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> Aspergers Syndrome, A request for help or support
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awardinary
post May 17 2017, 11:27 PM
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I want to reach out to any who have ever been diagnosed as having a form of Aspergers Syndrome. Perhaps only they will understand what I feel right now. unsure.gif

I've made no secret in the past to being one such individual who has this condition and as much as I try to ignore having this label on me, it's clear in certain situations that I'm different to the majority and handle situations a lot worse than others. sad.gif

I also have a form of depression which I take medication for, but I don't believe it is working for me.

This is not an excuse for being who I am, and I know not everyone will accept me the way I am and that's ok. Rejection is inevitable in life but trying to find your purpose, your identity, is one of the hardest things to do. At least that's been my experience. huh.gif

I'm at a point in my life where I feel like giving up and see no point going on. I'm having thoughts about ending my life, the release it would give me and the relief of not having to go through my problems. I'm a sorry excuse for a human being so I see no reason why I should make an effort to try and fit in to social situations. I just feel so alone with nothing to look forward to. cry.gif

I've got debt piling up, the uncertainty of any income from a business I chose to start up just 2 months ago, mental health issues which includes depression, no happy relationship with anyone. These are the things I face right now.

Maybe you have similar circumstances. What helps you cope? How do you manage to survive each day?

This post is not a cry for attention as some may conclude, but as I don't know anyone else personally with the same condition as me, I want to reach out to such ones and learn from their experiences.

If anyone isn't comfortable about posting their views publicly then please send a PM.

That's all folks. sleep.gif
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MoistSummerFruit
post May 17 2017, 11:35 PM
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Sorry to hear about your problems sad.gif

I don't think I have it, although sometimes, maybe this is a common thing? - I feel like a pressure around my eyes and head like a tension headache, when talking to people and so I don't look them in the eyes, and feel kinda awkward. Dunno if that's a symptom o not but I don't think so.

I've only ever met one autistic person - he showed me some vulnerable autism card he had. In fact, he came over on the train station, introduced himself, asked me if some girl down the platform was Anna, and I was like 'I have no idea, sorry' laugh.gif , whoever Anna is, and changed topics like mid-sentence and wouldn't look me in the eye, so he kinda like had the textbook symptoms. He's the only one I ever met, so I don't have a lot of experience with it.
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Chez Wombat
post May 17 2017, 11:38 PM
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Um, it's a bit late and I have to go to bed right now, but I'll reply to this or PM you when I get back tomorrow. I have Aspergers as well, it's minor but still there and most certainly know how you feel and have had pits of low mood because of this before as well, please please rest assured in the meantime your life is entirely worth living and never to let Aspergers define you!

This post has been edited by Chez Wombat: May 17 2017, 11:39 PM
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awardinary
post May 17 2017, 11:44 PM
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QUOTE(Yeasty Clutch @ May 18 2017, 12:35 AM) *
Sorry to hear about your problems sad.gif

I don't think I have it, although sometimes, maybe this is a common thing? - I feel like a pressure around my eyes and head like a tension headache, when talking to people and so I don't look them in the eyes, and feel kinda awkward. Dunno if that's a symptom o not but I don't think so.

I've only ever met one autistic person - he showed me some vulnerable autism card he had. In fact, he came over on the train station, introduced himself, asked me if some girl down the platform was Anna, and I was like 'I have no idea, sorry' laugh.gif , whoever Anna is, and changed topics like mid-sentence and wouldn't look me in the eye, so he kinda like had the textbook symptoms. He's the only one I ever met, so I don't have a lot of experience with it.
Thanks for responding Michael.

The autism spectrum is so broad so there's going to be different levels of how people handle situations. I think at a young age with little life experience a lot act like the way you described there, but thankfully because I've worked in settings that taught me good communication skills and presentation skills I learnt to get my ideas across better. I'm still quite shy though.
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awardinary
post May 17 2017, 11:45 PM
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QUOTE(Chez Wombat @ May 18 2017, 12:38 AM) *
Um, it's a bit late and I have to go to bed right now, but I'll reply to this or PM you when I get back tomorrow. I have Aspergers as well, it's minor but still there and most certainly know how you feel and have had pits of low mood because of this before as well, please please rest assured in the meantime your life is entirely worth living and never to let Aspergers define you!

