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IrnBruzee
post Jan 22 2017, 10:25 PM
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woah it's been a while since I posted a thread!!

Well it's been something that's been on my mind a lot recently is the feeling of being lost in life - or not having any sort of direction to where you want your life to go. Loads of the people my age around me seem to have some sort of path their following, be it university or travelling or they've got themselves into an apprenticeship or a job. Whereas I'm in a sort of rut where I've dropped out of uni (twice), been waiting on a reply for an apprenticeship I'm not 100% on for about two months and currently got no day to day work as good old Legoland doesn't open til March - but even then it's not a career job to me and it's minimum wage stuff...

I was wondering if you guys would be willing to share any stories if you've been in a similar situation and how/if you've got out of it - did it involve creating goals for yourself to achieve or doing some soul-searching to find out who you really are??? (sick2.gif)


you could even call it... A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS!!!
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lordita
post Jan 22 2017, 10:54 PM
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I WANT TO CONTRIBUTE TO THIS BUT I CAN'T THINK OF ANY GOOD ADVICE cry.gif

I've been really lucky that to this point I've just always known that studying was for me, what's beyond that I have no idea, just trying to gather as much experience as I can and work that all out later laugh.gif

your own suggestion of little goals sounds good though! have you considered just finding any kind of part time job atm just to fill the void whilst you go on to bigger and better things? i'm working at waitrose atm and absolutely love it
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liamk97
post Jan 22 2017, 11:05 PM
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I'm in the same boat as you tbh. Everyone that I know is either at uni or travelling the world. I've never had any desire to go to uni, but all adults seem to assume all people my age want to and should go to uni and you get the feeling they're judge you for not wanting to go. I have no real plans outside of that either. I don't really have any hobbies that I could pursue as a career as the one thing I was passionate about - art - had all the joy and pride sucked out of it at sixth form and I've not been able to get back into it or even have the motivation to try. I am working so it's not like I'm sitting around doing completely f*** all with my life, but I still feel like I should be doing more when these are apparently the best years of my life. The days, weeks and months are just ticking by and it scares me to think of the future or to look back because I feel I've not or will not accomplish anything.

So yeah, really can't give you any good advice there! laugh.gif
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ʟɪɴᴅsᴇʏ
post Jan 22 2017, 11:15 PM
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Similar to Lotti, education has always been the path I've followed so in that respect it was easy enough layed out once I got on the course I wanted, although now I'm starting to rethink my options tbh as I don't think it's for me anymore, at least not how it's taught at my current uni. There's nothing wrong with diverting or changing routes completely. I think the only thing I can really say is find something you enjoy or have an interest in and pursue it even if that's a college course, a job, a hobby etc it's amazing how you can find purpose in things you don't expect to. My friend was in a similar boat once she dropped out of uni last year, shes currently working as many hours as she can in TK Maxx in the hope that she can go traveling in the US. I don't think your goals need to be as big as that though, just little things can sometimes spark something more, I'm sure you'll figure out what you're meant to be doing soon enough, there's not really a timescale or set way of doing these things so I wouldn't worry about what other people are doing and when etc

Wow this topic really brings out the cliché phrases kink.gif
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cqmerqn
post Jan 22 2017, 11:24 PM
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I'm the same as you. I'm currently in sixth form purely because it gives me an extra 2 years to figure out what I want to do. Sixth form is the last place I'd want to be and I've never really liked studying. blink.gif
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Liаm
post Jan 22 2017, 11:25 PM
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I am similar to Lotti, I know that I wanted to study rather than get say a job or something more hands on like an apprenticeship, so I guess uni felt easy for me. At least you didn't just go to uni thinking it was a chance to extend having no responsibilities and get drunk like some I know laugh.gif You have to really want to go tbh.

Having said that, your situation will probably be me when I finish laugh.gif I still have 0 idea about a career when uni ends, knowing me I'll end up just working part time to fund a masters/PhD and keep going....
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Chez Wombat
post Jan 22 2017, 11:25 PM
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Oh lord, I have so much to say about this I don't actually know how to condense it eek!

