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HausofSZA
post Jun 15 2017, 07:32 PM
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Henrietta R Hippo
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This Sunday is Father's Day so I thought we could discuss father figures in our lives.

How close are you to your primary father figure - either growing up or right now? Were you a daddy's boy/girl growing up or are you not close with him? Any funny/interesting stories to share ;o

I'm aware this might not be an ideal conversation point for some members, so don't feel obliged to share anything if you don't want to <3


This post has been edited by HausofSZA: Jun 15 2017, 07:47 PM
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HausofSZA
post Jun 15 2017, 07:34 PM
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I have never been *too* close to my dad; my older brother is much closer to him because they're both very much into sport and so whenever he's home they spend time going out to play snooker/the pub/watch sports together. My dad is very sensitive and emotional and I get a lot of my personality traits from him (AND HIS f***ING NOSE). He's also very temperamental/moody a lot of the times lol ~ He means well and is much-loved in my family.. I just have never been able to have really open chats with him, like I can with my mum at times.

My dad is also the one person in my house that I have not come out to sad.gif I don't even know why, i'm sure he'd be fine with it but I don't have the confidence to do it.
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Apafam
post Jun 15 2017, 08:01 PM
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QUOTE(HausofSZA @ Jun 15 2017, 08:34 PM) *
My dad is also the one person in my house that I have not come out to sad.gif I don't even know why, i'm sure he'd be fine with it but I don't have the confidence to do it.
Good luck when you eventually do, idk maybe do it this Sunday if you feel it's a good time ohmy.gif

I have... not had a dad since I was born, all I know is he had long hair (I wanted long hair before knowing this tho, slay *.*) and he travelled the world to do jobs I think. I had a stepdad before my teens for a few years but he was very abusive and violent, and there's probably some bad memories of his doings that I've subconsciously blocked out :S otherwise I don't really have a father figure, and I only have blood related Aunties (5 and my mum) and apparently my gran couldn't have boys so perhaps those two things contribute to how feminine my personality seems to be idk laugh.gif I'm not bothered about not having a father figure really.
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Josh!
post Jun 15 2017, 08:14 PM
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I get on really well with my Dad and he is one of the nicest guys ever, he's always helped me out when I need it and we do a lot of things together as we share a lot of the same interests, plus I usually spend my weekends there. However, even though we have a lot more arguments, I've always felt more of an emotional connection with my Mum. She can be a nightmare to live with but she's always the one I go to if I have a problem and I always feel comfortable discussing things with her first. Either way, I'd be lost without the both of them and I'm very glad they are still civil and able to both be in my life despite being separated since I was very young.

I hope you eventually get the courage to come out to your father too, Bal! I'm sure it'll be a great weight off your shoulders !
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Harlot
post Jun 15 2017, 08:20 PM
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My dad is an absolute cunt smile.gif

A few peeps around here know the STORY, but safe to say I have absolutely nothing to do with him and doubt I ever will again. It's kind of a shame as we were close when I was younger and we have a lot in common and a shared philosophy on a lot of things. I'm always slightly worried I'm going to turn out like him though, which I suppose colours my resentment somewhat too.
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djquavdemon
post Jun 15 2017, 08:36 PM
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My parents have divorced 7 years ago and since that time I don't wanna know any things related to my father. Such an unpleasant person in general. Even the reason for divorce was miserable and I tend to blame it all on him.
The only thing I like from me growing up with him is my musical taste which truly means a lot to me because I've used to connect my personal achievements/disappointments/struggles/happy moments etc. with music since deep childhood. I can forget his voice but can't forget the music from his CDs.
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QUOTE(Harlot @ Jun 16 2017, 01:20 AM) *
I'm always slightly worried I'm going to turn out like him though, which I suppose colours my resentment somewhat too.

actually this. I go really mad if I accidentally admit something from my dad in my temper/behaviour/intonation etc. Gonna avoid all of concurrences with his type of man, and don't wanna bring up my children like he did cuz it was utter disaster.


