47TH-

 

S8E24:

 

The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase

 

 

 

 

While touring the Museum of TV and Television, Troy McClure reveals that Fox is desperately trying to create new shows for their Sunday night line-up, as the only popular shows on the network are Melrose Place, The Simpsons and The X-Files (Martin, Married... with Children, and Living Single were either on their way to being canceled or already gone at the time of this episode, King of the Hill, while gaining critical acclaim, isn't seen as popular in FOX's eyes; a bunch of short-lived, forgotten shows have come and gone, and it would be a few years before shows like Family Guy, Futurama, 24, and American Idol would revive FOX). Since Matt Groening and his Simpsons crew couldn't come up with any new shows, they decided to create three spin-offs featuring The Simpson family and the other characters of Springfield:

 

Chief Wiggum PI:

 

In this small skit, Chief Wiggum and Skinny Boy (Principal Skinner) return to their old town, New Orleans, to combat a newcomer gangster known as "Big Daddy". Later that night the gangster sneaks into Chief Wiggum's HQ and sends a crocodile to eat Wiggum. Fortunately, Skinny Boy strangles the animal to death. The two then discover that Ralph Wiggum has been taken, and replaced with Big Daddy's calling card in a skull.

 

The next day, Chief Wiggum and Skinny Boy are discussing the crime, when they hear some noise outside. They walk outside and notice that there are tons of huge floats flying around. Suddenly, five huge heads surround the chief. Lucky for him, the heads fall off revealing the people to be none other than the Simpsons. After having a short discussion with the family about Mardi Gras, Wiggum spots Ralph standing on Big Daddy's shoulder's saying, "Look, Big Daddy! There's regular daddy!" Big Daddy lifts Ralph off his shoulders and runs away. Chief Wiggum and Skinny Boy give chase.

 

The five run through town until Big Daddy comes upon two boats and steals one. Wiggum and Skinny Boy then hop in the other one and continue the chase. They chase each other through a canal and approach a small island with a mansion on it. Skinny Boy comments that it is the governor's mansion that disappeared two weeks earlier. The five run into the mansion until they arrive in the main office where Big Daddy hops into a chair and quickly turns around. Having the idea of being caught, Big Daddy tosses Ralph into Chief Wiggum's hands, and jumps out the window, and begins to swim away. The skit finishes with the four making a funny joke, and then laughing.

 

The Love-Matic Grampa

 

While at Moe's Tavern, Moe becomes lonely, until he realizes that Grampa's spirit is inside his love tester. When he was going to heaven, he got lost along the way. He helps Moe get a date with a beautiful lady named Betty. But Moe doesn't know what to do on the date so he brings Grampa along on the date and puts him in the bathroom. When Moe needs advice, he runs to the bathroom, only to see the machine being smashed by hoodlums Jimbo, Kearney and Dolph, with Kearney complaining that the machine called him gay. The machine starts malfunctioning and what he says Moe takes as advice. He comes back to the bathroom wearing his dinner. Betty comes in and sees what Moe did just for her and is touched.

 

 

The Simpson Family Smile Time Variety Hour

 

The Simpsons host their own show in Radio City Music Hall. The whole family is there, except for Lisa, who simply refuses and is replaced by a teenage cheerleader. The whole family is there along with many favorites such as Waylon Smithers, the Sea Captain, and Hans Moleman. The show features various skits including "What if The Simpsons Were Beavers", "The Candy Song", and "A Poem By Hans Moleman". Tim Conway guest stars and at the end the family gets into a pillow fight.

 

Tory McClure ends the show with a mock preview of the upcoming ninth season, which will include magic powers, multiple weddings, long-lost triplets, and Homer befriending a tiny, green space alien named Ozmodiar that only he can see.

 

 

Best Quotes:

 

 

 

Grampa: Don't be afraid, Moe. I'm here to help you with your romantic problems.

Moe: Hey, I don't need no advice from no pinball machine. I'll have you know I wrote the book on love.

Grampa: Yeah, "All's Quiet on The Western Front."

(An Audience says "Ooh!")

Moe: Ah, kiss my dish rag.

(The audience laughs)

[Moe sees Jimbo, Kearney and Dolph beating up the Love Tester]

Moe: Hey, get away from that! Leave him alone!

Kearney: It said I was gay! [The boys run off]

Moe: [setting up Grampa, and re-plugging him in] You all right, Grampa?

Grampa: [dazed] ...Oh, Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do ...

Moe: Will you quit your clowning? I need help, here.

Grampa: [still dazed] Oohh, tell her her rump's as big as the Queen's, and twice as fragrant.

Moe: [doubtful] Okay.

 

 

46TH-

 

S8E10:

 

The Springfield Files

 

 

Leonard Nimoy begins the episode hosting a show about alien encounters. He begins talking about an encounter in a town called Springfield.

 

At Moe's on Friday night, Homer drinks over ten bottles of "Red Tick Beer", a brand that is brewed with real dogs swimming in the brewing tanks. He takes a breathalyzer test which declares he is as drunk as Boris Yeltsin, and he chooses to walk home. However, Homer takes the wrong path and gets lost and disoriented in the woods. In a clearing, he sees a glowing thin-boned alien. Although the alien says, "Don't be afraid," Homer panics and runs through a corn field spelling out the word "Yahhh!"

 

No one in the Simpson family believes Homer's story, (because it's his birthday) and his attempts to report the alien to the police are dismissed. Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully of the FBI go to the Simpson residence to investigate. After no results from their psychological tests, which are closely watched by the Cigarette Smoking Man, Homer fails to provide any proof he actually did see an alien. Homer is ridiculed by most of the neighborhood, especially Lisa, but Bart says that he believes Homer. He tells Homer that the reason why he believes him is that he so 'damn' sure, much to Homer's relief. The next Friday night, they camp out in the clearing (with Ned Flanders' camping equipment) and they see the alien, Bart for the first time. The alien promises peace before Homer scares him off by screaming as he accidentally steps in their campfire. Homer is upset about missing the chance to obtain proof, until Bart tells him that he captured the entire incident on tape (with Flanders' video camera). Homer and Bart cheer as they now have evidence of the alien.

 

Leonard Nimoy closes his narration, ending the story with Homer and Bart having obtained proof of their alien encounter. He then says goodnight to the viewers, but the Squeaky-Voiced Teen (off-screen) reminds him that the show still has ten minutes left. Nimoy leaves anyway, running to his car and driving off. The Squeaky-Voiced Teen takes over the narrating duties.

 

Although Bart's tape is only three seconds long and is mostly static, only briefly showing the alien, everyone in Springfield starts to believe Homer (Lisa is still not convinced). Everyone marches to the Simpsons house and Barney asks if the alien is Santa Claus. Friday comes again and all Springfielders go to the clearing (among them Leonard Nimoy). Sure enough, the alien appears, promising love. Dr. Hibbert asks if the alien means love between a man and woman, or love between a man and his cigar. The Springfielders begin to riot until Lisa shows that the "alien" is actually Mr. Burns. Smithers states that Burns receives longevity treatments once a week to cheat death for the next seven days, and the process leaves him twisted and disoriented, and with a sweet heavenly voice (due respectively to a chiropractic treatment, anesthesia, and a throat-scraping).