Honestly, I refuse to believe there's anyone that hasn't felt like this at at least one point in their life so don't worry! I certainly have, numerous times, particularly at the end of uni, that moment when the real world hits you and you're out of education is the worst, and when you realise the subjects you've been studying don't lend themselves that well to getting a job. I love my subject, Media, but it's just not something that lends itself easily to a career and it's SO hard to get into and my inability to get my foot in the door made it frustrating and made me very lost at this point last year. I took the path of teaching and am on a course right now, I definitely feel like I could spend my life in the education sector and it's opened up a lot of new paths, but I'm not out of the woods yet and still am unclear what exactly I'll be doing come the end of this year (the post compulsory sector being so wide doesn't really help), I mean I'm just a worrier in general, but it's still scary when you're young and still yet to break into the world of work. If you're unsure what you want to do, I'd think about careers you think you CAN do and enjoy and try it out by volunteering etc. and see what sticks and how you can fit it around your own interests.

Honestly, if I could give any advice, is cherish what you've got (friends, family, really they got me through a lot when I wasn't sure what to do in life) and enjoy the little things in life but also just don't stop pursuing what you love doing or what you think could be good - apply for anything you think you can do (and honestly if you're still not hearing back at this point, don't wait, not that it means you haven't got it, but at least it gives you time to be proactive) and always look for new opportunities. I mean have you thought about working abroad for a gap year or something? It's things like that which are great to do at this point in your life and it may open new paths. Like Lindsey said as well, there's no time limit for this, these things just literally happen.

Hey, I reach my first quarter century this year so I'll let you know how it is x


This post has been edited by Chez Wombat: Jan 22 2017, 11:31 PM
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Iz~
post Jan 22 2017, 11:36 PM
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Can definitely sympathise, I took education until I felt I could do no more and I feel like I don't want to leave it so I'm taking teaching courses but I know there's a lot to do to get where I want to be now and I only recently had the drive to really work towards my end goal of being a teacher. A couple of months ago, after trying things and not getting anywhere, something inside my mind flipped and I'm on that path now and I've just finished a wonderful weekend course where I've had some experience at actually getting to grips with creating lesson plans and doing practical work. That's the beginning for me but I'm still going to have quite a way to go so I'm still not settled yet.

I'm not sure what to say in terms of advice as my experience was just trying some things that I thought might work out, not liking the idea of them and subsequently going back to something that had been in my mind for a while but I'd never fully committed to working towards. Have secondary goals really helps too, as I love writing, I have made it a personal goal to write something big and if possible, comedic and informal, every day for the past few months (that I've stuck to) and honestly doing that feels so liberating just getting some thoughts or sharing experiences I enjoy out there. Try and make the things you love have secondary goals that you can work on so you come to them readily, and try and figure out a long-term plan for yourself besides that. One of the things I really worried about was that my career was going to become my life so if that's an issue, something you do that's secondary can offset that immensely.
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WallIsSoGood
post Jan 22 2017, 11:37 PM
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Just book flights to Australia x
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Martyn
post Jan 22 2017, 11:42 PM
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I am in exactly this position right now.

Having worked really hard to get out of retail, I find myself quite bored at work. I need a new challenge, more money. I am in my mid-late twenties, earning basically nothing. Still living with my family. I feel like my friendships are getting smaller and the ones I am still friends I hardly ever see. I am single and the one person I have actually felt like I made a connection with just wants to be friends for now, as I am too far away. (London-Essex isn't really that far). That was a bigger blow as London is where I want to live and work.

I constantly feel like I am papering over cracks to keep myself together. I spend most of my day feeling like I could cry. It's the same boring routine work-gym and crap TV.

I know people say if you're unhappy to change something. But it's not so simple. Changing your life takes time and I don't know what I want to do.