This post has been edited by djquavdemon: Jun 15 2017, 08:43 PM
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Riser
post Jun 16 2017, 05:26 AM
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Well at age 26 I still live with my dad (and mom) and have done nearly everything with him my whole life- from him coaching my baseball team for 4 years, to me working for him on and off for 7 years, to nowadays when we both come home for lunch at the same time everyday and are traveling together this weekend for Father's Day. That said, I don't feel as close with him as I should be...we're both introverted so there's not much depth to our conversations and there's plenty of times I don't feel comfortable telling him something. He's very driven and ambitious, plus super handy and can fix anything whereas I'm terrible with tools and just not a hands-on person at all, and my confidence is much lower so there's often the feeling of having a lot to live up to and falling way short, but I know he'd never want me to feel that way about myself. We bond over music a lot which is really special, we know each other's favorite artists and have gone to so many concerts together, plus he's the one who got me into playing instruments in the first place.
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Jade
post Jun 16 2017, 02:12 PM
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My dad and I have always got on so well! I always got called a "daddy's girl" as a kid and we still remain extremely close now. You would probably expect a girl to go to her mum about problems but it was always my dad I confided in more. For example, I felt like I couldn't really talk to my mum much when I thought I might be bisexual but I poured my heart out to my dad. I think it's just because my dad has always encouraged us to open up to him whereas my mum hasn't been as enthusiastic (obviously she loves and cares about me and my brother to bits, but just isn't as vocally supportive as my dad who often checks up on me with the general "how's life?" questions, our convos will usually be more lighthearted - I do feel as I have grown up that she just feels a bit awkward starting serious convos, so I am usually the one to bring stuff up to keep her in the loop too). I have always idolised my dad, he is one of those people who is just good at EVERYTHING and I am so envious of that haha. He's absolutely lovely, has so much love to give and always makes me laugh - couldn't ask for a better dad. We of course have days where we clash, but for the most part we're very similar (physically too ofc as he's the one I get my curls from x) and can easily have a laugh.
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lordita
post Jun 16 2017, 02:20 PM
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my relationship with my dad is very rocky and always has been really! my parents went through a long and very dramatic divorce when i was a teenager and i found out quite a lot of nasty things about my dad which i've never really been able to shake from memory. i actively tried really hard to forge a better relationship with him late 2015/early 2016 due to quite a lot of pressure from other family members but this ended up in me absolutely breaking down from the guilt of it all so i had to take a huge step back. i last saw my dad in feb but we had quite a big argument and have only talked on the phone a couple of times since then. he keeps saying he wants to see me, but he's been promising to come and visit me in soton since last september, and never has. it's not like it's even on me as well, i made plans and he cancelled them. when i was cut off from him financially despite his promises it was initially really difficult (to the stage where i was begging for 20 just to eat and he said no) but i now work hard enough that i financially support myself and feel like i don't really NEED him in my life. it would be nice if i could ever get to the point where i felt like he was properly there for me, it's sad really, i'm sure somewhere he does love me but if i ever was in an emergency i don't think i'd ever feel like i could call him, i'd of course be more likely to call my mum then a long list of my friends before considering him. hopefully when i'm older things can change

