This is an old one (thanks to iWuvDelta for it), but it's so odd that I had to post :lol:

 

Delta Goodrem - The Sensational True Story

 

With her new song “Mistaken Identity†conquering the Australian airwaves, it’s become astoundingly obvious to ausculture.com just what Delta Goodrem is up to. Surprisingly, it isn’t all sugary and sweet, friends. In reality, Ms Goodrem has thrown down the gauntlet, issued a challenge, drawn a line in the sand and declared war… on whom, you ask? Why, everyone’s favourite ivory tinkler - Tori Amos!

 

Listening to the melody and feverish piano thumping from Delta in Mistaken Identity might lead one to ask oneself “Does Delta want to be Tori Amos? Surely this is just Cornflake Girl with altered lyrics?!†Bless your naive heart - it’s much worse than that. Delta wants to be Tori in the same sense Jennifer Jason Leigh wanted to be Bridget Fonda in the move Single White Female eg her desire is fuelled by murderous bloody rage and envy. Tori Amos would be well-advised to begin destroying her stiletto collection ASAP.

 

Worryingly, this is not the first time Delta has set her sights on destroying a singer in order to take over their personality. Delta leaves thinly veiled references to her past conquests in her current single. Allow us to open your eyes.

 

The girl in the chair with the long golden hair

Well that used to be me

 

A obvious reference to her last victim, who is presumably still gagged and bound to a kitchen chair after Delta kidnapped her and stole her identity. Could this be alluding to Jennifer “Crush†Paige, the blonde songstress who mysteriously disappeared from the charts, suspiciously around the time of Delta Goodrem’s initial (failed) attempt to assault the ARIA Charts with teen pop warblings on her November 2001 single I Don’t Care? The answer, in short, is yes.

 

A flirtatious smile, unpredictably wild

Always trying to please

 

Again, this refers to Jennifer Paige and also highlights why Delta abandoned her idea of adopting the singer’s personality - despite her best attempts, a girl from Glenhaven just couldn’t believably pull off being “unpredictably wildâ€.

 

I was always walking one step ahead

Or so I thought until the monster crawled into my bed

 

There has been much speculation on what Delta is alluding to be a “monster†in the song, including theories regarding The Poo, not to mention her battle with leukaemia. We can exclusively reveal that the lyric actually refers to a time when Blair McDonough, ex-Big Brother contestant and now successful underwear model, tried to woo Delta by playing her… a Tori Amos CD! Delta spent many fretful nights over the next year and a half tossing and turning in bed, unable to get Ms Amos’ emotive voice (eg “the monsterâ€) out of her head (eg “bedâ€). It was then she knew she had to destroy Tori Amos.

 

The girl I used to be

Has a terrible case of mistaken identity

 

No doubt this is due to the savage beating around the head Goodrem inflicted on Jennifer Paige. Hell hath no fury like an ambitious pop star.

 

The sun likes to rise and the moon likes to fall

And that’s kinda like my life

 

“Sun†is actually a metaphor for Delta’s anger level, and “the moon†lyric alludes to her victims after they received a swift blow to the noggin or drank a beverage laced with Rohypnol.

 

Now I’ve played the role of the nice girl next door

Who gets cut like a knife

 

It is at this point in the song that Delta ever so subtly opens up about her past furious rampages. Perhaps we shouldn’t hold our breath for poor old Jennifer Paige.

 

So there you have it, folks - the real story behind Australia’s most successful female singers. It is fair to say that all signs point to Delta being on the verge of snapping and lashing out at an innocent victim. She’s released this obvious ode to Tori Amos, she’s taken to looking like a tipsy and aroused North Shore mother at a salsa dance party in her videos, and she all but makes love to the piano when performing live. She is holding onto her sanity by a thread - a severely frayed one at that.

 

She’s set her sights on becoming a pig-suckling Yankee singer songwriter, and we fear there’s nothing anyone can do to stop her violent reign of terror, especially now Glenn Wheatley - the one man able to tame the wild Goodrem beast in the past - has been unceremoniously booted from the Goodrem camp.

 

You have been warned, Tori - NOW RUN!

:lol: