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> Blackadder is back, sort of....
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post Oct 9 2017, 07:43 AM
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I was going to put this in the News and Politics forum but I thought it deserved a wider audience. This has been posted in a Facebook group. The author has given his permission for it to be shared wherever we wish.

Lord Blackadder: BALDRICK!!!!!

Baldrick: Yes my lord.

Lord Blackadder: Baldrick, what in the name of The Duchess of Cornwallís sainted Dior trousers is going on?!

Baldrick: What do you mean my lord?

Lord Blackadder: The country, Baldrick, the country! Itís a complete mess. They sent me off to the Salisbury asylum for retired satirists for what? Twenty years? Now I come back to this gargantuan cluster fudge. Now what in the name of Aunt Bessieís pre made puddings has happened?

Baldrick: There was a referee my lord.

Lord Blackadder: A referee Baldrick? A referee? What are you talking about...and why are you covered in soil?

Baldrick: Archaeology my lord. Iíve taken up archaeology while youíve been away. Iíve been walking too. Iím quite middle class now and you canít treat me like you used to. Anyway, there was a referee while you was locked up. Some ministers came on tv and some rich people gave them all money and then a lot of lies was told and then the referee said we had to give up our membership of the YOU.

Lord Blackadder: The you? Whatís the you?

Baldrick: Dunno my lord but apparently weíve been paying them 350 million Florins every week.

Lord Blackadder: 350 million Florins?

Baldrick: Yes my lord, or it might have been less.

Lord Blackadder: Really?

Baldrick: Yes.. or more. Dunno but thatís what it said on the side of the omnibus.

Lord Blackadder: Well surely the people knew better than to believe whatís written on those things Baldrick. Remember what was written on them during the plague about rubbing rats on the pustules? And when they advised us to pile our firewood up in huge interconnecting street piles...just before the great fire?

Baldrick: No my lord. They believed it and the referee said we had to leave.

Lord Blackadder: So whatís happening now?

Baldrick: Donít worry my lord. Apparently the government has a cunning plan.

Lord Blackadder: Oh god. What is it?

Baldrick: Thatís the cunning bit my lord. They havenít decided yet. Theyíre keeping the YOU guessing.

Lord Blackadder: But this is terrible Baldrick. We wonít be able to travel to France. I havenít had a good dose of the pox for two decades!! And what if we want strudels? Theyíll be astronomically expensive. Oh no no no. This must be stopped.
What is the queen doing?

Baldrick: Sheís not saying much my lord but I donít think she agrees.

Lord Blackadder: And Lord Melchett?

Baldrick: Political refugee in Lichtenstein my lord.

Lord Blackadder: Percy?

Baldrick: Debtors gaol with Lord Poldark

Lord Blackadder: who?

Baldrick: Lord Poldark, heís new my lord.

Lord Blackadder: Nevermind (clicks fingers triumphantly)Flash! What about Lord Flashheart?

Baldrick: He died my lord.

Lord Blackadder: Bugger. He would have known what to do. What did he used to say?

Ghostly voice of Lord Flashheart: Always treat your continental alliances like you treat your woman. Once inside, hang on for dear life, maintain eye contact and never ever attempt an exit.Ē

Lord Blackadder: He would have solved this. Well Baldrick I guess itís up to us to fix this mess. Take me to see Prince George.

Baldrick: I can my lord but heís only 4.

Lord Blackadder: This could be trickier than I thought...

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