From the newspaper "The Daily Shocking, Appalling Events":

 

Only microseconds after the *shocking* announcement yesterday that Enya has joined popular group Take That (which recently reunited with former member Robbie Williams) rumours began to fly about the internal problems, arguments and occasional poisoning attempts occuring as a result of the new personnel. Our BREAKING NEWS COVERAGE of these events, blown entirely out of proportion and embellished considerably by the writing staff, is possibly entirely unnecessary, but you'll read it anyway!

Enya's producer, Nicky Ryan, was unable to be reached for comment; the Aigle studio door remains locked and there is a considerable amount of cursing emanating from inside. Mr. Williams and Enya were also unavailable...

 

 

 

(Note: no, this is not a real news topic. Yes, it is amusing.)

Edited October 3, 201014 yr by alonenotlonely

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Roma Ryan Suspected in Sedation of Enya and Robbie Williams

BREAKING NEWS! Around 2 tonight, Mr. Williams, Mr. Ryan and Enya were all determined to be dozing on the floor of Aigle Studio. On the scene was one Roma Ryan, Lyricist, who assured this reporter that there was "Nothin' to see here, move along, right"; however, further investigation led me to believe that Roma was hiding something important. This was a view shared by 3 out of 5 readers, who noted that Mrs. Ryan looked "sorta suspicious".
I questioned a member of the cleaning staff (who, with the addition of Take That to the Aigle group, are now employed full time) - one Mrs. Edna Broom, 62- along with one Albert Dustbin, 63, who both mentioned seeing Mrs. Ryan "add a bit of summat to the tea".
When I remarked on this to Roma, she confessed that she had, indeed, added a sedative to the tea of Enya, the tea of Nicky, and the tea of Robbie.
But only to stop their infernal cursing.
"It's much quieter now!" remarked one local resident.

"On second thought," said Roma, "I should have only sedated Robbie and Nicky. It's so amusing when Eithne argues with herself!"

Edited October 3, 201014 yr by alonenotlonely

*BREAKING NEWS*

 

This intrepid reporter has just uncovered the latest release from Aigle Studios.....Roma Ryan's *Sleepy Time Tea*.....a beverage that'll calm the most hyper of children, or the most irked of composers or producers.....available now at your local food mart for only 6 quid per box of 18 econo sized tea bags.....

It has been determined that Roma did indeed add something to the tea.....some diazapam, along with some Loxian Lemon, which can cause sleep within 20 minutes of comsumption.....something which seems to have no effect at all on Roma....perhaps she has some sort of tolerance to the admixture in her tea....

 

 

In the meantime, as our knocked out singers and producer start to rouse themselves from their nap, they wonder what happened....almost simutaneously, Nicky and Enya realized, it was Roma who added something to their tea, to which Nicky bellowed "ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"and, off in a corner, Enya could be seen giggling at Nicky..... :heehee: :heehee: :heehee: and Robbie was in a different corner wondering just what the heck's going on.... :blink: :blink: and thinking, 'Lordy, and I thought I was an uptight bugger....'

*THIS JUST IN!*

Enya "not very aerodynamic"

 

Tempers have been running high in Aigle studios, where members of pop group Take That have been attempting to record an album with Irish superstar Enya, her notoriously bad-tempered producer Nicky, and her sedative-happy lyricist Roma. During a recent squabble over the addition of multi-tracked vocals to Take That hit "Everything Changes", Enya was briefly taken hostage by one Mr. Gary Barlow, who threatened to launch her into low Earth orbit if he heard one more bleeding argument about the bleeding multi-vocals. Unfortunately, this provoked an argument between Roma Ryan and Mr. Robbie Williams, since Mrs. Ryan determined that he had started the argument and therefore the entire situation was his own fecking fault. Mr. Barlow then attempted to send Enya skyward, causing everyone to stop arguing; however, this was not necessary, as she rose perhaps half a metre into the air and then floated gently down to Earth in a swirl of Celtic mist. "Hm," Mr. Barlow was heard to remark. "I suppose she's not very aerodynamic."

*THIS ALSO JUST IN!*

 

Enya denies claims that she is not aerodynamic

 

Celtic music princess Enya vehemently denies the claims made earlier this morning by Mr. Gary Barlow of Take That. "I'm VERY aerodynamic," she told this reporter, blinking shyly. "Why, only this morning I launched myself from a second-storey castle window and managed to clear the front gate!" So what does she think of Mr. Barlow's statement? She does not falter: "He is only deeply envious of my lovely singing voice." To which producer Nicky Ryan added, "Shame. Shame, Mr. Barlow. Shame."

Roma Ryan's Infamous Pound Cake Behind Enya's Brief Non-Aerodynamic Period

It has been determined that shortly before the argument which caused Mr. Gary Barlow of Take That to attempt to send Enya Brennan into outer space, Miss Brennan had ingested a large quantity of Roma Ryan's Infamous Pound Cake. When questioned further about this, Enya said: "Well, it's not really 'pound' cake, you know- it weighs about four stone, we use it in the studio as a doorstop." Mrs. Ryan has mentioned plans to market the aforementioned cake for that purpose under the brand name Valley Dwellers Bakery and Doorstop Co. However, Aigle Music confirms that this cake is indeed responsible for Enya's non-aerodynamic qualities last week.

News Flash: Gary Barlow seen leaving local hospital emergency room, with his left foot in a boot....when asked what happened, he replied, 'I fractured me left ankle when I used me left foot as a propulsion method to propel Enya into orbit.....little did I know, that she had consumed Roma's pound cake, just before I attempted my podiatric launch.....' When asked if he learned his lesson, he said, 'Yes, next time, I'll make sure I pull off such a stunt when she has an empty stomach....'