 

Back to his normal self, Burns reveals that his green glow is due to many years of working in the nuclear plant, and then renounces his promises of peace and love and instead says that he brings famine and hatred. Before he can say anything else negative, Burns receives a booster shot from Dr. Nick and everyone sings "Good Morning Starshine" along with him. Marge offers an apology to Homer for not believing him and the pair reconcile. The Squeaky-Voiced Teen finishes Nimoy's show, telling the viewers to "keep watching the skies," mispronouncing it as "skis."

Best Quotes:

 

 

Homer: This Friday, we're going back to the woods. And we're going to find that alien.

Bart: And if we don't?

Homer: We'll fake it and sell it to the FOX network.

Bart and Homer laugh.

Bart: They'll buy anything!

Homer: Now, son, they do a lot of quality programming too.

Bart and Homer laugh even harder than before.

 

Mulder: Look at this Scully. There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.

Scully: Well, gee Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.

Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.

45TH-

 

S7E24:

 

Homerpalozza

 

 

Otto dreams of winning the award for the School District's safest Bus Driver. Unfortunately, he dreams about it while driving the school bus, with all the kids in terror. Milhouse then wakes him up, and swerves out of the road to avoid running down Jasper, and ends up plowing into an auto-wrecking yard. Otto also evacuates the kids and himself from the bus when he stops right in front of the vehicle cube compressor, and unintentionally turning the school bus into a bus-shaped cube. Despite Otto requesting that the students keep secrets about the incident, the faculty and staff end up finding out anyway, to which, the next morning, Marge reads the letter aloud which explains that, due to the "unscheduled field trip" to the Auto Wrecking Yard, the bus is out of commission for two weeks.

 

 

Homer drives Bart, Lisa, Nelson, and Milhouse to school. During the journey, he listens to a Grand Funk Railroad track and is shocked when the kids say that they have never heard of it. Eventually he goes to a music store and is shocked when his music is classified under the "oldies" section. To prove that he is cool, he takes his kids to the Hullabalooza Festival. After being humiliated, he is kicked out by the crowd and then out of control, kicks a cannon which fires an inflatable pig which hits him in the stomach. The festival head is impressed at Homer's ability to take blows to the stomach and hires him for his freak show.

 

Homer travels around with the Hullabalooza crew for a while before going back for another tour date in Springfield. He is persuaded to go to a doctor (who was actually a veterinarian) who tells him that if he takes another cannonball to the stomach, he will die. As his place in the show approaches he plans to dodge the cannonball, which makes him unpopular again, but earns him the respect of his family back.

Best Quotes:

 

 

Bart: So, what's it like being famous, Dad?

Homer: People know your name, but you don't know theirs. It's great.

 

Bart: Dad, no one cares about any of your stupid dinosaur bands. You have the worst, lamest taste in music ever.

Homer: I'm just trying to party with you guys!

Bart: Homer, first of all, it's par-tay, and second, we wouldn't par-tay with you if you were the last dad on earth!

 

 

44TH-

 

S4E11:

 

Homer's Triple Bypass

 

 

One night, while watching TV in bed, Homer — shortly after Marge warns him against his unhealthy dietary habits (e.g. eating full meals right before bed, scarfing down several bags of chips and containers of dip at the same time, etc.,) — begins feeling chest pains, which return the next morning at breakfast. Marge prepares a "special surprise" for him for breakfast (oatmeal), Homer refuses to eat it, claiming that there is a bug in it. He eats a cholesterol-laden breakfast of eggs and bacon which 'really did' have a bug in it yet he still ate. While driving to work, Homer's chest pains worsen, but he chalks the irregular thumping to a problem with his car's transmission. The mechanic tells him it is probably his heart, and Homer, relieved the noise is not his car, drives off.

 

At work, Mr. Burns calls Homer in to reprimand him for his poor work performance, taunting him with dismissal all the while. Homer's chest pains get worse, and when he is told he is a terrible worker, he suffers a heart attack and collapses. When Smithers tells Burns that Homer is dead, Burns asks him to send a ham to his widow; at that moment, after hearing the word "ham", Homer's soul returns to his body, he regains consciousness and the ham is cancelled ("D'oh!").

 

Back at home, Marge gets a phone call from the hospital, telling her Homer has suffered a mild heart attack. When she quickly leaves, a visiting Patty and Selma continue cutting coupons, as though nothing is wrong.

 

Later, Dr. Hibbert, after using radiology to analyze his bloodstream and a fat jiggle test (to which the former implied that his bloodstream emits its own radiation, and the latter forced Hibbert to cancel his one o'clock appointment due to it taking a very long time to stop), advises Marge that Homer needs a triple bypass, but Homer suffers another heart attack when he is told the price — $30,000 (which is subsequently upped to $40,000); the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant doesn't offer health insurance, and the family has less than $100 in their savings account. Homer suffers a third heart attack at the health insurance office while signing up, and is denied because of his poor health. Upon being revived in the hospital, Homer tells Dr. Hibbert that he had a wonderful dream that he was in a place "filled with fire and brimstone, and that a bunch of people in red pajamas jabbed him in the butt with pitchforks." Homer asks Reverend Lovejoy and Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky for $40,000, but is unsuccessful.

 

Left without options and sure he'll die before he gets the much-needed surgery, Homer and Marge see a TV commercial for Dr. Nick Riviera, who performs bargain-basement surgery for $129.95. Despite Dr. Nick's obvious gross incompetence — thanks to not-too-subtle hints such as being called to the morgue (When a PA system announcer tells Dr. Nick over the intercom that the Coroner is waiting to see him, Dr. Nick sarcastically reacts, "The coroner? I'm so sick of that guy! See you in the operating place!" before being greeted by the media, closing the door, and saying "Oh, it's such a nice day. I think I'll go out the window," and jumping out of a one-story window) — Homer sees the 'good' doctor as his only chance to have the surgery done an affordable price. While hospitalized, Homer, to his dismay, discovers Ned Flanders, who is donating a kidney and a lung, is his roommate. However, in this time of need, Homer has become more of a praying man like Flanders, begging God to look after his family should God decide Homer's time has come. However, Homer is reprimanded by a nurse who reveals that the hospital has a policy against prayer.

 

Just before the surgery, a nervous Dr. Nick tries to review the basic procedures of the surgery he is about to perform by renting an instructional video, but the most important part of the procedure is taped over with 'People Who Look like Things'. On the day of the surgery, Nick proceeds with the surgery but quickly realizes he doesn't know what to do. Fortunately, Lisa — who has studied cardiology — is in the operating room amphitheater and tells Dr. Nick that in order to begin the surgery he must cut below the blockage, and Dr. Nick seems to take it from there. Amazingly, the surgery is a success, and Homer makes a full recovery and Dr. Nick walks off with a grin on his face (though his moment of glory is short lived when he is confronted by Mr. McGreg, a previous patient of his, who had an arm and leg swapped due to Dr. Nick lying about his experience). In the end, Homer's heart, with some help, thumps out the Simpson's theme tune just before the credits roll.

Best Quotes:

 

 

Homer: And Lisa...

Bart: (whispers into Homer's ear)

Homer: I guess this is the time to tell you...

