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> Friends, Soz Michael, not the TV Show </3
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Regina
post Mar 11 2017, 10:22 AM
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Sorry to disrupt the in depth discussions of vegetables and Lisa Scott-Lee with a serious topic, but I'm procrastinating.

I made this topic becasue recently I have found my dynamics of friendships shifting quite a bit and found that I am better off with certain people in my life and certain people out of it.

Despite what people might think, I'm actually a very lucky guy who has a small but strong group of friends. I've nver been the sort to have a huge group of people around me, I find it pretty easy to chat to someone who I could call an acquaintance, but to become a proper friend? Takes a while. I only really consider 5 people "friends" and frankly that's all I need.
Aside from two people, I have little to no contact with anyone I classed as a friend in school, the people I hold dear I met in college, aside from the mentioned two, one of whom is my closest frend in the world. Being in college introduced me to a wide variety of like minded but otherwise different people and i class the 4 real friends I have made there as life long friends.
They've helped me cope with all my anxiety and dark feelings (Most of which i got from this site and people from it, so why I'm back is anybodies guess, the movie forum I guess)
and not once did i feel like I had to force them to be there, it really means alot to have that support network. Thanks to them I've grown in confidence and done stuff these past few months that I was always too scared to do.
While going through my current health shit (my excuse for the inevitable grammar errors here) I've found out how loyal these people are and how much they care and vice versa. It's seeing the different ways they react and show they care that got to me; reactions ranged from long hugs, to making light hearted banter to cheer me up, to actually going away and researching the surgey i'm having so they can be are and comfort me.
What this made me realise was that I had been surrounding myself with fake friends who only had me around so they had someone to vent to but in reality never intended to be there for me when I needed it. Something I'm sure we all have experienced. I found it much easier to get go too, which surpised me and found the poisonous air that surroundd me was gone, as well as the poisonous people.

SO.

How do you all value your friendships? What would you class as a friend? Is it better to have a large group of friends or just a small select one? If someone who you thought was a friend backstabs you or takes advantage of you, is it easy to cut them out? HAVE you cut people out?
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MerryFlynnmas
post Mar 11 2017, 10:32 AM
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I find its WAY easier having a small amount of friends as with a large group its bit too much and you can easily get lost. I was never a popular person in school and I am kinda glad I wasn't was a lot easier to navigate. Eventually, In college I found more friends and bonded with them more because we were all interested in same thing likewise with uni have made some friends there.
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dancember
post Mar 11 2017, 10:50 AM
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There are very few people I would consider to be 'friends', but my definition has always been very restrictive. One thing that would annoy me at school was certain people telling me we were friends when I wasn't anywhere near their circle (and in most cases, didn't want to be either).

I've lived my life having very few friends and I'm happy about it. Would rather not have fake friends tbh.

I don't consider anyone from my old school or at uni now to be a friend. Being on the autistic spectrum makes it hard enough to act 'social', except for perhaps very close family (most of the time).
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mdh
post Mar 11 2017, 11:06 AM
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This time 18 months ago I had a grand total of ONE friend, who's been my 'best friend' if you will for the last 5 or so years.

Now, I've got about 15 close friends that I can always rely on, and probably near 40 people that I'd call 'friends'. I honestly have no idea why or how, I've just found that being nice to people makes them be nice to you back - and I've been very lucky to be in a sixth form enviroment where literally all my peers are really nice, friendly people.

I'm in a fair few friendship circles, there's a group of around 20 of us who all hang out with each other for the most part, then there's the people in my classes who I hang out with then, so I guess I just have a broad range of people that I'm with on a daily basis, and I just happen to get on with nearly everyone I'm with.

I'm SO happy with my social situation right now, and surprisingly I don't feel overwhelmed by having a fair few friends. I wouldn't call myself 'popular' at all, I've just been very fortunate with the fact that I have at least a vague interest in nearly everything under the sun.


This post has been edited by mdh: Mar 11 2017, 11:07 AM
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ʟɪɴᴅs.
post Mar 11 2017, 11:11 AM
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I always just had a couple of close friends in high school but even then there werr certain things I felt I couldn't bring up with them or they never really knew me etc but I lost touch with those people, one in particular I cut out and the other we just drifted but have been trying to find time to catch up recently, idk if that will ever happen at this point though.

