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Emily Haines
post Jun 30 2017, 05:53 PM
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Following on slightly from awardinary's topic on Identity, I think it's important to notice & understand your flaws and weaknesses. What would you say yours are?

  • Being too nostalgic - I can get lost for hours in old letters or journals. They make me feel sad & as if my life is slipping away, rather than focusing on the here and now, or looking to the future.
  • Laziness - I find it really hard to get motivated, especially for boring stuff like housework. I also need to lose weight, but for some reason I can't seem to get it going. I've already given thought to why that is, but that's a whole other issue!
  • Very black & white - Something either is or it isn't. No in-between. It can drive people I know a bit crazy as it really shows my stubborn side.

What would you say is a bad quality in someone else?

I hate arrogance & over confidence so much. That might be partly because I have had low-self esteem for so many years that my mind just boggles at the thought that others don't experience that too.

Also in the words of Douglas Coupland:

“Here's what I think: the five most unattractive traits in people are cheapness, clinginess, neediness, unwillingness to change and jealousy. Jealousy is the worst, and by far the hardest to conceal.”

That pretty much sums it up, especially the first three.

Over to you! happy.gif
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SouthsideSpinner
post Jun 30 2017, 06:03 PM
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There are too many to name laugh.gif social and emotional issues are the top two that negatively affect myself and others. Other flaws I have are probably more common like laziness/forgetting/clumsiness/basically every flaw out there :')
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Jade
post Jun 30 2017, 06:09 PM
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Caz I feel you so much on both nostalgia and laziness! I love reminiscing about times in the past, like digging out old home videos or looking at old photos or bringing up memories. But I feel like I was much worse for this a few years ago when my life felt stagnant and I hated everything about who I was and longed for the days where I was happier. So I would say it is less of a character flaw now and more occasional. BUT laziness is definitely a flaw I have, my sleeping pattern is all over the place at the moment and I have become terrible with procrastinating lately (hi.gif doing my whole dissertation proposal less than 24 hours before it was due). I am also finding the motivation to get healthier/fitter really difficult.

I would say overthinking (and the knock-on effect of that: stressing chronically) is my biggest flaw sad.gif because it holds me back from achieving things as I am so consumed with worry and it causes me to lose sleep at times. I will often have the most tiny worries lingering in my brain all day.

I hope that I can make some progress on overcoming these weaknesses in time. I mean, I think I have overcome what used to be my biggest weakness! This was being too nice and getting walked all over. Quite a few friends completely took advantage of me in secondary school just because I had zero confidence to stand up for myself. I like to think I'm still a nice person but nowadays I am not this pushover any more and it feels so good to be in this place now.
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SouthsideSpinner
post Jun 30 2017, 06:16 PM
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QUOTE(Jade @ Jun 30 2017, 07:09 PM) *
Caz I feel you so much on both nostalgia and laziness! I love reminiscing about times in the past, like digging out old home videos or looking at old photos or bringing up memories. But I feel like I was much worse for this a few years ago when my life felt stagnant and I hated everything about who I was and longed for the days where I was happier. So I would say it is less of a character flaw now and more occasional. BUT laziness is definitely a flaw I have, my sleeping pattern is all over the place at the moment and I have become terrible with procrastinating lately (hi.gif doing my whole dissertation proposal less than 24 hours before it was due). I am also finding the motivation to get healthier/fitter really difficult.

I would say overthinking (and the knock-on effect of that: stressing chronically) is my biggest flaw sad.gif because it holds me back from achieving things as I am so consumed with worry and it causes me to lose sleep at times. I will often have the most tiny worries lingering in my brain all day.

I hope that I can make some progress on overcoming these weakness in time. I mean, I think I have overcome what used to be my biggest weakness! This was being too nice and getting walked all over. Quite a few friends completely took advantage of me in secondary school just because I had zero confidence to stand up for myself. I like to still think I'm a nice person but nowadays I am not this pushover anymore and it feels so good to be in this place now.
I seem to get some kind of euphoria moment when I see or hear things from the past esp. my personal/family history laugh.gif fortunately, this doesn't serve as a distraction and I more or less still live in the now.

I also overthink magic.gif and I've tried to let it go but when I do things go wrong, I just either overthink or underthink and I think the consequences of the former are preferrable to those of the latter.

