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> How to cope with loss and pain, :(
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Addy K!ng
post May 30 2017, 03:06 PM
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Hello Buzzjack,

I usually don't post that much about my personal life but my mom was fighting breast cancer since 2012. Just months ago cancer has spread in other parts and she is living her last days according to doctors. I can't travel abroad and last time I saw her was 2014. I am feeling devastated to find out that she will pass away without me being able to give her one last goodbye cry.gif.

I am feeling numb and I just don't know how to cope...she was my everything and more, she was always there for me no matter what, but I can't be with her these last days...pain, sad memories and unanswered questions are haunting me sad.gif I don't think I will ever be the same, I have toll of emotions going through me right now and I just feel lost.

Please everyone pray for her wub.gif
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Jacřb
post May 30 2017, 03:15 PM
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Oh Addy, so sorry to hear this. sad.gif

Is there no way you can visit her at all? Is it work you can't get away from or something? I'm sure they'd understand and you'd get compassionate leave of some description.

We're here for you, feel free to PM at any time.
QUOTE(Addy K!ng @ May 30 2017, 04:06 PM) *
Please everyone pray for her wub.gif
Will do! heart.gif
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AllWeKnowOfSpadz
post May 30 2017, 03:29 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear that Addy sad.gif I never got to say goodbye to my gran and I know how you might be feeling. As to how to cope, I think one good way is to remember the good times you've had and try to relive the happiness you had with her heart.gif
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T Boy
post May 30 2017, 03:33 PM
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That's absolutely awful, she'll certainly be in my prayers.

I've never faced loss on that scale but from what I have experienced, it will never go away. Life will get easier but not for a while and the pain will never completely fade though it will lessen. Talking to people is the best way through this. Talking to those close to you and close to your mother. Accepting that it's ok to be upset and accepting that you won't be fine straight away and that things will take time. I'm sorry I can't be of more use.
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post May 30 2017, 03:39 PM
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Addy we're all here for you if you need us. I wish I could make the pain go away for you. Trust that she understands you aren't able to be there, as much as you want to, maybe you can Skype her or something? Do you have any other family members who you are in contact with at this time?

Be strong Addy, but if you need to vent your feelings, then please share it, it's better than bottling things up I find.

Here for you. heart.gif
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HarryEzra
post May 30 2017, 03:44 PM
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Addy I am so sorry to hear about your mum, You, her and your family are in my thoughts.

As to how to cope as others have mentioned try and remember the good times. At the same time I also think it is important to grief. The pain will never go away but you will feel a little less pain in due time.

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PeteFromLeeds
post May 30 2017, 04:09 PM
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Thoughts & prayers are with you Addy, sorry I can't really offer any advice because the last time I last someone I was 5 and in a completely different situation to you.
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Envoirment
post May 30 2017, 04:25 PM
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Time is what's needed. The pain will not go away, but you learn how to deal with it and remembering the positive times definitely helps. I lost my nan last year (it was a sudden and unexpected loss) who was like a second mum to me and the first couple of months were horrible. I would wake up in the middle of the night crying and have panic attacks over it. Now that doesn't happen, but I do end up getting emotional thinking/talking about her for any extended period of time.

Don't be afraid of letting your emotions out, bottling them up is not healthy and will just make you feel a lot worse!

I cannot fathom the pain you must feel and I'm really sorry to hear about the situation you're in. I hope you somehow manage to visit your mother before she passes. Have you thought about trying a skype call with her, if possible? If you can't meet face to face, that could be a good way to communicate and say your last goodbyes to her. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
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Cucumberella
post May 30 2017, 04:32 PM
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addy i'm so so sorry sad.gif you're literally living my worst nightmare just now, i can't even comprehend how you're feeling. please let me know if there's anything i can do and u know i love ya so never be afraid to drop me a line about anything <3 is there any way that we can help with your travelling, what's stopping you from seeing her atm? i'd like to be able to see if there's something i can do.
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Addy K!ng
post May 30 2017, 05:17 PM
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thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

The reason why can't travel is because I am not yet US citizen and I am waiting for GC which I will receive in couple of weeks.

I was skyping, texting chatting with her every single day, but she is unconscious and she is in her last stage of her life.

