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> Emotional abuse, Anybody experienced this?
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ML Hammer95
post May 24 2016, 08:09 AM
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Has anybody here ever been on the recieving end of emotional abuse from somebody who claims to care and love them? Please feel free to tell us about your experience.

It's something I think I've been on the receiving end of for months, but I want to see if my experience tallies with others before going onto detail about my own.
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Colm
post May 24 2016, 12:19 PM
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No but I imagine it's something that could be going on for a while before someone notices that it's happening to them.

Can you tell us what has been happening?
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MerryFlynnmas
post May 24 2016, 01:32 PM
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I did go through some emotional abuse while its not why me and my ex broke up it is something that does cause friction and trust issues. My advice MLHammer if she is doing emotional abuse get out quickly as harsh as that sounds. Any abuse can have an effect on people.

What does she do if you dont mind talking about it.

Also I'm free to talk any time if you need to
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ML Hammer95
post May 24 2016, 05:07 PM
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Right, this may be long and it's quite difficult to articulate but here goes:

I've been involved with a girl since around Christmas. On Sunday night, I finally blocked her from my phone, Facebook, Snapchat & Instagram because she had honestly worn me down. This was mainly over text/internet and thankfully only met three times (no sex thank god). However, it has felt like a draining relationship due to the amount of contact. Every week day, from 7.30 in the morning, in her lunch break and then 5.30 onwards until late at night. Constant throughout the weekend too. Easily over 100 messages on a typical day over text and Snapchat.

Obviously she wasn't abusive all the time; she could be caring and said she really liked me and recently starting saying she loved me. However, she could also be incredibly unpredictable and horrible. Might be easier for me to list:

Quick to point out my flaws (saying she's being 'honest')
Threatened suicide twice, saying it was my fault
Kicking off if I didn't contact her
Incredibly harsh in person - expecting me to make all conversation and not contributing at all
Acting very jealous
Blaming me for her actions and problems. Accused me of being bipolar.
Wanted to know exactly what I was doing throughout the day and who I was spending time with
Easily annoyed; made me feel I could do nothing right.
Wanted to text throughout the day.
Told me she wanted to be friends at one point, then a day later said she loved me and wanted to be together
Said things and called me a liar if I bought it up a few days after.
Slagged off my friends, family and any celebrity I had a crush on.
Accused me of being obsessive (other way round tbh)


One episode is illustrative. She told me we were just friends (even though her actions spoke otherwise) so I went for a drink with another girl. This was after a shocking date we had, where I walked out. When she found out, she backtracked and said how she really liked me and sent videos on Snapchat of her and her sister abusing and swearing at me. Not only that, she sent a message to the other girl full of lies and bullshit that put her off. Almost like she didn't want me, but didn't want anyone else to have me either. She wanted me to stay, but I said I wanted to go she threatened suicide. This was six weeks ago.

Sounds stupid I put up with it for so long, but I thought I could just contact as friends. However, I'd get sucked back in and I honestly did feel a connection with her. By Sunday, I'd told her to leave me alone but shed keep contacting me (withheld number) and asking me what I wanted/let's be friends. In the end, it drove me to tears and I spoke to my mum (mental health nurse) who said I had been emotionally abused.

Apologies for the long message and I'm sure I've missed stuff out. Can't believe I've been so stupid.
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MerryFlynnmas
post May 24 2016, 05:20 PM
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Aww ML Hammer that is awful to read glad you got out of it mate yeah some of that is shocking to hear about and the suicide thing happened to me but my ex didn't blame me for it instead he would only bring it up if I tried to break up with him among some other stuff that happened. Anyway point is, I'm sorry to hear that and like I said if you ever want to discuss anything 1-1 feel free to drop a PM I'm here for you mate.
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Slade
post May 24 2016, 05:25 PM
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It's okay and it's not stupid, you can't help who you have a connection with. She sounds like an extremely insecure, controlling and manipulative person so you're better off without her if she's going to take it out on you as she has been.
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ML Hammer95
post May 24 2016, 07:40 PM
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Thank you for your kind and supporting words. Not gonna lie, it has left me shaken and has made me doubt myself while affecting my self-esteem at times.
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MerryFlynnmas
post May 24 2016, 07:49 PM
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QUOTE(ML Hammer95 @ May 24 2016, 08:40 PM) *
Thank you for your kind and supporting words. Not gonna lie, it has left me shaken and has made me doubt myself while affecting my self-esteem at times.

If she is controlling and manipulative you are better of without her and anytime mate.
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Popchartfreak
post May 24 2016, 08:01 PM
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Controlling and manipulative, as others have said, and also a bit obsessive, immature, inconsiderate, hurtful, and worrying in behaviour. You will be a lot happier away from her, sometimes you can't help people who are filled with rage and jealousy, and they will be happier not being in that emotional state too, albeit bitter.
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Riser
post May 25 2016, 04:55 AM
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Eek, try not to beat yourself up over all of this, the last thing you need is to make yourself feel worse. Honestly stuff like this happens to the best people, when you're nice by nature and want to see the best in people and sometimes an insecure person will take advantage of that. Be kind to yourself, easier said than done but it's you who needs it the most.

I hope you're able to keep away from this girl and that she'll leave you alone soon. Will you be moving away when you start uni? That'd be to your advantage if so, though it's still a few months away.

Cheers for being willing to discuss all of that with us, hope it helps!
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ML Hammer95
post May 25 2016, 04:25 PM
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It was hard to do this justice in writing, but I felt I needed to in order to warn other people of this kind of behaviour. If even one person recognises similarities and gets out earlier than I did then that's great.

