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> Dealing with homophobic family members, And appreciating those family members that accept you.
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Tyler
post Thursday, 01:07 AM
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Itís been a while...

I donít have many gay friends but I got yíall (ayyyeee). Some of the older members may remember this issue in my life. How my family and their unnacceptance of me is the main reason I originally signed up on this community as ĎAllysaí On cool clarity in 2005 at 15 years old. Right before signing up to be a part of Scraggles Britney forum and taking a mod position ... I had just finished going to conversion therapy. Itís fair to say, I was struggling to know why I liked men yet I wasnít a girl... with that being said this community is responsible for me being alive today, so Iím back to seek comfort in what may just seem like formations of pixels... but, really itís so much more. Itís having friends that loved me for me. You guys.

So, I am not allowed to see my siblings from my dads side because I will ďgive them the gay.Ē This was in 2009... they were 9 and 5 years old. My brother graduated recently and I was blacklisted and security escorted me out of the ceremony after just trying to leave him a gift. I wrote this on my grandmas wall because her and two other family members left with me and just watched me break down. My step mom sent a message to me saying to stop refusing Gods help or Iíd burn in Hell for eternity. She then continued to tell me that I was a dumb fag because I have (admittedly) a serious love for Britney Spears... follow that up with being told to go shave my head like her and cry about it. I have cried about it and the unfair hand Iíve been dealt... because my brother and sister only know about me because they have been told Iím going to hell... and if they try to reach out they will too...

Instead of focusing on that... I focused my energy on those that not only held my corner of the ring... but defended me when I was too worn down to do it for myself.

I just wanted some feedback on how this comes across... and basically if Iím doing a disservice to myself by writing it on my grandmas wall... where all of my homophobic family members can see. Thank you in advance for... even taking the time to read this far.



Minus being a superstar or relevant to pop culture. This is how I felt after all was said and done in AR. You may not be a backup dancer but you Beth White and Michael Allen White were one of my only support beams on that side of my family. Yíall cheered me on with compassion and understanding... mostly love. Even at a distance because I was so broken I couldnít accept that amazing gift of unconditional love at many points in our relationship. I know Iím distant, far and in between... but, you just cope the best you can. Yíall truly helped me climb to that other side so I could see the beauty in being myself again.

Also to be added. Pam, thank you for showing that while blood is always important... sometimes your favorite family members are there merely because God was kind enough to bless us with those that pick up the slack for others... so much that you forget there was even slack that needed to be caught up. ❤️


This post has been edited by Tyler: Thursday, 01:22 AM
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Tyler
post Thursday, 01:16 AM
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Thanks for always being a shoulder, Buzzjack.
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vidcapper
post Thursday, 05:30 AM
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Wow!

I admit I am hardly the most enlightened guy, but how your family have treated you is truly disgusting! ohmy.gif
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Tombo
post Thursday, 08:38 AM
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I am sorry to hear how they have treated you, that is just downright rude and disgusting. Religion really f***s a lot of things up. I'm sorry I don't really have any advice as I haven't gone through this but I am so sorry to hear this
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The Snake
post Thursday, 09:57 AM
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QUOTE(Tombo @ Jun 14 2018, 09:38 AM) *
I am sorry to hear how they have treated you, that is just downright rude and disgusting. Religion really f***s a lot of things up. I'm sorry I don't really have any advice as I haven't gone through this but I am so sorry to hear this


Certainly the more extremist forms of religion sad.gif

I am sorry to hear what you have gone through Tyler sad.gif and certainly some of your family members have treated you abominably sad.gif Unfortunately quite a few, particularly older people in society, do seem to still have some outdated and homophobic opinions.

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Popchartfreak
post Thursday, 10:28 AM
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Tyler I'm still so sorry you are having to endure yet more family pressures. Your step-mother is not a good Christian. If that sounds judgemental it is. Lots of my closest friends are very religious and the main theme of Christianity is love and forgiveness. Full stop. There are no "except for"s or "as long as you do what I say"s in the Bible. She is basically saying she would risk making you so unhappy that you suffer rather than show you love and support for something that is not your fault, and have no control over.