Bart: (whispers into Homer's ear)

Homer: ...that you're adopted and I don't like you..... BART!

 

Moe: Now let's have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend, Homer Simpson.

Barney: How long has it been?

Moe: 6 seconds.

Barney: Do we have to start over?

Moe: Hell, no.

 

 

43RD-

 

S1E1:

 

Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire

 

 

 

Homer hastily drives the Family Sedan with Marge and Maggie through a snow-covered street. They are late for Bart and Lisa's Christmas pageant at Springfield Elementary School. After crashing into a pile of snow at the front of Springfield Elementary School park, Homer and Marge stumble through a full audience to find their seats. Homer and Marge sit down just in time to see Principal Skinner introduce the second grade. The children do a presentation of different Santa Clauses from around the world such as Ralph Wiggum as Hotei Oshō. Dewey Largo introduces Lisa, playing Tawanga, the Santa Claus of the South Seas. Lisa’s dance causes awe throughout the crowd. Lisa performs a skilled dance with lit torches, performing tricks such as throwing it around herself – Lisa also wears see-through clothing, effectively ‘revealing' Lisa completely at the end of her act. Skinner eventually introduces the fourth grade singing Christmas carols. Jingle Bells is sung first and after the first verse, Bart picks up his voice volume during the chorus and sings a Batman-themed parody, causing an irate Skinner to withdraw Bart from the performance. Homer gives a disappointed look for Bart's actions, but as the pageant continues, he grows bored and wonders aloud how long the pageant will last.

 

At the Simpson family home, Marge writes a letter for the Simpson family Christmas cards, as Homer gets out Christmas decorations, and Bart and Lisa write their Christmas wish lists. In the letter, Marge describes family life. As she reads the letter, Marge's narration describes her writing, the camera pans around to the different family members as she mentions their names and stories. Marge soon stops writing, due to Homer's grumpy demeanor. Bart and Lisa show Marge their wish lists; Marge is uncomfortable when Lisa once again asks for a pony for Christmas, but Lisa remains optimistic about her present request. Marge plans to read Bart's letter to Santa, hoping he would be a bit more reasonable. However, he proves to be the same as Lisa when he asks for a tattoo, which escalates into a debate among Homer, Marge, and Bart. Homer and Marge quickly refuse to let Bart have one regardless. They are interrupted by a phone call; Homer answers to Patty who refuses to speak with him, requesting Marge; a grumbling Homer hands the phone over to Marge and the two sisters discuss their plans, Christmas Eve—the sisters also find time to criticize Marge's choice in a husband.

 

Homer is outside adding the finishing touches to the Christmas lights on the roof, while the three children watch. Homer falls from the roof, lands in the snow, and calls out to Marge to power the lights. Only a few of the lights actually light up, and Homer admires his handy work, while the kids are less than impressed. Ned Flanders is also outside, along with Todd Flanders, and ready to plug in his lights for the first time; he calls out to Homer and tells him to admire his superiority. As he plugs the lights in, the entire Flanders house lights up, including a talking Santa Claus on the roof. The lights illuminate everyone's faces and much to Homer's dismay; his kids are very impressed at Ned's display of lights, yet Homer still manages to criticize Ned's work obviously jealous over the fact Ned's display is better than his own.

 

Marge tells the kids to grab their money so they can go Christmas shopping at the Springfield Mall. As the excited kids run off to get their money, Homer asks Marge where she has been keeping the Christmas savings. She makes him turn around and she pulls a jar out of her hair. It is a very large jar full of money, impressing Homer. Later at the mall, Marge, Lisa, and Maggie look at gifts together; Bart is off by himself and comes across The Happy Sailor Tattoo Parlor. In the window, he sees a tattoo of a heart with the word “mother” written across it. He imagines that Marge will have a positive reaction to him getting a tattoo, so he runs inside the parlor, gives false information to the tattoo artist Mervin Monroe about his age, and gets into the chair.

 

At the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, Mr. Burns, the plant's owner, and rightful boss announces over the loudspeaker that there will not be any Christmas bonuses this year for unskilled workers, including Homer. Homer sighs as he remembers they still have the big jar full of money for Christmas presents. Back at the mall, Marge hears Bart's yells of pain coming from inside the tattoo parlor and she quickly runs inside to see Bart with the heart tattoo practically finished on his arm. She quickly pulls him out of the chair and takes him to Dr. Zitsofsky's Dermatology Clinic, Bart insists that he actually thought she'd like it. The tattoo removal is expensive but doable and requires a full cash payment up front. Marge decides to use all the Christmas money for Bart's tattoo removal; although unhappy, she assumes Homer's Christmas bonus will cover future costs. Bart then undergoes a “James Bond”-style operation. Back at home, Lisa tells Homer what has happened and Homer freaks out. Marge tells him to calm down, and that they will just have to stretch his Christmas bonus further for the year. Homer fakes relief when Marge mentions his bonus; he tells everyone that this will be the best Christmas ever and steps outside for a walk, choosing to conceal the truth. Once outside, he looks at his poorly decorated house and then at Flanders' masterpiece. A depressed Homer hangs his head in despair on the sidewalk.

 

Marge senses something is amiss with Homer and asks if there is something wrong. Homer almost tells her the truth about his Christmas bonus, but quickly backpedals and instead offers to do the Christmas shopping so she doesn't have to. Marge agrees and is content with Homer's answer; the two sleep. The next day, Homer does the Christmas shopping alone at Circus of Values. He purchases pantyhose for Marge, pads of paper for Bart and a squeaky chew toy for Maggie. While purchasing such dismal presents, Homer uses empty optimism to assure his own self. On his way out the door with his bag of presents, Homer accidentally crashes into Ned and Todd, while he carries an armful of fancily wrapped packages. All the presents are spilled onto the ground, and as Homer picks the few he purchased and sees how many Ned bought, Ned attempts to sort the presents, unintentionally gloating his wealth. At Moe's Tavern, Homer drinks a beer alone, when a cheerful Barney arrives wearing a Santa Claus costume. Barney explains that he is in a good mood because he has extra money from working a part-time job acting as a department store Santa at the mall. Homer suddenly has an idea, so he goes to the personnel office in the mall, where he fills out an application and is interviewed to be a mall Santa. After he finishes reviewing Homer's application, as well as interviewing him, the personnel director welcomes Homer aboard and sends him to mall Santa training. A montage of Homer enduring Santa training ensues, with the Hypnotist as the teacher.

 

Homer finally gets home late at night and a worried Marge wants to know where he has been. Homer assures the insignificance of his tardiness and heads upstairs, but Marge tells him they have guests, Patty and Selma. As Homer talks to Patty and Selma, they comment on the fact that the Simpsons don't have a Christmas tree up yet. Homer gives false information and tells them he was about to leave, and he rushes out the door. In the car, Homer drives past several Christmas tree lots; gradually, the trees become cheaper from the earlier expensive ones. Eventually, he stops at a private Christmas Tree Farm and uses a chainsaw to steal a nice Christmas tree for the family. Homer is soon met with retaliation: the farm owner fires his gun upon Homer and has two hounds pursue. However, Homer escapes relatively easily. Back at home, Homer stands up the tree, and everyone is impressed except for Patty and Selma. On Christmas Eve at the mall, Homer works as Santa Claus, while children wait in line to sit on his lap, one being a very greedy child. From a distance, Bart, Milhouse, and Lewis watch the children line up to sit on Santa's lap while they comment on the gullibility of the kids. Milhouse dares Bart to yank off Santa's beard and Bart agrees. Bart jumps in line and finally gets his turn on Santa's lap. Not knowing that Santa is really Homer, Bart yanks off his beard. Bart is surprised at what he uncovers, and Homer escorts Bart into Santa's workshop for speaking in private, leaving Alfie to cover for him. Homer explains the situation to Bart, who understands and feels terrible for pulling Homer's beard off.

