67TH-

 

S316:

 

Bart The Lover

 

 

In Bart's class a film on the importance of Zinc is shown. After the bell rings Edna tries to get the kids to stay, but none of them do. She has been feeling increasingly lonely, in attempt to be happy, she decides to put a personal ad in the magazine. The next day there is a school assembly where everyone watches a performance from The Twirl King Yo-Yo Company which amazes the children. The next day the yo-yo craze sweeps through Springfield Elementary School, much to Edna Krabappel's annoyance who cannot stand the fact that people only talk about yo-yos. After talking to the class about the pilgrims coming to the New World and meeting the natives, she becomes fed up when the wholesome class asks if yo-yos were involved. She declares that she doesn’t want to hear of see yo-yos of any kind in class. While secretly showing off a new trick to Milhouse, Bart accidentally ends up breaking the classroom fish tank with his yo-yo, as a result, Bart is given one month of detention. Despite his attempt to get back the yo-yo she won't allow it. Eventually Bart does get it back and also discovers the personal ad Krabappel put in the newspaper, ending with "Object: SAVE ME." Realizing it is Mrs. Krabappel's, he chooses to pull a prank and respond by mail with a new alter-ego. Bart pretends to be an adult male called "Woodrow," named after former President Woodrow Wilson. For romantic writing to send to Edna, Bart borrows a couple of lines from Homer's old love letters to Marge, then watches old movies as inspiration for more writing. A chain of romantic correspondence follows, where Edna sends Woodrow a sexy photo of herself and Bart reciprocates by sending her a picture of ice hockey player Gordie Howe, claiming that it is a photo of Woodrow.

 

Meanwhile, Marge notices that Santa's Little Helper needs a new dog house. She wants to buy one, but Homer says that he can save money by building one instead. His infuriating attempts at constructing the dog house cause him to curse loud enough for Todd to overhear. At night, Ned is upset when he hears Todd say "hell no" and "damn" at the dinner table. He seeks out ways to find the source of the cursing. Ned presumably comes to a dead end when he can't find what he is looking for since none of the usual suspects taught Todd to curse (i.e: bumper stickers, T.V., grandparents, comic books, and Rod).

 

Edna takes the next step, asking if she and Woodrow can meet in person, have dinner, and return to her apartment for some "home cookin.'" Bart, as Woodrow, writes a letter making a date to meet at The Gilded Truffle for dinner, and Edna is excited at the prospect of meeting Woodrow. Bart, however, has no intention of keeping the date, and while Edna waits in vain for Woodrow at The Gilded Truffle, Bart goes to the movies. Later, he comes out of the movie theater, laughing after watching "Ernest Needs a Kidney," and then feels guilty when he sees Edna crying while sitting at a table by herself.

 

The next day while Ned tries to come up with more sources, he and his sons overhear Homer curse in his failed attempt to build a doghouse for Santa's Little Helper. Ned discovers he was the source and confronts him for cursing out loud that lead to Todd picking up foul language. Homer criticizes him about his mustache in retaliation, which Ned promises to shave off in return for Homer's cutting back on the swearing. At night when Homer claims that it's too late for him to stop swearing, Marge disagrees and reveals that her father, Clancy, had the same problem until her mom, Jacqueline, set up a swear jar for him to put change in every time he said a bad word.

 

Homer promises to put money in a "swear jar" -- 25 cents for each curse. Thanks to Homer accidentally putting a $20 in the church donation plate, failing to get a strike in bowling, being jealous over Flanders getting cast in commercials because of his clean-shaven face, not thinking to put a door on the doghouse he's been building, and having a beehive fall on him, Homer fills the swear jar with enough money for Marge to actually buy a doghouse for Santa's Little Helper and some beer for Homer.

 

At school, Bart tries to cheer his teacher up by pointing out that there's plenty of other guys out there, such as the men who work at the school. Edna rejects the prospect of dating any of the school's male employees and points out their biggest flaws (like how Principal Skinner's mom still treats him like a kid and won't "let him out to play", how Coach Fortner [a character who was never seen and only mentioned in this episode]is a drunk, and how Groundskeeper Willie has a disgusting fetish [that may or may not be the voyeuristic videotaping fetish he has as seen on "Homer Badman", "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo", and "Bye Bye Nerdie"] that Mrs. Krabappel doesn't want to reveal to Bart). Mrs. Krabappel then tells Bart he's the closest thing to a man in her life, the revelation of which causes her to break down crying.

 

Remorseful for what he's done to his teacher, Bart admits what he did to his family. His parents scold him for what he did, but when Homer argues that Bart should admit the truth to his teacher and face the consequences, Marge argues that might not be the best thing to do, as the truth would (more likely than not) humiliate Edna. Lisa suggests writing a letter that tells Mrs. Krabappel that that even though Woodrow's leaving her and will never see her again, he'll always love her and keep her in his heart. After several attempts, during which Homer repeatedly pitches the same idea ("I am gay"), the family produces a romantically diplomatic letter that proves to be a success. After delivering the letter and Edna reads it, she's sad that Woodrow's gone, but is also happy that she got closure from a man she's never met in person. She suggests to Bart that they spend his last day of detention outside and he agrees to that. The episode closes with a picture of Gordie Howe and his hockey stats.

 

 

 

 

Best Quotes:

 

 

Bart: (writing a reply letter) Dear Edna, Your photo took my breath away.

[Edna reads the letter in her bubble bath]"Woodrow": Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit. Yesterday morning, I put your picture up in my garage to inspire me when I gapped my spark plugs.

[Edna ecstatically submerged herself beneath the bubbles]

 

Homer: Boy, you've got to go to your teacher and tell her the truth!

Marge: No, Homer, the truth will humiliate her!

Homer: Oh, Marge, I only said it because I thought that's what you wanted to hear!

 

66TH-

 

S3E4:

 

Bart The Murderer

 

 

 

The day begins with Bart preparing for the school day, during which he is supposed to go on a field trip, a tour of the Ah Fudge! chocolate factory. But his day quickly turns sour, as Homer steals his cereal prize, Santa's Little Helper eats his homework, and he misses the school bus and arrives late for school. During recess, he rips his pants, and finally, he realizes he left his field trip permission slip at home. Bart is forced to stay behind, spending the day at the school helping Principal Skinner with menial tasks in his office.

 

On his way home from school, he wipes out skateboarding in front of a local mafia hangout, and meets the Springfield Mafia Don, Fat Tony. After picking a winning horse for him, they tell him to mix drinks for them. Bart uses a chart to figure out how to make a Manhattan, and makes Legs a "supoib" one. The men hire him as their bartender.

 

Not knowing that his new boss is a mobster, Bart begins to unwittingly help Fat Tony, accepts a gift from him, and even hides a stolen cigarette shipment in his bedroom. As he begins to flaunt his money, Marge becomes concerned and asks Homer to talk to Bart's employers and find out more about them.

 

Homer is completely oblivious, as he approves Bart's job after the mobsters intentionally lose at poker in order to curry Homer's favor.

 

Carrying over his new persona into the schoolyard, Bart gets detention for trying to bribe Principal Skinner. As a result, he is late for work (showing an in-universe depiction of the chalkboard gag), where Fat Tony has promised his mafioso guests the "finest Manhattans in all of Springfield." Bart arrives late, and is reprimanded by Fat Tony. When Bart explains that his absence was due to Principal Skinner, Fat Tony decides that he and his associates will go to "meet and greet" this individual.

 

The very next day, Skinner goes missing. Bart suspects Tony may have something to do with it, and begins to have nightmares about Skinner's death. Bart runs to the mob headquarters, where they deny having killed Skinner. During their chat, Chief Wiggum and his officers enter Tony's hangout, arresting everyone in there for Skinner's murder.

 

A trial begins, but unfortunately Lionel Hutz acts as Bart's lawyer. On the stand, Bart is upset to find that Fat Tony and his gang name Bart as the Don of their organization, pinning any issues regarding Skinner's disappearance (as well as everything else they did) on him. Just when it seems that Bart is going to be found guilty, Skinner bursts into the courtroom, and tells everyone that he was in fact trapped under a pile of newspapers in his garage the entire time. The case is dismissed, and Bart angrily rejects Fat Tony for using him. The case of Skinner's disappearance becomes a highly inaccurate TV movie, but when Marge reveals it was so inaccurate the producers were not required to pay royalties to the Simpsons, Homer remarks that they should go after the real crooks in Hollywood.

 

65TH-

 

S7E2:

 

Radioactive Man

 

 

 

Bart and Milhouse are thrilled to hear that a film version of their favorite comic book, Radioactive Man, is coming soon. Rainier Wolfcastle, the star of the McBain films, is chosen to play Radioactive Man, and even more excitingly for the Springfield Elementary School children, the production moves to their town after seeing a small poorly spelled advertisement in Variety Magazine. A search is launched for a young actor to play Radioactive Man's sidekick Fallout Boy, and Bart auditions. Bart does well, but is rejected because he is an inch too short. Bart leaves and tries to grow the extra inch before tomorrow and tries different methods. When none of those ideas work, he acquires platform shoes and a vertical stripe suit (among other attempts to look taller), but by this point, Milhouse has already taken the part, albeit reluctantly, and his parents forced Milhouse to be an actor. Kirk and Luann immediately begin purchasing expensive objects when Milhouse becomes an actor. Bart is told by Lisa that he is still needed as a star's friend and confidant, and Bart eagerly accepts this new role. However, Milhouse finds his own job intolerable as he has to get up early for hair and makeup, he also has to reshoot several scenes again despite doing it. Eventually Milhouse becomes fed up and disappears during the filming of the most expensive scene in the movie. The film is suspended while the townspeople search for Milhouse, at first one of the film workers tries to edit in previous shot scenes with Milhouse to the Final Cut but they make no sense and he is fired. Eventually, Bart finds him in the treehouse. Bart tells Milhouse that he will be a hero, but Milhouse retorts that the real heroes are the people fighting heart disease and global hunger.