How do people figure out what you want to do with your life?
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The-BrightPlaces
post Jan 23 2017, 12:36 AM
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I always knew I would be going to uni but now that I'm here I realise it was more something I was expected to do rather than something I wanted to do. I wouldn't change going but I am looking forward to it being over. Although I have no idea what I want to do as a job or with my life in general so that's kind of scary, but I know I'm pretty much over education so after I get my degree I'm outta there! I think I enjoy a lot of things but I'm not passionate about anything, like Psychology (which I'm currently studying) I find really interesting but it's not my passion. I've been trying out a lot of different stuff to try and find something I really love but I'm yet to find it. It can feel a bit like I'm on auto pilot a lot of times and I have no real purpose in life but I'm sure I'll find something if I keep looking. So that is probably my advice, just try out as many things as possible and you are bound to find something you want to do with your life, and once that happens everything else will start to fall in to place happy.gif
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Jade
post Jan 23 2017, 12:45 AM
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Oh god Patrick sad.gif I really wish I had some good advice for your situation because it sounds like a real bummer. Like others here, I knew that I wanted to go down the route of higher education. Work experience is key for the competitive field of journalism but I really felt like I needed to go through a course first. There are so many things I need to develop before jumping straight into the industry. Confidence and developing a thicker skin in particular. There are days when I think "WHY am I doing this?" because I'm quite socially awkward, you'd expect journalists to be brimming with confidence. But then when I get good feedback and love what I'm writing about/studying then it reassures me that I think that this is what I want to do. So I definitely do have those days when I feel like I'm maybe going down the wrong path, I guess self doubt is a pretty common thing. I do worry that I'm going to crack under pressure in the real world but I guess that's one for the future. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself as I did enjoy work experience but idk... Anyway, as for your situation, in an ideal world I hope that you hear back from the Apprenticeship soon, take it up and really enjoy it. Good for you for giving Uni another go this year but it's really not for everyone, and it shouldn't be what is expected of all young people to be doing. Maybe keep searching for other Apprenticeships out there in a similar field to the one you have already applied for? Whatever you do, do keep us posted and I wish you all the luck in finding the route that you want to take.
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Buy Melodrama x
post Jan 23 2017, 01:51 AM
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QUOTE(The-BrightPlaces @ Jan 23 2017, 12:36 AM) *
I always knew I would be going to uni but now that I'm here I realise it was more something I was expected to do rather than something I wanted to do. I wouldn't change going but I am looking forward to it being over. Although I have no idea what I want to do as a job or with my life in general so that's kind of scary, but I know I'm pretty much over education so after I get my degree I'm outta there! I think I enjoy a lot of things but I'm not passionate about anything, like Psychology (which I'm currently studying) I find really interesting but it's not my passion. I've been trying out a lot of different stuff to try and find something I really love but I'm yet to find it. It can feel a bit like I'm on auto pilot a lot of times and I have no real purpose in life but I'm sure I'll find something if I keep looking. So that is probably my advice, just try out as many things as possible and you are bound to find something you want to do with your life, and once that happens everything else will start to fall in to place happy.gif


I'm pretty much in the same boat, I've kinda struggled with motivation at uni partly because I am just a very lazy and demotivated person in general but also because I've increasingly realised that I'm at uni simply because I felt like I 'should' be at uni and not because I'm particularly passionate about my course (and I'm certainly not there for the 'student life' as I'm a complete hermit who rarely even speaks to anyone at uni oops lmao). I want to get a degree as it might make my future a bit less painful/hopeless, and so the time and money invested in it so far aren't a total waste, but I'm not going to miss being at uni one bit. I have absolutely fuck all idea what I'm going to do with my life after uni so my quarter life crisis is no more than a year and a half away (and arguably has already started with my recent disastrous exams) laugh.gif

I didn't know that you'd dropped out of uni again Patrick, that's a shame to hear. I wish you the best in finding something to replace it with.
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Jacob.
post Jan 23 2017, 11:51 AM
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When I was in 6th form I had no idea what I wanted to do so I just went with "sciencey stuff" and History (History was great tbf, still miss it) and vaguely planned to start a Radiography degree, didn't work out at all (mostly because I got distracted by music/ lost motivation and only scraped through my A Levels), so I took a gap year after 6th form- best decision I ever made even though it was really tough, I was working as a volunteer care worker for a half year and that was ridiculously full on, the hours were long, I was always tired and as a result couldn't give my best (though I seriously tried) so had to leave earlier than I was going to originally (tbf I did most of the placement so it was fine), point is though it was during that gap year that I made the decision to switch to music as a career because I was at the point where it was the only thing I really enjoyed doing and I didn't want to be left wondering "what if". So I did a foundation degree in commercial music for a couple of years (loved that) and now I'm finally on a BA degree Popular Music course, which is pretty fantastic. All of that said I'm absolutely terrified about the future, everyone knows musicians are always poor (unless they're lucky enough to get a break/ land a good job in the industry), and frankly I've got so much self doubt that it ironically hinders my improvement, and that's in an already hugely competitive field. I've been thinking about going into sound engineering/ studio production but that's still a little up in the air at the moment, at least I'm still 1st year haha. It is an honours degree so I will come out with a lot of academic writing experience as well so probably it will be transferable in terms of jobs if I need it but I couldn't handle being stuck in a job I hated forever, even if I still had music as a part time/ semi pro thing going on but then again being skint forever isn't particularly appealing either. Like one of my friends on my course said after a long discussion on finances/ paid gigs "why didn't we just go into accounting?" laugh.gif