sorry to put a downer on this guys sad.gif
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ʟɪɴᴅsᴇʏ
post Jun 16 2017, 02:31 PM
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hmmmm I wouldn't say I'm a "daddy's girl" but out of both my parents I think I'm probably closer to my dad. I'm more like him than I am my mum as well. My dad's a big softy really, he's the sort who will make a joke out of everything and will always think up really stupid ways to irritate people, that's his sort of humour and I think I do have a bit of that trait myself, his problem is not knowing the line between fun-irritating and just plain you're annoying me please stop though :') I'm probably more similar to him than I give credit for, I've spoken about how his music taste sorta influenced mine. When I was younger I used to go camping with him, my mum and Cameron didn't really enjoy that whereas both my dad and I love being outdoors. He constantly tries to make everything into a life lesson which gets a bit annoying but you can't really complain because it's always coming from a good place and it's just his way of caring. He's pretty reserved as well, which I also have in common with him. He likes debating things too which I used to just sorta roll my eyes about when I was younger as my mum and Cameron didn't have much interest in that sort of thing either, but now that I'm older I appreciate that a lot more and actually realise it's how he's being open to different ideas and his way of forming his opinions which I love and it's good to have that in contrast to my mum who is so stubborn and stuck in her ways to the point there's no use in even trying to talk to her about something she doesn't understand or agree with.
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Liаm
post Jun 16 2017, 02:31 PM
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I don't have a relationship with what my mum labels my "so called dad" at all, and quite frankly I'm more than fine with not seeing him. I've seen him once since I was about 6, and that was a chance thing as he happened be at the pub we used to go because they had a lit ballpit laugh.gif I just flat out refused to have anything to do with him then, I was about 9 or 10. I honestly wouldn't know if he was alive or dead rn, and same with him for me, and quite frankly I don't care. Him and my mum haven't been together properly since I was like 4 or 5 and they never lived together, I think they split up while she was pregnant with my sister and I don't think he's ever really properly seen her apart from the aforementioned chance time. I'm ot THAT close with my mum either although I live there when I'm not at uni, but that's another story and she is nothing anywhere near as bad as the man who contributed to me I hesitate to even label as my father.
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Regina
post Jun 16 2017, 02:52 PM
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I have a really odd relationship with my Dad laugh.gif there are times when I can get on fine with him, but most of the time we just bicker and fight. He has a really annoying habit of acting like a petulent child when someone tells him off (usually my Mum) and he sits and makes a dumb face. He also likes to be annoying on purpose which drives me mad. A large part of us not getting on is the simple fact that I have nothing in common with him. We have no shared interests and while I've tried to be more intereste din things he does, he tends to give me little or nothing in return so I've pretty much given up.

He gets on better with my brother and the two of them are pretty close, but I'm close with my Mum and she and my brother are pretty much like my Dad and me.

My Dad also tends to "borrow" money from me on a regular basis and either not pay it back or will borrow more than he says he needs to if I lend him my debit card. Although he never goes to my brother for money, just me.
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HarryEzra
post Jun 16 2017, 04:17 PM
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I say I am quite close with my dad. I am a lot closer to my mum than my dad but even if my bad can be a moany prick sometimes I still have to live in the same house with him so we get on rather well. I mean I have always had my dad in my life so I guess that has helped have a bond but like I said he can be a bit of an arse sometimes but nobody's perfect and he is still my dad.

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LexC♀
post Jun 16 2017, 04:34 PM
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I have a pretty good relationship with my Dad. We don't exactly have loads of stuff and interests in common and I'm generally a lot closer to my Mum but we still share a similar sense of humour ect. I'd be lying if at times it didn't feel like he think I'm just 'wimpy' as a result of my various neuroses but I'm generally at peace with that.
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LexC♀
post Jun 16 2017, 04:35 PM
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QUOTE(HarryEzra @ Jun 16 2017, 05:17 PM) *
I say I am quite close with my bad.


Oh Harry.
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Chez Wombat
post Jun 16 2017, 05:27 PM
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I have a rather good relationship with my dad, I mean he's really very capable at most things I'm very inexperienced in, so he's my go to for finances and general help with work/uni life when I was there, he also has a keen taste for high calibre television and arts stuff in general (as in held in high regard) and is open to a lot of new recommendations in terms of TV as well as going to concerts with me, so that's always good as a conversation starter. Like me, he is a very big introvert and is really into Myers Briggs too, perhaps a bit more cold towards people whereas I'm not, but I do find myself understanding where he's coming from/where I get it from!

It's not always plain sailing - he's definitely short on the emotional or empathetic front, he was always the 'strict' one when we were younger and has VERY high standards which can sometimes make me feel pressured (certainly not to the point of being scared of him, but still, he certainly is not one to just 'make do') his humour is somewhat twisted, sometimes it seems he just has no filter and can say something so hurtful and/or inappropriate and then get annoyed when people don't see it as a joke, he's fairly apathetic and sometimes quite provocative politically too, one minute I agree with him and the next I'm like...what did you just say? He also sings...a lot and with lyrics changed to dog and cat sounds, god knows what he'll be like in ten years in his 70s.

He is the polar opposite to my mum, and I do feel like I have a better connection with her as I'm just a much more emotional person than he is so I can relate better to that, but he's undeniably a huge part of my life, I'd be clueless on so many aspects of life without his guidance.