 

Bart scoffs at this, saying that those 'pitiful loser' real heroes aren't winning their fights, and to find heroes that actually accomplish something, you have to turn to show business. Despite this and encouragement from former child star Mickey Rooney, Milhouse gives up on his acting career. Mickey tried to take over as the new Fallout Boy, but all production on the film is aborted, with Milhouse refusing to play Fallout Boy and the project going bankrupt thanks to price gouging and other unscrupulous conduct by the people of Springfield (i.e. Mayor Joe Quimby inventing new taxes on the fly to take every red cent they have). Due to the town's misbehavior, the film would never come into fruition. Mickey scolds them for doing this. However, Mayor Quimby and the others refuse to give any of the money back. The directors then return to Hollywood, "where people treat each other right."

Best Quotes:

 

Congratulations, Bart Simpson, you're our new Fallout Boy! That's what I would be saying if you weren't an inch too short. Next!

 

 

 

Lunchlady Doris: At last the world is safe, eh, Fallout Boy?

Ralph: What's for lunch tomorrow?

Director: Next!

Ralph: Chicken necks?

Bart: Look behind you, Radioactive Man! The sun is exploding again! [jumps down and does a somersault]

Marge: Bart, why are you talking like that?

Homer: Yeah, and who the hell are you talking to? Marge, do you have other men in this house? Radioactive men?

Bart: I'm practicing my Fallout Boy dialog. If I get this role, I can finally come to terms with this funny little muddle called Bart.

 

 

64TH-

 

S6E14:

 

Bart's Comet

 

 

 

 

After vandalizing the school's new weather balloon, Bart, as usual, is considered the chief suspect. Bart's guilt is proven when he reveals that he kept blueprints, pictures, and an alternate name for the balloon in his pockets. Bart is punished by helping Skinner with his sky watching at four in the morning. Skinner hopes to find something which he could have named after himself. However, he spots the balloon and leaves briefly to try and catch it, telling Bart not to touch the telescope. Bart messes with the telescope. After flailing the scope around on its tripod, Bart looks through it to discover a comet outside the Earth's atmosphere. When Skinner comes back from retrieving the balloon, he finds that not only has Bart been congratulated for discovering a comet, but Skinner foolishly let go of the balloon, and the morning newspaper has the headline: "PREZ SEZ: SCHOOL IS FOR LOSERS"

 

Bart's discovery makes the papers and he becomes famous among the nerds at school. However, when Bart is requested to show a group of students known as the Superfriends the comet, he directs them to the window, as the comet is seen in full daytime. The Superfriends realize that something is wrong with it. Lisa also attempts to warn Bart and explain that the comet is most likely heading for Earth, and is going to decimate the town. These fears were confirmed when they alerted the Springfield Observatory of this new development, and they analyzed it through their telescope. Homer comforts his family by saying that the comet will just burn up in the atmosphere and become a rock the size of a Chihuahua's head. Springfield officials plan to launch a rocket at the comet, leading to relief and arrogance among the townsfolk. Instead of leaving town like they should Springfielders stay to watch the rocket, but it misses and blows up the only bridge out of town, leaving the townsfolk doomed. Later on, while watching the news, Homer tells the kids that the government wouldn't just leave them to die; it then cuts to the capital on the news where the evacuation is being discussed. It looks like the bill will go through and the town will be rescued; that is, until one congressman takes on a very unpopular amendment to the bill leading to its unanimous rejection, meaning the government will leave the town to get wiped out.

 

They all choose to go to a bomb shelter; however, the only one in town belongs to Ned Flanders, who is too nice to refuse them, and the bomb shelter gets too cramped and the door won't shut, so the inhabitants agree to evict Ned from his own shelter after discussing who would be unnecessary in the new world. To pass the time (and to drown out Ned’s singing of “Que Sera, Sera”) they play a guessing game, but this causes an argument. Feeling guilty about sending Ned to die, Homer leaves the shelter; the group of people abandon the shelter and join Ned outside waiting for the comet to strike and singing what he sang after being evicted from his bomb shelter; the townsfolk join him in song. The comet hurdles towards Springfield, but starts to deteriorate upon entering Springfield's atmosphere (which is full of highly toxic pollutants), gradually shrinking to the size of a Chihuahua's head. It pops Skinner's vandalized weather balloon, which bounces off Ned's bomb shelter causing it to collapse (much to the distress of Ned and Moe), and falls towards the townsfolk, now harmless. Bart puts the remains of his comet into his pocket. All of Springfield's citizens except the Simpsons then head to the Observatory to destroy the location so what just happened will never occur again. The epilogue ends with Bart, Lisa and Homer becoming petrified, because of what Homer mentioned regarding the comet literally came true, much to their surprise.

Best Quotes:

 

 

 

 

Kids: Welcome, Super Friend.

Ham: I am called Ham, because I enjoy ham radio. This is Email, Cosine, Report Card, Database, and Lisa. Your nickname will be Cosmos.

Bart: [finishing a mouthful of food hurriedly] Well, I'm done eating. Goodbye.

Kids: Goodbye, Cosmos

 

Lisa: I can't believe that extra-thick layer of pollution that I've actually picketed against burned up the comet.

Bart: But what's really amazing, is that this is exactly what Dad said would happen.

Lisa: Yeah, Dad was right.

Homer: I know, kids. I'm scared too!

63RD-

 

S8E22:

 

In Marge We Trust

 

 

One morning Lisa and Bart are up early watching Itchy and Scratchy as quietly as they can but their laughter wakes up their parents and Marge realizes they’re late for church and have to hurry up. Reverend Lovejoy's service on "constancy" nearly sends the entire congregation to sleep, especially since he has to start over after being interrupted. After church, Homer, Bart and Lisa are happy to be home (immediately taking off their church clothes) saying that this is longest time before next Sunday, while Marge tells them that Church is supposed to be helpful in life Homer and the kids are too excited and head off to the Springfield Dump to dispose of their old Christmas tree. While at the dump they find a box of Japanese dishwasher detergent, known as Mr. Sparkle. The face on the box of detergent shows a remarkable resemblance to Homer, while the Japanese writing on the box says it will banish food particles to the land of wind and ghosts.

 

Meanwhile, Marge becomes worried with Reverend Lovejoy's lack of enthusiasm about helping people. She learns that he used to be enthusiastic about his job until Ned's endless barrage of petty problems made him into the man he is today. She then volunteers to start working for the Church as "The Listen Lady", as she listens to people's problems, while trying to help them solve them in a practical manner. Enjoying his newfound freedom at first, Reverend Lovejoy soon realizes his inadequacy when no one goes to him for advice and begins to feel depressed.

 

Homer, disturbed by the box of Mr. Sparkle, contacts the manufacturer on the Japanese island of Hokkaido for information. He is sent a promotional video for Mr. Sparkle, which only contains a bizarre Japanese cliche TV commercial. At the end of the video however, the mascot is shown to be a result of a joint venture between two large Japanese conglomerates, Matsumura Fishworks and Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern. Their mascots, a fish and light bulb, merge to form Mr. Sparkle; thus, Homer discovers the similarity was a mere coincidence. After mass the follow Sunday, Lovejoy is distraught after everyone is asking Marge for advice. He sadly walks inside the church and starts to wonder what he did to lose his followers, but he soon meets with the visions of the saints and they all point out that he hasn't really done anything to keep the congregation in the first place and he must do something inspiring.

 

One day, Ned Flanders calls Marge for help. Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney are hanging around outside the Leftorium, making Ned worried they will start causing trouble. Marge suggests Ned stands his ground and sends them off. Unbeknownst to him, the trio were about to leave, but when he goes and asks them to, they plan to harass him instead. Ned calls Marge again, while he is standing on a chair with the boys circling him on their motorbikes. She suggests that he "lay down the law"; when one of the boys snips the phone cord thus disconnecting, Marge quickly jumps to the conclusion Ned hung up and everything is fine.

 

The next morning, a distraught Maude informs Marge that Ned is missing. It then cuts to Ned, worse for wear, running for his life as the bullies are pursuing him on their motorbikes with the clear intent of beating him to a pulp. Marge soon realizes she may be partially responsible for his disappearance. Marge goes to Reverend Lovejoy for help, and the two of them track Ned to the zoo. With Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney already having abandoned their pursuit, Ned now finds himself trapped in the baboon exhibit. While the Simpson family watches from afar, Reverend Lovejoy rescues Ned on the baboon's food train, defeating several of the animals while doing so. Now that he feels useful again, Reverend Lovejoy rediscovers his passion for his job, regaling his congregation, who are hanging on to his every word while he recounts the tale of Ned's rescue.

Best Quotes:

 

Agnes: Seymour, I'm tired. Tell them we're going next.

Skinner: Well, I'm not principal of the line, Mother.

Agnes: And you never will be!

 

Reverend Lovejoy: The Lord will hear your lamentations and bring solace to your ills.

Moe: The Lord or Marge Simpson!

Lenny: Amen to that!

Reverend Lovejoy: Um, could we please NOT yell out things in the church.

Moe: Yeah, hi, I'm calling for Reverend Lovejoy. Who is this?

Marge: Oh, well, this is um, the uh ... The Listen Lady.

Moe: Yeah, well listen, lady, I got so many problems I, I don't even know where to begin here.

Marge: Okay ... um, why don't you start from the top?

Moe: All righty. Uh, number one, I've lost the will to live.

Marge: Aw, that's ridiculous, Moe. You've got lots to live for.