Patrick, I guess find what you enjoy and aim to make that a significant part of your life, even if it's not your job or whatever, there's so much out there to try. It might look like
QUOTE
loads of the people my age around me seem to have some sort of path their following
but "seem" is the key word here, keeping everything together is just an illusion. Honestly probably the majority of them are just as lost. laugh.gif

Like yeah I'm sure there are some people who know exactly what they're doing/ want to do with their lives but they're all freaks and can't be trusted.
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HarryEzra
post Jan 23 2017, 12:21 PM
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I wish I could help or give advice but like others I've always wanted to go to University and now I am at university feels good even if some elements of my course I am not too happy with which is a shame but I want to get my degree. When uni is over I will be in your shoes though so I sympathise about how you feel as I have no clue what I want to do after university.
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popchartfreak
post Jan 23 2017, 12:41 PM
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I'm still in the same boat and I'm 59!

Uni was great fun, I loved it. Work is a pain, dull, stressful unless you work with a great crowd of people, or if you genuinely love what you're doing.

Great jobs are very competitive to get into so you need to prepare to get as many advantages ahead of intrerviews as you can. Whether that is training, qualifications etc or whetever will depend on you and the job...

I have a million things I can pursue quite happily if I had money coming in though, so preparing for retirement is also worth doing cos you can start anew when you have a decent pension coming in, and time to indulge in hobbies and art and all sorts. Seems like a lifetime away when you're young, trust me BANG, you're old! Just like that.... ohmy.gif

So don't do what I did and delay, flip flop, take what turns up, make a plan. If it don't work out, change the plan, there's always lots of plans.... smile.gif
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HausofSZA
post Jan 23 2017, 06:24 PM
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Klumzee you silly bean sad.gif This is a TOTALLY NATURAL feeling you're going through right now as everyone in this thread has proved. It happened to me before Uni, after Uni and again after my Masters course.

It is scary the moment you step out of regimented schooling but everyone goes through that, in a way you're actually lucky you have some sort of income (from seasonal Legoland shifts) whereas many wouldn't even have that! The pressure comes from having to rush into a decision, the clock is not ticking, you have years to figure out what your calling is so please just stick with Legoland so you can fund yourself and something WILL come up I promise you.

One thing I can recommend is to just GET OUT THERE a bit in terms of volunteering and building up as much experience as you can - again this can seem daunting. But establishments/schools/care homes etc will happily take volunteers and it keeps building your character and shaping you into a body more ready for proper, wider world work. Yes you won't get paid and you'll still have to work hard but it works in the long run!

In short CHILL OUT SILLY it's totally natural you're only just getting started and have barely left the womb school so DONT BE TALKING ABOUT A QUARTER LIFE CENTURY UNTIL YOU HIT 25 LIKE SOME OF US OLD FOGIES HAVE mad.gif smile.gif


Aside, with the Uni dropouts, like the first time, is it the uni LIFE you are not enjoying or the courses? I seem to remember first time round it was the latter. If Uni is what you want to do but you can;t warm to the way of living it might have to be something you have to get through and deal with regardless as tough as that sounds?
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Apafam
post Jan 23 2017, 07:14 PM
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This was a problem for me, especially this time last year and it was just another reason for me to be depressed (mixed with living with emotionally unbalanced family members, my social difficulties, so many things). But that all completely off the table now, probably for good, I still don't really have a proper life purpose yet, although I've invested myself more in seeing my faves live (Sigala booked for next month cheer.gif ) but I still need a job, somehow, before I can take things further e.g. moving out, and if I'm lucky I can plan for travelling the country and stuff and seeing what our physical world has in store for us tongue.gif For now though I am feeling so awesome, especially realising how wrong I was this time last year when I spent weeks of deep depression and not figuring out any other way I could "socially survive". I guess one good thing about enduring long periods of deep depression is that when you eventually leave that mindset you might think about how you can stop yourself from re-entering it. "think positive thoughts": ok. But it's not always that simple. Or, perhaps, I was actually more emotionally stronger than I used to think I was. Sure, it took me having persistent obsessive thoughts/that awful experience when I made that "schizo" thread (drama.gif) and my temper lost with my brother who really is more trouble than his age would suggest a month or two before I "left" here and I think that was the start of my "spiritual journey", realising that I need to stop wasting my energy on negative emotions when I could be using my energy for the positive ones like love and happiness.

