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> Being nice vs being too nice
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M.
post Feb 12 2016, 01:01 AM
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Where do you draw the line between being nice and being too nice? Do you think there's a certain weakness associated with being "a nice guy"? Or is it a quality that will actually benefit you and create more harmonious relationships? Do people try to "curry favour" others by being nice?

I'm generally a nice guy and someone once told me I was too nice but I wasn't quite sure what she meant at the time because gurrl, you don't wanna get on my bad side (comes out rarely these days). I will do my best to stand up for myself and others if I feel I need to, have a fair amount of determination in general and certainly don't see myself as a pushover, so I don't really know why I would be seen as "too" nice. For some reason it's just my natural tendency to be "nice". However, occasionally there does come a time where I don't speak up about something and it only occurs to me afterwards that I probably very much should've. Maybe it's things like that which make people seem too lenient.

sorry for the late night self-indulgence, ugh, but would be interesting to discuss niceness a bit lol

The word "nice" is so ugly tho. Like, it does sound so cheesy, "oh, I'm nice" mellow.gif
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Yuki On Ice~
post Feb 12 2016, 01:41 AM
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Definitely there is a line of niceness. If you equate niceness with being a pushover. I mean, for myself, I will never be intentionally mean to someone and I value being good to other people very highly, you never know who could be your next friend. Yet I also pull no punches and don't let anyone take advantage of my pleasant nature. Thankfully I'm not often in situations where people would do that to me as I tend to surround myself with good people too but I do stand up for myself when it's needed. It's recognising when that is needed is the hardest part of breaking out of the simple 'nice' category.

I don't really like the word, it's such a non-committal prospect of a word (one for that least favourite words topic for sure) and says 'boring' far more than it does 'good' to me. And I like using that word, 'good', as in alignment against evil, far more. 'Good guy' carries far more weight than 'nice guy', especially given the latter's deconstruction basically everywhere these days.
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TheGrinch
post Feb 12 2016, 01:45 AM
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I'm too nice when it comes to friends but there's no real bigger satisfaction for me than making someone else happy! I care about people far too much unless I contact cut them.
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*Tim
post Feb 12 2016, 03:17 AM
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I start of liking people, until they give me a reason not too. But that usually takes way too long for me to notice so I'll be bicer than they deserve. I see it as a weakness
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CodySleighBell-y
post Feb 12 2016, 04:17 AM
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I'm only nice to the point where I feel like people are taking advantage of me. It's like being nice automatically makes you a target because people will think you'll just brush off shade. I also believe there are times that you can be nice, and other times you simply have to draw the line. It's a bit cutthroat, but it is what it is.

It's weird saying that because I don't think anyone has seen me be a real bitch.
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ionderella
post Feb 12 2016, 08:23 AM
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i'm usually v nice but when i sense people are trying to take advantage, i prefer to just get passive aggressive or ignore them. i hate people.
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Sceryl_Streep
post Feb 12 2016, 09:32 AM
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Being 'too nice' is one of my most hated things, and yes it very much IS a thing. It's a fairly difficult distinction to make at times, but really for me it comes down to when someone is clearly suppressing thoughts/feelings JUST so they be nice to someone else, or don't hurt their feelings that it annoys me. Being fake is, in itself, an incredibly annoying act. I don't think being generally a nice person is a weak thing though, personally I prefer my friends with a little bit of SPICE in the mix (ok, a lot of spice) purely because that's what I'm like and I'm always conscious of being too cutting/bitchy when talking about others or events with 'nice' people because it's not always what they want to hear.
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ʟɪɴᴅs.
post Feb 12 2016, 12:28 PM
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I'd say I'm a nice person, I absolutely hate the idea of conflict or anyone thinking bad of me without reason, my parents say I'm too nice in regards to at work and because of that, plus being the youngest, people take advantage of that, but I'd rather not make things into an issue as that would just add an atmosphere that I don't really want to be working in laugh.gif Maybe I am a pushover?? Idk but there's nothing wrong with being nice!! :')
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Popchartfreak
post Feb 12 2016, 01:23 PM
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being nice is a short-hand way of saying being considerate about others, which is a very good thing. People who aren't into being nice tend to view it as a weakness (and it can be because many people will take the piss again and again in your life if you let them, and employers largely want assertiveness not niceness, unless you're in the caring professions). If the world were filled only with assertive people who spoke their mind just think of all the problems there might be, like intolerance, war, bigotry, increased suicides, social unfairness and unhappy relationships. Good thing that's not the case, eh! tongue.gif