Moe: Really? That's not what Reverend Lovejoy's been telling me. Wow, you're good, thanks. [hangs up]

[The phone rings; Moe calls back]

Moe: Hi, it's me again. I've got another problem. Uh, this one's about my cat. [a cat yowls in the background. Moe replies angrily] Yeah, shut up, I'm asking her!

 

Marge: Donny?

Donny: What?

Marge: Did you see a man being chased by some young hooligans?

Donny: I see lots of stuff.

Lisa: Did you see that?

Donny: Yes. [points to the zoo across the street]

 

Reverend Lovejoy: Baboons to the left of me, baboons to the right, the speeding locomotive tore through a sea of inhuman fangs. A pair of great apes rose up at me, but biff! Bam! I sent them flying like two hairy footballs. A third came screaming at me, and that's when I got mad...

Homer: Now, that's religion.

62ND-

 

S3E20-

 

Colonel Homer

 

 

 

 

Homer and Marge go see a movie but Homer keeps disturbing the other patrons in the theater. He eventually goes as far as to giving away the ending to the film and the audience boos him. Finally, Marge is unable to control her rage any longer, and she yells at him, telling Homer that no one cares what he thinks. The audience cheers for Marge but Homer is saddened. Hurt by Marge's words, Homer takes his family home, accuses Marge of robbing him of his "certain quiet dignity," and then drives off, not knowing if Marge will ever see him again. Homer keeps driving so far that he ends up in the outskirts. He eventually arrives at a country bar to think about what happened when he meets a waitress named Lurleen Lumpkin who sings a song that relates to his issues. Homer returns home but can't get her song out of his head. He goes bowling and while singing Lurleen's music to his ball bowls a 280. He drives back and plans to get the song recorded. It is given to the local radio station and the song is an instant success. Homer becomes Lurleen's manager, "Colonel Homer," much to the objection of Marge, who winds up jealous that Lurleen's attachment to Homer could surpass her own.

 

Lurleen wants more from Homer than him being her manager, but Homer cares for his wife and kids and proclaims he made the right choice. He tells her that he can't be the man for her and only wanted to share her talents with the world. Homer explains that he loves Marge and can't think about doing something that could hurt her. Although hurt by this, Lurleen respects his solution to be with his family. Homer offers the man to be her new manager as he rushes home to be with Marge. Once home, he is able to reaffirm his love for her and they have sex.

 

On Lurleen's last appearance on Yahoo, a country parody of Hee Haw, she sings a bluesy song and wishes Homer and Marge nothing but the best for them.

Best Quotes:

 

Homer: Marge, you're standing in the way of my boyhood dream of managing a beautiful country singer.

Marge: Your boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest hoagie and you did it at the county fair last year, remember? (holds up a photo of homer eating a giant hoagie)

 

 

Homer: (while watching the movie) Oh wait! I've heard how this ends. It turns out the secret code was the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter!

Audience: Boooooo!

Homer: Hey, it's pretty obvious if you think about it!

Marge: Oh, shut up, Homer. No one wants to hear what you think!

Audience: Yeah! (applauds)

Lurleen: Homer, I want you to be my manager.

Homer: Really?! Well, I should warn you, I'm not great with figures.

Lurleen: That's okay.

Homer: I make a lot of stupid decisions.

Lurleen: Nobody's perfect.

Homer: I did bad in school.

Lurleen: I didn't even go.

Homer: My personal hygiene has been described as...

 

Recording Studio Owner: Ah, this studio has a lot of history, uh.. Buddy Holly stood on this spot in 1958 and said, "There is no way in hell that I'm going to record in this dump."

Homer: I'm sure Lurleen will love it!

Marge: Homer, how much did you just give that man!

Homer: Calm down, Marge, it's just our life savings!

Homer: Lurleen, I can't get your song out of my mind. I haven't felt this way since “Funky Town!”

61ST-

 

S6E25-

 

Who Shot Mr Burns Pt.1

 

 

At the beginning of the normal ordinary school week, Principal Seymour Skinner opens up the school to find that Superdude, the fourth grade gerbil, has passed away. He gives Groundskeeper Willie the task of burying the gerbil, and in the process Willie strikes oil, causing the school to explode.

 

Up on the roof, Principal Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers are inspecting what caused the explosion when a worker comes up and tells them they struck oil. He also holds up the corpse of Superdude. After thanking Superdude, Skinner tosses the gerbil off the roof. Everyone in the school rejoices, as now they have all the money they could ever want. While several teachers want new equipment, other requests are more exorbitant - and are just as quickly approved; Lunchlady Doris wants more staff and a better iamspamspamami Willie wants a crystal slop bucket and a brand new filthy blanket, Otto Mann wants a double guitar, and Lisa wants to hire Tito Puente to teach jazz at the school.

 

However, Charles Montgomery Burns has his eyes on the well, wishing to take the oil for himself in order to secure his energy monopoly over Springfield. He initially attempts to fool Skinner into selling the drilling rights to him by poorly disguising himself as Jimbo Jones, but Skinner immediately sees through the disguise, questioning Burns as to how he thought he could mistake the towns most promient 104-year old man for one of his elementary school students. Despite Smithers' objections, Burns then organizes a slant drilling operation to tap the oil well before the school can, thereby stealing the oil for himself.

 

Burns' drilling operation causes chaos throughout Springfield. The initial jet of oil smashes into Bart's treehouse, leaving it in a wreck, injuring him and breaking Santa's Little Helper's hind legs. The drilling also causes a huge sink-hole in the ground under Grampa's retirement home, causing it to collapse and forcing all the occupants to vacate the building until further notice. Abe is forced to move in with the rest of the Simpson family along with his few remaining possessions, including a loaded Smith & Wesson; when Marge demands that he get rid of the gun, Abe buries it in the back yard with Bart. Along with the physical destruction, the fumes from the oil drilling force Moe's Tavern to close until the operation concludes; an angered Moe grabs a shotgun from under the bar. The alcoholic Barney Gumble has now lost his primary beer supply, and after being forced to leave, he pulls out a derringer. Similarly, the barflies Larry and Sam also have nowhere to go. Additionally, Springfield Elementary can no longer afford any new equipment because the school is now bankrupt from building and dismantling their oil derrick; Willie and Puente are both laid off as a result. Willie vows revenge on Burns right there, before running out of the office.

 

The only person whose hatred towards Burns is not directly caused by the oil well is Homer. Instead, the cause of his anger is that despite working for Burns for the last 10 years, meeting with him many times and even introducing him to his family, Burns constantly fails to remember Homer's name. Adding insult to injury, he refers to Homer using various dehumanizing epithets, even when Homer is present, in place of his actual identity. Homer's attempts to get Burns to remember his name are fruitless; after following Marge's suggestion and sending him a box of chocolates with a family photo inside, Burns remembers the rest of the Simpsons but neglects to eat the final chocolate covering Homer's face before disposing on the box. His subsequent thank you letter only mentions Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie, enraging Homer to the point that he yells out a profanity that is heard for miles. Homer later breaks into Burns' office and spray paints "I AM HOMER SIMPSON" on the wall; when Burns catches him in the act and demands "Who the devil are you?", Homer snaps and grabs his boss, shaking him while repeating his name. Burns is unable to understand what Homer is saying and the latter is dragged away by security, yelling to the former that he is a dead man.

 

Not even Smithers can stand the acts his beloved employer has undertaken. He dryly points out that Mr. Burns has crushed all his enemies - even though none of those people posed a threat to him. However, Burns declares that he hasn't taken out his biggest enemy: the sun. He reveals to Smithers his grandest scheme yet: since humanity has been trying to destory the sun since the beginning of time, he will do the next best thing and block it out with a giant disc, shrouding Springfield in darkness and thereby forcing its inhabitants to continuously use the electricity from his power plant. Smithers is horrified and points out that all plant life would die, owls would hoot constantly and the town's sundial would become useless, but Burns does not listen and berates Smithers for his insubordination. Smithers finally stands up to his boss, declaring that he will not fall in line until he steps back from the brink of insanity; Burns refuses to back down and fires Smither, who angrily storms out of the office.

 

Mayor Quimby calls an emergency town meeting; after noticing that many in the audience are stroking guns, he opens the floor, and a number of people complain.

 

Mr. Burns then shows up, and Bart charges at him in rage. Mr. Burns brandishes a gun hidden in his blazer, stating that he has decided to protect himself ever since he was attacked in his office by an 'unidentified assailant' (Homer, of course). He taunts the townspeople for trying to intimidate him but not having the guts to follow through with their threats.

 

Finally, Burns activates his sun-blocker, leaving the town aghast, and walks away, laughing. Just as he leaves, Krusty returns from Reno, although he quickly leaves the area when, having not witnessed Mr. Burns' vile behavior, he sees the townspeople glaring angrily.

 

As Burns relishes in everybody's misery, the citizens of Springfield leave the town hall. Amid an eerie silence, Burns walks down the street, whistling and humming merrily to himself. Whilst this is happening, several people notice a number of strange phenomena:

 

Carl discovers that Mr. Smithers has left his jacket at the town hall.

Otto finds that Principal Skinner left his mother Agnes behind at the same hall.

Back at the Simpsons residence, the cigar box which held Grampa's gun has been dug up. Frighteningly, apart from a stray bullet, the box is now empty.

As Marge places Maggie and Santa's Little Helper into the family car, she suddenly notices that the rest of her family are absent. Curious, she wanders away from the car to search for them.

Unaware, Mr Burn's remains in a cheerful mood and states that he feels like celebrating. As he is saying this, Burns walks behind a pillar, leaving only a shadow on the wall. Burn's stops suddenly and turns to face somebody hidden from view. Walking towards this person, Mr Burn's completely disappears from view, saying: -

 

"Oh it's you, what are you so happy about? (Gasps) I see. I think you'd better drop it. I said drop it!"

