on anyone else. I guess that's then why I get slightly annoyed if someone asks me for help with something I believe they could have just done by themselves as I wouldn't have asked for their help. laugh.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
*Tim
post Sep 9 2015, 04:09 PM
Post #5
Jemma Lucy of t Seet
*******
Group: Members
Posts: 23,555
Member No.: 16,660
Joined: 2-April 12
 


I'm the other side of the spectrum. I ask help too often and preferably let other people run for me
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Slade
post Sep 9 2015, 04:12 PM
Post #6
Mrs Brayden Smith <333
*******
Group: Moderator
Posts: 25,034
Member No.: 12,810
Joined: 18-January 11
 


Oh Iz I totally get you! (Props to you for lugging all those boxes also, I would've struggled at just the one with non-existent strength over here.)

Joseph touches on my thought process quite well, actually. It's definitely down to personal perception and insecurities as well, as I also would largely refrain from asking for help in school because I wanted to get things right by myself and also felt embarrassed if I made a mistake. I guess it's down to a bit of an intense perfectionist trait whereby I feel the need to be competent at absolutely everything, which I'm trying to work on as it's a bit unhealthy mentally. So yes I'm a bit too stubborn to ask for help at times, a really thought provoking topic though actually, something I wouldn't quite know what I'd do until it came down to certain situations like this. I guess like Froot I'd probably attempt anything to the best of my abilities for as long as I could withstand it, then have to face the fact that I couldn't do it and then reach out as a last resort. Gah, it shouldn't be such an issue just to simply ask for help but there you go. laugh.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Doctor Blind
post Sep 9 2015, 04:19 PM
Post #7
#38BBE0 otherwise known as 'sky blue'
******
Group: Members
Posts: 10,169
Member No.: 7,561
Joined: 27-October 08
   No Gallery Pics
 


I can totally related to where you're coming from Iz - I too have moved house (around half a mile) pretty much by myself before for exactly the same reason, though it took me around 10 trips I think. Only when a friend offered to drive my TV and dining table over did I accept any offer of help, basically because I didn't want to put anyone out - and this was during December 2010 when it was around 5 degrees below zero and Devon had a rare covering of snow. Writing this down it sounds ridiculous but I can think of many more examples, like getting stuck at Thetford train station but instead of calling someone to pick me up, because it was past midnight cycling around 20 miles in the middle of the night to get home..
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
HowToPronounceMa...
post Sep 9 2015, 04:24 PM
Post #8
BuzzJack Platinum Member
******
Group: Members
Posts: 11,697
Member No.: 7,132
Joined: 26-September 08
   No Gallery Pics
 


*aww poor iz*

A really interesting thread Iz ohmy.gif

The way I would answer this question is... I am certainly independently-minded, and occasionally I may avoid asking for help if I'm feeling self-conscious or something. Also, I just don't really like asking people for favours, and I don't particularly enjoy being asked for favours myself. Of course it depends on each individual situation! I mean you can always send your BJSC potentials to me, PLEASE DO - I have no problems with that, as that is something I am involved with myself by choice, have an interest in it and enjoy it, and would love to help you out. But personally, I have no problem getting things done on my own. I have no problems with people offering for help, that is always appreciated, but it just doesn't cross my mind very much to ask someone for a favour. Of course if I really need help, I am comfortable asking someone for help. I don't really understand people who don't like asking for directions if they're already super lost and are losing their cool, or when people are really nervous about getting lost in an airport for that matter, lol, because you can always ask someone.

So it's not that I refuse to ask for favours, it just crosses my mind extremely rarely. I just always seem to do my own things myself. And it's also not that I refuse to do favours for you, because I ALWAYS DO them when asked, and it's not like I have some extreme problem with it because I DO NOT, I am just independent myself in that regard and so I kinda forget about the word 'favour' sometimes. It's nothing personal and I never complain about it one bit, and as I said, I always do it fine, but the initial situation of actually being asked is slightly annoying (again, not in BJSC!). It depends on the situation. My mum often asks other people to make important phone calls for her, including me, and I don't like that very much. Sometimes she refuses to do them altogether, without even asking anyone else for help with them, which isn't very responsible, is it. I don't mean to come across like an asshole in this post, sorry. As I said, I don't have a HUGE PROBLEM with being asked for help or asking for help. I just don't particularly relate to the word 'favour'.