Gay people are NOT people who choose to suffer bigotry and misery out of some warped sense of evil, they are born that way and anyone who fails to recognise that needs to re-evaluate THEIR attitudes not make other people miserable.

To be honest, I would feel sorry for your family members who can't deal with people being people and don't listen to the message of their own religion. If they choose to listen to people who preach some warped version of it then that is their problem to deal with and they have no right to inflict that on other people. I had an otherwise perfectly nice older lady colleague who was staunchly part of a minority variation of Christianity and she was absolutely 100% sure that everyone who wasn't in her own niche religion was going to Hell. You can't change people who are that obsessed so the best you can do is love those that do care for you, stick with them, and avoid those that make you unhappy. It's horrible you have lost out on time with your brothers, but your step-mother can't control them all their life and they may come round yet. People do grow up.

Stay happy and don't ever feel you are less than anybody else.

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Lindsey 🙃
post Thursday, 11:22 AM
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I'm so sorry this is something you've had to go through Tyler, it sounds so horrific and my heart really does go out to you. The main thing I got from your story though is how strong and brave you are and the fact you still stand your ground and be who you are despite what your family throws at you is actually inspiring.

I'm not out to my family because they're pretty homophobic but they're not religious really so I think their views come from a place of ignorance, which is a lot easier to tackle I guess but my mum in particular is incredibly stubborn and stuck in her ways so I know there's no talking to her or changing her mind about LBGTQ+ folk. I know I will tell them eventually but basically when it becomes unavoidable laugh.gif I've already planned that I'll do it via letter because it's literally the only way i know I'll get everything I want to say out and actually be able to confront the arguements I know my mum will make. Its terrifying enough knowing there's a part of you your family could hate you for when you're not out nevermind having them know and treat you the way you have been treated Tyler
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Jade
post Thursday, 11:29 AM
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Tyler it's absolutely heartbreaking to read how family members have treated you over your sexuality sad.gif I gasped a little while reading some of that, it must have taken a lot to open up to us about something so difficult and personal. I really admire that and the way you have dealt with it. I'm glad that you do have some family members that have supported you at least, that wall-post (Facebook wall and not actual wall? laugh.gif) was a sweet read. I'm sure the people mentioned will appreciate it.

It made me smile to read about how BuzzJack has helped you as well. You're an inspirational individual and the community here will always love you!
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Tyler
post Thursday, 04:08 PM
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Thanks guys. I didnít come for the sake of pity... though I know itís hard not to after reading that back myself. That clip with Britney talking about how you have to build walls is so spot on for me. You guys are literally the only people that know how much it actually hurts me... besides my mom, who makes up for the rest of my shit family ten fold. For that I am thankful.

Itís been hard to be in relationships and thatís what is the hardest thing. I donít want to open up again to be abandoned. And when it becomes just almost a way of life, itís hard to not become a caricature yourself just to give the soul a bit of a break. I donít hold a grudge against religion as people are the driving force of their intentions. I am spiritual, but I refuse to believe anyone can be punished for becoming the very person genetics and a socialized foundation created them to be. Itís so much more complex than a time out from a God that is worrying about two men loving each other when thereís an entire universe in operation.
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JŁpiter
post Thursday, 04:16 PM
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Sympathy. I don't know how I'd deal with that kind of behaviour. Ideology is strong in some people but to turn it against their own flesh and blood?

Ironically how they're behaving is the opposite of how a good christian should behave. Belief is about your own faith and how you yourself live your life, not about trying to convert others or pull them into your web. It's a personal thing.

I don't know how to advise here because what I would do next probably isn't a good fit for you, but hang in there. You will get to the point where you can escape and never look back, or they might some of them start to come round as social attitudes move more broadly and they get caught up in the wave, as has happened in Europe in the last ten years. At least now in grieving the loss you're doing something good for you that will help you deal with whatever path life takes next.
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