 

He is then heard struggling with the someone.

 

Meanwhile, at the front of Town Hall, Marge noticing that the streets are deserted, asks aloud where everybody has got to? Suddenly, a gunshot is heard. A second later, Mr Burn's staggers out from behind Town Hall, clutching his chest in agony. Refusing to answer a worried but unhelpful Jimbo's question if he's alright, Burns wanders over to and collapses onto the town's sundial. The shocked residents of Springfield gathers around, realizing that the man they all hate and wanted a piece of has just been shot.

 

Following a bit of tomfoolery from Chief Wiggum, Marge asks how are they going to figure out the shooters identity? Nearly everybody in town had a reason to shoot Mr Burns and is therefore a suspect. There is a pause, in which several citizens look at one another suspiciously. Dr. Hibbert then breaks the silence with a laugh, before saying "Well I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. Can YOU?" He points at the screen, towards what is thought to be the viewer, but when the camera pans back, it shows that he is pointing at Chief Wiggum.

 

Although he does not seem confident, Wiggum says that yes, he will give it a shot, since it is his job as a police officer. An ominous tune plays after this and the words "To Be Continued" appear onscreen. Thus, the episode and the season concludes with a cliffhanger.

 

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60TH-

 

S2E3-

 

Treehouse of Horror

 

 

 

 

 

In a parody of the original Frankenstein film, Marge warns viewers that the following program (The Simpsons) may give their children nightmares, so she suggests the adults to "tuck your children into bed tonight instead of writing us angry letters tomorrow." The show then begins.

 

When Homer comes back from trick-or-treating, he notices Bart and Lisa are telling ghost stories (while Maggie watches) in Bart's treehouse. He climbs up and eavesdrops while Bart comments on Lisa's first story. Bart begins telling his own story called: Bad Dream House.

 

In a parody of The Amityville Horror, the Simpson s move into a new home at a great price. Lisa and Marge are scared there is an evil presence lurking in the house, though Homer says there is nothing to worry about, despite there being a vortex in the iamspamspamami Homer throws an orange into the vortex, although the ones who live in the vortex throw it out with a note that asks them not to throw in stuff. Bart is then strangled by a lamp cord as the house threatens the family to leave, hurling Homer up to the ceiling.

 

When everyone tries to settle into sleep, the house takes possession of Homer and the children, and the four of them grab various weapons to kill each other, but Marge stops them. The family then finds out there is an ancient Indian burial ground in the cellar. Suddenly, the house threatens them that they will perish horribly. Marge becomes outraged and yells at the house to shut up and show them some manners, and after a few moments, hurt by Marge's words, it complies. After harassment by Bart and Lisa, Marge asks Homer if he knew the house was haunted, Homer says no but after calling the real estate agent, h had told told them multiple times the house was haunted. Marge explains that since they are living in the house, the house is going to have to accept this. The house asks them to leave for a moment as it chooses what to do. The estate determines that it would rather die than live with the Simpsons, and the house implodes into nothingness, which is a nod to Poltergeist (1982). Lisa implies that the house's self-destruction cannot help but cause her some guilt.

 

In a parody of the 1950 story by Damon Knight from Galaxy Science Fiction (and its 1962 Twilight Zone episode adaptation) titled To Serve Man, the Simpsons are having a outdoor barbecue in their backyard until an alien spaceship suddenly abducts them (and struggles to abduct Homer due to his immense weight). When they arrive on the ship, they meet Kang, Kodos, and Serak the Preparer, who treat the Simpsons extremely well by giving them countless amounts of food to hold them over until "the great feast at Rigel 4." These three aliens call themselves Rigellians.

 

After the family is weighed on a giant scale and the Rigellians constantly make references to food, Lisa becomes suspicious and questions the aliens' true motives. One night, she wanders around the spaceship and heads into the aliens' iamspamspamami when the chef Serak cooks something to "give the humans the perfect flavor"

 

After he leaves the room, Lisa grabs the book called "How to Cook Humans", runs to her family and accuses the Rigellians of feeding them all up to eat the humans. However, it is then revealed that Lisa did not see the whole title of the book, which is actually called "How to Cook for Forty Humans". The Rigellians feel sad, disappointed, and angry at the family, for suspecting them. As punishment, they return the family to Earth. Before leaving, Kang and Kodos state that the family could have lived in luxury, but now because of their inability to trust they will have to live the life "not gods, but normal human beings".

 

As the aliens leave, Lisa laments that, sadly, they were right. They, the Simpson family, were the true monsters after all. The rest of the family don't share this sentiment, since Lisa was the only one to inaccurately suspected that the aliens were up to no good. Marge, calls her daughter out on this, stating that sometimes she is just to smart for her own good. Bart and Homer end the segment sarcastically thanking Lisa for ruining their chance to live in prosperity.

 

n a retelling of the Edgar Allan Poe's classic poem, "The Raven", The Raven Narrator (Homer) reads a book to forget the lost lover of his, Lenore (Marge). He hears a knock, but there is no one in front of the door. Knocking goes on and he finds out it is a raven (Bart) behind the window. As he opens it, the raven flies into the room, sits on the bust of Pallas above the door and says "Eat my shorts" (actually said by Bart, whom is interrupted by Lisa telling him that the raven says Nevermore and nothing else). But as the story continues, the raven keeps on repeating "Nevermore", driving the narrator crazy. He tries to catch the raven, destroying his room in the process. At the end, the mad narrator lies in the centre of the room, surrounded by books, gaping helplessly at the raven, who cruelly laughs.

 

Epilogue

Later, as the whole episode comes to a close, Bart complains to Lisa that "The Raven" was more depressing than scary. Lisa notes that "The Raven" was published back in 1845 and suggests that people may have been a lot easier to scare back then. The siblings go on to talk about the other stories weren't all that scary either and how, by current standards for stuff like horror movies, even a movie like Friday the 13th is fairly tame. Bart, Lisa and Maggie climb down from the treehouse and go to bed, unaware that their dad was listening in on all the stories and, unlike his kids, is genuinely freaked out by them. While the family is lying in bed, Homer's still freaked but Marge tries to assure her husband that they're just made-up stories and won't bring him any harm. As they're lying in bed, Homer notices a raven outside their bedroom window that's similar to the one from the poem--he declares that he "hates Halloween" and hides under the sheets as a wolf howls.

 

59TH-

 

S4E3-

 

Homer the Heretic

 

 

 

 

On a very cold Sunday morning in a blizzard, Marge tries to get Homer out of bed as she is gathering the family to go to church, but Homer refuses and goes back to his warm bed after ripping his pants. After sleeping extra-late, he finally gets up and has fun with the house all to himself: He cranks up the heat, dances in his underwear, makes his Patented Space-Age Out of this World Moon Waffles, wins a radio trivia contest, watches a boring debate on TV get preempted for what turns out to be an action-packed football game, and finds a penny under the couch (all of which are his new "best day of [his]life," next to marrying Marge and an unspecified time where he happily ran around a fountain of beer from an overturned tanker truck).

 

Meanwhile Marge, the kids, and the rest of the congregation shiver their way through the service and a rambling sermon, only to find themselves trapped at the end because the door is frozen shut. To make matters worse, even after they leave Marge is unable to start the car due to the cold weather.

 

 

They finally get home cold, and Homer tells Marge he's had the best day of his life, all thanks to skipping church. Marge is shocked to hear this and tries to insist to the children that Homer is just kidding. Homer says he means it and declares he's no longer going to church which she is horrified to hear. While trying to clean the waffle iron Marge is very angry with Homer for giving up on his faith by no longer going to church. Homer gives her his reasons (e.g. "What if we picked the wrong religion? Every week we're just making God madder and madder."), which Bart agrees on and encourages, which does not please Marge at all. Later that evening, Marge prays for God to talk with Homer. Homer, meanwhile, falls asleep and has a dream where God appears to him. God is initially angry with Homer; once He has calmed, Homer asks Him what's the big deal of going to church when he's not a bad person and that he can worship in his own way ("I work hard and I love my kids... so why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?") God sees Homer's point and agrees, ending the dream.

 

Marge, Reverend Lovejoy, and the Flanders family all try to win Homer back to Christianity and fail. The next Sunday morning, Marge tells Homer to not make her choose between him and God but Homer claims she's just siding with someone else again. She does ask him once more if Homer will go to Church with her and the kids and he declines. At church Lovejoy berates Homer and tells everyone to keep the Sabbath Day Holy, while Homer is once again at home while everyone else is at church. He smokes a cigar while reading Playdude Magazines. Homer eventually falls asleep, and the lighted cigar he was smoking at the time falls on one of the magazines; the hot ash ignites the paper, and it isn't long before the house is engulfed in flames.

 

Homer wakes up to find the house in flames, panics and succumbs to the thick smoke. Apu, a Hindu, spots the blaze and takes up his duties as part of Springfield's volunteer fire department (of which the Jewish Krusty the Clown is also a member). Meanwhile, the Christian Ned tries to rescue Homer. After the fire department has extinguished the blaze, Homer fears that God was showing vengeance, but Reverend Lovejoy points out that God was actually working in the hearts of Homer's friends, despite their different faiths. Homer apologizes to those he was rude to and thanks them for saving his life when they could have let him burn. A kind hearted Lovejoy convinces Homer to give church another try which agrees to. Homer is at church next Sunday, but sleeps through the service. God appears in his dreams again and consoles Homer on the failure of his religion.

