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> THIS VAGUE STAGE OF LIFE CALLED BISEXUALITY
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ionderella
post Feb 22 2016, 06:52 PM
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so me and my fag hag were in kfc among hundreds and HUNDREDS (literally, not lying here) of crazy teenagers eating chicken and being scared for our lives at the same time when conversation turned to cara delevingne ("do you know that model with big eyebrows?" - "cara delevingne?" - "yup" :') i love our tandem). my friend told me she's about to get married to a girl (st. vincent appaz, i don't follow celeb gossip~) so she's a lesbian. i corrected that she might be bi actually. and then the arguement blew up. she is convinced that you can be bisexual when you're not in a relationship but you still have a preference. so if you're a woman labelling yourself bisexual and you get married to a man that means you're now straight. because males are your preferred gender since you got married to one of them. if you get married to a woman it means you're gay, etc. her argument was that in the end one always prefers a certain gender, there's no literal 50/50. i was flabbergasted and tried to tell her that relationships and marriage have nothing to do with how you identify yourself in terms of your sexuality. then i asked what do you call a bisexual man who gets married to a man then divorces him and gets remarried to a woman. i don't remember the answer actually but in general she was still convinced that if you're bisexual you still have that gender you prefer and after you get into a relationship you either become gay or straight. bisexuality is kind of like a phase, a stage between being gay and straight. you can literally choose to be gay or straight there. ha. i just cannot. i will not let this matter rest until i analyse her point of view completely and ask her to repeat it a few more times. i still don't get it. ;_; she's the gay magnet and loves us so it's not really the matter of ignorance with her, just a weird point of view i cannot seem to understand in any way whatsoever.

if one is attracted to people of both genders it generally means they are bisexual. i don't get ittttt. i needed to get this off my chest thank you for listening xx

i don't even know anyone bisexual to consult with ;_;
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CodySleighBell-y
post Feb 22 2016, 06:55 PM
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Yeah pretty sure being bisexual and getting married to a man or woman still makes you bisexual.

CARA DELEVIGNE *.* heart.gif heart.gif
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Christmas Cherry...
post Feb 22 2016, 06:57 PM
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since when has marriage changed ur sexuality tho like i just can't understand that logic. does that mean if you have a life long partner but never actually tie the knot u forever remain a bisexual :////////

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ionderella
post Feb 22 2016, 07:01 PM
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as far as i understood, she just believes that you have a preferred gender even if you like both. that preferred gender makes you either gay or straight. it's a bit black-and-white there but i'll make it my mission to put her on the right path!!
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Brett-Butler
post Feb 22 2016, 07:43 PM
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Tom Robinson would very much disagree with your friend.
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5 Silas Frøkner
post Feb 22 2016, 10:57 PM
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What you're witnessing is a first hand account of bi-invisibilty. Weep for the poor closeted homo/experimental str8 (delete as appropriate based on who they are currently dating).

The more people that understand that it's a spectrum the better. Hell even if people would just acknowledge that somewhere in the middle Bisexual actually exists that'd be a champion start.
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Explozian
post Feb 23 2016, 01:09 AM
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I've never particularly liked sexual labels, not to sound like some sort of cringey utopianist swinger but I think they can be detrimental to people's conception of who they really are. The cultural pressures of fitting in as gay or straight (and the complete dearth of any real bisexual culture and general lack of BICONS, especially male ones (thank god for the guy from Green Day, I guess)) are pretty rigorous. Probably to the extent where some people have just picked gay or straight at some point.

I think an exact 50-50 would be rare, just for finding such an exact place on the spectrum, although I certainly wouldn't discount it totally. "Leaning" is such a limited catch-all term and it's unfortunate that that's how being bisexual is usually conceptualised. It just reinforces the importance of ultimately being on one side or the other. It's not the gay reserve team.

Basically what I'm saying is we were all born this way smile.gif smile.gif smile.gif
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HowToPronounceMa...
post Feb 23 2016, 01:44 AM
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QUOTE(Explozian @ Feb 23 2016, 01:09 AM) *
Basically what I'm saying is we were all born this way smile.gif smile.gif smile.gif


Well there's also sexual fluidity, meaning changes in your preferences or changes in where you lie on the spectrum. I think this doesn't get talked about enough, but I've experienced this. So idk how exactly I was born then, but I've changed in terms of my position on the spectrum.
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Liаm
post Feb 23 2016, 03:35 AM
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People naturally just want to fit people into the boxes they know, but the reality is many people can't and don't fit labels. People feel how they feel really, some people may think they only like guys but who's to say that one girl one day won't make them feel differently?
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Colm
post Feb 23 2016, 12:16 PM
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Why are you still friends wit this person - she's clearly insane?
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ionderella
post Feb 23 2016, 05:43 PM
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dont
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Explozian
post Feb 23 2016, 05:47 PM
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QUOTE(Mattias @ Feb 23 2016, 01:44 AM) *
Well there's also sexual fluidity, meaning changes in your preferences or changes in where you lie on the spectrum. I think this doesn't get talked about enough, but I've experienced this. So idk how exactly I was born then, but I've changed in terms of my position on the spectrum.


Yeah of course, I agree with you, I was just making a crap sarcastic reference. I've felt the same way.
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HowToPronounceMa...
post Feb 23 2016, 06:04 PM
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QUOTE(Explozian @ Feb 23 2016, 05:47 PM) *
Yeah of course, I agree with you, I was just making a crap sarcastic reference. I've felt the same way.


I got "online yelled at" once for suggesting this about myself :') He was insistent that sexuality cannot change and he told me he didn't want me to talk about sexuality anymore. lol.
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Popchartfreak
post Feb 23 2016, 09:58 PM
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people are whatever they perceive themselves to be, they know best! Not even slightly less than 100% myself, but know loads and loads and loads of married men (and a couple of married women) who left the partner for the gay life, but none the other way round. Also met plenty of married men who wouldn't consider themselves bi or gay, but dabble anyway.

"I'm not gay or owt but I'm not getting on wi the missus..."

If anyone asks me if I'm gay, I'm more likely to say "nah I'm John" because I'm an individual whole human being regardless of who I fancy tongue.gif
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jakewild
post Feb 24 2016, 01:06 PM
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it's quite clearly a spectrum but some ppl are a bit simple so need boxes like
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