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liamk97
post Apr 20 2016, 07:56 PM
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​9 Madonna films that were actually quite good
20 APRIL 2016
BY JOSH BURT


Lots of people will tell you that despite smashing through walls as a performer, Madonna never quite did the business as an actress - she's forever handcuffed to notorious turkeys like Shanghai Surprise and Swept Away. But actually, if you double back and revisit her old work, you might find that you quite enjoy some of her oeuvre. Yes, we said oeuvre. Here are nine Madonna movies that aren't completely awful

1. Die Another Day (2002)
Probably best remembered for the moment Halle Berry emerges from the ocean bikini-first and sashays towards 007 in slow motion. But it also features a cameo from Madonna as a sophisticated fencing instructor with a confusing accent that never quite lands in a completely definable country. Is she American? English? Jamaican? Hang on, is it New Zealand? No one will ever know. Good to see her though.

2. Arthur and the Invisibles (2006)
Time hasn't been entirely forgiving to this computer-animated fantasy frolic, which looks like the intro to a game on your old PS2, but as the voice of a wild-haired troll called Princess Selenia, Madonna does some sterling work. Snoop Dogg, David Bowie and Robert De Niro also lent their dulcet tones to proceedings.

3. Who's That Girl (1987)
An embarrassing flop at the time, this one isn't as bad as the history books would have you believe. In career terms Madonna was at her zenith - it came out around the time of True Blue - and she plays a good-time girl falsely accused of murder with just the right Madonna-ish sense of preposterousness. There are worse ways to spend an hour and a half (like watching Swept Away).

4. Evita (1996)
The one where she lurched towards credibility with a bit of help from Andrew Lloyd Webber and his pals. (Note to Madge's agent: her singing voice is much stronger than her strangely reedy speaking voice.) She plays Eva Peron, First Lady of Argentina, and even had to clear some space on her shelves for acting awards = grabbing a Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Musical About Tragic South American Politicians. But unfortunately she missed out on the all-important MTV Award.

5. Dick Tracy (1990)
At the time, this was intended to be the first movie in an epic new series of belters, but it didn't quite tighten enough trousers to be considered a hit. In retrospect, though, it's a bit like a poor man's Sin City, and Madonna plays it super sexy as Dick Tracy's love interest - a part that spilled over into real life, when she became yet another pile of sawdust at the foot of Warren Beattie's bedpost.

6. Shadows and Fog (1991)
It's hardly Annie Hall, but Woody Allen's film (from his worrying 1990s slump) wasn't as bad as its critics at the time suggested. You've got Kathy Bates and Jodie Foster - both Oscar-winning actresses - playing hookers alongside Madonna, and she almost holds her own. Almost.

7. In Bed with Madonna (1991)
Literally the part she was born to play, Madonna is Madonna in a documentary about Madonna. In America it was called Madonna: Truth or Dare, and it follows her at the height of her gargantuan ego, during the 1990 'Blond Ambition' tour. As an insight into the life of one of the most notorious superstars of all time, it's actually pretty excellent, and because lots of it was filmed in black and white, it's also quite arty.

8. A League of their Own (1992)
Appearing alongside Tom Hanks, Geena Davis and Lori Petty (who played Keanu's ballsy love interest in Point Break), Madonna does a fine job as a sassy wartime baseball player, doing home runs and pitching strikes (or however it works) for the Rockford Peaches. Not to be confused with the panel show.

9. Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
In her first major acting role, Madonna played a wild New York bohemian, hero-worshipped by Rosanna Arquette's bored local housewife. At the time she was at the height of her pop power, so it was a bit like art imitating life, or life imitating art, or the other way round. Life imitating life, expressed through art. Whichever way, it's well worth visiting, or revisiting, or de-visiting and then visiting again.
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Sceryl_Streep
post Apr 20 2016, 09:05 PM
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Dick Tracy and Who's That Girl are both very good movies, the latter isn't strictly a ''good'' movie but it's a lot of fun.
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liamk97
post Apr 20 2016, 09:12 PM
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I'm surprised Die Another Day appears at the top given it's one of the most hated Bond films (I think only Moonraker beats it in the general census). I quite love it, however.
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Sceryl_Streep
post Apr 20 2016, 09:39 PM
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Well yeah, I mean hated in the Bond canon but in general that's still miles ahead of a lot of movies. (and Moonraker is FAB)
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Joe ho ho!
post Apr 20 2016, 09:45 PM
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Die Another Day is awful! A League of their Own is easily the best here. Though I always had a soft spot for Evita.
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liamk97
post Apr 20 2016, 10:04 PM
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QUOTE(Qween @ Apr 20 2016, 10:39 PM) *
Well yeah, I mean hated in the Bond canon but in general that's still miles ahead of a lot of movies. (and Moonraker is FAB)

That's true, "bad Bond film" and "good Madonna film" are similar ends of the spectrum.

