For this Eurovision selection season, the most FABULOUS time of year (sod all that nonsense about CHRISTMAS, I personally know which of the two seasons is far more likely to birth potential messiahs), I have decided I'll be DISCERNING the most gay-friendly entry of each national selection - i.e. that which most caters to an offensive and narrow-minded/fabulous view of homosexuality - and compiling them all here for your pleasure and perusal. If you like your Eurovision entries stereotypical, generic, vulvic (not compulsory but encouraged), and frankly PONGING of Melodifestivalen rejection (with a key change thrown in for good measure), THIS is your place to be this season.

 

Alternate suggestions and discussion are WELCOME (GENUINELY) but PARODY SUGGESTIONS are NOT. And though this is of course all to an extent TAT, I want HIGH END tat. None of your Wolves of the Sea/Scooch nonsense - I want PRIME SCHLAGER you could RIP AN ARMY PLATOON OF FISTULAS WITH

 

I'll be doing a countdown of my favourites at some point in April when the lull begins and I inevitably get bored. Or NOT, I never know if I actually will when I say I'll do these things.

 

Anyway, enough of the preamble. Make me BLEED BOYS! *o*

Entries to date / position in NF / fabulosity out of five / (un)discerning trait

 

Albania:

/ 11th / .*.*.*. / Crno i belo redux.

Belarus: Elena Siniavskaya - Via lattea / 11th / .*.*.* / Euphoria mashed unsubtly with La Voix and about a fifth as amazing as that sounds.

Latvia: Olga & Ligo - Saule riet / Finalist / .*.*.*.*.* / Lock up the farmhands for the evening and party like it's 1799 loves, it's Avicii's Wake Me Up done BALTIC PEASANT STYLE *.*

Malta:

/ TBC / .*.*.*. / Would make even Cascada blush.

Norway:

/ 2nd / .*.*.*.*.* / MESMERING AND SPOOKY

Portugal:

/ 2nd / .*.*.*.*. / for all intents and purposes a slightly more tits-out rewrite of Canta por mim

San Marino: Valentina Monetta - ? / N/A / .*.*.*.*.* / I shouldn't have to explain this.

Sweden:

/ 4th / .*.*.*.*.* / our FORMER GRAND DAME returns with the greatest empowerment anthem since the DIAMANTÉ DAYS of GLORIA

(honourable mention: Alcazar - Blame It On The Disco)

Ukraine:

/ 5th / .*.*.*.*.* / Alexander Bard pens the Swedish House Wives follow-up single I never dared imagine, done by the Ukrainian analogues of Linda Bengtzing + Velvet (feat. added botox)