 

 

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58TH-

 

S5E13:

 

Homer and Apu

 

 

 

Homer buys some expired ham from Apu in the Kwik-E-Mart, eats it and gets food poisoning. After recovering, Homer goes to Kwik-E-Mart to complain about the spoiled meat, for which Apu gives Homer expired shrimp. Once again, Homer eats the shrimp and becomes sick again. This time however, Kent Brockman (who fronts the investigative news program Bite Back with Kent Brockman) gives Homer a giant novelty hat containing a spy camera to expose Apu for selling rotten food. Caught in the act, Apu is immediately fired from Kwik-E-Mart. He protests that he didn't violate the company policy. The company executives agree but they explain that it's also the company policy to make a scapegoat in these situations. Apu's replacement is actor James Woods, who is researching a role for his next movie.

 

After getting fired, Apu does chores for Homer because he thinks that he is in debt to Homer for selling him spoiled food and that helping Homer will pay off his debt of karma. As time goes by, the family begins to love Apu and his traditions. However, Apu begins to miss his job at Kwik-E-Mart, so Homer chooses to help Apu by traveling with him to the Kwik-E-Mart head office in India to ask for his job back. The world's first convenience store happens to be inconveniently located on top othe Himalayas. Once they arrive, they meet up with the head of the Kwik-E-Mart, a man in a white building drinking a Squishee in front of a sign that reads "The Master Knows All (except combination to safe)." Unfortunately, Homer wastes all three questions by repeatedly asking if he really is the owner of the Kwik-E-Mart, and he does not help Apu with his problem, and Apu and Homer are forced to return home disappointed (with Apu strangling Homer in fury over the latter's role in ruining Apu's chance at returning to the Kwik-E-Mart, with Homer mistaking it for Apu apologizing due to Apu adopting a similar pose when formally apologizing to Homer after being fired).

 

Later on, Apu manages to save James Woods from being shot by a robber. The grateful Woods ensures that Apu gets his job back at the Kwik-E-Mart, while he goes off to battle aliens on a distant planet. The episode finishes with the Simpson family hugging Apu as he recovers in the hospital from the gunshot wound he received during the robbery.

 

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57TH-

 

S8E9:

 

El Viaje Misterioso de Nustero Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)

 

 

 

It is time for the annual Springfield Chili Cook-Off, and Marge tries everything to keep Homer from finding out about it, including cutting the ad out of the newspaper, disconnecting a phone call between Homer and Lenny, and even smoking a cigarette to cover up the smell of the cook-off wafting over the city. Homer is surprised by her smoking and opens the front door for some fresh air, then realizes that the Chili cook-off is happening when he smells the spices from the house. He beings to freak knowing he's missing the event, Marge finally admits she kept it from him by reminding Homer of his drunken behavior at the cook-off every year, especially a year earlier when he was covered in nothing but cotton candy and licked by two dogs. Homer points out how things always look bad in memory as he looks for his chili boots. Eventually, Marge changes her mind but makes him promise not to drink any beer, and the family quickly races to the Cook-Off.

 

After they arrive, everyone goes to check out the different stands. Meanwhile Homer is revealed to be a revered chili critic whose opinion is highly important to all the cooks. He demonstrates an extraordinary ability to withstand hot foods, until he falls victim to Chief Wiggum's chili spiked with "The Merciless Peppers of Quetzlzacatenango," humiliating himself in front of the whole town. Feeling the effects of the extremely hot peppers, Homer races desperately around in search for anything to drink, grabs a tray full of beers, and nearly drinks them when Marge catches him. Homer doesn't actually drink the beers (instead simply dousing his tongue with them), but Marge is still furious and storms off. Homer resorts to drinking water and discovers that candle wax can protect his mouth from the pepper's spiciness. Homer then returns to Chief Wiggum's stand and amazes/shocks the entire town by eating several peppers in quick succession. However, while his mouth remains unaffected, his stomach is not as lucky as the peppers raise all hell on his digestive track to the point of hallucinations, causing him to run off in fear.

 

In his hallucination, Homer ends up in a desert, a bizarre world where the laws of physics don't apply, wherein he breaks the sun and encounters strange creatures such as a puddle that transforms into a snake. Homer is then instructed to follow a tortoise and climb a pyramid which grows to an enormous height, where he meets his spirit guide, a coyote voiced by Johnny Cash. The coyote advises Homer to find his soulmate, and questions Homer's assumption that he has already found her in Marge. Then the coyote jumps down from the pyramid and runs off. Homer calls for him to come back, but then he turns to see a ghost train barreling straight towards him.

 

Just when the train is about to run over him, Homer regains his senses and rationalizes his dream. For example, he compares the desert he wandered in to the real-life location where he woke up (a golf course's sand trap) and the pyramid to the course's pro shop, and the talking coyote to a talking dog. After returning home, he finds Marge (still believing that Homer got drunk, thus breaking his promise) irritated with him for his behavior at the cook-off. Feeling that Marge doesn't understand him at all, and remembering the coyote's words, Homer sets off on his own quest to find his soulmate. After looking among the patrons in Moe's Tavern and responding to a Personals ad placed by "GBM", Homer happens to see the lighthouse and concludes that the lighthouse operator must be the loneliest guy in town.

 

Homer goes to the lighthouse and is elated to see a sign reading "This lighthouse operated by Earl." Shouting "No more loneliness for Homer and Earl", Homer goes inside to meet his new friend. He is frustrated, however, to discover that the lighthouse is operated by a machine: E.A.R.L., short for Electronic Automatic Robotic Lighthouse. Homer destroys the lighthouse's giant bulb in a bout of recklessness, but Marge arrives and they fix it, warning a ship that is just about to run aground. The couple agree that they really are soulmates, and Homer mocks what he calls the "space coyote". Unfortunately, the ship runs aground anyway, spilling its precious cargo of hot pants. The townspeople then turn up and help themselves to free hot pants and the episode finishes with everyone singing the song "Who Wears Short Shorts?" while Marge and Homer light their romance torch.

56TH-

 

S2E6:

 

Bart the Daredevil

 

 

 

While watching TV, Homer and Bart (who are both watching a wrestling match with their friends) observe a commercial for the monster truck rally featuring Truck-o-Saurus, a giant robotic dinosaur. That night Homer tells them they are going. However, there is conflict in that it is held on Saturday night, the same evening as Lisa's musical recital (Lisa says it's her first time performing a solo). Bart and Homer are reluctant to attend the recital as Truck-o-Saurus is only there that one night. At first they sob over it but Marge tells them the recital takes place earlier than the monster truck rally so they can make it to both events. Throughout the concert Homer constantly tries to speed up the concert and once it ends, he grabs Lisa (letting her bow first) and leave. However, they arrive at the rally late and take a wrong turn right into the arena, where Truck-o-Saurus smashes the family car. The owner and operator of Truck-o-Saurus compensates the Simpsons for the damage, and the family then takes their seats in the audience but first are given special items.

 

The rally's grand finale features a death-defying stunt by "the world's greatest daredevil", Lance Murdock. Despite the fact that the act leaves Murdock badly hurt and hospital-bound, Bart is enamored and dreams of becoming a daredevil. When he tells his father of his ambition (in a sleepy manor), Homer dismisses it as "kids say such stupid things".

 

Bart quickly injures himself during his first skateboard stunt. At the hospital, Dr. Hibbert shows Bart a ward full of children who have been hurt from attempting stunts. Nonetheless, Bart is persistent and continues, once again attempting to jump the car and making it successfully. Bart then expands his daredevil acts by jumping over a swimming pool, some animals, and Homer on his hammock. On a class trip to Springfield Gorge, Bart announces that on the coming Saturday he will jump over the gorge. Lisa tries to talk Bart out of it, but he won't back down and gets him into visiting the hospital to see Murdock, hoping that the daredevil will talk him out of the dangerous stunt. Unexpectedly, however, Murdock supports Bart's plan and really encourages Bart. Still hoping to deter him, Lisa tells the family when they get home. Homer is shocked at Bart and calls Lisa a squealer but admits that if did get hurt or died she'd miss him. Bart then tells his parents firmly that they can't watch him every second and eventually he will be off to the gorge.

 

Even after a punishment, several orders, and a "heart-to-heart talk" with Homer, Bart still goes to the gorge and tries to jump it but he is stopped at the last second by Homer (he found out where Bart went when he asks his son to play catch). Homer angrily resolves to jump the gorge himself to show Bart what it is like to see a family member needlessly risking his life for no reason. Bart, not wanting to see his father get hurt, recants his wish to jump the gorge. However, Homer finds himself on Bart's skateboard rolling down the ramp toward the jump. Homer becomes airborne, and it looks for a few seconds that he is actually going to make the jump but he ultimately plummets. Then he is placed into an ambulance by a helicopter, which ultimately rams into a tree, sending Homer down the gorge again, and is eventually taken to the hospital, placed in the same room as Lance Murdock, where he says, "You think you've got guts? Try raising my kids!"

55TH-

 

S8E6:

 

A Milhouse Divided

 

 

 

 

The Simpsons are having a TV dinner night, which Marge dislikes because Homer is licking his plate (even asking to get clear plates to see the TV) and Bart is in his underwear. Marge decides to go into the dining room and have a "conversation" while she eats. That night, Marge plans to throw a dinner party to escape from the doldrums of everyday life at the Simpson house, despite Homer pointing out what happens whenever they do have a party. They go to the store to pick up some things and get to work on getting the house and food ready. She invites Ned ‘s family, Doctor Hibbert’s family, Reverend Lovejoy‘s family and Kirk‘s family. The parents enjoy dinner except for the Van Houtens who nitpick at each other all night as Milhouse plays upstairs with Bart, Lisa and the other kids. Kirk and Luann get more quarrelsome as the party progresses and finally, despite Marge trying to divert the party away from the fighting pair, unfortunately the two get into a fight and it ends when Luann demands a divorce which shocks everyone. That night, Marge thinks that she is responsible for splitting up Kirk and Luann even though Homer says that just wasn't true. Milhouse is disheartened over his parents' divorce, though the bullies Nelson and Kearney sympathize with him (as they went over such similar incidents) by assuring that he will be able to move on with his life despite what happened.