 

Bart goes with Homer as he picks up his check. Homer is surprised to learn that his net pay is only $13 (despite his $120 gross pay). When he questions the cashier, she explains the majority of his check went to pay for the Santa suit and beard, social security, unemployment insurance, training, and Christmas club account balance. While a depressed Homer sits down to figure out what to do with the $13, an excited Barney tells Homer that he is going to the Springfield Downs to place a bet with his earnings. He invites Homer to come along with him, ensuring a win on the dog Whirlwind. Homer is reluctant but Bart convinces him to go, citing that this might be their only chance to save the Simpson family Christmas.

 

Patty, Selma, Abe Simpson, Marge, Maggie, and Lisa wait for Homer and Bart to come home while watching a The Happy Little Elves Christmas special. Meanwhile, at the dog track, Barney insists Homer should bet on Whirlwind. After seeing what Whirlwind looks like, Homer is reluctant to bet on him. Just then, an announcement plays over the P.A. system: a dog named Santa's Little Helper will be replacing Sir Galahad in the fourth race. Bart senses that the announcement is an omen and chooses to ask Homer to bet on him, and despite the fact that the odds are ninety-nine to one, which means that the dog's winning chances are extremely rare. Homer puts down all $13 on Santa's Little Helper. Meanwhile, at home, Patty and Selma talk bad about Homer, while everyone waits for him and Bart. Lisa then explains to Patty how her bad mouthing will damage herself, confusing Patty. Back at the track, Homer and Bart anxiously await the running of the fourth race. As the race begins, Homer and Bart cheer on Santa's Little Helper, but Whirlwind, Barney's pick, is out to an early lead with Santa's Little Helper bringing up the rear. Homer and Bart quickly realize their chances at winning any money are dashed, as Santa's Little Helper finishes last.

 

Homer and Bart look for discarded betting slips hoping to find one that has been thrown away with a winner but to no avail. A dejected Bart and Homer head back to their car, when off in the distance they see Les, a racing dog owner, scolding Santa's Little Helper and sending him away for losing once again. Santa's Little Helper leaps up into Homer's arms. Bart asks Homer if they can keep the dog. Homer, reluctant at first, quickly warms up to the dog and plans to take him home. Back at the Simpson home, while everyone still awaits Bart and Homer's return, a sad-looking Homer arrives and starts to confess to everyone about the fact that he didn't receive his Christmas bonus, and apologizes for the lack of presents. However, Bart interrupts Homer by introducing the family to Santa's Little Helper and watches the hound run into the room barking. Everyone ignores Homer and falls in love with Santa's Little Helper. Marge forgives Homer and he realizes that in the end, he has done a good job providing gifts at Christmas for the Simpson family. A photo of the happy family is then taken.

 

During the closing credits, the Simpson family begin singing "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer", while Maggie is riding on Santa's Little Helper. At the end of a few stanzas, Homer scolds Bart and Lisa for ruining the song, such as calling out "Like a light-bulb!". Homer eventually sings "Rudolph, get your nose over here, so you can guide my sleigh today". However, in the end, Bart interrupts once again, causing Homer to strangle Bart while shouting "You little--- Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!"

Best Quotes:

 

 

Bart: Hey, Santa, what's shakin', man?

Homer: (as Santa) What's your name, Bart-ner... uh... little partner?

Bart: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?

Homer: (annoyed) I'm Jolly ol' Saint Nick.

Bart: Oh, yeah? We'll see about that! (Pulls off Homer's Santa beard, just as their photo is taken)

Homer: D'oh!

 

Bart: I'll say, Dad. You must really love us to sink so low.

Homer: Come on, son. Let's go cash this baby and get presents for...(screams) thirteen bucks?! Hey, wait a minute!

Clerk: That's right. $120 gross, less social security...

Homer: Yeah...

Clerk: ...less unemployment insurance...

Homer: But...

Clerk: ...less Santa training...

Homer: Santa?

Clerk: ...less costume purchase...

Homer: Wait a minute!

Clerk: ...less beard rental, less Christmas club.

Homer: But...but...

Clerk: See you next year.

 

Homer: Okay, kids, prepare to be dazzled. Marge! Turn on the juice!

(Marge turns on the Christmas lights, and the results are less than spectacular. One bulb even blows out.)

Homer: Well, what do you think kids?

Lisa: Nice try, Dad.

Bart: Ugh...

42ND-

 

S7E1:

 

Who Shot Mr Burns?, Part II

 

 

After a drunken night, Smithers wakes up to find Mr. Burns in the shower. Smithers is relieved that he didn't shoot Mr. Burns, but things get weird when Mr. Burns reveals that it's 1965 and the duo are undercover detectives on the hot-rod racing circuit. An intro to a campy, 1960s series called Speedway Squad! (In Color) plays and Smithers wakes up, realizing that the entire shower/Speedway Squad! part was all just a dream, but, sadly, not him becoming a hideous, drunken wreck who lives in a trashed apartment and belches up cigarettes.

 

Kent Brockman reports on Mr. Burns' shooting. He was immediately rushed to a nearby hospital where he was pronounced dead, until being transferred to a better hospital where doctors "upgraded" his condition to alive. Chief Wiggum gives a brief summary about the shooting and reveals that Maggie and Santa's Little Helper are in police custody for questioning due to them being witnesses to the shooting.

 

Whilst in question, Maggie and Santa's Little Helper are unable to cooperate with any inquires or questions due to them being unable to speak.

 

At the Simpson residence, Lisa says that everyone in Springfield had a reason for shooting Mr. Burns, even themselves. Everyone starts arguing among themselves about who did it, when Marge announces that there is already a prime suspect: Smithers.

 

Smithers begins to wonder the streets alone wondering if he shot Mr. Burns in a drunken attack. Just as Smithers begins to have doubts, he finds a recently fired gun in his jacket pocket and starts to have a flashback. In the flashback, Smithers is walking home and runs into a mysterious figure outside where pulls out the gun and shoots him in the leg, believing he shot Mr. Burns. Smithers breaks down, crying "Mr. Burns, what have I done!" An Autoland Muffler Sales advertisement mascot then wondered up and making sure no one is watching, shoved leaflets into Smithers' pockets before moving on.

 

Moe, Barney, Lenny and Carl arrive at Homer's house and ask if he wants to come and help pull down Burns’ sun blocker. With the help of Snake, Otto, Krusty, Skinner, Groundskeeper Willie and Bumblebee Man, the successfully pull the device down and send it crashing into Shelbyville, much to everyone's delight.