I said I was leaving here and I hear you all laughing that I have come back a few times but if you read carefully I didn't say I'd never be returning, but I said that because I felt at the time that I had to let go of the entertainment side of things and figure myself out, and it's done me good but I'll still leave coming on here a know and then thing as I don't want it to be this "thing I do every day without it being a constructive decision i.e. an addiction to checking new posts and constantly refreshing". So yeah, I've come along so well the past 5 weeks or so and despite being around a family who are often clouded by negative emotions I don't seem to reciprocate the negativity as easily as I did before. I really wish I knew how I managed to get to this stage so I could give people actual advice and help them as well because I can't really think of a specific thread or whatever on the spiritual forum that helped me, I guess it's one of those self-realisations where you work out certain things... benefit of being an introvert I guess biggrin.gif I'm also getting better in terms of social anxiety too. Thing is, the keyword connecting it is, simply, caring! Caring about, not yourself, but the people you are around. I read an article about it and it's worth a read if you like http://thoughtcatalog.com/kirsten-corley/2...-just-worrying/ overthinking and caring is the culprit with anxiety so if you step back and slow things down, analyse exactly each part of your anxiety and try to fix them one by one and you may have effectively "cured" it ohmy.gif A thought I made myself which I think is pretty effective and a good idea to follow is, if you're worried what people think about you for certain things, or think they'll take something the wrong way, just think "This is what I'm going to say, and if others think I mean something different, then it's their problem not mine as they are misinterpreting my statement". I have read many times that people claim that others will usually be too concerned about feeling awkward themselves than observing how awkward you may look or act yourself, but unless I'm missing something here, I seem to do both? I can tell if someone is being socially awkward with me or someone else as well as my own, unless I'm missing something here lol. I still separate the term SA and introvercy though (s word??? unsure.gif ), as I think I'll be an introvert my whole life as it's my preferred path in life. Or perhaps not, I'm not a psychic and age may play a part in my development and I might become an ambivert in as little as a few years who knows tongue.gif I am still trying to figure out my stance on wanting to discuss or listen to conversations and that annoys myself a bit, like, why am I not more interested in conversations? Should I be? How could I be more interested? Am I an ass for not being so... :S But if I don't try and solve my life one step at a time I won't get anywhere, and bringing the word "caring" back into this, I think it's time I put myself first, for now to try and figure myself out and then I can heal the world or whatever happy.gif

Sorry for derailing your thread with my personal experiences Klum laugh.gif I was going to do a sort of life update thingy for me following my leave and I saw this thread first and it sort of followed naturally tongue.gif I guess you could just try and identify what you like or just dive into the internet and see what kinds of things you can do in life and go from there, although worries about jobs can make experiencing the world harder to do... ugh brb moving away from society funky.gif
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T Boy in Weeyals
post Jan 23 2017, 08:36 PM
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I'm afraid I'm no help. If anything, I've always sort of envied those who feel 'lost' if that makes any sense. I seem to have always known what I'm doing next and once I begin something, I'm quite stubborn and usually see it through. I often wonder if this is because I fear admitting that I may have got something wrong. I haven't ever had a break really, I went from school to uni to PGCE and almost straight into teaching (there was about 3 months unemployment between the last two but even then I was job hunting so not directionless).

But I look at friends from school and, although I have achieved a lot more than some of them, they've been travelling or furthering their education and just sometimes I wish I had time for these things. I sometimes wish I could take time out to figure out who I am.

If I were in your position, Klumzee, and bear in mind I haven't ever been really, I'd search for a job-not necessarily a career building one-save some money and then go travelling. If you don't know what you want career wise, go and get some life experience. Getting out there is daunting but you may never know what you truly want until you do.
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post Jan 23 2017, 11:08 PM
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Most of the people replying to this have mentioned studying - that's what I'm doing right now - or supposedly meant to be doing. I guess my life in general consists of nearly zero studying whatsoever. The key to being happy as a person and having fun is to make life fun for yourself, or at least that's what I've found.

Media is fun, and as someone that's spent their whole life surrounded by music and TV shows and literally spends their entire life out of school on a music forum I've found myself not having to revise at all and just being able to do coursework like that *clicks fingers*, I'm obviously very lucky but maybe the key for you to get in a similar situation to me is to not... really care as much? This is obviously totally conditional on your life as a whole but if you feel as though there is possibility for your life to improve, or change, then I'd totally advise chilling out. Just let whatever happens happen and don't get too eat up if this apprenticeship doesn't materialise, because as long as you're relatively intelligent and have some motivation in life - an opportunity will come out (probably from a totally unexpected place!) and you'll end up in a great place personally. biggrin.gif
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Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 23rd June 2017 - 10:14 AM