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Martyn
post Jul 16 2017, 09:48 PM
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First of all, I shall start this with a you a free to ignore this and not reply. I just need to unload this into the open and I've deiced why do it onto a real person, when I can hide behind my laptop.

I feel an emotional mess lately. This is not where I expected to be at nearly 28. I am in a job where a feel under valued earning no money. Where I feel people tolerate me if they are sitting next to me and if they don't sit next to me other than one or two people they pretty much ignore me and leave me out of anything social. I want to move to and work in London, but since I graduated like 7 years ago, I feel like I have almost missed the boat career wise and I am going to be stuck at home forever.

Which leads me to my next point, I am still living at home with my parents. Don't get me wrong I get on really well with them, and spend lots of time with my mum. But I feel like I have the relationship of a 40 year old recently out of a relationship gay man with my mum, rather than a 20 something. I feel like I barely have a social life. Most of my friends are married, getting married or in long term relationships. I really love my mum and the time we spend together, but I don't want to be the mummys boy for ever.

Relationship wise, I have had one sort of relationship, but I am not even sure if that counts. I spent most of last year talking to someone who basically decided because I wasn't in London they weren't prepared to put the effort in. I am not even sure how much I liked him but it really stung, as we basically spoke every day. I find it hard to let people in at the best of times, so I am just pushing people away before they can get close enough to hurt me. So I just feel kind of alone.

I just feel like I am on an emotional edge and I really don't know how to fix things and actually start living the life that I want to.

I know this is mostly my fault as I made some poor choices when I finished university and did what was comfortable, rather than taking a risk. I think I've f***ed my life up.

Anyway, feel free to go back to your normal forum activities now.
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ʟɪɴᴅs.
post Jul 16 2017, 10:08 PM
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Aw Martyn, it sucks you feel that way but honestly I do know how you feel to a fair extent (albeit I'm still at uni but a lot of it I can relate to) and I'm sure that's the case for a lot of people. There's so much pressure to "succeed" in life coming from all different points but I'm sure this is only temporary and you've not f***ed up your life. Like you said, you're in your twenties, it's never to late too change the path you're on career wise, maybe you just need to take that jump to be happier? Idk I can't say on that really because it's your life and you'll know better that me laugh.gif if you aren't happy with something though, whether it be your job, living situation or relationships, I say change it if you can and know it would make you more content. Sometimes the bigger risks are the ones that pay off tbh
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5 Silas Frøkner
post Jul 16 2017, 10:09 PM
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Martyn sad.gif

It's never too late. I only moved to Manchester from rural backwater last year aged 26 & 9 months. So it's totally not too late to pick your life up and move it somewhere else. If it's something you want then it's something you gotta absolutely do. One my Aussie friends has just moved to London (27) and left her career and everything behind in Brisbane. You can do anything you set your mind to.

And anyone who won't make the effort because you're not in London isn't worth your time babes, ok?

You want to 'fix' it? Just focus on one area of your life at a time. Get your ass a job in London, then work on everything else. What is your degree in?/What are you looking to do for work?
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Doctor Blind
post Jul 16 2017, 10:39 PM
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Sorry to hear that you feel that way Martyn. The first thing I would say is that you are still young and have plenty of time to change your life and follow whatever path you want to - it is not too late and you certainly shouldn’t feel like you have ‘missed the boat’ career-wise and can’t change things! There are many people I've met through work and my volunteering at hospital radio who felt similarly until they got to their mid-30s and are now really happy and settled with where they are in their lives; I think few people would say that they were truly happy before 30 except for those perfect Peter's who always excel at everything, and they are just annoying! Secondly, I completely empathise on the feeling like everyone else is settling down/getting married - my best friend got married, immediately had children and now pretty much since then I have hardly seen him! Adjusting to not having him around is quite hard for me as we spent a huge amount of time together and so it is easy to feel quite isolated and lonely at times. Also: don't pay much attention to social media- it is a construct, people edit their lives favourably to put forward this façade of an apparent perfect life which is largely faked, exaggerated, unrealistic and simply unobtainable. The pressure to live up to these expectations of a 'perfect life' is what I think what is driving the ever growing mental health issues in the under 25s.

I’m certain that you would be more than capable of finding a good secure job in London - probably what I’d do is write a list of things that you would like to change about your life and then ascribe the steps you need to take to achieve those changes, break these down into small tasks with sensible deadlines that you can set for yourself, that may make what appear to be huge unobtainable goals into something much more achievable.
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Rooney
post Jul 16 2017, 10:51 PM
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I echo what has been said by others - just take the plunge and move, I am doing planning on doing something similar. 80% of my good friends are mid twenties and are either in very long term relationships, engaged or married. It effects your social life massively and it is completely understandable. But these people are happy so you have to grow up and accept things are not like they were 4-5 years ago. It is really tough - I have had a hard time myself dealing with it.

I also don't think there's anything wrong with living at home. Sure it is embarrassing, but honestly unless you have rich parents, are in an overly good job or have inherited money it is pretty much impossible to get on the housing market without paying extortionate private renting prices. As long as you justify living at home and saving a fair proportion of your salary then I don't see anything wrong or embarrassing about it.

You're never too late to change what you want to do. My advice would be to list what your strengths are and what you would like to do. If you are wanting to move to London then just go for it. It sounds to me like you need to make a change in your life. And however daunting or scary it might sound, everything will work itself out in the end, it always does.
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No Sleeep
post Jul 16 2017, 11:23 PM
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I know how you feel, I mean I'm only 17 but I'm in a similar position with feeling stuck and wanting to move to London in the future. I wanted to move there for university but I've been looking for a job for a year now and can't get one so it's financially impossible sad.gif I've been trying to work up the courage to post about it in the mental health thread for ages lol.

I'd just say if you're in a position to get a job and start over in London I would do it, and if it doesn't work out how you wanted at least you gave it a go!
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Martyn
post Jul 17 2017, 07:26 PM
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Firstly thank you, to those who have replied. It felt good to get that out of my system and quite therapeutic to be able to get out everything in one go, without people trying to make it better. Generally by saying oh it could be worse.

QUOTE(ʙᴇᴀʀs˧ @ Jul 16 2017, 11:08 PM) *
Aw Martyn, it sucks you feel that way but honestly I do know how you feel to a fair extent (albeit I'm still at uni but a lot of it I can relate to) and I'm sure that's the case for a lot of people. There's so much pressure to "succeed" in life coming from all different points but I'm sure this is only temporary and you've not f***ed up your life. Like you said, you're in your twenties, it's never to late too change the path you're on career wise, maybe you just need to take that jump to be happier? Idk I can't say on that really because it's your life and you'll know better that me laugh.gif if you aren't happy with something though, whether it be your job, living situation or relationships, I say change it if you can and know it would make you more content. Sometimes the bigger risks are the ones that pay off tbh



It is taking the jump I am scared of. I think I may need to do something else between parents and the ideal London life I have in my head. Maybe I should go and work abroad for a while.

QUOTE(Bairlas @ Jul 16 2017, 11:09 PM) *
Martyn sad.gif

It's never too late. I only moved to Manchester from rural backwater last year aged 26 & 9 months. So it's totally not too late to pick your life up and move it somewhere else. If it's something you want then it's something you gotta absolutely do. One my Aussie friends has just moved to London (27) and left her career and everything behind in Brisbane. You can do anything you set your mind to.

And anyone who won't make the effort because you're not in London isn't worth your time babes, ok?

You want to 'fix' it? Just focus on one area of your life at a time. Get your ass a job in London, then work on everything else. What is your degree in?/What are you looking to do for work?


It's taking the jump I am worried about. I think it would be a lot easier to just go to London, if I had any kind of a job there. Then work my way from there. I am struggling to justify in my head, just quitting my job to go and live in London and be unemployed/ job hunter.

People keep saying that, and I don't even know what it is. I feel like I am an all in or all out person and where I don't meet that many guys, it is hard to not think of well what other crap reasons are people going to come up to not be with me.

My degree is in Sociology. I am not sure what I want to do work wise at all right now. I have been considering HR, but it is really hard to get into and I am not sure if I want to spend some of my saving on the CIPD qualification if it is going to lead nowhere.

QUOTE(Doctor Blind @ Jul 16 2017, 11:39 PM) *
Sorry to hear that you feel that way Martyn. The first thing I would say is that you are still young and have plenty of time to change your life and follow whatever path you want to - it is not too late and you certainly shouldn’t feel like you have ‘missed the boat’ career-wise and can’t change things! There are many people I've met through work and my volunteering at hospital radio who felt similarly until they got to their mid-30s and are now really happy and settled with where they are in their lives; I think few people would say that they were truly happy before 30 except for those perfect Peter's who always excel at everything, and they are just annoying! Secondly, I completely empathise on the feeling like everyone else is settling down/getting married - my best friend got married, immediately had children and now pretty much since then I have hardly seen him! Adjusting to not having him around is quite hard for me as we spent a huge amount of time together and so it is easy to feel quite isolated and lonely at times. Also: don't pay much attention to social media- it is a construct, people edit their lives favourably to put forward this façade of an apparent perfect life which is largely faked, exaggerated, unrealistic and simply unobtainable. The pressure to live up to these expectations of a 'perfect life' is what I think what is driving the ever growing mental health issues in the under 25s.

I’m certain that you would be more than capable of finding a good secure job in London - probably what I’d do is write a list of things that you would like to change about your life and then ascribe the steps you need to take to achieve those changes, break these down into small tasks with sensible deadlines that you can set for yourself, that may make what appear to be huge unobtainable goals into something much more achievable.


I do think I need to step away from social media. I follow so many people on Instagram and Twitter who seem to have the ideal body/life. It's hard to not be discouraged when things aren't coming as easy for you. I also think I might need to come off of Grindr/Tinder etc as it just makes me feel a bit disposable and that's not a nice feeling. I do sometimes worry about my mental health, but I am not sure if anything is wrong or if I am just emotional and highly strung.

QUOTE(Rooney @ Jul 16 2017, 11:51 PM) *
I echo what has been said by others - just take the plunge and move, I am doing planning on doing something similar. 80% of my good friends are mid twenties and are either in very long term relationships, engaged or married. It effects your social life massively and it is completely understandable. But these people are happy so you have to grow up and accept things are not like they were 4-5 years ago. It is really tough - I have had a hard time myself dealing with it.

I also don't think there's anything wrong with living at home. Sure it is embarrassing, but honestly unless you have rich parents, are in an overly good job or have inherited money it is pretty much impossible to get on the housing market without paying extortionate private renting prices. As long as you justify living at home and saving a fair proportion of your salary then I don't see anything wrong or embarrassing about it.

You're never too late to change what you want to do. My advice would be to list what your strengths are and what you would like to do. If you are wanting to move to London then just go for it. It sounds to me like you need to make a change in your life. And however daunting or scary it might sound, everything will work itself out in the end, it always does.


Don't get me wrong I am so happy for my friends. It is just hard not to compare my life with theirs. I guess in a way I am lucky to be able to stay at home and pay minimal rent to my parents, which is enabling me to save up for a deposit one day.

QUOTE(No Sleeep @ Jul 17 2017, 12:23 AM) *
I know how you feel, I mean I'm only 17 but I'm in a similar position with feeling stuck and wanting to move to London in the future. I wanted to move there for university but I've been looking for a job for a year now and can't get one so it's financially impossible sad.gif I've been trying to work up the courage to post about it in the mental health thread for ages lol.

I'd just say if you're in a position to get a job and start over in London I would do it, and if it doesn't work out how you wanted at least you gave it a go!


I think if you are there and at University, you will find part time jobs easier to come by. They are always looking for people in retail.

I really wasn't sure if this was a mental health thing, or just me over reacting to my life.

I agree, I have spent a large chunk of my time when I have been job hunting, where I have turned things down because I was scared of the risk, or I let other people convince me I wasn't going to be good at the job.
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