I am also the "too nice, gets walked all over" person laugh.gif I guess I'm just too optimistic with how people think and make decisions, like if someone I knew well and trusted as a nice person etc. asked me for favours constantly I'd still want to help and wouldn't want to say no because they are a nice person tongue.gif I just overthink and presume if I refused one day they'd just lash out and I'd feel like a shit friend or something etc., I'd rather make other people happy at my expense instead of vice versa because again, the consequences aren't as undesirable.
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ʟɪɴᴅs.
post Jun 30 2017, 06:17 PM
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Great topic! heart.gif

I'd say my biggest one is overthinking and a lot of my other flaws tend to stem from that I think. On the plus side it does make me make level headed decisions and think things through before I do them but I'll literally get so caught up in some things that thinking about them constantly does more harm than good and I make things into bigger issues in my head than they actually are. I'm quite bad for just automatically assuming the worse and freaking out (internally) as a result too. Anyone who knows me well will know exactly what I'm talking about. I could have one issue in my life and it's all I think about for months or even if there are no issues, I'll think up every possible one. I end up talking myself out of doing things because I've convinced myself they're only gonna end badly, I stress myself out and worry far too much about things I probably don't need to be like that about laugh.gif

I can be hella awkward as well, I get nervous just talking to people sometimes and end up messing up what I'm saying and stuff, or I get nervous and just ramble about whatever shit that comes to mind :')

I guess I'm kinda lazy too or its just that I can never get motivated to do anything and I'm the worst for procrastinating. I'm pretty messy as well but tbf that's only in my own space, if I'm with other people then I'm not at all.

For as much as I'm pretty open about myself on here, I'm kinda closed off irl and it can take a while for me to trust people.

I feel like most flaws or weaknesses can also be strengths at times though too, like I mentioned in Wardy's thread I can be defensive, opinionated and argumentative but I don't really see it as a bad thing most of the time. Obviously there are times where it is, especially when I tend to overthink, like if I argue with someone it doesn't just end when we stop talking for me, it's something I'll play through in my head for weeks after, even if it's just a small thing.

Something I always viewed as a good thing until a few months or so ago was putting people before yourself, but if it's at the cost of your own happiness etc then it's not, I'm flawed in that I don't know where the line is until it's too late half the time, like it's okay and 100% necessary to put yourself first and not have it be selfish. I'm also really bad at asking for help apparently, I always try and keep things to myself and just get on with it, even if I'm struggling on my own, I think sometimes it's easier to just not depend on anyone though laugh.gif
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Emily Haines
post Jun 30 2017, 06:23 PM
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QUOTE(Logged in as: @ Jun 30 2017, 07:03 PM) *
There are too many to name laugh.gif social and emotional issues are the top two that negatively affect myself and others. Other flaws I have are probably more common like laziness/forgetting/clumsiness/basically every flaw out there :')

I'm sure you haven't got every flaw! Probably just the main one: being too hard on yourself!

QUOTE(Jade @ Jun 30 2017, 07:09 PM) *
Caz I feel you so much on both nostalgia and laziness! I love reminiscing about times in the past, like digging out old home videos or looking at old photos or bringing up memories. But I feel like I was much worse for this a few years ago when my life felt stagnant and I hated everything about who I was and longed for the days where I was happier. So I would say it is less of a character flaw now and more occasional. BUT laziness is definitely a flaw I have, my sleeping pattern is all over the place at the moment and I have become terrible with procrastinating lately (hi.gif doing my whole dissertation proposal less than 24 hours before it was due). I am also finding the motivation to get healthier/fitter really difficult.

I would say overthinking (and the knock-on effect of that: stressing chronically) is my biggest flaw sad.gif because it holds me back from achieving things as I am so consumed with worry and it causes me to lose sleep at times. I will often have the most tiny worries lingering in my brain all day.

I hope that I can make some progress on overcoming these weaknesses in time. I mean, I think I have overcome what used to be my biggest weakness! This was being too nice and getting walked all over. Quite a few friends completely took advantage of me in secondary school just because I had zero confidence to stand up for myself. I like to think I'm still a nice person but nowadays I am not this pushover any more and it feels so good to be in this place now.

Ohhh yes to the overthinking! I do that about every situation and then worry myself into illness. rolleyes.gif

Well done for standing up for yourself more. "It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.” heart.gif
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SouthsideSpinner
post Jun 30 2017, 06:29 PM
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QUOTE
I'm sure you haven't got every flaw! Probably just the main one: being too hard on yourself!
well technically no laugh.gif I just know how too much I can be with people and people have actually told me so I just resort to this empty shell irl laugh.gif

Like with the overthinking thing, if I try (and I have in the past) to stop caring what people think, I just feel really guilty afterwards anyway. I could just avoid people entirely but unfortunately I'm able to feel lonely so... lol
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Jade
post Jun 30 2017, 06:37 PM
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QUOTE(Logged in as: @ Jun 30 2017, 07:16 PM) *
I seem to get some kind of euphoria moment when I see or hear things from the past esp. my personal/family history laugh.gif fortunately, this doesn't serve as a distraction and I more or less still live in the now.