 

Guilt ridden, Smithers goes to church to confess his sins. Thinking that he is talking to a priest, Smithers confesses that he shot Mr. Burns. Chief Wiggum bursts into the confession box and takes Smithers to the police station for questioning, whilst being held at gunpoint.

 

Both the police and the press interrogate Smithers, who cracks a Madonna gag to Kent Brockman. Krusty, who is watching the TV at the time, claims it was his joke, but Sideshow Mel mentions that Krusty plagiarized it from an episode of "Pardon My Zinger". Mel remembers at the town meeting that Smithers said that he never missed an episode of that show, which airs on Comedy Central. This causes him to realize that since Mr. Burns had been shot between 3:00 and 3:30 pm, and the show airs at 3:00 pm, then if Smithers had seen the episode, he wouldn't have been able to have also been Burns' shooter.

 

Mel heads for the station with Krusty to point this out and Smithers realizes that he had seen the entire episode and recalls that he left the town meeting early to get home in time, and that the old man he ran into on the way was Jasper. Smithers hangs his head in sorrow when he realizes that instead of shooting a crooked old man who betrayed or crushed everyone he ever came across, he shot an innocent one walking down the street. But Chief Wiggum then realizes that if Smithers did in fact shoot Jasper, the incident should have been reported.

 

The police and Smithers head for the newly repaired retirement castle to check on Jasper and discover that Smithers did shoot him, but luckily the leg he shot was his wooden prosthetic one, and Jasper never reported it because he had simply forgotten about it due to his senility.

 

With the prime suspect cleared, the police continue to investigate the matter. Lisa chooses to help by making a chart of all the other major suspects. However, she forgets about Tito Puente, and when she tells the police (when Wiggum points out he is a suspect) that he did vow revenge, the police go to check him out.

 

Tito's plan for revenge is an insulting jazz song. After listening to the song, Tito is cleared of shooting Mr. Burns.#

 

Skinner is next on the list. Although his interrogation is much less spirited, the police are able to clear him. Skinner admits that he did plan to ambush Burns, but he was in the bathroom applying his camouflage makeup at the time of the shooting. Superintendent Chalmers can vouch for Skinner's whereabouts as he entered the bathroom at the time of the assault, just as Skinner realized he had taken his mother's makeup kit instead of his camo make-up. Skinner also points that out anything else Chalmers tells the police "is a filthy lie!".

 

Willie is then brought to the police station for questioning. There he reveals that he has arthritis in his index fingers, which he got from playing "Space Invaders" in 1977 (though he didn't seem to understand it was a video game). This makes it impossible to pull a trigger on a gun.

 

Moe is then interrogated via polygraph, which proves that he didn't shoot Mr. Burns either. Unfortunately for the local bar tender, he still ends up embarrassing himself when the polygraph detects his lies about his plans for the evening. Lou and Eddie simply watch on amused, until Moe has confessed and humiliated himself.

 

Marge discovers Grampa's gun box has been dug up in the back yard but the gun has gone missing and immediately questions Grampa with whom is denying any acknowledge of the gun since she took it of him. When Marge leaves the room, Grampa strokes the gun and says he missed it. Grampa quickly hides the gun up his shirt when Marge reenters the room.

 

With the investigation at a dead end, Chief Wiggum prepares to have some coffee but realizes there is none left. He drinks some warm cream instead and falls asleep. In a dream, Wiggum is on a curtain-closed stage eating doughnuts. Lisa walks on stage. She is taking backwards and is holding a card on fire. Lisa tells Chief Wiggum to look on Burns' clothing on the night he got shot for clues. However, Wiggum doesn't understand her, causing her to bluntly (and in a normal tone rather than talking backwards) yell at him to look for DNA evidence in Burns' suit. Around this time, Eddie suggested that they trace DNA within the suit Mr. Burns was wearing, with Wiggum then asking Eddie whether he had the backwards talking dream as well, to his confusion.

 

 

At the hospital, Wiggum looks up and down Burns' suit. The Chief of Police then finally catches a break when he comes across an eyelash. Taking it to a lab Wiggum, with a little bit of bribery is able to get an instant result. A DNA test reveals that the eyelash belongs to a member the Simpson family. Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Burns finally regains consciousness and the first words out of his mouth are "Homer Simpson." Eddie and Lou immediately assume that Burns is identifying his attacker and rush off to tell Wiggum. However, a subsequent check up from Dr Nick reveals that 'Homer Simpson' is in fact all that Burns can say.

 

Unaware of this, the police raid the Simpson home for clues. The family are all shocked when Wiggum reveals that Simpson DNA was found on Burns' clothing and that Burns mentioned Homer was the one responsible. As Bart tries to push his father out the door, Lou and Eddie come in. The former is carrying a gun, which he found under the seat of Homer's car. Homer insists that the gun isn't his nor has he ever seen it before. To his horror however, his fingerprints are detected all over it. Chief Wiggum then carries out a ballistic comparison and finds that the bullets loaded in the weapon match the one taken out of Burns. With that Homer Simpson is officially arrested for attempted murder by Clancy Wiggum.

 

Seizing his chance, Homer escapes. He eventually manages to make it the hospital. There he confronts Burns assuring him that he "won't be telling anyone else Homer Simpson shot you!" Later at the police station, Wiggum names Homer as the prime suspect. A moment later, Smithers makes a live TV appeal. Saying that he is certain that Mr Burns would want justice, he offers a $50,000 reward for Homer's capture, dead or alive.

 

Back at the Simpsons residence, Marge and Lisa are worried about Homer's situation. Marge thinks that the police have a very strong case, but Lisa insists that the evidence is not as strong as it appears. She points out that Chief Wiggum said they had Simpson DNA, not Homer's specifically. Also, just because the gun was found under the drivers seat, with his fingerprints on it, doesn't mean Homer handled it. Lisa thinks back to an earlier occasion sometime after Burns was shot. Homer was driving with two ice cream cones; when he inevitably dropped one of them, he reached blindly under the wheel, but the only thing he found was a green lollipop.

 

Going back to town hall, Lisa starts searching for something that can clear her father's name. With a bit of help from a passing pigeon, she suddenly remembers seeing Burns staggering after he was shot and how he collapsed upon the sun dial. With a gasp of horror, Lisa is then able to figure out who Burns' shooter really is!

 

Lou is nearby and a police bulletin reports that Homer has been spotted at the hospital. Lisa, the police and the rest of Springfield race to the hospital (the latter desperate to claim the bounty). Lisa manages to get there first and following a short race through the hospital bars the entrance to Burns' room. Screaming loudly, she tells everybody that her father is innocent and wouldn't hurt a fly. Upon entering the ward however, everybody finds Homer shaking Mr. Burns vigorously by the scruff, telling him to stop telling everyone that Homer shot him. As Homer continues to shake him, Burns finally finds his voice and asks "What is the meaning of this? Smithers, who is this beast that's shaking me?"

 

Hearing this, Homer, (who does not realise Burns just effectively exonerated him), screams "D'oh!" at the top of his voice. He snatches a gun out of the unsuspecting Wiggum's hand and levels it at Monty, prompting the other cops to train their weapons on him. Ignoring them, Homer orders Burns to tell everyone that he never shot him.

