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> Advice, Guidance would be welcomed.
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pippa
post Apr 4 2016, 08:56 PM
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I hope a subject like this is allowed on Buzzjack. I need advice in relation to a friend. I have been friends with a girl for around 5 years and we have had a great friendship and she has been there in both good and bad times as i have been for her.

However, lately i find things different. A couple of times i have asked about going for a drink but have been brushed off, if we do go for a drink its usually on her terms. One night i was invited for a drink with her and a freind but the venue changed and i was never informed and was totally left out, in fact left sitting at home without a text and only found out when i text myself to ask whats going on, ven then there was no offer of come along and join us. I discussed this idea with her and she said she never meant it in that way or realised she was behaving this way and apologized so i let it go as such and said maybe i am reading too much into it.

Myself and this friend have discussed going into business together and are just waiting for the right opportunity to come our way and we have done lots of work on this. Just today my friend called over to say she was looking at a very cheap property last week and looking to buy to rent and that another friend of hers is thinking of buying a property next door so she could do the same. Property was something we had discussed. Again i was never even given the opportunity to be part of it even though i have always discussed any opportunities with her and shared potential opportunities we could both benefit from.

I honestly felt so hurt when she told me the conversation, i just let the conversation go as i was too hurt to express how i felt. It really feels like again i am brushed a side as something better came along.

Im really starting to feel i should start pulling away from this friendship, am i thinking correctly or completely over reacting??Any advice or opinions would be wonderful to get.


This post has been edited by pippa: Apr 4 2016, 08:58 PM
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Emily Haines
post Apr 4 2016, 09:07 PM
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I would feel the same way as you, and would begin to pull away. You don't invite someone for a drink and then not tell them when plans change. Regardless of her apology, she hasn't changed her behaviour and isn't involving you in things.

You could attempt to talk to her again and really explain how it's making you feel. Then if nothing changes, you have your answer as to how much she values your friendship. Unfortunately people do grow up and grow apart.

I would say do not go into business with this girl...
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Christmas Cherry...
post Apr 4 2016, 09:12 PM
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I really don't think you're overeacting at all!

Yeah, echoing what Emily says this girl doesn't sound like the type of person you want to get tied into a business with :/

As far as the friendship is concerned, I think addressing how you feel to her is exactly the place to start. From there it'll be easier to gage how she feels to, I mean it would be interesting to see if she has the honesty to explain why she has been acting the way she has been. At the same time pulling away may make life a bit easier for you, there's no point in running round after people who will just let you down, it's not good for our sanity! ohmy.gif I wish you all the best heart.gif
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Slade
post Apr 4 2016, 09:25 PM
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Oh don't worry, no overreacting at all. I would also feel extremely confused and let down if one of my friends was acting this way with me. I think you just need to have an honest talk with her. Say you don't appreciate being left out of plans and that in the future you'd prefer if she kept you up to date with the changing of plans. Maybe she didn't realise she was making you feel this way. Like Emily says, if things STILL don't change then maybe you might want to re-evaluate where you stand. Good luck with everything, do keep us updated!
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Tyler
post Apr 4 2016, 09:39 PM
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I would have dumped her ass to the curb by the beginning of the second paragraph.
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Candlelit Snow
post Apr 4 2016, 10:36 PM
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Wow.

She's over you.

Return the favour!

She's being a Grade A Regina George.

Pull out now like an uneducated hick who thinks he don't need no condom!
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(Zach)
post Apr 4 2016, 11:07 PM
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I'm sorry to hear this, situations like this are always hard. I have been in the same position before and in hindsight, I wish I would've ended those friendships sooner than I did. It's hard to give up on a friendship, especially one you've had for years, but if it's causing you more frustration than joy then there is no reason to fight for it. You deserve better.

Also, she knows what she's doing. It sounds like she's playing coy. Any person with half a brain knows that changing plans and not telling one of the people that was invited is inconsiderate and disrespectful. That's not something you do accidentally.