This post has been edited by Chez Wombat: Jun 16 2017, 05:34 PM
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HarryEzra
post Jun 16 2017, 05:34 PM
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QUOTE(LexC♀ @ Jun 16 2017, 05:35 PM) *
Oh Harry.

Oops corrected kink.gif
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HausofSZA
post Jun 16 2017, 05:34 PM
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We had our class father's day assembly today. I refused to do it solely on fathers day and made my class appreciate positive male role models in whatever form. We then did a den building afternoon across school to encourage fathers to come in and get involved with their children's school life. A truly eye opening day.

QUOTE(lotita @ Jun 16 2017, 03:20 PM) *
my relationship with my dad is very rocky and always has been really! my parents went through a long and very dramatic divorce when i was a teenager and i found out quite a lot of nasty things about my dad which i've never really been able to shake from memory. i actively tried really hard to forge a better relationship with him late 2015/early 2016 due to quite a lot of pressure from other family members but this ended up in me absolutely breaking down from the guilt of it all so i had to take a huge step back. i last saw my dad in feb but we had quite a big argument and have only talked on the phone a couple of times since then. he keeps saying he wants to see me, but he's been promising to come and visit me in soton since last september, and never has. it's not like it's even on me as well, i made plans and he cancelled them. when i was cut off from him financially despite his promises it was initially really difficult (to the stage where i was begging for 20 just to eat and he said no) but i now work hard enough that i financially support myself and feel like i don't really NEED him in my life. it would be nice if i could ever get to the point where i felt like he was properly there for me, it's sad really, i'm sure somewhere he does love me but if i ever was in an emergency i don't think i'd ever feel like i could call him, i'd of course be more likely to call my mum then a long list of my friends before considering him. hopefully when i'm older things can change

sorry to put a downer on this guys sad.gif

This is really quite heart-breaking. I really wish he changes his attitude, makes an effort and does arrange to meet you very soon. And should that happen I hope it's the start of rebuilding the relationship. He will sorely miss out on your personal and crucial development during these few years at uni when you become an adult and (what I know will be) a beautiful and powerful woman that any male would he proud to call their daughter. His loss if he misses out on this... but gosh what a shame.
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lordita
post Jun 16 2017, 05:41 PM
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QUOTE(HausofSZA @ Jun 16 2017, 06:34 PM) *
We had our class father's day assembly today. I refused to do it solely on fathers day and made my class appreciate positive male role models in whatever form. We then did a den building afternoon across school to encourage fathers to come in and get involved with their children's school life. A truly eye opening day.
This is really quite heart-breaking. I really wish he changes his attitude, makes an effort and does arrange to meet you very soon. And should that happen I hope it's the start of rebuilding the relationship. He will sorely miss out on your personal and crucial development during these few years at uni when you become an adult and (what I know will be) a beautiful and powerful woman that any male would he proud to call their daughter. His loss if he misses out on this... but gosh what a shame.


thank u ur such a sweetheart <333 also i'm so happy and proud you made sure to celebrate all male role models instead of basing it all on fathers, such an important thing to do and something which i wish was a lot more MAINSTREAM (ie the celebration of fathers day not purely as a celebration of birth parents)
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Iz~
post Jun 16 2017, 05:45 PM
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I have a good relationship with my dad, even though I don't see him that often, maybe once every couple of months if we're going good - but he does a lot of good work, he's become politically active lately because he wants to help out his local community, he's very active up there from what I hear, being a governor of a nearby school, fostering kids on occasion, and he's been in Uganda on mission work for the last month. He's introverted like me and we can chat a lot about entertainment and political issues, I love that. He's a real film buff along with his wife, I almost always end up watching a film with them whenever I see them, he's really keen with DIY which is often groan-worthy for me but he has a big family home that he wants to fix up so there's always more work for that. It's pretty much a nice refresher whenever I see him these days, because we always have a good amount to catch up on.

Although I'd say if I had a criticism at times he gets stressed out over something minor and it's hard to be around him until he calms.

My (soon-to-be) stepdad is pretty amazing too, he's very generous and kind, with a great sense of humour and I know I can always go for him for help.

I've been lucky with male role models. My sympathies go out to those in this thread who don't have that.
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