I also overthink magic.gif and I've tried to let it go but when I do things go wrong, I just either overthink or underthink and I think the consequences of the former are preferrable to those of the latter.

I am also the "too nice, gets walked all over" person laugh.gif I guess I'm just too optimistic with how people think and make decisions, like if someone I knew well and trusted as a nice person etc. asked me for favours constantly I'd still want to help and wouldn't want to say no because they are a nice person tongue.gif I just overthink and presume if I refused one day they'd just lash out and I'd feel like a shit friend or something etc., I'd rather make other people happy at my expense instead of vice versa because again, the consequences aren't as undesirable.

Aww that's sweet and I'm exactly the same! For example, finding items from the past or being reminded of old memories that I had forgotten about can bring about such a moment of joy. Glad to hear that you live in the present though, I think being nostalgic from time to time is great as long as it's like not unhealthily taking over your ability to live as you are now. I used to get so upset and wished I could transport back in time, and while I do miss old friendships and how much easier things could be in the past, I'm now past that stage and am living my life in the present

Gah overthinking is just the absolute worst isn't it sad.gif I think it's totally natural to overthink when you feel like you have approached something in the wrong way though, I'm definitely like that too and just hope that people move on from the situation in question as quickly as possible so I can stop having it on my mind.

I find it admirable that you're an optimistic person and you sound very generous from what you've said about being asked for favours, I will always value being nice in a person and that definitely isn't a weakness. However, it can be soooo damaging to get walked all over and it made me so upset; I couldn't do anything about it though because that confidence simply wasn't there. Being nice is great but just never let people take the piss with it, easier said than done, but I hope you will be in a place in time where you feel like you can stand up for yourself more. Thanks for replying to my post in such detail, was interesting to hear your thoughts!

QUOTE(ʟɪɴᴅs @ Jun 30 2017, 07:17 PM) *
I'm also really bad at asking for help apparently, I always try and keep things to myself and just get on with it, even if I'm struggling on my own, I think sometimes it's easier to just not depend on anyone though laugh.gif

Lindsey I feel you 110% on this laugh.gif I have always been fiercely independent with working on things because I always feel too awkward to ask for help, I feel like I will attempt every way of tackling something possible and only ever ask for help as an absolute last resort. I feel like I can adapt okay in group work, but I prefer doing things my way so much more and don't like depending on others either.

QUOTE(Emily Haines @ Jun 30 2017, 07:23 PM) *
Ohhh yes to the overthinking! I do that about every situation and then worry myself into illness. rolleyes.gif

Well done for standing up for yourself more. "It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.” heart.gif

Overthinking does seem to be a common theme in this thread! It's quite comforting actually because I often feel so alone with that.

Thank you very much heart.gif that's a great quote.
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Emily Haines
post Jun 30 2017, 06:43 PM
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QUOTE(ʟɪɴᴅs @ Jun 30 2017, 07:17 PM) *
Great topic! heart.gif

I'd say my biggest one is overthinking and a lot of my other flaws tend to stem from that I think. On the plus side it does make me make level headed decisions and think things through before I do them but I'll literally get so caught up in some things that thinking about them constantly does more harm than good and I make things into bigger issues in my head than they actually are. I'm quite bad for just automatically assuming the worse and freaking out (internally) as a result too. Anyone who knows me well will know exactly what I'm talking about. I could have one issue in my life and it's all I think about for months or even if there are no issues, I'll think up every possible one. I end up talking myself out of doing things because I've convinced myself they're only gonna end badly, I stress myself out and worry far too much about things I probably don't need to be like that about laugh.gif

I can be hella awkward as well, I get nervous just talking to people sometimes and end up messing up what I'm saying and stuff, or I get nervous and just ramble about whatever shit that comes to mind :')

I guess I'm kinda lazy too or its just that I can never get motivated to do anything and I'm the worst for procrastinating. I'm pretty messy as well but tbf that's only in my own space, if I'm with other people then I'm not at all.

For as much as I'm pretty open about myself on here, I'm kinda closed off irl and it can take a while for me to trust people.

I feel like most flaws or weaknesses can also be strengths at times though too, like I mentioned in Wardy's thread I can be defensive, opinionated and argumentative but I don't really see it as a bad thing most of the time. Obviously there are times where it is, especially when I tend to overthink, like if I argue with someone it doesn't just end when we stop talking for me, it's something I'll play through in my head for weeks after, even if it's just a small thing.