 

Kirk moves out of the Van Houten house and despite his drab new surroundings, he keeps a cheery attitude toward it all, until he is fired from his job at the Cracker Factory. His former father-in-law explains that the cracker factory caters to happy families, not miserably divorced singles. Meanwhile, Luann quickly readjusts to singles life and starts a new relationship with Chase, from American Gladiator. Kirk also tries to have a new relationship, but is unsuccessful as his girlfriend, Starla, leaves him after taking his car. While outside at Moe's, Kirk mentions that he never saw the divorce coming and regretted not having catered to Luann's needs. Homer tries to cheer him up by telling him that his marriage to Marge is strong. Kirk is less than encouraged and warns him to appreciate Marge while he still can. However, Homer begins to fear that his marriage to Marge might be next, when Homer comes home and sees frozen hot dogs thawing in the sink.

 

Homer enlists the aid of Lisa to help him figure out how to save his marriage. When she asks him what is wrong, Homer recalls both his wedding and reception which was nothing more than him and Marge at a truck stop eating a whale cake. Homer realized how disappointed Marge was because she had been hoping that their family and friends would jump out and yell surprise. Lisa can only tell her father that he is lucky to have Marge in his life. Homer tries to perform selfless gestures for Marge, such as making "soothing" ocean noises to lull her to sleep, but Marge acts indifferent. When Homer attempts to cut her hair, Marge finally loses her patience and tells him to leave her alone.

 

Thinking that their marriage is finished, Homer secretly files for a divorce from Marge. As Marge returns home later that night from Bart's dental appointment, Homer surprises her by hiding all their friends in the living room and declares that he wants to be remarried, this time with a perfect wedding. Marge is deeply moved, and assures Homer that he doesn't have to do this. Homer says that he has to because he already filed for their divorce that afternoon but also says that Marge deserves a better marriage. The two are remarried and, inspired by Homer and Marge, Kirk plans to try to get back together with Luann by singing a song he wrote. This fails when Luann objects and Kirk is escorted out of the Simpsons house by Chase.

 

During the end credits, a sax version of the theme song is played

 

 

Best Quotes:

 

 

 

 

 

54TH-

 

S10E23:

 

Thirty Minutes over Tokyo

 

 

- Warning contains flashing images

 

 

 

 

 

When learning of a new Java Server cyber-cafe's opening downtown, Lisa asks Homer to take her. Even though Lisa tries bribing him, Homer refuses, until Bart walks in, saying he knows a website that shows monkeys "doin' it". Homer immediately agrees to go and eagerly jumps in the car with Bart. At the Java Server, Homer nearly spends all of the family's checking account money, leaving only $1,200, Soon after, Snake walks into the cafe with a gun and cyber-robs Homer, completely emptying their account, leaving no money for their family vacation. To earn some money, Homer sneaks into Ned Flanders' house in the middle of the night, to steal and sell his possessions. Ned catches him, but rather than reporting him, informs him of a savings seminar instead, to which Homer steals his tickets. The family then attends the seminar to help solve their money problems. As the seminar progresses, it soon becomes apparent it is held by a man who, while he does point out a few useful tips, could stand to be a little less tight with his money. One of his pointers includes saving money by scrounging through trash for food. The Simpsons then find out they can get cheap plane tickets by booking last-minute flights. This method comes down to booking a flight on a Boeing 747-200B with open seats, and an as of yet unknown location. The flight they get onto, triumphing over the Flanders, then heads for Tokyo, Japan.

 

Onboard the plane, Homer has gotten over his triumph at beating the Flanders, and is disappointed that they are not going to Jamaica. He tells Marge that they could have just gone to the zoo to see Japanese people - she is annoyed with him until he adds that Takashi, a member of his book club, is Japanese and washes the elephants at the zoo. Shortly after takeoff, Bart is playing his Gameboy, until an air hostess tells him that it is not safe to use electronic devices yet. Bart complies, and turns off his Gameboy. The plane takes a nose dive, prompting the air hostess to frantically tell Bart to turn the Gameboy back on.

 

At the Royal Tokyo hotel, Homer discovers that the Japanese are years ahead of America, having a talking toilet in the bathroom that sprays fountains of multi-colored water, while Bart discovers the TV has a camera that shows footage form the toilet. This gadget soon appalls Bart, Lisa and Marge, as Homer makes use of the mulit-gadget toilet.

 

They start buying various things that cost a fortune there. Homer buys a square watermelon but it turns into a normal round shaped one causing him to accidentally drop it and smash on the ground wasting his money. Lisa wants to do something Japanese but Homer and Bart blatantly refuse and would rather ignore the wonders of another culture, running off when Lisa suggests something traditional. The only piece of Japanese culture Bart is willing to take in is the shows that are aired on T.V., one of which is entitled "Battling Seizure Robots" causing the entire family to collapse on the floor in convulsions. After recovering, they visit America Town, an American-themed restaurant, and then they are forced to go to the Sumo fights, Homer is arrested for attacking the emperor, whom he thought he was a sumo wrestler. After being freed from prison (where Homer and Bart learn of Japanese culture and the secret to inner peace), the Simpson family is down to their last one million Yen, which they need to get home. Homer folds the money into a flying crane origami to show Lisa "something Japanese", which is then blown away in the wind, Homer cries "D'oh!" in Japanese.

 

They try to earn money by gutting fish at the Osaka Fish Concern. While working, they see on the work TV an advert for the Super Happy Smile Time Family Wish Show, which grants the winners anything they wish for.

 

They go on the game show to win plane tickets back to Springfield, but go through a series of painful and humiliating tasks (most of the tasks were completed by Homer while his family watched on) including being tied to Tokyo tower during a lightning storm. Meanwhile back in Springfield, Moe sees Homer on TV as he's getting electrocuted by the lightning and he, Lenny, and Carl find out Barney was disguised as Homer to put beers on Homer's tab. To get the tickets in the final round, the Simpsons have to grab them off a bridge that's suspended above a "volcano". Back in Japan, the Simpsons get the tickets, but learn that this task in actuality, was not a challenge, but a trap in which they bridge they are on snaps on demand and they all fall into makeshift lava, which is only Orangeade loaded with Wasabi.

 

Before leaving Homer takes advantage of now having what they wanted to harshly ridicule the host on live T.V. about how he should be ashamed of himself. Not that the host takes anything he says into account, bringing in the next contestant the second the family exits the stage. When taking off for their return trip home, the Simpsons' plane is attacked by Godzilla, who happens to also be battling Rodan, Mothra, and Gamera. However, the family, in particular Lisa, were so exhausted from the events of their stay that they proceeded to fall asleep through the entire spectacle. Their plane wriggles free, and they fly off to Springfield without any further incident.

Best Quotes:

 

 

 

Bart: These prices suck! Ten thousand yen for coleslaw?

Lisa: Don't you serve anything that's even remotely Japanese?

Waiter: Don't ask me; I don't know anything! I'm product of American education system. I also build poor-quality cars and inferior-style electronics.

Homer: (chuckling) Oh, they got our number!

 

Bart: I'm still checking Japanese TV. Isn't it that cartoon that causes seizures? (Bart watches and has a seizure)

Marge: Bart, what are you doing? (Marge is having a seizure)

Lisa: Hey, what the... (Lisa is having a seizure)

Homer: (comes in, checks around) Alright. (falls on the ground and fakes his seizure)

Bart: And I think I've finally found what I was put on this earth to do. (starts gutting fish) Knife goes in, guts come out. Knife goes in, guts come out.

(Bart pulls a talking fish out of the pile)

Fish: Spare my life and I'll give you three wish ... (gets gutted) ...gaah!

Bart: Knife goes in, guts come out.

Lisa: Yippee! Time for the company loyalty song!

(Osaka Seafood Concern Squid appears on TV singing)

Osaka Seafood Concern Squid: (singing) Knife-a goes in, a-guts come out (stabs itself) that's what Osaka Seafood Concern is all about. (collapses)

Homer: Well, this sucks; what else is on? (uses eel to change the channel)

53RD-

 

S8E4:

 

Burns, Baby Burns

 

 

 

The Simpsons take a trip to an apple cider mill, where they meet Ned Flanders, while Marge is glad to get out of the house, Homer on the other hand is angry that he is missing the game. Meanwhile, Mr. Burns arrives on his his train back home from a college football game. The train is stopped for a few minutes due to a couch being shoved on the tracks. A few yards away from the train, a souvenir stand operator, Larry, sees a perfect opportunity to sell some stuff, until he sees Burns on the train, pulls a wallet out of his jacket, compares a picture to Burns, and stands there in shock at the realization. He hitches a ride to Springfield from Homer and the family (Homer calls Larry a hitchhiker) who are driving back from the cider mill (although it takes them till the end of the drive to pick him up). They drop him off at Burns's mansion, where he meets Mr. Burns. At first Burns is irritated at him for ringing his door bell after hours, but his irritation turns to shock when he learns that the man is his estranged son, Larry Burns.

 

After checking his scalp for the family birthmark, Mr. Burns discovers Larry is, in fact, his biological son. He tells the story of his conception in which he had an affair with Larry's biological mother, Lily Bancroft, at a Yale reunion. The two then attempt to put together the foundation of a constructive relationship, Burns asks how his mother is doing and Larry says he didn't really knew her, she died when he was young and he's an orphan. To help introduce Larry to his crowd, Burns takes him to a gala which he immediately regrets as the formality of the event clashes with Larry's casual demeanor. As a result he unintentionally insults the people with jokes and embarrasses Burns. To keep Larry out of his hair, he gives him a job at the plant, where he and Homer become fast friends. Larry invites Homer over for dinner. During dinner, Burns becomes fed up with Larry and starts to hate him as a son. Homer suggests they plan a fake kidnapping, which they go through with. When Burns hears of the kidnapping, he is in fact outraged because he felt like someone was stealing from him by kidnapping his son.