(I see Froot seems to have a similar mind-set)

Can I ask what you're studying btw? I wanna say History?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
ʟɪɴᴅs.
post Sep 9 2015, 04:56 PM
Post #9
Heda
******
Group: Moderator
Posts: 8,472
Member No.: 21,176
Joined: 29-August 14
   No Gallery Pics
 


Yea I'm pretty reluctant to ask for help, especially at work where I'm still learning the job and if I get asked to do something my mindset is they expect me to know how to do it and be able to get on with it, same applies for school/college, I will really only ask for help if there's no other alternative laugh.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Yuki On Ice~
post Sep 9 2015, 05:17 PM
Post #10
masala me
*******
Group: Veteran
Posts: 26,293
Member No.: 12,929
Joined: 3-February 11
 


Very interesting reading your responses guys, seems I'm not completely alone with this.

QUOTE(Doctor Blind @ Sep 9 2015, 05:19 PM) *
I can totally related to where you're coming from Iz - I too have moved house (around half a mile) pretty much by myself before for exactly the same reason, though it took me around 10 trips I think. Only when a friend offered to drive my TV and dining table over did I accept any offer of help, basically because I didn't want to put anyone out - and this was during December 2010 when it was around 5 degrees below zero and Devon had a rare covering of snow. Writing this down it sounds ridiculous but I can think of many more examples, like getting stuck at Thetford train station but instead of calling someone to pick me up, because it was past midnight cycling around 20 miles in the middle of the night to get home..


Ouch. I was very thankful that today was a rather pleasant day and so I didn't have to deal with wind chill or scorching heat or rain or anything like that, so to imagine doing that in freezing, snowy conditions sounds horrible. I've done the cycling thing before too, cycled several miles to and back from a party the morning after because I didn't want to ask around for a lift.

QUOTE(Mattias @ Sep 9 2015, 05:24 PM) *
Can I ask what you're studying btw? I wanna say History?


I WAS, so that's pretty much right. I've switched now I'm doing a Masters into International Relations for this year though. Part of the reason I had so much stuff was a set of very specific room changeover times at the start of the year that meant I had nowhere to store it all except in my room(s).

And I always gladly accept offers of help, I don't turn those down, but it's hard for me to ask for favours too. It's a weird mix of confidence in yourself to do what's needed and not enough confidence to ask others to aid you.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Noahspike
post Sep 9 2015, 05:45 PM
Post #11
There's a frisbee in my brunch
*****
Group: Members
Posts: 3,735
Member No.: 19,860
Joined: 29-September 13
   No Gallery Pics
 


I'm another who definitely relates to that, Iz. I often think after struggling with something or doing an overly laborious task that I could have requested help from someone who'd be more than willing to do so, and it'd likely make all the difference. It's particularly apt now actually because I'm pretty worried about many aspects of my dissertation, which I could have cleared up before submitting if I was more inclined to contact my supervisor regularly like my peers did. And of course it also would've helped if I didn't leave things to the last minute as per.

Funnily enough, my (now ex-)flatmate moved out last week with a load of boxes, suitcases and bags and was planning on making a few 10 minute trips on his own to his new place, despite the fact I was there and clearly not too busy doing anything! I'm really glad I offered to go with him because I was happy to make his life easier, and knowing him, he never would have approached me about it. It's all a bit stupid that we're so against asking really as I'm sure most people would happily help someone they know in need. laugh.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Riser
post Sep 9 2015, 06:01 PM
Post #12
King of nothing at all
******
Group: Moderator
Posts: 9,032
Member No.: 19,534
Joined: 14-July 13
 


QUOTE(Iz~ @ Sep 9 2015, 01:17 PM) *
It's a weird mix of confidence in yourself to do what's needed and not enough confidence to ask others to aid you.
This is a really good way of putting it, and I seem to relate just as much as everyone else. I tend to assume people wouldn't want to be interrupted or spend time helping me, which is bizarre considering I'm always willing to help whenever asked.