Something I always viewed as a good thing until a few months or so ago was putting people before yourself, but if it's at the cost of your own happiness etc then it's not, I'm flawed in that I don't know where the line is until it's too late half the time, like it's okay and 100% necessary to put yourself first and not have it be selfish. I'm also really bad at asking for help apparently, I always try and keep things to myself and just get on with it, even if I'm struggling on my own, I think sometimes it's easier to just not depend on anyone though laugh.gif

Ohhh I'm so awkward. I literally do not know how to do 'small talk'. Then I spend the whole time wondering what they're thinking of me and if they think I'm terrible lol.

Definitely a closed book too. I'm not the kind to spill my inner feelings to anyone, which I think makes me come off as aloof.

Yeah it's difficult to learn to put yourself first but it's important. I've been burned before by not doing that, & also burned out. Reminds me of this:

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SouthsideSpinner
post Jun 30 2017, 06:45 PM
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QUOTE
Gah overthinking is just the absolute worst isn't it sad.gif I think it's totally natural to overthink when you feel like you have approached something in the wrong way though, I'm definitely like that too and just hope that people move on from whatever situation in question as quickly as possible so I can stop having it on my mind.

I find it admirable that you're an optimistic person and you sound very generous from what you've said about being asked for favours, I will always value being nice in a person and that definitely isn't a weakness. However, it can be soooo damaging to get walked all over and it made me so upset; I couldn't do anything about it though because that confidence simply wasn't there. Being nice is great but just never let people take the piss with it, easier said than done, but I hope you will be in a place in time where you feel like you can stand up for yourself more. Thanks for replying to my post in such detail, was interesting to hear your thoughts!
Trouble is, I never know if it's me being oversensitive or completely missing what is a normal human reaction or response, this is especially a problem when it's just me and one other person I'm arguing with, like, are my points valid? All I have to go on is what the other person is saying and I'm just never sure who's thoughts to trust so I just usually trust the other person because their thoughts aren't as messy and so reshapable. Idea: pause the irl arguement, post the details on here for advice and resume the argument laugh.gif
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post Jun 30 2017, 07:02 PM
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Glad I inspired you somehow to start this excellent topic Caz! smile.gif

I have loads of weaknesses, and I think one of my main ones is trying to hard to be a perfectionist and over analyse every single detail far too often. It's a common trait with autistic people I'm told.

I think another weakness is not knowing or being able to identify my own strengths.

I'll read through everyone else's responses properly over the weekend. But as Lindsey said, great topic. heart.gif

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Jade
post Jun 30 2017, 07:07 PM
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Oh yes Wardy I'm absolutely a perfectionist as well! When I studied psychology that was the most relatable topic for me laugh.gif I'm terrible with striving for perfection and setting goals that may be quite hard to attain. I guess it's admirable to be ambitious, but this often leads to a lot of disappointment and a struggle to ever be truly satisfied with my achievements.
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post Jun 30 2017, 07:09 PM
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QUOTE(Jade @ Jun 30 2017, 08:07 PM) *
Oh yes Wardy I'm absolutely a perfectionist as well! When I studied psychology that was the most relatable topic for me laugh.gif I'm terrible with striving for perfection and setting goals that may be quite hard to attain. I guess it's admirable to be ambitious, but this often leads to a lot of disappointment and a struggle to ever be truly satisfied with my achievements.

Here's a question for you to consider...

What's the "best weakness" to disclose in an interview that actually make's you sound like a good employee to take on! laugh.gif

I used to say perfectionist and justify it that I always do a job to a high standard, not sure if it ever went down well though. laugh.gif


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post Jun 30 2017, 07:12 PM
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QUOTE(awardinary @ Jun 30 2017, 08:02 PM) *
I have loads of weaknesses, and I think one of my main ones is trying to hard to be a perfectionist and over analyse every single detail far too often. It's a common trait with autistic people I'm told.

I think another weakness is not knowing or being able to identify my own strengths.
Same, I think I more or less suggested it in my earlier posts, like I KNOW it's pointless to try and be perfect and in some ways I've stopped trying but I think subconsciously I still have perfectionist goals in me. I guess it's human nature tongue.gif

Half of Buzzjack already knows this is me laugh.gif this year I've just had less control over putting thoughts into posts.

I said in a previous thread I seem oblivious to strengths when I'm depressed etc. and vice versa, this is one good reason why I need others to tell me off and remind me that I do have strengths and my flaws aren't as overshadowing of my weaknesses as I sometimes think tongue.gif
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post Jun 30 2017, 07:13 PM
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QUOTE(awardinary @ Jun 30 2017, 08:09 PM) *
Here's a question for you to consider...

