BuzzJack
Entertainment Discussion

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register | Help )

2 Pages V   1 2 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Exes
Track this topic - Email this topic - Print this topic - Download this topic - Subscribe to this forum
Skeleton💀Wardy
post Sep 17 2017, 01:10 PM
Post #1
The Navigator
*****
Group: Members
Posts: 4,393
Member No.: 21,587
Joined: 8-February 15
   No Gallery Pics
 


Self-explanatory title tbh.

How well do you find dealing with your exes in different situations, if they present them selves at all? I would imagine in the majority of cases that you wouldn't have much, if anything, to do with your ex depending on how things ended between you both, but what if you were to bump into them again in the street, how awkward would it be, and would you know what to say to them or would you deliberately pass them by without any acknowledgement.

This thread concept comes as a former girlfriend of around 18 months, continues to have some minor contact with me via whatsapp and sometimes I don't mind it as we are on hold terms, but other times I sort of wish I could leave the past in the past and just move on. I'm certain that there's no emotional attachment to each other any more, and that sufficient time has passed since we broke up, but it still feels like by keeping any sort of contact with her that I'm holding myself back from moving on I guess. She contacted me yesterday for the first time is a few months, and things seeemd fine, she just wants to be my friend, but I don't know how to be with her right now as I'm reluctant to going back to how close we once were. We broke up what seems like a long time ago now, probably coming up to two years ago. Should I just tell her to leave me alone for good or should I embrace her friendship and try and make it work on that level? I'm really not sure how to respond to her recent contact tbh.

What would you do in my situation? mellow.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
dandyman* 🐝🐝
post Sep 17 2017, 01:18 PM
Post #2
Mansonette
******
Group: Members
Posts: 18,434
Member No.: 54
Joined: 7-March 06
   No Gallery Pics
 


Surely the only worry in this situation is that you may want it to go back to being more than friends? Other than that I don't see the point in ever deliberately excluding anyone that you like from your life.

I still regularly see one of my exes in particular and we are the best of friends, indeed I am godfather to their children and I'd have hated to have missed that chance through overthinking the situation and never allowing myself to get on with someone I had things in common with.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Skeleton💀Wardy
post Sep 17 2017, 01:23 PM
Post #3
The Navigator
*****
Group: Members
Posts: 4,393
Member No.: 21,587
Joined: 8-February 15
   No Gallery Pics
 


QUOTE(dandy* @ Sep 17 2017, 02:18 PM) *
Surely the only worry in this situation is that you may want it to go back to being more than friends? Other than that I don't see the point in ever deliberately excluding anyone that you like from your life.

I still regularly see one of my exes in particular and we are the best of friends, indeed I am godfather to their children and I'd have hated to have missed that chance through overthinking the situation and never allowing myself to get on with someone I had things in common with.

Yeah well I can't ever see us getting back together again. laugh.gif

I guess it's just the memories it brings back of who we once were, I find it hard to forget.

Edit: Oh, and also the fact I've not been with anyone else since her.


This post has been edited by ⓐⓦⓐⓡⓓⓘⓝⓐⓡⓨ: Sep 17 2017, 01:24 PM
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
LewisTScream
post Sep 17 2017, 01:35 PM
Post #4
BuzzJack Platinum Member
******
Group: Members
Posts: 5,770
Member No.: 19,585
Joined: 25-July 13
 


Yeah I've found myself recently removing an ex of mine from social media. There's still some old feelings there and I do not want things to return to how we were before so all in all I'd rather not have any contact at all. We always remained civil but I wouldn't call us friends anymore. I'm sure it isn't the same for everyone though and we all have differing experiences. I would like to have a positive experience with an ex but it is yet to happen laugh.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
ᴄᴀɴɴɪʙᴀʟɪɴᴅs.
post Sep 17 2017, 01:41 PM
Post #5
Heda
******
Group: Moderator
Posts: 7,967
Member No.: 21,176
Joined: 29-August 14
   No Gallery Pics
 


Oh god, I only have one ex and like I'm even reluctant to call him that as that whole thing was just weird through and through. I thought I wouldn't have to see him ever again after third year of uni as he's on my course and I was certain he wasn't returning for honours year but nope he came back and he just doesn't talk to me or even acknowledge my existence any more which is so awkward because there's only ten people in my year and we're a tight-knit group so he now doesn't even talk to anyone but I tried to leave it on good terms and said we could go back to being friends, I'd still be there for him etc but clearly that's not worked out v well...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
ML Hammer95
post Sep 17 2017, 02:05 PM
Post #6
BuzzJack Gold Member
*****
Group: Moderator
Posts: 4,732
Member No.: 21,265
Joined: 4-October 14
 


I cut mine out until I'm comfortable interacting as friends. Some take longer than others. I cannot stay in contact with someone I have feelings for without it wanting to turn into something more. Its taken two years with this one girl to finally realise that and there was a lot of pain on both sides with that - as we were more than friends but not together. Social media too in the aftermath is horrible, because it creates the impression that they are getting along great when they are likely as cut up as you are.