Being nice, one can still be tactfully helpful of course, or blunt when it's really needed, but that doesn't stop you being essentially nice. I'm talking about me of course, as I always do. Nice people can also be as self-absorbed as much as any assertive person laugh.gif
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Yuki On Ice~
post Feb 12 2016, 03:51 PM
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QUOTE(ℒ����⻤ @ Feb 12 2016, 12:28 PM) *
I'd say I'm a nice person, I absolutely hate the idea of conflict or anyone thinking bad of me without reason, my parents say I'm too nice in regards to at work and because of that, plus being the youngest, people take advantage of that, but I'd rather not make things into an issue as that would just add an atmosphere that I don't really want to be working in laugh.gif Maybe I am a pushover?? Idk but there's nothing wrong with being nice!! :')


On that, avoiding conflict when it's not needed to be nice is just fine most of the time, I do it myself, a lot of the time there is no reason to cause conflict and you're not being too nice then, it's just the line where speaking up is worth the conflict that I think should be recognised. You can still be nice by standing up for yourself, if someone is, for lack of a better word, bullying you (not your situation Lindsey, just in general), then being 'too nice' is letting them get away with that and not saying why they're bothering you.

Also, if it's genuine niceness, I feel that the more you are able to express yourself on being 'nice' to other people, caring about them, taking the initiative in showing you care, going out of your way to be friendly, as opposed to being nice by being non-committal and just blithely saying pleasantries, the more cause there is for your niceness being praiseworthy. I am sometimes guilty of being in the latter camp, shyness sometimes takes over. It's just there is niceness by being 'not a dick' to other people, and there's nice by being a good person. That's like the other side of this nice vs too nice thing, where being more nice is good. (it doesn't even look like a word anymore)
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JSG
post Feb 12 2016, 05:19 PM
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I already know you all think I'm 'too nice'.

c**ts.
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M.
post Feb 12 2016, 05:29 PM
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QUOTE(JSG @ Feb 12 2016, 05:19 PM) *
I already know you all think I'm 'too nice'.

c**ts.


You're nice, but I don't see you as too nice tbh. You do speak up when something gets under your skin, you've even caught me off guard with certain things like that sometimes kink.gif
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Regina
post Feb 12 2016, 05:58 PM
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TBH I don't think I'm all that nice, and I don't intend to change. I will be civil with people I don't know, but unless I feel like you deserve it, I wont go out of my way to
be nice, harsh but it's the way I am.
If you are nice to me then it's only fair I am nice back, but it's too easy to come off as smarmy and I hate that. Incincerity is an ugly thing.
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t=SpunderfulXmas
post Feb 12 2016, 06:08 PM
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I am guilty of this quite often, but then I say it's better than not being nice at all tongue.gif
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Slade
post Feb 12 2016, 08:33 PM
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Oh I do really love nice people. I always make sure that I am nice to others. It's not in the slightest bit fake, I just love to be optimistic and find myself caring about people really easily. I'm not one for conflict. I do think I used to fall into the category of 'too nice' in the sense of being a bit of a pushover but I will very much stand up for myself these days if somebody has gone too far. I just love making other people feel happy though and vice versa! Being nice is such a wonderful thing. Rudeness is a huge no, I will never get why people go out of their way to purposely be nasty to people and get a kick out of it.
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Riser
post Feb 12 2016, 09:18 PM
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I've probably been called "too nice" before and I am very conflict-averse, but I live by the quote "Always be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about." It does take balance though, to avoid being taken advantage of like others have said. I'm still learning to put myself first sometimes, but I value kindness from others very highly and don't think I've ever considered anyone to be too nice.
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KWEEN_DEE
post Feb 13 2016, 08:02 PM
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I'm a v. nice person.... when it comes to nice, someone like Regina thinks you're talking about the city in France.
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