Thanks for replying, I'd definitely be interested in catching up more tomorrow. smile.gif
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Liаm
post May 17 2017, 11:52 PM
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Like Michael, not much personal experience, but as Chez said you don't have to think that you aren't worth anything or you aren't worth living or worth interacting with anyone because you aren't good enough. I've been there and it's hard but it's a good step that you feel you can come on here. Everyone deserves help or company or whatever they need when they feel at their lowest, and I can't comment on your real life but this community does care because we never want to see or hear of one of our own feeling like this and not combat it. If there is anyone on here even you feel particularly close to from Plug or running Now projects I'm sure they will listen to you at least. I wish I could help more and had more experience but you aren't alone and shouldn't be sad.gif At least go to a GP or if you have a therapist, you might need stronger antidepressants or something else

The only personal experience I can offer is my lowest times from a few years ago, and I haven't been far off at a couple of points this year, and it does help a lot to speak to someone. Even if it's just samaritans rather than a friend or family member, knowing that you can offload to someone and they do actually care, they do actually give you the time of day, is crucial.
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lordita
post May 17 2017, 11:54 PM
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I don't have much personal experience with aspergers apart from knowing of two or three friends who have siblings who suffer from various levels with it, so I'm sorry if anything I say comes across as patronising/out of the loop. I'm really, really concerned by this post though wardy and even though I really appreciate you feeling like you can open up to Buzzjack with this, I really do urge you to try to speak to somebody in real life as well. Your life is absolutely worth living, you're not alone and I'm sure you have so many friends and family who would miss you if you were gone

Please try contact somebody, maybe even tonight. 116 123 is the number for Samaritans, they're a phone line open 24/7 and there will be someone there you can just talk to. I really, truly wish I could help more wardy, but I don't quite know what to say, and I really want to say the right things. If there's anything more I can do for you personally, please let me know
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Silas
post May 18 2017, 12:08 AM
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One with slightly more restricted opening hours is Papyrus 0800 068 41 41 (www.papyrus-uk.org) who specialise in younger people. Samaritans is a great shout, they exist to support people going through a tough time.


NHS 24 is open on 111, they can assist with so many things. They are an absolute god send. The best thing with them is the direct link into the main health services so they can help you get the ball rolling if you have concerns with your medication. There are a large number of fully trained healthcare professionals on NHS 24.

The major MH charity is SANE 0300 304 7000 and they're open 4:30pm-10:30pm daily.


Please please please reach out if you need someone to talk to or need support. These people, and the Samaritans that Lotti sign-posted to, are very capable and are ready to listen and help however they can.





Defo go back to your GP if your medication isn't working. Your health is so important, it's worth getting things like this address asap.
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awardinary
post May 18 2017, 12:11 AM
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In any case I don't think I'm capable of ending my life. Maybe that's why people nowadays turn to assisted suicide. But whatever.

All people tend to say in these situations is get help, speak to someone, they'll know what to do to make it all better etc.

I appreciate the concern from you all, and I realise I'm not a unique case and three others much worse off than me right now. But I just want to iscolate myself and not face up to my problems which isn't obviously a good idea. If there's anyone who knows a thing or 2 about procrastination it's me. I'm constantly putting things off and sabotaging.

Honestly I'm in such s dark place right now I wish I didn't exist.
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Roba
post May 18 2017, 12:31 AM
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I was diagnosed with a mild form of it in 2012 as my mum thought I had signs of it years before even a check up to see if I had anything at school which was mis treated. I think it has positives and negatives, the former is you feel like ur not alone. I mix with people from aspergers group and it's fine for helping us mix easier as we can all relate but then the downfall is that I don't feel sure of myself because I feel like it stops me succeeding to the best of my ability (this shouldn't be the case I know). There's some people there though that have it in full condition and it kinda makes me want to be normal and away from the label too because otherwise I'd lose my identity and get too influenced to bringing myself to their level of it which is why I want to get away from the group and have been going occasionally because otherwise it would negatively affect me talking to other guys about their issues from getting into trouble etc. It has a knock on from depression though and that's difficult to get out of.

I think at the end of the day, disability or whatever we just want to be accepted for being a normal human being just like everyone else who doesn't have a condition etc. It shouldn't make us feel strange but it should be accepted as a genuine disability because in my area it's not so much as say dyslexia or tourettes.

There are other times I can mix with certain people and I wonder if I even have it because it's unrecognisable to others & act completely normal laugh.gif I do think one of the signs I have is when I go overboard sometimes even without realising it and I've offended someone and I quickly feel remorseful. That I need to control as there's been many times online and in reality where I just think *why did I just say that and upset somebody*. Anyway I'm going on a back and forwards tangent now eek.

Sorry that ur having such a hard time Wardy, you really must start finding reasons to love yourself as a person. Just think about any positive quality you have and keep telling yourself this over and over. It's best to accept that nobody's perfect and we all go through stages of thinking we're not worth it or no one cares and "I'll think about ending my life" because of it.
Just try and believe in yourself and think what's good about you more and gradually you'll find peace & be able to fight to live a happier life & more people will suddenly like you and embrace you.

Hope that helps and if not then fair enough~
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Silas
post May 18 2017, 12:44 AM
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Regrettably there is only so much that a bunch of strangers on an Internet forum can do beyond platitudes and sign-posting to actual resources. There is absolutely no substitute for talking to another human being. I'm talking from experience here, I was an RA at a hall of residence at the Uni I used to work for dealing with literally anything that went down overnight from fire alarms and noise complaints to first aid, self-harm and people just needing to talk.

when it comes to your mental health, the only thing that matters is you. Not if you have it better than others. You. Just you.