 

Laughing at the mere prospect, Burns states that Homer doesn't have the cranial capacity nor the right amount of fingers to use a gun. With Homer now officially cleared, Burns proceeds to identify the real perpetrator. Looking round the room, Burns spots his attacker, screams in horror and then identifies his true assailant: Maggie Simpson.

 

With this, Mr Burns explains what happened after he left the town meeting. With the success of his sun-blocker, he had felt like celebrating. He walked into the parking lot to find Maggie, alone, in the Simpson car. Seeing that she was smiling, he asked what she was so happy about, at which point she held up a lollipop. Homer then pulls a lollipop out of his shirt pocket; it was the one he had picked up off the car floor earlier while he searching for his ice cream cone. Upon seeing it, Maggie reaches out in an attempt to grab it, proving it to be the same lollipop as before.

 

Continuing with his story, Burns reveals that he decided to fulfill his earlier desire from Part 1. He tried to wrestle the candy away from Maggie (literally trying to take candy from a baby), which due to his own physical weakness proved to be much more difficult than anticipated. As they struggled for the candy, Burns' gun slipped from its holster. When he finally wrenched the sweet away, it fell out into Maggie's hands, causing it to discharge. The gun and the lollipop had then fallen under the seat, where the latter remained until Lou recovered it. Homer would inadvertently leave his fingerprints on the gun while searching under the seat for the ice cream cone. Losing strength, Mr. Burns, tried to find aid, but finding only a useless Jimbo, he gave up and collapsed on the sundial, where Lisa notes he used his last ounce of strength to stretch his arms to point to W and S where, from his point of view, read M and S, Maggie's initials. Burns corrects her; he'd actually used the last of his strength to suck out his gold fillings and swallow them so as to keep paramedics from stealing them, and the position of his arms was purely coincidental.

 

Burns story brings the case to a close, but Monty still wants justice. Unwilling to accept Marge's apology on her baby daughters behalf, he demands that Maggie be arrested. Wiggum refuses, stating that no jury in the world will convict a baby — except maybe Texas. As everybody else files out, Marge insists that the shooting must have been an accident.

 

However, a final focus shows Maggie looking around the room cautiously. When she is certain that nobody is looking, Maggie moves her pacifier in a manner resembling gunshots, suggesting that she may have shot Burns intentionally.

Best Quotes:

 

 

Burns: Homer Simpson?

Homer: So, you finally learned my name, eh?

Burns: [shaking head] Homer Simpson.

Homer: I've got no time for your demented parlor games. You won't be telling anyone else that Homer Simpson shot you... [reaches to strangle Burns]

 

 

 

 

Lisa: STOP! DON'T SHOOT MY DAD! He's innocent. He wouldn't hurt a fly! [they open the door]Burns: [being strangled and shaken] Ho-mer Simp-son! Ho-mer Simp-son!Lisa quote 3

Homer: Stop telling them it was me! I'll kill you for saying it was me.

Burns: [grunting] What-ho is the Mer-meaning of this? Smithers, who is this beast that's shaking me?

Homer: [loses it] D'OOOOOOOHHHH! [grabs a gun, cocks it as Burns' head] SAY IT BURNS, SAY I NEVER SHOT YOOOU! Before.

Burns: Shot? [chuckles] By you? I'm afraid not, my primitive friend. Your kind has neither the cranial capacity nor the opposable digits to operate a firearm. The one who shot me was--[looks around, sees his assailant] Aah! Aah! Aah! M-Maggie Simpson!

 

I BELIEVE IN YOU, MACK!!!!!! This is a good ranking!! You can do it!!

 

Who Shot Mr Burns vs Who Shot Phil? Was an iconic piece of culture!

41ST-

 

S4E22:

 

Krusty Gets Kancelled

 

 

 

 

One afternoon, while Homer and Bart are watching The Springfield Squares, a highly distracting commercial is aired for something named "Gabbo". The advertisement is the start of a viral marketing campaign around Springfield to build interest in whatever "Gabbo" is. At one point, a distressed Rev. Lovejoy expresses his concern that the term "Gabbo" has fallen into common usage, in lieu of religious terms such as "worship" and "Jericho".

 

Finally, "Gabbo" is unveiled with great fanfare — he is a Howdy Doody-type ventriloquist's dummy with a voice that sounds like Jerry Lewis. Ventriloquist Arthur Crandall announces that Gabbo's new program will air in direct competition with the established Krusty the Clown Show, each afternoon at 4 PM. Gabbo's catchphrase — "I'm a bad widdle boy" — instantly charms his intended audience, and this has a negative impact on Krusty and his show.

 

The clown vows to withstand the competition from the new program, but Gabbo's cutthroat tactics and fantastic reviews quickly attract Krusty's audience. Gabbo even steals away Krusty's signature cartoon, The Itchy & Scratchy Show, since it would be exposed to far-higher ratings than the fast-fading Krusty. Later, a newspaper reads, "Gabbo fabbo, Krusty rusty," indicating that the dummy has turned Springfield against the clown. Krusty tries to fight back with a dummy of his own, but due to its gruesome appearance and poor condition, it falls apart on Krusty's lap, and scares off many of the child audience. Eventually, Krusty's ratings hit rock bottom, and after being left to air a poorly produced, utterly incoherent cartoon called Worker and Parasite ("Eastern Europe's favorite cat and mouse team"), his show is cancelled. Bart tries to derail Gabbo's success, by secretly turning on a studio camera (after distracting the camera man, who apparently is "quite low brow", with a supposed bawdy limerick graffitied onto the men's restroom), which catches Gabbo bad-mouthing his audience on-air. However, that backfires when Kent Brockman says the word and is fired, bringing Gabbo back in the public eye.

 

Left without work, Krusty falls on hard times and begins suffering from depression. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa — all along unimpressed with Gabbo — reveal to him a plan to get him back into the public eye: expose Gabbo as a profane flash-in-the-pan, and plan a huge prime-time special starring Krusty. Believing there still may be hope for himself yet, Krusty agrees. Bart and Lisa begin recruiting major celebrities to appear on Krusty's special: Bette Midler, Johnny Carson, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Sideshow" Luke Perry (Krusty's "worthless half-brother"), and Elizabeth Taylor. Taylor's agent declines the invitation before Bart and Lisa can speak with her; she later remarks that she needs to fire him while watching the special on TV.

 

Bart and Lisa return to Krusty to declare their success, only to find him morbidly obese from drinking several fatty milkshakes after believing them to be weight-losing shakes. Fortunately, the entire Simpson family helps get him back into shape before the special airs.

 

The show is a success, and later at Moe's Tavern, Bart makes a toast; "To Krusty... the greatest entertainer in the world! (Except Johnny Carson who's dancing while playing the accordion and balancing Jasper and Grampa on his head with a table, who think it's the bus to the civic center.)

40TH-

 

S6E4:

 

Itchy & Scratchy Land

 

 

 

Bart and Lisa observe a commercial for the new amusement park named Itchy and Scratchy Land, and immediately want to visit it. Marge has already booked a family vacation to a bird sanctuary, but after revealing that the theme park has a place for adults, Bart and Lisa win their parents over, on the condition that they will not embarrass Marge as on previous holidays. After a long car journey (from Homer being impulsive and taking a "shortcut"), they reach Itchy & Scratchy Land parking lot, where they are then flown to the park by helicopter and told nothing can "possi-blie" go wrong.

