Posted March 21, 201213 yr God, how BORING ARE YOU ALL? Buzzpredictability reached new highs with old MOLL and Mirakel going direkt till Bracknell, with Love Generation and Mattias slinking off to Bury St. Edmund's for next week's Andra Chansen round. But at least we've made it to the final heat: and what a CRACKER this one is... In real life, schlager at Melfest had its last rites read out with the collapse of Charlotte as Danny put on a suit and titted about for three minutes, to MASS ACCLAIM. Lisa got smothered by two Ku Klux Klansmen live onstage and made it through, while serial swingers Christer och Lotta and outdated cockrockists Dynazty punted off to metaphorical Bury St. Edmunds in Nyköping. Can we redo those? This week we're in GLORIOUS SKEGNESS http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ed/Clock_Tower,_Skegness_1.JPG/800px-Clock_Tower,_Skegness_1.JPG http://svt.se/svts/article15533.svt/ALTERNATES/medium/01_charlotte_20120224_DSC6736.jpg 01 Charlotte Perrelli - 'The Girl' Text och Musik: Fredrik Kempe och Alexander Johnsson Poor CHARL. Bankrupting herself just so she could get back onstage, with a screen (utilised for one brief bit where Charlotte transformed into a schlager-eagle. But HOW FAB IT WAS) which was SO EXPENSIVE that she literally COULDN'T afford to go to andra chansen (lucky bitch! Svetlana bankrupted herself for a Hell Machine and starved for a year, Charlotte just DIDN'T GET TO GO TO A SECOND CHANCE ROUND), Charlotte signed up to Melodifestivalen again despite heralding the death of schlager at Eurovision four years ago with the eternally flawless Hero. What she DIDN'T realise was that she'd end up heralding its death in the Fatherland too with something so derivative even VELVET would've said bitch please! http://svt.se/svts/article15237.svt/ALTERNATES/medium/20120224_DSC6206.jpg 02 OPA! - Allting Blir Bra Igen Text och Musik: Michael Sideridis Look Christer you've GOT to stop bringing on-board these hideous multicultural pleasers that inevitably finish 8th every time in their heats (unless you're Alla, in which case the international juries save you for the final to ZERO REACTION, but this is a story for Rich to tell), because they RUIN heats for us (we got THIS over Linjen i min hand?!) and more to the point, they provide Pavel with shit to SPUNK himself SENSELESS over for no obvious reason as everyone else gives it a solid nul. FLUSH. http://svt.se/svts/article14818.svt/ALTERNATES/medium/20120223_DSC5618.jpg 03 Dynazty - Land Of Broken Dreams Text och Musik: Thomas G:son och Thomas 'Plec' Johansson SIGH. Look we ALL know this would've been much better had this been done by a schlager queen as INTENDED rather than redone as a cock rock Bon Jovi track, but let's move on shall we? http://svt.se/svts/article15579.svt/ALTERNATES/medium/04_lotta_christer_20120224_DSC6867.jpg 04 Lotta Engberg och Christer Sjögren - Don't Let Me Down Text och Musik: Lasse Holm och Lars 'Dille' Diedricson About as CUTE as CANCER when you realise these living embodiments of saccharine actually ruined their marriages by hooking up with each other for dirty weekends in the 90s. I bet their swingers nights are DIABETES-TASTIC. Lasse Holm meanwhile continues to fail to live up to Främling, Högt över havet (which Lotta brutally SLAUGHTERED in Melodifestivalen 1988, the BITCH) and Bra vibrationer. GRIM by all accounts, but will Buzzjack let them down? http://svt.se/svts/article15582.svt/ALTERNATES/medium/05_hanna_20120224_DSC6952.jpg 05 Hanna Lindblad - Goosebumps Text och Musik: Hanna Lindblad, Linda Sundblad och Tony Nilsson This one really didn't live up to that songwriting TOUR DE FORCE did it? How I SPAFFED myself when I saw Tony Nilsson and Linda Sundblad team up...instead I got a Veronicas B-side. No BAD thing of course but you know... http://svt.se/svts/article15554.svt/ALTERNATES/medium/06_axel_20120224_DSC6996.jpg 06 Axel Algmark - Kyss Mig Text och Musik: Axel Algmark, Mattias Frändå och Jonathan Magnussen Oh DO FUCK OFF with your SUB-T4 INDIE POP and LA LAS. http://svt.se/svts/article15762.svt/ALTERNATES/medium/07_lisa_20120224_DSC7090.jpg 07 Lisa Miskovsky - Why Start A Fire? Text och Musik: Lisa Miskovsky, Aleksander With, Bernt Rune Stray och Berent Philip Moe. The unknown quantity of the heat which ended up flopping at Globen (:() but which for a tremendous weekend looked like trumping Danny's hype. OK, the concept for the staging was a bit odd and the guitar was downright bizarre, but when the song's this lush who's complaining? Direkt till Bracknell, or slumping it through Bury St. Edmunds? http://svt.se/svts/article15587.svt/ALTERNATES/medium/08_danny_20120224_DSC7164.jpg 08 Danny Saucedo - Amazing Text och Musik: Danny Saucedo, Peter Boström och Figge Boström Well all I'll say is the result of this will test Buzzjack's VOXACIOUSNESS. Direkt till Bracknell and you won't care to discern your Loreens from your Jeminis. Andra chansen for this heavy produx generic as hell (but a bit of a stomper) vax(uous) track and Buzzjack will have my respect FOREVER MORE (maybe). But do you love fiercely het Danny enough to send him direkt? -x- 1. Charlotte Perrelli - The Girl 2. OPA! - Allting Blir Bra Igen 3. Dynazty - Land Of Broken Dreams 4. Lotte Engberg och Christer Sjögren - Don't Let Me Down 5. Hanna Lindblad - Goosebumps 6. Axel Algmark - Kyss Mig 7. Lisa Miskovsky - Why Start A Fire? 8. Danny Saucedo - Amazing Voting's open until 31st March. If you need to have a word with Brister Chjörkman, go to Mediafire with ?2smrk42vbf1a2bq GO
April 20, 201213 yr Author Right, I think a MONTH'S long enough to vote for this. VOTING CLOSED. Results NOW.
April 20, 201213 yr Author In SEVENTH... ...it's a TIE! AXEL ALGMARK and DYNAZTY both on 30 points! Which means we have a final five of Charlotte, Danny, Hanna, Lisa and Lotta/Christer *fakes shock*
April 20, 201213 yr Oh yes, Lisa! :wub: Now just Charlotte to join her and Lotta/Christer to AC and this will have gone pretty perfectly. Oh, Hanna's in AC. Ok, sorry Danny fans but I hope he's out now because the other two are too good.
April 20, 201213 yr Author Going OUT... ...LOTTE/CHRISTER with 42 points. Which means it's between CHARLOTTE AND DANNY for the final direkt till Bracknell spot. I can officially reveal there were TWO POINTS IN IT...
April 20, 201213 yr I'm sure Buzzjack will have the good sense to see Charlotte RIGHTFULLY go DTB. Poor Lotta/Christer though - it's much better than 'Amazing' (least apt title ever?)
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