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> Could you ever forgive your mother's murderer?, FORGIVENESS~
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Could you ever forgive your mother's murderer?
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HausAlone
post Jul 6 2016, 06:18 PM
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Henrietta R Hippo
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There's an advert on TV and on there this really thought-provoking question comes up: "could you ever forgive your mother's murderer?". I have been debating it with myself ever since but I'm interested to know what you guys think! I'm aware it's a sensitive topic so apologies in advance. Could you ever forgive the person who murdered your mother? :/

Away from that how good are you at forgiving and potentially forgetting? Is there anything you could never forgive, or do you have any stories of forgiveness? Vote in the poll and discuss the question / forgiveness in general ~

Slightly different to usual but take a lootk at other debates below:

'Patriotism is an important quality to have'
'Doctors should not have the right to strike'
'Parents should be able to choose the sex of their child'
'War can never be justified'
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'People who download illegally should be prosecuted'
'Capital Punishment should be reinstated'
'Voting should be compulsory'
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'Abortion should be made illegal in the UK'
'Animal testing should be outright banned'
'Vaccines should be a legal requirement'
'Religion does more harm than good'
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Slade
post Jul 6 2016, 06:23 PM
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In all honesty I think i really wouldn't be able to, i'd want absolutely nothing to do with them if they murdered one of the most amazing people in my life. Scary thing to think about but anyone who would do that deserves no time of mine, no matter how sorry they feel.

I can forgive people for certain things but this would just be way too extreme.
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dancember
post Jul 6 2016, 06:25 PM
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definitely not.

i'd be intrigued if anyone here said yes and WHY?
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Christmas Cherry...
post Jul 6 2016, 06:25 PM
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Oh wow this question is actually a lot deeper than I initially thought...

Circumstances would make the difference for me, speaking in black and white terms if it was an accident yes, a completely malicious act no. But of course something like murder is never black and white so I don't reeeealllyy know how to answer this simply. Am I overthinking unsure.gif

I've managed to forgive some people for some things in my past, others I still hold huge grudges. I find it honestly so hard to say it's easy to forgive on the whole etc because it's not, like my post above every situation is always 50 (million) shades of grey so it's hard for me to forgive sometimes oops
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5 Silas Frøkner
post Jul 6 2016, 06:26 PM
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f***ing christ no. I may not be overly fond of my family half the time, but you hurt them and I will hunt you down and put you down like a rabid dog.
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Christmas Cherry...
post Jul 6 2016, 06:27 PM
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QUOTE(danG @ Jul 6 2016, 06:25 PM) *
definitely not.

i'd be intrigued if anyone here said yes and WHY?


How about it it was flipped and your mother accidentally murdered somebody, would you be able to forgive her??? This is the reason I can't fully decide even tho it sounds really flaky and like I'm an awful daughter. Obviously id never forgive the ACT of the murder but perhaps the murderer themselves IF THAY MAKES ANY MORE SENSE
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HausAlone
post Jul 6 2016, 06:28 PM
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I am firmly on the NO camp. She means everything to me and has given me life I could not forgive anyone that takes that away from me and I don't think anyone or anything could ever change that. I can say I'd be moral and want the murderer to change but my emotions and feelings would forever outweigh any irrational thought in such a circumstance.

Edit: oh gosh Lotti you've just opened it up even further mellow.gif
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t=SpunderfulXmas
post Jul 6 2016, 06:28 PM
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QUOTE(princess_lotti @ Jul 6 2016, 07:25 PM) *
Oh wow this question is actually a lot deeper than I initially thought...

Circumstances would make the difference for me, speaking in black and white terms if it was an accident yes, a completely malicious act no. But of course something like murder is never black and white so I don't reeeealllyy know how to answer this simply. Am I overthinking unsure.gif

I've managed to forgive some people for some things in my past, others I still hold huge grudges. I find it honestly so hard to say it's easy to forgive on the whole etc because it's not, like my post above every situation is always 50 (million) shades of grey so it's hard for me to forgive sometimes oops

This pretty much.

But with less extreme acts against me when someone's in the wrong I forgive people too easily drama.gif I need to find that middle balance tbh :|
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Christmas Cherry...
post Jul 6 2016, 06:30 PM
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Omg I feel like I'm coming across super super badly here

My mum is the most important person in my life, but she's the one who's always taught me to look for the positives even in the worst of people to help me forgive them, blame her for me making this deep!!!!!
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Christmas Cherry...
post Jul 6 2016, 06:32 PM
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Okay but wait a second what kind of advert is this
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Mack'sXmasSack
post Jul 6 2016, 06:33 PM
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Definitely not at all.