When I moved up to Perth, I quickly found like minded people and actually had a solid group of friends for the first time, there was five of us but things that happened last summer (or the one before I'm not sure) cut that down to four. I'd consider two of those people to be best friends I guess as although there's stuff they don't yet know about me, I 100% plan on telling them and know I can go to them with whatever. I've said before that they left the course last year, one moved to Glasgow and the other two work so it's been difficult trying to find time to all meet up but we're still hella close and understand that we've all got our own shit going on. I ended up falling into another group at uni which has been pretty cool, I've always been friends with these people but not to the point I am now, I don't think I'd consider them my best friends though but they are there for me (most of the time) so I think if I did need to tell them something I could. Then ofc there's Lotti who's been there through everything, she's the one person I know I'll always have in my life and vise versa so she's my best friend who is above everyone, so to speak, as I'm pretty sure she knows me better than ik myself, not to sound clichťd laugh.gif
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Slade
post Mar 11 2017, 04:41 PM
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As I've grown up my whole outlook on friendships has changed so much. When I was younger I always strived to have lots of friends and thought this was important. I guess the whole 'popularity' thing is very prevalent in school so I just wanted to feel what that was like, as having lots of friends was seen as something to be desired. I made friends over the years in school but I haven't retained many of these friendships since leaving. Just a few close friends that I still talk to sometimes as everyone moves on and makes less effort. At University I have a tight-knit friendship group of 5 of us and I am content with this. A small group of friends who all care about each other is so much better than a massive group of friends that aren't so close. In retrospect, a lot of my friends in school were just friends because we saw each other every day. My Uni friends feel very like-minded and I would like to think that we'll still be in contact years from now.

I do value Internet friendships as well of course. You definitely don't have to only know someone in real life to feel close to them.
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Cucumberella
post Mar 11 2017, 04:43 PM
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i'm the kind of person who a lot of people quite like and that means i have a lot of VERY casual acquaintances with VERY few really close friends LOL, it works for me and i've done alright but i think if i'd be more extroverted i'd probably have maybe more intertwined friendships groups / more regular and stronger friendships so it's completely my own introverted fault, but tbf i am happy with what i have!!
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Cucumberella
post Mar 11 2017, 04:44 PM
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we all have friends for a season, reason and lifetime so as long as it helps you get to the next stage it doesn't need to be labelled, some friendship are right and some are just right now but both are fine imo!!
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Petelehem
post Mar 11 2017, 04:53 PM
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I'd say I had 2-3 friends I am very close to, at least in college. I don't really talk to people outside of there, but I do have a few other friends that I see every week, and I don't really compare thee two groups of 'friends' - they seem like completely different entities to me.

It's odd that, since pretty much everyone who went to my primary school went to my high school, and pretty much everyone who went to my high school went to my college, none of the people I consider 'friends' now were my friends at primary school.
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Winter Wombatlan...
post Mar 11 2017, 06:24 PM
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I have two very close friends who I've known since school, one of which I've known since I was 3 and we went through school together and while we have gone down different paths, the rare occasions we do meet, it's like we never left and I love that. I made quite a few friends (by my own introverted standards) at uni, but ultimately except perhaps one exception weren/t strong enough to last and I only really have Facebook to stay in touch with them now. Partly my own fault for being awful to stay in touch and all, but honestly they were 'of the time' friends that you replace as you go along in life, I mean I socialise quite well with my colleagues on my course and placement college, but I honestly can't see a lot of them as lasting connections (not that I don't want them to be ofc., but it's just a lot more difficult for me even if I do get on really well with someone). I'm definitely picky with who I call a true friend, I have to be able to trust them completely for me to open up (I've shared more on this website than I have to most in real life except close family and I'd certainly say there's a few people I can call friends), I like to think I'd be there for anyone when I totally trust them, but I definitely feel they have to understand me and not be put off by the fact I'm not the most open person when you first meet me.

I think I'm content with where I am atm, as introverted as I am, I do like having people I see and can talk to every day even if I wouldn't call them friends and if not, I can always rely on some people at any stage of my life I can go back to them. They are definitely the friends that matter.


This post has been edited by Chez Wombat: Mar 11 2017, 06:24 PM
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t=SpunderfulXmas
post Mar 11 2017, 06:29 PM
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I don't have a lot lol but like I said in the introverts thread I feel like I should try a bit more. That being said, I'll still be one of those people who wouldn't want a great lot as, in support of what I have read somewhere, the value of friendship between two people can be lessened when you have a large group of friends, not that it's the same for everyone but it is often the case, like if you have something very personal/troubling you then, at least for me, would find it exhausting or whatever to repeat myself to every friend, although it's beneficial to get more ideas from a wider range of people and you could use group chats/real life obviously. That being said I see the chances of having so many friends that I would consider close enough to be able to share such personal information with. But I also read that people like me need time to get to know someone before trusting them enough, again tying in with the whole small group of friends thing :') Only 1% of people would understand what I'm saying but oh well laugh.gif
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HowToPronounceMa...
post Mar 11 2017, 06:51 PM
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Firstly, I hope the surgery goes well, Regina.