The worst thing I think was being made to feel it was my fault. Like my behaviour deserved this reaction. Being called obsessive, horrible, an abuser and a liar myself. Her making out she was the victim and crying over the way I treated her. She said I trapped her when she was doing most of the contacting and she always came back within a day. Ridiculous behaviour. Haven't heard from her in three days and I'm so glad.
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all is vanity.
post May 26 2016, 05:11 AM
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QUOTE(ML Hammer95 @ May 24 2016, 03:40 PM) *
Thank you for your kind and supporting words. Not gonna lie, it has left me shaken and has made me doubt myself while affecting my self-esteem at times.

It's not you at all, she has a problem and needs serious mental help.
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all is vanity.
post May 26 2016, 05:13 AM
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QUOTE(ML Hammer95 @ May 25 2016, 12:25 PM) *
Haven't heard from her in three days and I'm so glad.

Hopefully, she stays away. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Emotional abuse lasts a long time, I still have scars (was bullied at school)
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Tawdry Hepburn
post May 26 2016, 06:52 PM
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Something like this is horrible once you're stuck in a position like that, it's always a gradual thing and then you can't escape the situation due to things like guilt, believing you can make it something good or how it was when you first established the connection or feeling like they've done nothing really wrong to warrant you cutting them out of your life. It usually starts with small things due to their trust issues or insecurities and before long it snowballs and evolves in to them stepping it up and trying to control/monitor every aspect of your life. It's also always easy for someone else from the outside looking in to say "just get out", it takes a great deal of strength to pull yourself out of something like that. Hopefully you've managed to now!

I did have one year long relationship about 4 years ago whereby the first 6 months were amazing and then signs of jealousy crept in when he saw a completely innocent conversation on a Facebook post as 'flirting' (it really wasn't), before long he was not trusting me in any respect - making digs and making me feel bad about myself, questioning who I'm with and what I'm doing with friends, who certain people are if he sees me pictured with them and even wild accusations of cheating. It ended up with him actually hacking into my Facebook account and misinterpreting innocent conversations as "sexy chat". He actually went through every person who was on my friend's list at the time and demanded to know how I knew them, and it got to the point where I'd let that happen as he'd worn me down emotionally and shattered my self confidence. I made myself see his good qualities, tried to convince myself it can be as good as it was again, felt I needed to prove he can trust me. After this followed intense arguments daily until it came to a head via a drunken phone call and we ended it. Never saw each other or spoke again.
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Mack'sXmasSack
post May 26 2016, 09:44 PM
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It's not you at all mate, I hope you are keeping well, I'm sorry to hear about that mate.
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T83:Y96
post May 27 2016, 05:36 AM
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This happened to me aswell, and I definitely understand how hard it is to leave. Although I think I can say it was even harder for me, as it was my father.

It all started last May when he threw a hissy fit at my sister for calling our mother while we were at his house. He was spreading vitriol about everyone on our mother's side of the family (whilst driving too). He also refused to let us out of the house. A few weeks later, he launched into a massive tirade. Then, in August, I discovered that he recorded me when he left the house. At this point, I was trying to avoid his presence as much as possible.

Anyway, things got to a head in October when he threw another hissy fit (also whilst driving) and called all my family and friends names, said I was a nothing but a liar, etc. Then I confronted him with the fact I knew he was recording me and he said that I deserved to be monitored because I wasn't trustworthy.

It's at this point that I decided I didn't particularly want to see this individual again, so I took my things from the house later on and left. Haven't seen again since, and I'm glad.
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ML Hammer95
post May 31 2016, 10:31 PM
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QUOTE(mr_pmt @ May 26 2016, 07:52 PM) *
Something like this is horrible once you're stuck in a position like that, it's always a gradual thing and then you can't escape the situation due to things like guilt, believing you can make it something good or how it was when you first established the connection or feeling like they've done nothing really wrong to warrant you cutting them out of your life. It usually starts with small things due to their trust issues or insecurities and before long it snowballs and evolves in to them stepping it up and trying to control/monitor every aspect of your life. It's also always easy for someone else from the outside looking in to say "just get out", it takes a great deal of strength to pull yourself out of something like that. Hopefully you've managed to now!


This is all so true I must say. Especially the 'just get out' part, it just isn't that easy.

She has messaged me today. Saying how she's thinking of me, how I've hurt and lied to her and how I've disposed of her like everyone else. All I said back was " I can't talk to you" to which she said don't talk then, only to moan half an hour later that I stopped talking! Absolute batshit crazy. laugh.gif
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MerryFlynnmas
post May 31 2016, 10:40 PM
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QUOTE(ML Hammer95 @ May 31 2016, 11:31 PM) *
This is all so true I must say. Especially the 'just get out' part, it just isn't that easy.

She has messaged me today. Saying how she's thinking of me, how I've hurt and lied to her and how I've disposed of her like everyone else. All I said back was " I can't talk to you" to which she said don't talk then, only to moan half an hour later that I stopped talking! Absolute batshit crazy. laugh.gif

Oh dear sad.gif Just do what I said if need be but here for you mate!
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ML Hammer95
post Jun 9 2016, 10:22 PM
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Not to keep spamming this thread, but yesterday I was sent this song by the girl in question. Was told to listen from start to finish and to pay attention to lyrics as they explain everything. Listened but didn't reply.

A small part of me does miss the close contact and connection with somebody, but I cannot go back there. Even if some messages are tempting to reply to I can't, sometimes it takes quite a lot of discipline. Tempting to see if she's contacted for instance, but it isn't best in the long run!

Starting at Manchester University in September and dont need this hanging over me.
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Doctor Blind
post Jun 9 2016, 11:03 PM
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Give it time, I'm sure within a few months of being apart and not being in contact (especially for you within a new University environment meeting huge amounts of new people etc.) you will both soon move on - but I agree that it will be difficult. It is definitely for the best by the sounds of it, hope it works out!
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