Just last weekend my bike tire went flat when I was four miles from my car, and with no way of fixing it I started walking all the way back on a very hot afternoon. I even walked past a bike shop but I chose not to go in and ask for help because I didn't have any money with me. Even though I'm sure they would have helped anyway, I just couldn't do it. Luckily someone coming from the other direction stopped me and offered his assistance. He had quite the emergency kit, even replaced the tube with a spare he had in his bag the exact same size! But in most cases such good luck doesn't happen and I go to ridiculous lengths to take care of my issues on my own.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
ionderella
post Sep 10 2015, 06:56 AM
Post #13
ya ya ya i am lorde
********
Group: Members
Posts: 70,547
Member No.: 4,397
Joined: 25-September 07
 


QUOTE(Iz~ @ Sep 9 2015, 06:49 PM) *
So I have just finished moving into my university accommodation this year. It took me all day. I had many, many heavy boxes to move from one 4th floor place to a 3rd floor room, about a 15 minute walk away (7 times I did that trip, I think). I started at midday and I am so exhausted, I'm pretty much ready to drop dead, so if I don't come on any more, that'll be why. (cue *aww poor iz* plz)

Now why did I have to move everything by myself? Because I thought I could and so didn't bother signing up for a van service (doubt crept into my mind yesterday but by then it was too late), and taxis? Well, by the time I realised that this might be a tougher ask than I first thought, I was already well into lugging huge boxes through the streets, about 5 metres at a time before having to put it down again and catch my breath (I am in reasonable shape, but you just can't hold onto those things). Plus I'd have to wait around for them, and money... so I didn't do that.

Basically, I have problems with asking for help, I don't tend to do it and just assume I can do everything myself - and that is a flaw I have. I was even trying to look like I could carry the stuff just fine whenever someone was walking by because I didn't want them to think I needed help.

How do you guys approach this then, is my question. Do you approach situations by asking for help or do you do everything yourself? Before it goes tits up and maybe even after it does. Are you too independent to accept other people's help or are you totally fine with relying on people helping you when you need to?

This is like reading a post about myself! I do this all the time. Especially the 'oh this is so easyyyyy' look on the face haha! If someone offers help then I will accept it but I always think I can do everything by myself. And in most cases it's so much easier because you know how it needs to be done and explaining that to others will only annoy you and take up a lot of the time. laugh.gif But sometimes I really do need help but I'm so bad at asking for it, I try to do literally everything in my power before approaching someone.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Popchartfreak
post Sep 10 2015, 12:25 PM
Post #14
BuzzJack Platinum Member
******
Group: Moderator
Posts: 10,967
Member No.: 17,376
Joined: 18-July 12
   No Gallery Pics
 


Same. I can't abide asking anyone for help, even to the point of hoiking a heavy cupboard up a loft ladder (I did it by myself, somehow, rather than wait or ask someone to come round). Partly pride, partly hate asking - which is ironic as everyone has no problems whatsoever asking me for help, I'm just too good at stuff ( tongue.gif ohmy.gif ) and too easygoing.

I'm getting better though at asking...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
HowToPronounceMa...
post Sep 10 2015, 12:29 PM
Post #15
BuzzJack Platinum Member
******
Group: Members
Posts: 11,697
Member No.: 7,132
Joined: 26-September 08
   No Gallery Pics
 


QUOTE(popchartfreak @ Sep 10 2015, 01:25 PM) *
Same. I can't abide asking anyone for help, even to the point of hoiking a heavy cupboard up a loft ladder (I did it by myself, somehow, rather than wait or ask someone to come round). Partly pride, partly hate asking - which is ironic as everyone has no problems whatsoever asking me for help, I'm just too good at stuff ( tongue.gif ohmy.gif ) and too easygoing.

I'm getting better though at asking...


I don't think mine has to do with pride at all. Sometimes I tend to just be so into what I'm doing that I just don't think of asking for help. It just doesn't usually occur to me. Of course it does sometimes, especially if I'm really in trouble or whatever, but I think most of the time I just get on with it.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Harve
post Sep 10 2015, 02:01 PM
Post #16
when I notice the world is falling apart I will run a bath
******
Group: Members
Posts: 15,999
Member No.: 4,718
Joined: 3-November 07
   No Gallery Pics
 


I'm similar to you here Iz! I guess I have the attitude that if I'm in some sort of trouble then it's my fault, so it should be me and me alone dealing with it and nobody else.

Although I moved Derbyshire>Glasgow using two buses and two trains last week and it turned out I could fit everything I own into one large suitcase and a 65 litre rucksack if I had my massive walking boots on my feet.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post


Reply to this topicStart new topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:


 

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 14th December 2017 - 01:22 PM