I sometimes forget how lucky I am to have close friends, and that goes for both real life and online. I've never had a huge amount, and my friendships aren't "perfect", partly due to the distance between some of my friends and me, and when I say distance, I mean mostly geographical, but also in other ways. Sometimes I feel like we're not that like-minded or have a whole lot in common, but they are still friends and that's what counts. I like what Leww said about being happy with what you have - that's something I've been trying to work on.
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Regina
post Mar 11 2017, 08:10 PM
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QUOTE(Igneous Serenade @ Mar 11 2017, 07:29 PM) *
I don't have a lot lol but like I said in the introverts thread I feel like I should try a bit more. That being said, I'll still be one of those people who wouldn't want a great lot as, in support of what I have read somewhere, the value of friendship between two people can be lessened when you have a large group of friends, not that it's the same for everyone but it is often the case, like if you have something very personal/troubling you then, at least for me, would find it exhausting or whatever to repeat myself to every friend, although it's beneficial to get more ideas from a wider range of people and you could use group chats/real life obviously. That being said I see the chances of having so many friends that I would consider close enough to be able to share such personal information with. But I also read that people like me need time to get to know someone before trusting them enough, again tying in with the whole small group of friends thing :') Only 1% of people would understand what I'm saying but oh well laugh.gif

Trust is a funny thing, takes ages to get it but mere seconds to lose it. Took me a good few months to trust and let my college friends in, glad I did though.
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*Tim
post Mar 11 2017, 08:55 PM
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Friends are for losers tbh
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Sqntq Clqus
post Mar 11 2017, 09:22 PM
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QUOTE(*Tim @ Mar 11 2017, 08:55 PM) *
Friends are for losers tbh

This
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ML Hammer95
post Mar 11 2017, 09:40 PM
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Got plenty of acquaintances but true friends? Not too many not gonna lie. Probably a maximum of 5 I would feel comfortable telling anything too. It's strange because I'm both too trusting and wary of opening up to people!

Loads of people I can just chat too when they're around though or on a night out, but wouldn't go out my way to ask them to chill or something.
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Candlelit Snow
post Mar 11 2017, 11:20 PM
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Damn it could that title BE more deceiving?!
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Riser
post Mar 12 2017, 03:39 AM
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I miss having the close friendships that I had in high school. Theyíve all moved in different directions and I havenít managed to replace them, so now I'm lucky to see *any* of my friends once a month, sometimes less often than that! We used to do everything in fairly big groups, like 10 give or take a few, and nowadays itís impossible to get everyoneís schedules to line up so Iím just now learning to adjust to 2 or 3-person meetups. Thereís benefits to small and large groups, with more people I donít feel as pressured to carry as much of the conversation but usually itís more meaningful to have just a few people.

Personally I want my friendships to be somewhat of a balanced effort, I get tired of being the only one reaching out and making plans and itís made me feel like Iím desperate or unwanted at times. My friends are bad at keeping in touch but theyíre great at being openly appreciative when we do get together, which is something else Iíve started to value a lot. It just takes more work to maintain friendships as adults when you canít see each other every day or even every week.
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Jack
post Mar 12 2017, 11:02 AM
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I don't even have a group as such really, just loads of different friends that I hang out with - it is fun when they all come together though. I have enough friends to give me a good social life and let me have fun but not a huge deal really.

I would always like more friends but as an adult I've learnt people are set in their ways and don't want to make new friends for whatever reason 🙄. I agree about the fake friends thing too, there were a lot of people when I was younger that I would keep around just for the sake of having friends but I realised I didn't even really enjoy their company so I cut them out.
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Yuki On Ice~
post Mar 12 2017, 12:06 PM
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I've always been a person who considers friends out of most of the acquaintances I make. I'm just bad at maintaining friendships by staying in contact with people. And the thing about it is that I don't really feel the need to change that.

And that's even for people who I've hung with out a lot. Like, if any of my old friends from school or uni were to contact me and say 'let's meet up', I'd be up for it but I'm not going out of my way to make that happen. I'm just really ambivalent about the whole concept of making friends, I make what I can with cool people that I happen to see a lot.
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