 

Homer explains to his family that he and Larry are hiding out in the basement until Burns declares his appreciation for Larry. Marge doesn't want Homer pulling any more fake kidnappings and demands him to bring Larry back, but he objects, saying there are cops everywhere and it is broad daylight. She insists he bring him back and he leaves. Just when they go, Marge sees that on the news, they have found them as a news chopper was right outside the house when it happened, this leaves Marge embarrassed. They drive off to find a hiding place and take shelter in a movie screening room no one will see, but Hans Moleman calls the police when they disrupt his viewing. When the theater is surrounded, the Simpson family watch the TV in horror as Homer is brutally gunned down and killed by the police, only for it to be a simulated possibility and that Homer and Larry are still alive and watching the movie. They quickly hurry to the theater. Larry and Homer manage to evade the police but are soon surrounded. Just when CChief Wiggum is about to shoot Homer for real, Larry steps in and admits he supported the idea of getting himself kidnapped. Homer then explains that it was an attempt to earn a father's love. Burns tells Larry that while he is and always will be his father, he can't be the family he needs, which doesn't upset him, since he has a wife and kids he should get back to (as it had been a week and he had made no effort of letting them know of his whereabouts). Larry declares since everyone is there, they should start a party. A party ensues, complete with alcohol and music coming out of nowhere, which confuses Marge and Lisa. Homer tells them that it doesn't have to make sense as he enjoys the party.

Best Quotes:

 

Larry: Hey, Casey Jones, where's this train headed?

Conductor: Springfield!

Larry: Yeah yeah, what state?

Conductor: [answers back but is muffled by train horn]

 

 

 

Homer: …and Larry and I have so much in common, Marge, way more than you and me. If I could be stranded on an island with anyone, it would definitely be Larry.

Marge: I think we've heard enough about Larry Burns for one evening.

Homer: Why? It's not like anything interesting happened to anyone else today.

(Bart is examining a diamond, Lisa has her arm in a cast, and Maggie is wearing a "Cutest Baby" contest sash)

Larry: I'm looking for this guy. (holds up a photo of Mr. Burns) Anybody know who he is?

Bart: Yeah, sure. We know him. That's Mr. Burns.

Lisa: He tried to kill our puppies.

Marge: He sexually harassed me.

Grampa: He stole my fiancé.

Homer: He made fun of my weight.

Larry: Okay, so there's been a little of friction. Know his address?

 

52ND-

 

S3E13:

 

Radio Bart

 

 

It is Bart's birthday, and Homer doesn't understand what to get for Bart as a present. He observes an ad on TV for the Superstar Celebrity Microphone, which can be used to send voices over the radio. Homer jumps on the idea and orders one for Bart. However, at his birthday party (held at Wall E. Weasel's), Bart is less than enthralled by it, and is unenthusiastic about his other gifts as well. He ends up showing the most interest in the label-maker that Patty and Selma get him, and uses it to put "Property of Bart Simpson" labels on many things in the house, including a radio, Homer's rear and a can of beer (to Homer's dismay), and Santa's Little Helper.

 

Homer tries to show Bart how great the microphone is, but Bart isn't convinced, largely due to Homer yells full blast into the microphone, creating heavy feedback. However, Marge also tries it out (keeping her voice down), and Bart is sold and decides to have a little fun of his own with the microphone. After trying it out on a few unsuspecting victims (he manages to make Rod and Todd Flanders believe that God is talking to them through the radio), Bart lowers his radio down into an old, abandoned well and calls for help over the radio, pretending to be a boy who has fallen into the well. Groundskeeper Willie falls for the prank and tells the whole town about the boy in the well. Then a number of townspeople gather around the well, and Bart explains that he is an orphan named Timmy O'Toole. Due to the size of the well, none of the city's police force can fit inside it to go rescue Timmy, and they can't simply pull him out with a rope because (as "Timmy" explains) his foot is caught under a rock.

 

A number of townsfolk attempt to come up with solutions to free the boy. A carnival is held near the well to benefit Timmy O'Toole, and Krusty the Clown decides to work with musician Sting to create a song called "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well," also as a benefit for Timmy. On TV, Channel 6 News provides frequent updates about Timmy, and an Itchy & Scratchy episode ("Cat Splat Fever") is dedicated to him.

 

However, Bart's ruse is broken when Lisa sees him wrestling the microphone away from Santa's Little Helper. The dog's growls through the microphone make the townspeople believe that something is wrong with Timmy, and the local news immediately reports on his "possibly feral condition". Lisa confronts Bart, warning him that his prank is going to end up backfiring. Bart scoffs at this, until he remembers that he used his label-maker to put a "Property of Bart Simpson" label on the radio in the well.

 

Later that evening, Bart returns to the well to retrieve the radio, and attempts to climb down into the well using a rope. When Springfield Police Officers Lou and Eddie see the rope, they untie it, sending Bart plummeting down into the well, where his foot ends up trapped under a rock—much like the story he made up to fool everyone. Bart calls for help, and explains to Lou and Eddie about his prank. The two officers then decide to leave Bart in the well.

 

The next day, Marge asks what the police are doing to help Bart. Chief Wiggum says that there is equipment located in Shreveport, Louisiana that can get Bart out of the well, but because Bart tricked the public, there is very little public support to help him. Mayor Quimby considers helping Bart, but in the wake of negative public opinion, he renounces his support and proclaims "Let him stay down there!", which draws cheers from his brainwashed constituents.

 

Later that evening, Marge and Homer return and drop a sweater down for Bart to wear. As Bart ponders his situation, and considers that he'll be trapped down in the well for the rest of his life, Homer is suddenly inspired to dig a tunnel to get Bart out. Before long, a number of other citizens (including Sting) have joined in the effort (although Jasper is convinced that they are just digging holes), while Kent Brockman reports on the assassination of a squirrel. After several hours, they manage to reach Bart. Homer assures Bart that they'll make sure that no one else will ever fall down the well.

 

The final shot shows Groundskeeper Willie posting a small sign nearby that says "Caution: Well" (instead of the more sensible option of just boarding up the well). As Willie finishes pounding the signpost into the ground, he says, "That should do it!"

Best Quotes:

 

 

[bart and his microphone strike again. This time the victims are Rod and Todd Flanders.]

Bart: [on radio] Rod! Todd! This is God!

Rod: How did you get on the radio?

Bart: Whaddya mean, 'How did I get on the radio?' I created the universe! Stupid kid.

[Rod and Todd quickly fall to their knees and clasp their hands.]

Todd: Forgive my brother. We believe you!

Bart: Talk is cheap. Here is a test of your faith. Walk through the wall; I will remove it for you!

[Rod makes the attempt and walks into the wall.]

Bart: Later. [laughs]

Todd: What do you want from us?

Bart: I got a job for you. Bring forth all the cookies from your iamspamspamamiand leave them on the Simpsons' porch.

Rod: But those cookies belong to our parents!

Bart: [grumbles] Look, do you want a happy God or a vengeful God?

Todd: [quickly] Happy God!

Bart: Then quit flapping your lip and make with the cookies!

Rod and Todd: Yes, sir!

 

Outta my way! Look out, ya horse’s arse!

Bart: Look, I'll level with you. There is no Timmy O'Toole. It was just a prank I was playing on everybody.

Lou: Well you sure fooled us, kid.

Eddie: Hey, I've got an idea for a prank. Let's go home and go to sleep.

[They laugh and walk away, leaving Bart in the well.]

 

 

 

 

51ST-

 

S1E10:

 

Homer's Night Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bart purchases a miniature spy camera from a mail-order catalog which arrives six months later. Bart uses it to take candid photos around the house, including ones of Homer and Marge during their respective private times.

 

 

Later, Homer announces that he is going to a bachelor party for Eugene Fisk, his supervisor at the power plant (formerly, his assistant). Marge chooses to take the kids to the Rusty Barnacle, a seafood restaurant where Fisk's bachelor party is taking place (in a private room known as Davy Jones' Locker). Fisk and his father are uncomfortable and want to leave after a sexy belly dancer named Princess Kashmir arrives. When Kashmir is unable to arouse the Fisks, Homer is invited onstage to dance with her. Homer has a great time dancing with Kashmir. Bart later investigates the noisy party after stumbling upon it (he left the table because he began to feel sick after witnessing his order of squid with extra tentacles and was heading back after using the "buoys" room), observes Homer is onstage putting money in Kashmir's G-string and snaps a photo with his spy camera.

 

The next day, Bart joins the camera club at school. In the dark, red room, as soon as the photo is developed President Martin Prince compliments Bart on the quality of the photo of Homer dancing with Princess Kashmir and asks to have a copy. Bart refuses, but gives one to Milhouse on the condition that he never lets it be copied and spread around. Unfortunately, many students who see the picture beg Milhouse for a copy and before long everyone in Springfield has one. Marge sees a copy of the picture at her aerobics class and rips it from the wall.

 

Later, Homer is on his way home from work, oblivious to what others are referring to when they make sly remarks about his sexual prowess, but when Homer opens the front door, Marge immediately shoves the picture in his face and demands an explanation. Bart admits he took the picture. Marge sends Bart to his room and, after scolding Homer, shoves a hastily half-packed suitcase his way and drives him out of the house.

 

Homer eventually spends the night at Barney's filthy apartment. The next day—after enduring questioning from Mr. Burns about the picture—Homer goes home to apologize, but Marge doesn't want an apology; she wants Homer to take Bart to meet Princess Kashmir and show that women are not sexual objects.