My feelings for Moonraker can be summed up by the shooting laser effects that can be heard in OUT OF SPACE.
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Joe ho ho!
post Apr 20 2016, 10:08 PM
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A League of Their Own is a classic though. A critically praised one at that. The same goes for Desperatly Seeking Susan (which I don't like quite as much).

Is that actually a rank? Or just a list? Because having Die Another Day at the top and higher than those two is utterly bizarre.
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Sceryl_Streep
post Apr 20 2016, 10:20 PM
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QUOTE(liamk97 @ Apr 20 2016, 11:04 PM) *
That's true, "bad Bond film" and "good Madonna film" are similar ends of the spectrum.

My feelings for Moonraker can be summed up by the shooting laser effects that can be heard in OUT OF SPACE.


But THE PUNS! I mean on any objective level it's absolute CRAP but films are the one area where I actively enjoy them being ''bad''. Unless it's Body of Evidence, that's just SHIT.
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Santa's Coming
post Apr 20 2016, 10:45 PM
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No Shanghai Surprise? invalid list
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SamJudd
post Apr 20 2016, 11:36 PM
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I have seen most of Madonna's movies and here's my opinions of them.


A Certain Sacrifice (1979)

Madonna's first movie and boy was this bad, I couldn't even sit through all of it. It's just so bad, unfinished and wasn't meant for the public to see. This wasn't released until 1985 as a cash in on her growing fame at the time. I can see why Madonna wanted to bury this god awful piece of trash and could easily say that this was the worst movie she's ever done, but that's given it too much credit, because it doesn't even qualify as a proper movie. Everything was bad down to the cheap production, the terrible sound and the non existent acting or attempt at telling a cohesive story. Madonna does have an excuse for this being bad as it's unfinished and unprofessional, something that the public wasn't meant to view and basically just a basic student arthouse flick. So for her future roles she wouldn't have this excuse ever again as the rest of her filmography are proper Hollywood productions.


Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)

Now this was Madonna's first proper and real movie, with a real budget and decent production values, plus it's considered as one of her only good movies. Yes I do agree it is a pretty good movie and it's nice seeing Madonna in her prime and playing to her strengths rather effectively. While it's not amazing or anything but it does have a decent plot with some good performances and Madonna basically playing herself as this bohemian free spirit type whose very interesting and you can see why every girl wanted to be her at time, she's simply an icon, and the movie on the whole is just a nice fun time waster.

Shangai Surprise (1986)

I know this one gets a lot of flack and it's not hard to see why. But honestly in my opinion I didn't find it that bad, sure the plot gets way too complicated and it does get way too campy and silly in places, but on the whole I've seen a lot worse than this. Madonna and Sean Penn were dreadfully miscast in this, like Sean Penn, he's a great dramatic actor and this type of fun adventure type movie doesn't suit him and he can't really pull off the rugged good looking classic leading man type and can see why he never attempted another light hearted adventure comedy movie after this bomb. Then there's Madonna playing a missionary of all things, which she doesn't have the range for, especially caked in that much make up and hair spray, she looks like Madonna and acts like Madonna, this role was way out of her league and it shows.

Who's That Girl (1987)

Another one that's considered terrible, but again not so much, okay it's not good, but I do find Madonna's acting much better in this one, she's literally a cartoon and she does pull it off really well, the voice she uses in this though really annoys me. Overall a much better effort than 'SS' and a lot more fun and enjoyable, does the movie have flaws, yes but who cares, it's still rather decent with some quite funny moments.

Bloodhounds Of Broadway (1989)

Now this one's bad, it's the least watched and the least remembered of Madonna's filmography and plus it's always seems to be the one that nobody talks about and for good reason, it's just not very interesting, all style and no substance, overcrowded with way too much plot and characters that's just way too hard to follow and found myself losing interest very quickly. I can see why Madonna would be attracted to this, given it's 1920's setting which does suit her image, as she's always felt liked she's belonged to the era and have modelled herself from that time period constantly throughout the years. It's just a shame it wasn't in a better movie.