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MerryFlynnmas
post Jul 6 2016, 06:35 PM
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Part of me thinks No I couldn't because I love my mum to bits and if someone killed her it would tear me apart but at the same I think I could forgive but not forget what they did. But then again the circumstances as well will also be a factor, what if it is a accident or purpose. I am proper thinking into this laugh.gif
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t=SpunderfulXmas
post Jul 6 2016, 06:41 PM
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QUOTE(princess_lotti @ Jul 6 2016, 07:30 PM) *
My mum is the most important person in my life, but she's the one who's always taught me to look for the positives even in the worst of people to help me forgive them, blame her for me making this deep!!!!!

This is what kind of comes to me naturally, and I'm not always sure if it's a good or bad thing some of the time. Ugh.

But I do usually go the other way and try to see negatives in the best people too, so I suppose I'm getting balance there, somewhere laugh.gif

Ok "try" isn't the right word, someone help me out here
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Liаm
post Jul 6 2016, 06:49 PM
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I know what you mean Lotti, if it was a complete accident and something that the person was genuinely sorry for and it ruined their life, I'm sure that a parent wouldn't want you spending your life harbouring hate and not moving on with life because of it. But then that isn't murder, so if the question was "your mother's killer" then yes possibly in very specific situations because this is something that would be so personal and I don't think you could say for sure until it happened and the circumstances were there, but "your mother's murderer" would be a no, but I might be making the words too black and white here laugh.gif To me murder is like a cold blooding killing, an accident is different and it could ruin the whole person's life, they could be eaten by guilt, and while it would be their fault my mother had died, I could probably forgive them in a way and not dwell on hatred for them, because I know that my mum wouldn't want that for me. Forgiveness is quite a loaded word, hence my "in a way", I couldn't forgive them for taking my mother away, no way, but the fact it was an accident would probably change things compared to an actual murder. But this is all hypothetical because this is a situation I don't think you could say how you'd act until you were in it.

Saying that I can hold a grudge like nobody's business laugh.gif I'm the same with other less serious life things, if someone is genuinely sorry I'm fine, but if people won't accept what they've done to make me dislike or fall out with them or whatever, then no I can't and I'll held a grudge which can sometimes seem like I'm being petty. I have an old best friend who I fell out with for example in year 12 and I can't stand him to this day, but he's treated me like shit ever since and been such a twat that I can't help but still have really bad feelings towards him. So tbf he's kept the grudge going also, but in general there are people who've bullied me or been horrible years ago, and nothng's happened to change that so I still hold that grudge.
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Christmas Cherry...
post Jul 6 2016, 06:50 PM
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Liam you have so perfectly and cohesively put what I am babbling on about into words!! <33
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Cucumberella
post Jul 6 2016, 06:56 PM
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QUOTE(princess_lotti @ Jul 6 2016, 07:32 PM) *
Okay but wait a second what kind of advert is this


Tucs biscuits
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5 Silas Frøkner
post Jul 6 2016, 07:31 PM
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You're right to split hairs Liam, the Law does. An accident would more likely be referred to as Manslaughter in a court of law.
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liamk97
post Jul 6 2016, 08:22 PM
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I suppose it depends on what forgiveness means to you. I remember a case before where a mother forgave her son's murderer, not because she didn't care about her son or anything like that of course, but because it meant she'd be set free of the hatred she had for the person who took her son's life away. It makes sense, since unfortunately nothing could bring her son back and she's going to continue to feel his loss for the rest of her life no matter what, so being free of the intense emotion of hate is better than experiencing both.

Personally, I couldn't do that. I know it's hard to imagine situations like this if you've not been through it but, going off how stubborn I can be about other things, I couldn't forgive them. Forgiveness to me means relieving someone of their guilt and forgetting about it, so I personally couldn't put that definition of the word into action.
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T83:Y96
post Jul 6 2016, 08:30 PM
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Well, for me, a murder is specifically an act with intent, so the murderer has intent to murder, as opposed to the killer, which can also be manslaughter or accidental.

If it was an accident, maybe. If it was with intent, absolutely not.
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*Tim
post Jul 6 2016, 08:31 PM
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No, I will probably go after them personally. "Violence doesnt solve violence" is bullshit in that case
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