 

Left with no other alternative, Homer and Bart scour the strip clubs of Springfield to find Princess Kashmir. Eventually, they track her down at the Sapphire Lounge. Homer introduces himself and Bart to Kashmir, who is preoccupied with getting onstage for her performance. She eventually tells Homer about herself. Just as Homer is about to leave, he accidentally finds himself on stage for the night's feature attraction: dancing with scantily-clad women from all nations. Homer, however, after seeing Bart, manages to make a passionate plea to the audience to treat women with respect. His plea moves everybody in the audience and even the performing singer, who decides to call his mother to check up on her. Marge, who is in the audience, tearfully accepts Homer's comments and the two make up.

 

 

Best Quotes:

 

 

 

50TH-

 

S8E14:

 

The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show

 

 

 

When the ratings for "Itchy and Scratchy" are dropping, Roger Meyers, Jr. gets a suggestion from Lisa that they should rejuvenate the show with the addition of a new character. They follow the animal enemy chain by going "mouse-cat-dog", and then a new character, Poochie is born. Lisa remarks that new characters are just a desperate effort to boost shows with low ratings, and at this point a character named Roy walks into the living room. It is suggested that he has been living with the Simpsons for some time.

 

Still, at the encouragement of the rest of his family, Homer auditions for the voice of Poochie, and he gets the job. Homer then meets June Bellamy, who does the voices for Itchy and Scratchy. He makes friends with her when he fires back at nerds and engrossed fans at a comic book convention.

 

When the debut cartoon premieres, it gets the worst reviews ever. For once this is not Homer's fault, but due to poor writing Poochie prevented the violence that the viewers love, causing everyone to hate Poochie, he overhears the staff saying they should kill him off.

 

When Roger Meyers, Jr. says that Homer is too much trouble and he could be laid off, June Bellamy comes to his defense by putting her foot down. At the next episode's recording, Homer reads lines that he wrote himself about how no one likes him (Poochie) initially, but they should give him another chance. By the time the episode airs, the company had amateurishly substituted Homer's speech with new dialogue, saying Poochie has returned to his home planet and died along the way. Everyone is excited about Poochie dying except for Homer. He soon gets over his disappointment, Roy declares that he is moving out, Itchy and Scratchy go back to their basics and their ratings are better than ever, but Bart and Lisa soon become bored with the show and ask what else is on. The episode ends with Lisa clicking the TV to static.

Best Quotes:

 

 

Roger Meyers Jr.: Hey, Krusty, you look great. You get your teeth bleached?

Krusty: Yeah, it's a new kind of polymer treatment... Hey, shut up! You're here 'cause your Itchy & Scratchy cartoons are stinking up my ratings. Look at this breakdown of yesterday's show. [his finger follows the ratings graph, which plummets at 4:20]

Roger Meyers Jr.: What happened here? Lightning hit the transmitter?

Krusty: See, that's what I thought at first, but then... Hey, shut up! That crater is where your lousy cartoon crash-landed. It's ratings poison!

Roger Meyers Jr.: But "Itchy & Scratchy" is critically acclaimed!

Krusty: ACCLAIMED!? [spits] I oughta replace it right now with a Chinese cartoon where the robots that turn into blingwads!

 

 

 

 

 

Jasper: Is this seat taken, little girl?

Bart: I'm not a girl. What are you, blind?

Jasper: Yes.

49TH-

 

S9E16:

 

Dumbbell Indemnity

 

 

 

Homer witnesses Bart and Lisa having a "snowball fight" with ice cream scoops and points out that Marge told them they needed to take a bath. Although Bart points out she says "a lot of things", Lisa then points out that they can't actually take a bath anyway thanks to the water heater being broken, with Homer vowing to fix it. Unfortunately, Homer's attempt at fixing it by beating it with tools just results in the water heater exploding and causing half the house to be turned into a massive waterfall by the time Marge returns home, causing Homer to hurriedly run off to Moe's Tavern in an obvious attempt to hide from Marge's impending fury.

 

While at Moe's Tavern, Homer notices Moe's depressed state. After learning Moe has not had a date for four years, Homer plans to take Moe out to a nightclub to meet women. The trip proves to unsuccessful until Moe goes to leave, when a woman named Renee (Helen Hunt) talks to him. She treats him with basic human respect, better than he has experienced in a while, so he asks her out, and she says "yes".

 

Moe and Renee fall in love, though Moe feels forced to spend an excessive amount of money to impress her. When he maxes out his credit card, he decides to commit insurance fraud. He enlists Homer to steal his car and abandon it on train tracks so a train will destroy it. The night of the event, Moe and Renee go out on the "Police Department's Moonlight Charity Cruise", which ensures Homer that he will be safe from any police. However, Homer chooses at the last minute to watch a movie at a drive-in theater and fails to leave the car at the tracks on time. Bent on still trying to destroy the car somehow, Homer gets the idea of driving it off a cliff into a body of water. Unable to get out of the car in time, both Homer and the car plummet into the water near the charity cruise, directly in view of the police and Homer gets arrested for Grand Theft Auto.

 

Sent to jail, Homer is then assured that Moe will bail him out, but Renee talks about vacationing in Hawaii, causing Moe to have second thoughts. While packing his suitcases, Moe is confronted by his own conscience (in the guise of Homer), who makes him feel sorry for betraying his friend. Moe confesses everything to Renee, who at first respects Moe for telling the truth. But Moe proceeds to devise a scheme to get Homer out of jail illegally, which disgusts her, and she goes to leave Moe.

 

Moe's plan involves burning his bar down, but he drops a lit match before he intends to, quickly engulfing the bar in flames. Meanwhile, Homer has escaped jail on his own, planning his revenge on Moe. As he arrives at the bar, the two start to fight, but soon lose consciousness due to smoke inhalation. Fortunately, Barney emerges from the bar's restroom, rescuing the pair (as well as two kegs of beer). The tavern is completely destroyed, and Homer promises Moe he can use his house as a bar until he can rebuild the real thing.

Best Quotes:

 

"Cheer up. Here, have a flower."

 

Homer: (menacingly) Must kill Moe. (childishly riding the book mobile) Whee! (menacingly again) Must kill Moe! (childishly riding the book mobile again) WHEE!

Homer: Hmm, I don't know… I can just imagine what Marge would say!

Marge: (In Homer's imagination) Homer, I insist you steal that car!

Homer: I'll do it!

 

Homer: Hey, I thought your mother told you to take a bath!

Bart: Yeah, Mom says a lot of things.

Homer: Oh, I understand, kids. I'm not a bath man myself, more of a cologne man.

Renee: Really? You think I'm gorgeous?

Moe: Yeah, well, the part that's showin'. Guess you could have a lotta weird scars or a fake ass or somethin'.

Renee: You don't talk to a lot of women, do you?

 

48TH-

 

S3E17:

 

Homer At The Bat

 

 

It is time for annual power plant baseball season, but none of the workers are keen to sign up. Homer does sign up the workers question why and Homer says that he has a secret weapon. The workers are now curious and also sign up, Homer has a homemade Wonder Bat, which he made from a tree branch that broke during a storm. Before long the team's leading hitter is Homer thanks to his bat. The Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball team has gone through their season undefeated, and in the championship game, they will face the Shelbyville Nuclear Power Plant.

 

Mr. Burns makes a million dollar bet with Aristotle Amadopolis, owner of the Shelbyville plant, that his team will win. To secure victory in the game, Burns wants to hire major league stars, but Smithers tells Burns that the players he picked are all dead (they were alternately active from 1857–1937). Thus, Burns orders Smithers recruit several Major League Baseball players to work token jobs at the plant, those players include Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs, Ken Griffey, Jr., Steve Sax, Ozzie Smith, José Canseco, Don Mattingly, Darryl Strawberry and Mike Scioscia. Burns also encourages them to sign up for the ball team, much to the dismay of the plant workers who got the team to the championship game in the first place. In order to further boost his chances of winning the game, Burns hires a hypnotist to condition the team into performing their best and has them consume nerve tonic, which Griffey quickly becomes addicted to. Circumstances worsen for Homer when a pitch from Clemens during practice ends up destroying Wonder Bat.

 

However, the night before the game, all the players but Mattingly and Strawberry have different incidents that prevent them from playing: Sax is thrown in jail after Eddie and Lou accuse him of committing every unsolved murder in New York City, Scioscia is hospitalized with radiation poisoning from working at the plant, Griffey's consumption of the nerve tonic causes him to overdose and develop gigantism, Canseco becomes preoccupied with saving a woman's belongings from her burning home, Boggs is knocked unconscious by Barney during a bar fight at Moe's Tavern (over a disagreement on whether Lord Palmerston or Pitt the Elder was the best British Prime Minister), the hypnotist causes Clemens to start behaving like a chicken, and Smith vanishes off the face of the Earth after entering the Springfield Mystery Spot. Burns, fed up with Mattingly for not shaving off his non-existent sideburns, angrily kicks him off the team (with Mattingly declareing that he still prefers Burns over George Steinbrenner)

 

Because of these incidents, Burns is forced to use the original team, but keeps Homer benched while Strawberry plays his position. Bart and Lisa are outraged at Strawberry for stealing Homer's chance to play and proceed to jeer him from the stands. Eventually, with the score tied and bases loaded in the ninth inning, Burns decides to have a right-handed hitter against a left-handed pitcher and pinch hits Homer for Strawberry. While Homer is distracted trying to figure out Burns exaggerated and confusing signals, the very first pitch hits him in the head, rendering him unconscious and forcing in the winning run. Homer is then paraded as a hero, still unconscious. A photo shows all of the baseball players including the ones who could not play in the final game (Smith appears as an astral projection), thus finishing the episode.

 

During the credits, Terry Cashman, who wrote the song "Talkin' Baseball", sings a parody of his hit, "Talkin' Softball".

 

 

Best Quotes: