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mAddy Xmas
post Dec 6 2017, 06:10 PM
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*sigh* takes a deep breath!!!

Ok, where should I start with this.

Iím not expecting this to actually force others to open about their experiences (I hope none of you have this kind of experience to begin with) but just this week finally found a courage to speak about my childhood sexual abuse to my husband and I am feeling I could do the same in here in a hope that it will help others as well!!

I was about 5 or 6 year old iirc and my neighbor in his late 20ís at the time he sexually abused me. It all started when I was playing with other kids outside. He was smoking and donít remember all the details how and what but thatís when it all begins...he called me and asked if I want sweets because he has plenty inside of his house...as a kid I was like sure, canít think of worst scenarios at 6 years of age...so we went inside and as soon we sat in his couch he started playing porn in his vcr...then next thing he did was pulling money out of his pocket and offered it to me and said how much stuff I could buy with that money if only I could touch his genital. I started panicking but in mean time didnít know what to do and how to react...he pulled out his thing and grabbed my hand and the rest you can imagine...I was crying and begging him to let me go and instead of him saying forget what happened he actually threaten me and told me to come next day again otherwise he knows what bad things will happen to me if I refuse to show up...I couldnít tell anyone let alone my parents because i just didnít know, I was a f***ing child and someone was taking advantage of that sad.gif. This went on and on that I think it was becoming a normal thing for me to do it over and over again...I think when I started school thats when it stopped because I was getting picked up at school by my parents etc etc. but I am so raged now thinking how could someone take advantage of innocent kid and it makes me think of all the other childrens in the world that they get abused and taken of advantage by adults ;(

The reason why this all came back to me is that just recently I had a friend request by this person who was no other than the guy who sexually abused me...I blocked him, deleted him in a rage that after all this years I tend to leave this part of my experience on a side and forget about it, he opened the wound can and suddenly remembered all the fear and panicks I had during my childhood because of him. And I just had to speak about it because it was not letting me stay calm...literally this brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it now.

Thank you all.

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Christmas Cherry...
post Dec 6 2017, 06:28 PM
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oh my god addy, that is so haunting sad.gif i'm glad you feel safe enough to share with us here, i hope that can be part of a healing process for you <3 lots of love
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Jonjo
post Dec 6 2017, 06:33 PM
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Addy. That's awful sad.gif I'm really sorry for what you have had to go through. I can't believe the cheek of him to find you on Facebook and add you as a friend. That's low, man. I don't know what to say.

If you EVER need to speak anymore I am just a PM away. Vent away and I shall listen.
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❄The Snow.
post Dec 6 2017, 06:39 PM
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That is harrowing to read Addy. sad.gif As Lotti said I hope the healing process can now begin for you from you being confident enough to tell other people about these awful events you have gone though now. Wishing you all the best.
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Winter Wombatlan...
post Dec 6 2017, 06:39 PM
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That was horrible to read, I'm so so sorry that happened to you, but I'm very glad you're able to speak up about it on here and in to people in your life and hope you can get through this.
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Slade
post Dec 6 2017, 06:59 PM
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Oh gosh Addy that was a really difficult read </3 It is heartbreaking that you had to go through that as a child, there are some seriously messed up people out there sad.gif and it's disgusting that he'd try and reach out to you like that, out of the blue, after inducing trauma on your childhood. Sending you lots of hugs following you having to relive this pain. It's really brave of you to share this with us.
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CodySleighBell-y
post Dec 6 2017, 07:03 PM
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God, thatís horrible that you had to go through that and at such a young age </3 I commend your bravery for speaking up and sharing your story and Iím praying that youíre finding this time to heal.

Itís even more disgusting to think that people would do this to children.
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MerryFlynnmas
post Dec 6 2017, 07:09 PM
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That was a heartbreaking read Addy </3 What sounds even awful than the sexual abuse (which sounds awful already and I'm sorry your childhood contained such terrible thing as that) is that he would even think about trying to reach out to you years later. Glad you feel okay with sharing this with us and I hope you can heal from this.
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mAddy Xmas
post Dec 6 2017, 09:40 PM
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Thanks guys it means a lot to me.

Also I want to add that luckily i was able to shut these feelings down while growing and during my teenage years, as much as it sounds bad suppressing your feelings, at least I didn't allow that experience ruining my life or my youth!

I can only talk freely about it now because I am in a good place in my life right now and I won't hide that monstrous feeling anymore.



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