Procrastination is a bitch and it defo goes hand in hand with depression. I can barely get out of bed in the mornings most days.


Let someone shine a light on that dark place, you'll be glad you did as tough as it will be. Even picking up the phone is a huge victory and a lot of little steps can get you there in no time at all.


There's this wonderful theory a friend introduced me to called "The Spoon Theory". It is an amazing metaphor. The example given is for physical health (Lupus) but there are countless stories of people with Autism and Aspergers talking about their experiences using this theory. I cannot recommend strongly enough that you have a read of this link below. It's a widely shared and widely acclaimed article that isn't too long and is very straight forward to read.

https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/wri...e-spoon-theory/
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Leonardo
post May 18 2017, 01:00 AM
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I too have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, Which is why I tend to post less in the Lounge than I do in BJSC or perhaps a list topic, as when it comes to more formal interactions I struggle and obsess over post in which other people would find easier.

I also struggle with depression, having had two particularly periods over the last three years, which is coincidentally why I stopped doing the Reshuffle Chart, for which I recieved anti-depressants and therapy. I never dwelled on suicidal thoughts so I don't have the experience necessary on how to deal with them.

All i can say is please seek help, there are many different charities such as the ones Silas posted, or your GP (I was lucky as I have a good relationship with mine. I had my therapy sessions with MIND and they gave me some cognitive solutions to combat my depression.

I know all this is easier said than done, as interactions over the phone feel daunting, especially to those with Asperger's. But it's important to force yourself to do these things, nothing can be done keeping things bottled up and, although it's cliché, once you start sharing your problems they feel much easier to deal with.

Also I no longer take antidepressants as that course of action wasn't working for me, but it's vital to consult your doctor before stopping medication as it can be very dangerous.

As usual I'm not sure I have articulated this very well, but if you have anything else you would like to ask please feel free to PM me, I'm usually on here at least once a day x


This post has been edited by Leonardo: May 18 2017, 01:02 AM
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Addy K!ng
post May 18 2017, 04:48 AM
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oh Andrew, i am really sorry to hear about your problems...I know I don't have AD but I've been dealing with depression and anxiety myself as well.

Last Thanksgiving I started having several panic attacks and later turned into anxiety and depression which it all resulted me postponing my marriage...I've also lost my job because I couldn't deal with anxiety, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I would freak out if I knew I would be alone...you name it...as if it wasn't enough dealing with myself, my mom's cancer recurrence made it even worse sad.gif.

I have lost 20+ pounds in like 2 weeks, I really thought this is it because I couldn't handle it anymore...my fiancee forced me to seek help...my GP subscribed me to take Zoloft, and let me tell you this, it took 3 full months to really feel some positive results...now 6 months later I am back to work, got married, pretty much did and achieved everything what at one point of my life thought I wouldn't make it and felt like jumping the bridge or jump from my 16th floor apartment sad.gif.

I know it is a terrible feeling dealing with what you are dealing right now but please don't give up and you just have to give yourself some time...I know it is easier said than done but there is a light in a tunnel, you just have to be patient.

P.S. I am still taking anti-depressants and please PM me anytime you need...I will try and respond as soon as I can.
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Riser
post May 18 2017, 05:23 AM
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I've sent you a PM, Wardy! happy.gif
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danG
post May 18 2017, 07:16 AM
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I too have Aspergers Syndrome, though I haven't felt what you described (I'm also still only 19 so not dealing with debt, etc). I've been on antidepressants for the past few years and also have very supportive parents both of which have helped with my anxiety. I wouldn't say my ASD has been "cured" but I do feel better than say a few years ago.

Can't really add anything that hasn't already been said.
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awardinary
post May 18 2017, 11:46 AM
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I'm staggered to learn so many guys on this forum have Asperger's Syndrome! ohmy.gif

That really puts it into perspective for me. I can't believe so many of you who have this condition have been able to accept it and adapt well to life around you. Maybe what I need to do is find a local group to mix with which Rob mentioned previously.

Finding reasons for self worth and personal value are the hardest. Others will tell me positives but I seldom believe a word of praise they say. I just carry so little identity or personal worth that it's virtually impossible to find some characteristic of mine that I like. I've often been called a perfectionist because I overthink and over analyse every little detail, and this is often my weakness.

Leonardo mentioned MIND therapy and I have tried this before, CBT treatments and talking therapies but I haven't found them to help. I panicked in class settings and in one-to-one sittings I barely had much to say. I found it hard to get motivated to help myself.

Lots of people on this forum seem to take antidepressants, or have done in the past. My current dosage is 20mg Citalopram, but I have been on higher before.