The mature approach would be to have a conversation with her but I'm stubborn and I don't really take $#!% from anyone in day to day life, so I would stop putting any effort into the friendship and maybe even cut her out of my life completely. But that's just me. This can also be a good test - if she cares about you, she'll make an effort to patch things up. If she doesn't, she won't, and that will give you the answers you need. Ultimately every situation is different and you have to do what feels right. Think about where the friendship is headed when you decide how you want to handle this, not about what your relationship was like in the past. Sadly, the past is the past and has very little bearing on the current state of your friendship.

Best of luck! I hope things work out in a way that you're content with.
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ʟɪɴᴅsʟᴇɪɢʜ.
post Apr 5 2016, 12:45 AM
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I recently went through a similar situation with a friend, it was more she wasn't making the effort at all with trying to spend time with each other or even being there for me when I needed her, but I'd always be the best friend I could be to her. Anyway long story short, I cut ties with her, there just comes a time where all those little things build up and its just too much, especially when the other person acts like they couldn't care less about you because something better or more convenient has come along. We'd been through a rocky patch a year or so before where we didn't speak for over a year so this really was like her second chance. As harsh as it may sound, I've been a lot happier without having to concern myself with her, and I can see that my decision to stop speaking to her was the right one for me but I'm not saying it will be for you if you do that as once you kinda go down that route, things get left too long and you can't always bounce back from it so if there's any chance you can work through it then I say do that first, speak to her about how you're feeling and find out where she stands regarding your potential business. If this isn't the first time something like this has happened and you're seriously unhappy with the friendship then pull away. I know it's difficult when you've been friends for so many years, but that shouldn't give them the right to treat you badly just because they've known you longer.
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SGrey
post Apr 5 2016, 12:08 PM
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QUOTE((Zach) @ Apr 5 2016, 12:07 AM) *
Also, she knows what she's doing. It sounds like she's playing coy. Any person with half a brain knows that changing plans and not telling one of the people that was invited is inconsiderate and disrespectful. That's not something you do accidentally.


Treat people how you expect to be treated as well.

Even pulling back gradually from the friendship will be beneficial - give the friend a chance to miss you and see what happens. Withdrawing might make her come running back to you a little bit and not necessarily ruin the friendship entirely.
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pippa
post Apr 5 2016, 12:19 PM
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Thank you everyone for your kind responses. Most of the replies here is what my gut feeling is telling me. I know in life these things happen and people make mistakes, myself included, that said, i honestly feel how we deal with these mistakes is whats important. What puts me in the direction of walking away from my friend is the fact I have sat down with her and told her how I feel, I even asked her had the role been reversed how would she have felt, the answer she gave me was "very hurt", to which I said that is how I felt. At the time, she did say she didnít realise she was even doing it and said on the night of change of venue it was a case of miscommunication. Concluding that conversation she did say she would pay more attention to her actions, we did identify that we are both different in that I thoroughly think of my actions and how they affect others where she doesnít. This I agreed with but made it clear that I am not made of stone and should not feel mistreated just because she doesnít think things logically.

I genuinely thought I had expressed my feeling of hurt clearly and she would make an effort for this not to happen again, or at least for it to not happen for a while. I think that is why I feel so hurt by what has happened this week in relation to the business idea as it was only a month ago I had the conversation with her about how I felt. What happened this week felt nothing short of a hard kick in the stomach, and I feel I have the word fool wrote all over my face. Whatís even more hurtful is I donít even think she has any idea she has done anything wrong. My true feelings now when it comes to the business side of things is, if an opportunity comes up that she can do by herself she will do it but if its an idea she needs someone else for or possibly need a finance partner it is only then I will be included.

I am very selective with who I call "a friend" and in my heart of hearts I genuinely thought we had a true friendship. Realising it is the opposite with this particular friend has been an extremely hurtful experience that has me feeling so upset I cant even eat. I think I just have to pull myself together, show her what a great friend she has thrown away and concentrate on the other great friends I have in my life.
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