What's the "best weakness" to disclose in an interview that actually make's you sound like a good employee to take on! laugh.gif

I used to say perfectionist and justify it that I always do a job to a high standard, not sure if it ever went down well though. laugh.gif

My lecturer actually told me to do this! laugh.gif she recommended saying that I'm reserved bc she knows I'm not the most confident and plus the procrastination thing and saying "reserved" suggests being laid back and level headed, or playing overthinking off as "paying attention to details" kink.gif

I always think of one of my fave lyrics from Let The Flames Begin by Paramore with stuff like this, "somewhere weakness is our strength" angel.gif
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Jade
post Jun 30 2017, 07:14 PM
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QUOTE(awardinary @ Jun 30 2017, 08:09 PM) *
Here's a question for you to consider...

What's the "best weakness" to disclose in an interview that actually make sure you sound like a good employee to take on! laugh.gif

I used to say perfectionist and justify it that I always do a job to a high standard, not sure if it ever went down well though. laugh.gif

That's exactly the kind of response I give to that question too! Using something negative about perfectionism that can be turned into a positive laugh.gif Something along the lines of "Well, sometimes I can spend more time carrying out large tasks than I was anticipating, but it's because I want my work to be completed to a high standard." was what I used for my HMV interview, but hey I got the job so all is good kink.gif I feel like that's my only weakness that can be spun into a positive in the job interview situation :')
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post Jun 30 2017, 07:21 PM
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I'm a people pleaser.
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post Jun 30 2017, 07:26 PM
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Just thought of another one in response to T Boy.

I find it hard to say No.

I guess it's the same thing as what T Boy means in that I may take on more than I should, and I find delegating things hard, especially when I'm very particular about how a task is done. I need to learn to stop saying yes to everyone and learn to decline. This is especially true with social events that I'd rather not attend.


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post Jun 30 2017, 08:27 PM
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QUOTE(Emily Haines @ Jun 30 2017, 06:53 PM) *
Following on slightly from awardinary's topic on Identity, I think it's important to notice & understand your flaws and weaknesses. What would you say yours are?
  • Being too nostalgic - I can get lost for hours in old letters or journals. They make me feel sad & as if my life is slipping away, rather than focusing on the here and now, or looking to the future.
  • Laziness - I find it really hard to get motivated, especially for boring stuff like housework. I also need to lose weight, but for some reason I can't seem to get it going. I've already given thought to why that is, but that's a whole other issue!
  • Very black & white - Something either is or it isn't. No in-between. It can drive people I know a bit crazy as it really shows my stubborn side.
What would you say is a bad quality in someone else?

I hate arrogance & over confidence so much. That might be partly because I have had low-self esteem for so many years that my mind just boggles at the thought that others don't experience that too.

Also in the words of Douglas Coupland:

“Here's what I think: the five most unattractive traits in people are cheapness, clinginess, neediness, unwillingness to change and jealousy. Jealousy is the worst, and by far the hardest to conceal.”

That pretty much sums it up, especially the first three.

Over to you! happy.gif


I'm similar. I love looking through old photographs and it often leads to lots of overthinking which isn't necessarily a good thing.


QUOTE(awardinary @ Jun 30 2017, 08:02 PM) *
Glad I inspired you somehow to start this excellent topic Caz! smile.gif

I have loads of weaknesses, and I think one of my main ones is trying to hard to be a perfectionist and over analyse every single detail far too often. It's a common trait with autistic people I'm told.

I think another weakness is not knowing or being able to identify my own strengths.

I'll read through everyone else's responses properly over the weekend. But as Lindsey said, great topic. heart.gif


I have this problem, I'm too self critical on myself I am told whereas I think I am being realistic.
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post Jun 30 2017, 10:02 PM
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QUOTE(awardinary @ Jun 30 2017, 08:26 PM) *
Just thought of another one in response to T Boy.

I find it hard to say No.

I guess it's the same thing as what T Boy means in that I may take on more than I should, and I find delegating things hard, especially when I'm very particular about how a task is done. I need to learn to stop saying yes to everyone and learn to decline. This is especially true with social events that I'd rather not attend.
Same but it comes under the people pleasing umbrella ("no? I'll get someone else then... :/ ") is what I expect people would say, at least, it's happened a couple of times before :S

Also wording, which affects me with any form of communication and deters me from saying anything at all in some topics which is rather frustrating especially when the wrong words come out drama.gif
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Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 19th September 2017 - 10:33 PM