This is something I posted on Instagram earlier on today, it's a personal list of traits I can relate to on an ongoing basis;





Thanks for all the messages and those of you who sent me PM's too.
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PeteFromLeeds
post May 18 2017, 12:02 PM
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Yeah I've got Aspergers, I just tend to keep quiet about it really kink.gif If you were to meet me you probably wouldn't know apart from me being a bit quiet (it's probably why it took me so long to introduce myself on here) but when I was 13 it was awful bc I got annoyed at the slightest things and people took advantage of that. I think what got me past that low point was just a change of everything, as I got into Year 9 and I spent less time with people who annoyed me and more time with people who were easy to talk to.

I've never been on antidepressants but then again things could change in the next few years.

That's all I've got to say really wink.gif


This post has been edited by PeteFromLeeds: May 18 2017, 12:30 PM
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awardinary
post May 18 2017, 01:26 PM
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Not sure if it will help anybody with this condition, but I've just started listening to a podcast called "The Thrive with Aspergers Podcast" by Steve Borgman.

Here's a link to the podcast.



Here's a link to the website;

http://www.myaspergers.net
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post May 18 2017, 04:38 PM
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hi.gif

I probably also have aspergers but I wasn't fully diagnosed so... idk. I deffo have social struggles and fit many of the symptoms so I probably do have it and I know exactly how bad it makes you feel drama.gif I've no idea if my "thought disorder" or whatever it's called (like my Schizophrenia thread but I never fully found out what it is) is part of Aspergers, I should really read up on the symptoms more if I can set the time aside.
QUOTE(awardinary @ May 18 2017, 01:11 AM) *
In any case I don't think I'm capable of ending my life. Maybe that's why people nowadays turn to assisted suicide. But whatever.

All people tend to say in these situations is get help, speak to someone, they'll know what to do to make it all better etc.

I appreciate the concern from you all, and I realise I'm not a unique case and three others much worse off than me right now. But I just want to iscolate myself and not face up to my problems which isn't obviously a good idea. If there's anyone who knows a thing or 2 about procrastination it's me. I'm constantly putting things off and sabotaging.

Honestly I'm in such s dark place right now I wish I didn't exist.
I've had many many suicidal thoughts also, and I'm glad you plucked up the courage to share your thoughts on this also. I've been wondering if I've sort of given myself bipolar disorder or something (putting labelling aside, I have been constantly yo-yo'd from feeling good to feeling bad, with different decision making and ideas between these emotions, and I've been noticed I've been going through these stages for nearly a year now, I can't decide which of the ideas or decisions are rational any more, like, is my optimism blinding me from the sad truths about my life? Or is my pessimism blinding me from what I still have to live for? confused.gif ) I am awful at making decisions and seem to regret everything I do and I'm emotionally sensitive so I really do know when I hurt someone, and I just don't have the social skills to keep a friendship healthy, I guess that's why I don't have much of an interest in having friends in the first place, there's just so much complexity I find difficult to comprehend and to make things more difficult I feel so awkward about what to do or say with someone like me who might be emotionally sensitive and who might also be afraid to say 'no' to something or whatever. I think going away from the site has done more harm than good to my mental state and I've been reading up on how limiting social interaction can be very dangerous (which is why I haven't come back here, I just haven't had the social state of mind to be interested in others or want to share things which is pretty worrying), and I really should try and come back here and 'force' my social "cyberextrovert" self back on here because I don't want to keep drowning in this whirlpool of regret, depression, confusion, paranoia etc. any more, and I never had that "thought disorder" attack before until that time last year (although it's most likely what I was eating as it's been a recurring problem in the last few months and I really should sort out my binge eating problem, thank gawd my OCD is here to weigh myself and get my weight back to where it was laugh.gif

As for the suicide bit, well I've gone into detail and plans and stuff but that won't worry anyone because as I said, I have high emotionality sensitive so I could not end up going through with it knowing how many people would be hurt by it, although if I knew I was about to die I would be ready to go and see what's after this life where we would all be equals and depression would not exist biggrin.gif

So basically if you don't have something like aspergers or bipolar disorder you've got it pretty good and if you do have it I wish you the best in life even though it's so hard to cope with at times smile.gif
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Liаm
post May 18 2017, 05:05 PM
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It's really not helpful to diagnose yourself with 80 different things because you fit some symptoms laugh.gif If you are that worried you have things, go to a doctor and actually see what is wrong with you, as I said to Wardy getting help in whatever way you need is the best healer. A hell of a lot of us are a bit awkward but that's very different to Aspergers and the real struggles that sufferers can have. It's eas to convince yourself you have something by fitting yourself into a box with it because you fit symptoms but people can't just self-diagnose laugh.gif

(soz inner psychologist coming out)
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Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 27th June 2017 - 10:39 AM