Dick Tracy (1990)

This is probably one of Madonna's most well known movies and one of the only ones that was considered a success of some sorts. This has it's good points and has it's bad points also. Firstly the good, for a start the movie does look great with it's noir style and colours and really decent set pieces that really brings the Dick Tracy comics to life, along with some really good performances and fantastic make up work on the villians. As for Madonna this was the part she was born to play and she looks fantastic, she steals every scene she's in and just oozes with raw sexuality and sings some really good songs in this. Warren Beatty was really good as Dick Tracy and you can't go wrong with Al Pacino as the bad guy whose so wonderfully over the top. Now the bad points, while I did say the movie looked great it wasn't all that interesting, like for a start there wasn't enough action and every scene just plods along, while the sets look great, I couldn't help but feel that the city just looked very empty with no life put into them and it was obvious that at the time that this movie wanted to be like 'Batman', but just fell kinda short and lacked a real punch to it.

Madonna: Truth Or Dare (1991)

Now this was really fun and very interesting, seeing Madonna when she was at her biggest and nobody could touch her she was just unstoppable at the time. This is what music concert movies should be, showing the real them and Madonna just didn't care who she offended or gave a shit for that matter, I burst out laughing when she dissed Kevin Costner and his awful mullet, and her interactions with Warren Beatty were just priceless. I've always liked her unapologetic nature and she just loved and craved the attention. I know this was just Madonna playing up to the cameras in this, but it's still entertainment. I also think that the concert documentaries that come out now, should show the stars as they really are and not just perfect versions of themselves in like all of the ones that comes out now.

A League Of Their Own (1992)

I've always loved this movie and this is where Madonna works best as, as a supporting player and not the main star, okay she wasn't in this much and this is more a Tom Hanks/Geena Davis movie than a Madonna, but she was still really good in this and her character was very loose, fun and very interesting and pairing her with Rosie O'Donnell as her comic foil was a smart move as they'd really gelled well together and made for a good double act. I'm not normally into sports movies, but this one I've always had a soft spot for, giving that it's a female sports movie which even now is still very rare and this is probably the best of them, that I've seen anyway. So on the whole, it's just a great movie.

Body Of Evidence (1993)

After a few back to back success's this re-established Madonna's box office poison status in this Basic Instinct knock off. This movie was just hilarious for all the wrong reasons with Madonna playing up to her Erotica/Sex Book faze of her career and wow her acting was really terrible in this, but in all honesty nobody in this comes off as good with ridiculous lines such as "Have you ever seen animals make love, Frank", now if this movie was labelled a comedy then it might not have been so bad, but it isn't, it's too dull and serious for it's own good and on the whole this definitely labels as so bad it's good status.

Dangerous Game (1993)

This was another terrible movie and made by indie director Abel Farrah. Madonna does actually give a decent performance in this though, in one scene where her co-star attempts to rape her for real, she does really sell the scene and makes it truly convincing and there's another scene where she talks about how somebody attempted to rape her when she was 19 on a rooftop, the guy couldn't perform and she never reported it because she was humiliated. It has been speculated that did really happen. As for the movie it was just a terrible mess and Madonna hated it and prevented it from getting a wide release, which upset the director who walked away from doing any more mainstream movies after this and blamed her for it tanking. But the surprising thing was that Madonna actually did get good reviews for her acting in this and honestly even if it was given a proper wide release, I don't think that this would have done well anyway, it's just not very appealing at all and way too confusing and muddled.

Evita (1996)

To be honest I've never been very keen on this one and can see why it's long forgotten, but Madonna's performance in it is really good and she really pours her heart and soul into this, the singing lessons she had for this role really paid off as she's never sounded better and it is an iconic moment in her career when she sings 'Don't Cry For Me Argentina' and the sadness of 'You Must Love Me', which is really moving. I know this is considered as Madonna's best movie, but I just found it rather dull and it hasn't aged well at all.

The Next Best Thing (2000)

Now this should have been at least half decent, with a story line of a woman and a gay man having a one night stand, then she falls pregnant and they decide to raise the child together, now that's a ahead of it's time in a way and Madonna trying to go for the Julia Robert's type role which suited her earth mother look she had at the time, and plus having her real life gay best friend Rupert Everett in the movie as well, along with an Oscar winning director, all of which are good ingredients for a decent flick. So what went wrong, well everything for a start Madonna's acting still hasn't got any better and her trying to play a relatable character just doesn't work as she comes across as a terrible person in this and while Rupert does decently in this, that wasn't enough to save this mess. It was just horrible like when Madonna meets someone else and her new boyfriend gets a new job and instead of working out an arrangement that suits her son and his father, she simply snatches the boy and it all comes to a court hearing and it turns out that Rupert wasn't even the father. Now that was just awful as was the rest of the movie and this was rightfully panned and became yet another box office flop for Madonna.

Swept Away (2002)

Terrible, terrible just plain awful in every way and just another vanity project that nearly wrecked Guy Richie's career (well it did for several years) and it's amazing to see that with 17 years in the movie business, Madonna still hasn't learned a thing in this god awful piece of rubbish. Now this was actually a remake of an indie 70's Italian flick of the same name and while this was kinda faithful to it, none of the politics of that movie translated to this and instead thankfully more or less ended her acting career.


This post has been edited by SamJudd: Apr 21 2016, 09:11 PM
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vibe
post Apr 21 2016, 12:15 PM
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I only appreciate these films

A league of their own
Evita
Dick Tracy
Who's that girl
Body of evidence
Desperately seeking Susan


The rest I can't tolerate at all !!!
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HausAlone
post Apr 21 2016, 04:36 PM
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I have seen precisely... none of these films. tongue.gif

As a huge movie and Madonna fan I am quite ashamed lmao ~
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Joe ho ho!
post Apr 21 2016, 04:39 PM
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QUOTE(HausofKubrick @ Apr 21 2016, 05:36 PM) *
I have seen precisely... none of these films. tongue.gif

As a huge movie and Madonna fan I am quite ashamed lmao ~


wtf

(I have ALOTO on DVD, you can borrow it #FeministBanger)
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Santa's Coming
post Apr 21 2016, 05:31 PM
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QUOTE(HausofKubrick @ Apr 21 2016, 05:36 PM) *
I have seen precisely... none of these films. tongue.gif

As a huge movie and Madonna fan I am quite ashamed lmao ~


Your missing SO much.......
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liamk97
post Apr 21 2016, 05:48 PM
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Shout out to W.E. which she directed - had a really interesting way of being filmed and I loved the thoughts behind and the portrayal of the perspective. She really injected the heart into the story that made you consider the feelings of all involved, as well as making you reflect on yourself.
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post Apr 21 2016, 08:46 PM
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'Die Another Day' was terrible and definitely the worst Bond film ever, they had basically just given up by then and became a parody of itself. I did find Madonna's cameo quite funny and Halle Berry did look hot in that bikini, but everything else was just terrible and so stupid, especially that scene where James Bond is surfing on that ice ocean was just dire and didn't look real at all, just a CGI mess.
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liamk97
post Apr 23 2016, 01:23 PM
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QUOTE(Qween @ Apr 20 2016, 11:20 PM) *
But THE PUNS! I mean on any objective level it's absolute CRAP but films are the one area where I actively enjoy them being ''bad''. Unless it's Body of Evidence, that's just SHIT.

I grin and bare it for the sake of being a huge Bond fan but even the puns are bad (well, kind of like you say, they make you laugh for being so bad).

At least it gave us a glorious theme song (and I won't hear anything bad about the disco mix for the closing credits!).

QUOTE(SamJudd @ Apr 21 2016, 09:46 PM) *
'Die Another Day' was terrible and definitely the worst Bond film ever, they had basically just given up by then and became a parody of itself. I did find Madonna's cameo quite funny and Halle Berry did look hot in that bikini, but everything else was just terrible and so stupid, especially that scene where James Bond is surfing on that ice ocean was just dire and didn't look real at all, just a CGI mess.

I actually really love the film, but I suppose with it being 40 years of Bond and the 20th Bond film, they may have gone overboard on trying to make it bigger and better than ever as a tribute. The surfing was bad though, but I actually think the "invisible" car was a good idea and was executed convincingly, not that many would agree!
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post Apr 23 2016, 02:26 PM
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QUOTE(liamk97 @ Apr 23 2016, 02:23 PM) *
At least it gave us a glorious theme song (and I won't hear anything bad about the disco mix for the closing credits!).


This is, without a doubt, the greatest post EVER MADE on Buzzjack.
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liamk97
post Apr 24 2016, 01:36 PM
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QUOTE(Qween @ Apr 23 2016, 03:26 PM) *
This is, without a doubt, the greatest post EVER MADE on Buzzjack.

This is actually a huge honour to come from you given we perhaps never agreed on ANYTHING a couple of years back! laugh.gif
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