I just skyped with my sister and she hold the phone for me to tell her how much I love her and how much she means to me, I just can't deal with the pain...it hurts so bad cry.gif cry.gif
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gooddelta
post May 30 2017, 05:32 PM
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Heartbreaking to hear Addy, so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family <3

You will never forget or stop thinking about the loved ones you've lost but you will remember the things you loved about them every day and it can actually be incredibly comforting. My dad died in 2010 and while it wasn't unexpected, as he'd been ill for some years beforehand, it doesn't lessen the shock or pain when it happens. But as the years pass, though you always think about them and remember them, it becomes less of a severe pain. You never forget them though.
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5 Silas Frřkner
post May 30 2017, 05:46 PM
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I am so very sorry Addy sad.gif Cancer is such a terrible thing to watch a family member go through, you have my sympathies and prayers.

I really hope that some how the stars align and you are able to get your Green Card in time to make a trip home. She must be so proud of what you have achieved and that, along with all the wonderful memories, is something worth holding on to.

I watched my grandad battle Lung Cancer and it was awful. Mercifully it was a fairly short battle. It's not something that you're just going to get over, but it is something you learn to live with. I'm a year in and still in the random crying phase but it has gotten less painful this past year. Don't be afraid to reach out if you need anything, we're here for you
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commonsense
post May 30 2017, 06:00 PM
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Sorry to hear that Addy. Know how you feel as I lost my mum last February from cancer.
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Chez Wombat
post May 30 2017, 06:11 PM
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I'm so so sorry Addy, must be horrible not being with a loved one at this time sad.gif but it's circumstances beyond your control and the fact you've been keeping in touch and keeping her happy in her last moments is really the best you can do.

I've never lost anyone truly close so I'm not sure I can offer advice, but if I were you, I'd definitely want to focus on the good times you had with them and what a great relationship you had than anything else to get you through. My thoughts and condolences to you and your family, I hope you get through this!
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HausofSZA
post May 30 2017, 08:13 PM
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So incredibly sorry to hear this Addy. Truly heartbreaking. I guess the best thing to do is remember and hold onto the special/good memories you shared together and continue living your life fearlessly and for her. I really hope that by a miracle, she powers through but whatever happens you have her love with you forevermore and that is a beautiful thing. She, you and the family are in my thoughts. <3
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burbe
post May 30 2017, 08:32 PM
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So sorry to hear that Addy sad.gif

I hope this helps and it's not a parent, but I can sympathise because I went through something similar with my granddad. He got cancer and passed away really quickly before I had a chance to come home from Canada and say goodbye. It was really hard, but the comfort I took from it was that my last memory of my granddad he was a less in pain and more happy, whereas everyone else in my family had a really horrible final memory of him in pain, spaced out and unable to speak because the cancer had pretty much shut him down in the last few days. On the flip side, my grandma passed away earlier this year and I had to sit and watch her suffer in pain for the last few days. It felt worse being there and feeling helpless to do anything except be a friendly face while she was in bed struggling to even breathe.

The best thing you can do is not to bottle anything you're feeling up. Your friends and family are there to listen and help you through this. Once I opened up about how I was feeling, I felt a lot better. And it's gonna sound crazy but I was feeling really guilty for over a month after he passed for not getting back to see him, but he randomly came to me in my sleep and said goodbye and reassured me. It might have just been my brain telling me what I wanted to hear but I genuinely believe it was him.

I'll be praying for your mum heart.gif I can't imagine how it must be with a parent in this situation, but she'll always be with you in your heart no matter what happens, and always be proud of you.
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Addy K!ng
post May 31 2017, 02:40 AM
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Thnx so much everyone, reading all your posts are making me feel better. She passed away last night unfortunately, and my family assured me that she died peacefully and without a pain.

The pain is so big I have no words to describe.
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post May 31 2017, 03:19 AM
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*hugs*
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bigwiglaf
post May 31 2017, 04:04 AM
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May she requiescat in pace...I'll light a candle for her at church....
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Capybréra
post May 31 2017, 04:49 AM
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Really sorry to hear about this Addy, RIP </3 It sucks that you weren't able to be there with her in her final moments but at least you can say you did everything you could under your circumstances, it's not your fault that you couldn't make the trip.
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