I'm the guy who's likely to drop off the radar to protect my own feelings. It's harsh, but the only way. Normally the girl gets back in contact after a bit wanting to be friends but for me it re-opens old wounds.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Sonia Fowler
post Sep 17 2017, 02:11 PM
Post #7
Sit Down. Be Humble.
******
Group: AF Leader
Posts: 16,917
Member No.: 20,835
Joined: 20-April 14
 


I have one proper ex and I thankfully haven't interacted with him since we broke up not sure how I would react to seeing him again. laugh.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Brett-Butler
post Sep 17 2017, 02:12 PM
Post #8
Howdy, disco citizens.
******
Group: Moderator
Posts: 8,998
Member No.: 10,455
Joined: 16-January 10
   No Gallery Pics
 


I find that the best way to deal with exes is to not have any exes.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
dandyman* 🐝🐝
post Sep 17 2017, 02:13 PM
Post #9
Mansonette
******
Group: Members
Posts: 18,434
Member No.: 54
Joined: 7-March 06
   No Gallery Pics
 


Brett-Butler in leading not just a double life but in fact 14 different lives with 14 different wives? ohmy.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Brett-Butler
post Sep 17 2017, 02:18 PM
Post #10
Howdy, disco citizens.
******
Group: Moderator
Posts: 8,998
Member No.: 10,455
Joined: 16-January 10
   No Gallery Pics
 


QUOTE(dandy* @ Sep 17 2017, 03:13 PM) *
Brett-Butler in leading not just a double life but in fact 14 different lives with 14 different wives? ohmy.gif


My life is nowhere near as exotic as that. tongue.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
dandyman* 🐝🐝
post Sep 17 2017, 02:19 PM
Post #11
Mansonette
******
Group: Members
Posts: 18,434
Member No.: 54
Joined: 7-March 06
   No Gallery Pics
 


It's too late already, in my mind your life is now a Channel 4 drama.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
ML Hammer95
post Sep 17 2017, 02:19 PM
Post #12
BuzzJack Gold Member
*****
Group: Moderator
Posts: 4,732
Member No.: 21,265
Joined: 4-October 14
 


You have to look out for yourself though, after a break up and with exes is an acceptable time to be selfish. There are times where I would be tempted to contact, but it opens up a whole world of hurt.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Skeleton💀Wardy
post Sep 17 2017, 02:29 PM
Post #13
The Navigator
*****
Group: Members
Posts: 4,393
Member No.: 21,587
Joined: 8-February 15
   No Gallery Pics
 


I'm sorry if I'm responsible for opening up any old emotional wounds guys. sad.gif

Thanks for the advice though.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
T Boy
post Sep 17 2017, 02:30 PM
Post #14
Radical Pink Troll
******
Group: Members
Posts: 14,265
Member No.: 177
Joined: 11-March 06
   No Gallery Pics
 


I remember me and one of my exes had a mutual split when we were 18-even though we were going to the same uni, we both wanted to explore a bit more rather than just be a couple at uni before we even got there. I think I was more in favour of the split than she was (I went to Aberystwyth because it was the best of only 5 unis to study Welsh, she only decided to do her Drama degree there after I'd made it my first choice)

Anyway, she is now married to literally the first person she met when we got there and now seems to live her life through social media, constantly posting about how lucky she is or how much she misses him when he's away, etc. I'm sure she's really happy but I just get the feeling she was always just looking for someone to fit the bill of 'husband' and that could easily have been me and that's just not what I wanted, to be someone's Facebook trophy.

Anyway she had a baby just over a year ago and now, according to Facebook, I can't possibly be either as happy as she is or be more distressed than she is ever. That depends whether she's trying to make out that she's the happiest person in the world or motherhood is the hardest thing in the world and she's the only one that's ever done it.

It may sound like I'm bitter but I'm not because I think, had it been me, I'd have been really unhappy at this point. And all my mates find her presence on social media pretty insufferable too. My sister in particular gets very irritated by her.

As for other exes, I'm pretty lucky because I've never been hurt too badly. It's rare that I keep them in my life in the same way as before but I wouldn't say there's any bad feeling lasting with any of them.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
*Tim
post Sep 17 2017, 04:22 PM
Post #15
Jemma Lucy of t Seet
*******
Group: Moderator
Posts: 23,469
Member No.: 16,660
Joined: 2-April 12
 


I don't deal with exes. I put then in a box and pretend they never happened.

Either that or I cry my eyes out when drunk on the floor
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Spun's Labyrinth
post Sep 18 2017, 12:29 AM
Post #16
ayyy lmao
*******
Group: Members
Posts: 20,203
Member No.: 21,005
Joined: 20-June 14
 


Canít speak from a proper experience but I think after a break up best case scenario is to stay friends afterwards if possible although it would depend on how it started, like if they started out as friends (which would make staying friends after even more important) along with what exactly made/or kept them in a relationship which would help determine whether or not a similar relationship could work platonically. And of course how the break up ended. Again I donít have the xp this is just my usual 1am mind rambling on in the #deep topics heehee.gif

Your sitchu Wardy thinking.gif guess thereís no harm in trying a platonic relationship with her biggrin.gif I mean it depends what your mind and emotions are like which only you would know... maybe you can take what might be a risk and tell her youíre not really sure how to take it but also saying youíd be interested in a friendship.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Liаm
post Sep 18 2017, 12:57 AM
Post #17
Honey I rose up from the dead I do it all the time
********
Group: Entertainment Mod
Posts: 51,982
Member No.: 10,139
Joined: 7-December 09
 


I am a cut them out kind of person too, which is why I've never dated in my circle of friends and why I wouldn't really. One of my best friends though had a relationship a bit like Lindsey's example, in the same little group with us and it made things really awkward, they were on off all the time and when they were off the drama affected the whole group, and when they properly broke up it split out group really drama.gif Some people just can't deal with it, move on and be civil, but ngl if I was in that position I'm not sure I would which is why I prefer to cut things off laugh.gif I find if I don't then old feelings just creep back up on me, for example the one time I did really try and be friends with an ex it ended up that all I felt before came back a bit, he'd often message me when he felt... a certain way shall we say kink.gif and when we talked about certain things and it would remind of wh we were once so compatible and made me miss it. I think it takes a certain kind of relationship and for you to be a certain kind of person to be able to remain friends, I feel with the "right" ex I could.

QUOTE(ML Hammer95 @ Sep 17 2017, 03:19 PM) *
You have to look out for yourself though, after a break up and with exes is an acceptable time to be selfish. There are times where I would be tempted to contact, but it opens up a whole world of hurt.

Exactly, if it isn't good for you you have to prioritise that, whether they are wanting to get back together or just to try and be friends. If they lived without you when you broke up they can understand and live with it if you can't go back to being friends because it isn't good for you.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
ML Hammer95
post Sep 18 2017, 08:45 AM
Post #18
BuzzJack Gold Member
*****
Group: Moderator
Posts: 4,732
Member No.: 21,265
Joined: 4-October 14
 




An ex sent me this video this morning.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
HowtoCookMattias
post Sep 18 2017, 10:00 AM
Post #19
boo~
******
Group: Members
Posts: 11,311
Member No.: 7,132
Joined: 26-September 08
   No Gallery Pics
 


I'm going through my first properly cutting heartbreak (funnily enough we weren't even 'official' yet) and I've found myself having to come up with certain emotional methods in order to get over it, something I'd never experienced before because I only really started dating this year (too shy, opportunities never presented themselves etc.). I was basically 'friend-zoned' but I have no idea how that's gonna be working out... The funny thing is I'm seeing someone new now and we have an amazing time but it takes me a long time to get over things.

Really it's different for everyone, I can't give much advice as I'm new to this but I really hope everything falls into place for you. heart.gif
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Jack
post Sep 18 2017, 01:43 PM
Post #20
BuzzJack Legend
*******
Group: Members
Posts: 37,227
Member No.: 223
Joined: 15-March 06
 


I haven't been in the position, nor would I want to be.

All of the exes I've had have been horrible, manipulative people that I wouldn't want to see. Luckily we have no mutual friends, because they don't have any so I don't have to worry about that smile.gif.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post


2 Pages V   1 2 >
Reply to this topicStart new topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:


 

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 20th October 2017 - 04:07 PM