 

Marge is slightly uneasy with the many references to violence at the park, but has an enjoyable time visiting the various violent attractions, which include a parade filled with Itchy and Scratchy robots. Homer and Marge eventually tire out and spend time away from the kids at the nearby "Parents Island" as Bart and Lisa continue having fun. Bart and Lisa also visit a movie theater, where a documentary about the history of Itchy & Scratchy is being presented, including clips of the old Itchy & Scratchy films "Scratchtasia" and "Pinitchio". Although going well, the family's vacation is ruined when Bart launches a stink bomb onto an actor in an Itchy suit and is arrested by park security. Homer is also arrested for "kicking an Itchy in the butt." Marge is informed of her son's and husband's transgressions and is immediately embarrassed.

 

Meanwhile, Professor Frink, chief of the animatronic robots in the park parades, tells the other staff that, according to chaos theory, all the Itchy & Scratchy robots will turn on their masters. This happens seconds after he makes the announcement, because he forgot to "carry the one". Bart and Homer are released, with the embarrassed Marge chewing them out. As Homer tries to defend himself, claiming he was a political prisoner, the power suddenly cuts out across the park. Seconds later, a horde of Itchy and Scratchy robots advance upon them. Homer has his hair chopped off and Marge laments that they should have gone to the bird sanctuary. However a cut away reveals that the residents of said sanctuary escaped and are attacking the guests, meaning the Simpsons would have been in trouble no matter where they went.

 

Back at Itchy and Scratchy Land, the park is immediately evacuated and the family finds the last helicopter about to take off. Unfortunately, amongst the people on board are disgruntled staff members, whom Bart and Homer previously heckled. In revenge for pranking them, one of the employees kicks the two men away from the helicopter, which takes off leaving the stranded Simpsons to their fate. The family are soon surrounded by the out of control robots, but Homer angrily stands his ground. Defiantly telling the machines that "Nobody ruins my family vacation - but me, and maybe the boy!" Homer reaches into his pockets and frantically throws everything he can at them. The last thing he grabs is his camera. The impact sets the camera off and the flash causes four robots to short circuit. With Lisa pointing out the robots weakness, Bart grabs a mallet, runs to a camera shop and grabs more cameras (but also pauses to steal some collector plates). Armed Homer, Marge, Bart and Lisa face down and ultimately defeat the entire Itchy & Scratchy army.

 

With the battle over, Bart and Lisa reflect that this was their best vacation ever. Marge is not convinced at first, but once Lisa points out that this holiday gave the family everything they wanted in a vacation, she changes her mind and agrees with them. Nevertheless, she tells the her kids to never to speak of the trip again, as she is still embarrassed by Homer and Bart's previous actions. Help finally arrives and the Simpsons are personally thanked by Roger Myers Jr. He presents them with two free lifetime passes despite there being five of them. Surveying the carnage, Professor Frink worries about what impact this will have on Euro Itchy and Scratchy Land. The next scene shows that nobody is coming to the Itchy & Scratchy Land in Europe, much to the receptionist frustration.

 

 

Back at the Simpsons' residence, Bart, Lisa and Marge are watching Itchy and Scratchy again. Marge tells her kids that TV violence may be funny, but real violence is no good. Bart tells Marge that it would be funny if someone was watching them doing violence. Lisa agrees and demonstrates by throwing her shoe at Bart. Marge and Lisa both laugh, but once she realizes what she is laughing at Marge sends Lisa to her room.

 

 

Best Quotes:

 

39TH-

 

S413:

 

Selma's Choice

 

 

After seeing an ad for Duff Gardens featuring Lance Murdock, Homer and the kids start to get ready to leave but Marge comes in with sad news, their Great Aunt Gladys (whom Bart mistakes for an unnamed relative that's short, has blue hair, and a big dent in her forehead; Marge corrects him by saying she looked like Patty, which disgusts Bart) has died. The Simpsons attend the funeral and subsequent reading of the will. On the video will, Great Aunt Gladys warns Patty and Selma not to die alone without a husband and children as she did. Selma starts to worry that her biological clock may be ticking, and sets out to have a baby. Video dating only disgusts her potential suitors, Madame Opal's love potion turns out to be a truth serum made of corn syrup and rubbing alcohol, Selma unsuccessfully hits on The Squeaky-Voiced Teen while he bags her cigarettes and TV Guide, her date with Hans Moleman goes nowhere after she imagines her life as the mother of ugly, prematurely elderly, blind kids (one of which dies after falling out the window), artificial insemination is a no-go after she sees Barney turn in his sperm donation and several mothers leave with belching infants, and getting a husband via mail-order ended with her getting a cardboard cut-out.

 

Meanwhile, Homer promises Bart and Lisa that they will go to Duff Gardens that weekend (remarking as long as another relative doesn't die), but Homer becomes ill after eating a spoiled hoagie he got from the nuclear plant company picnic. Despite his efforts, Homer is not well enough to go, especially when he collapses and suddenly turns pale. Marge, in an effort to give Selma a chance to experience the responsibilities of parenthood, nominates her to take the two. While disappointed at first, Homer and Marge end up having a wonderful time together, watching such videos as Boxing's Greatest Weigh-Ins, Yentl, and The Erotic Adventures of Hercules. Bart and Lisa wear Selma out at Duff Gardens. Things come to a head when the three are on "The Little Land of Duff" ride and Bart dares Lisa to drink the ride's water, which has become so toxic and sludgy that Lisa doesn't think it's water at all. When Lisa drinks it (at Selma's insistence to keep Bart and Lisa from annoying her), Lisa starts hallucinating and acting erratically, escaping the ride and wandering the park in a drugged stupor. Meanwhile, Bart sneaks on the Barrel Roll (pretending to be taller than he is) and ends up hanging upside-down after the ride operator stops the ride prematurely. Bart ends up detained for the Barrel Roll ride incident and, earlier, pantsing the George Washington robot at the Duff Hall of Presidents (which led to Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney making off with three bumper cars). The other security guards bring in Lisa, still high from the toxic water on "The Little Land of Duff", after finding her swimming naked in the Fermentarium. The park "doctor" prescribes Lisa with a handful of pills to sober her up.

 

 

The three return from Duff Gardens miserable. After these negative experiences caring for Bart and Lisa for a day, Selma realises that she isn't ready for children and adopts Jub-Jub, Gladys' iguana, instead.

 

Best Quotes:

 

38TH-

 

S6E1:

 

Bart of Darkness

 

 

At the start of summer vacation, Springfield is struck by a heatwave, the Simpsons' fridge breaks after a failed attempt to beat the heat. Bart and Lisa run outside when they hear an ice cream truck driving by but the driver tells them he's out of ice cream. They hear another bell from a chilly truck which Bart is disgusted by but Lisa tells him their hope is going to come by right away, fortunately, Otto comes to their salvation with the "Pool Mobile". Bart and Lisa and the rest of the neighborhood kids enjoy the pool time until Otto tells them that their time is up and that they don't have enough money in the budget to come back. Upon hearing this, Bart and Lisa convince Homer, rather easily, to buy them a pool. After mistakenly building a barn on the first try, the Simpsons build a proper pool and suddenly Bart and Lisa become the most popular kids in the neighborhood.

 

All the kids at Springfield Elementary, as well as kids they don't know (and who also don't know them), arrive at the Simpsons house every day to swim. However, when Bart is dared to jump from his treehouse into the pool, he gets distracted by Nelson ("Your epidermis is showing!") and falls and breaks his left leg. Bart is forced to wear a cast and cannot go swimming since he can't get his cast wet. He tries to hang out with other kids but no one really notices him, even Milhouse would rather be swimming than sitting in the sun. As a result Bart stays indoors with the cast on his leg while Lisa enjoys her newfound popularity with the other kids swimming in their pool. Even though she knows she is only being used for the pool, she ignores that thought believing she really has found some friends. Marge and Lisa soon take notice that Bart is becoming isolated and weird. To suppress Bart's sudden paranoia, Lisa gives Bart her telescope for something to do. He first comes to the conclusion that the universe is boring and instead uses the telescope to spy on Springfield residents. He finds nothing even remotely interesting to spy on, until he hears a female scream and observes Ned Flanders burying an object in his backyard.

 

After hearing a conversation between Ned, Rod, and Todd, Bart thinks that Ned will kill them as well. Lisa becomes unpopular again when Martin sets up a better pool in his backyard. Bart convinces Lisa to sneak into Flanders' house and snoop around for evidence. However, Bart sees Ned coming into his house with an axe. Certain that Ned intends to kill Lisa, Bart attempts to call 911 only to receive an automated response from a recording. Bart plans to rescue Lisa himself and struggles to get downstairs and out the door, encountering many setbacks on the way to Ned's house. Meanwhile, Lisa realizes Ned has returned home and sees him carrying an axe. She hides in the attic and Ned follows her. Bart arrives just in time to see Ned put the axe on a mount secured the wall. He is dumbfounded when he sees Bart, who confronts him, demanding to know why he killed Maude. Ned is surprised to hear Bart say that he murdered Maude and passes out.

 

The police arrive to the scene with both families, including Maude. Maude explains that she was actually at Bible camp for a week, learning how to be more judgmental. When Bart asks Ned about the "murder" that he saw, Ned breaks down and says that he accidentally overwatered Maude's favorite ficus plant, panicked, and then buried the remains; he had planned on replacing it before Maude came home. Bart then asks about the woman that he heard scream, and Ned says that he can't explain that. When Lou digs up Maude's dead ficus, Ned lets out a shrill-like scream of terror. Bart then concludes that everything is normal, and Homer gets sarcastic for a moment.

 

Meanwhile at Martin's house, his pool becomes too overfilled and bursts. Everyone leaves and Martin becomes unpopular again like Lisa or the other fictionalized characters. Nelson snatches Martin's bathing suit off, and Martin stares naked into the sunset as the credits roll.

 

Best Quotes:

 

 

37TH-

 

S512:

 

Bart Gets Famous

 

 

When Bart's class goes on a field trip, what Bart is expecting to be a day full of fun is soon dashed when Mrs. Krabappel bitterly guesses Principal Skinner is taking them to the Springfield Box Factory (again). Bart tries to use his imagination to pretend they're going somewhere else, but (due to his overindulgence in TV), it doesn't work. As they drive, most of the students and Mrs. Krabappel stare with their faces against the windows at other classes also on field trips but to much more exciting places (like Toy Town, the Fireworks Testing Range, and the Slide Factory) before pulling up at the box factory. The tour is something which everyone except Skinner and Martin find to be exaggeratedly dull. This includes Bart, who gets bored with the tour and sneakily escapes from the class to go to the Channel 6 TV studio nearby, where he wanders by a beach scene and Bumblebee Man. Back at the box factory, no one can find Bart. Skinner calls Homer who comes to the box factory, thinking that Bart was killed in one of the giant box-making machines.

 

Meanwhile, Bart meets up with Krusty, who is outraged that he does not have his Danish (Bart ate the last Danish, which was meant to be for Krusty). Because of this, Bart steals a Danish from Kent Brockman and gives it to Krusty, who then becomes grateful and asks him to become his assistant (Krusty has forgotten all the other times Bart has helped him out, from saving his career to renewing Krusty's relations with his father). When Bart returns home, Homer is relieved that he does not have to tell Marge that Bart was killed in a box accident; Bart even says "That's my lucky red hat sittin' on top of a double-corrugated, eight-fold, one 4-gauge box," to hide the fact he sneaked off during the field trip (neither Homer nor Marge ever found out Bart sneaked off). Afterwards, Bart continues his work as Krusty's assistant. Bart soon learns that being a crew member is not all suspense and glamour, as he gets taken for granted by the cast and put upon to do many things for Krusty, who calls him at all hours. Bart's name is only a small mention in the credits, so no one believes he helps Krusty. However, before Bart decides to quit, Krusty offers to let him say one line in a sketch. Bart messes up his lines and destroys all of the props on the stage. When the crowd's focus comes on him, he tries to get out of it, saying, "I didn't do it", which causes the audience to laugh and applaud. Seeing this, Krusty immediately uses Bart and his "I didn't do it" catchphrase in later sketches, and eventually creates a franchise out of it.

 

 

As Bart continues with his "I didn't do it" catch phrase, it begins to launch into all sorts of fame such as marketing, trinkets, and public appearances. Homer tries to market Lisa as a quipper, but she refuses, explaining that if she ever becomes famous for something, she wants it to be for something and not for some "obnoxious fad." Bart overhears this and begins to fear that the fad will wear off, so he tries to act intelligent (as during his interview on Conan O'Brien's show), but is ordered to just say the line. After having a nightmare where he is a has-been, Bart considers retirement, but Marge says while it may be monotonous for him, he is making people happy. Bart appears on the Krusty show repeating the one line, but it is now flopped. Krusty brusquely says Bart is a has-been, and even slams the door in his face. As Bart walks home, he reflects how fame can be fleeting.

 

Marge gives Bart a box of items she kept during his stint, and gives it to him to help him remember his time there. When Homer accidentally breaks the Simpsons' lamp, it sets off a number of memorable catchphrases:

 

Homer: D'oh!

Bart: ¡Ay, caramba!

Marge: Hmm...

Maggie: [sucks pacifier]Ned Flanders: Hi-diddly-ho!

Barney Gumble: [burps loudly]

Nelson Muntz: Ha Ha!

Mr Burns: Excellent!

Everyone looks at Lisa expectantly. However, Lisa isn't amused and says "If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room." As she goes upstairs, Homer asks, "What kind of catchphrase is that?" Lisa is the only member of the immediate Simpson family without a catchphrase.

 

Best Quotes:

 

Tour Guide: The story of how two brothers and five other men parlayed a small business loan into a thriving paper goods concern is a long and interesting one. And here it is. It all began with the fling of Form 63 7 / A - the application for a small business or farm. Many interesting and important things have been put into boxes over the years. Textiles, other boxes, even children's candy.

Milhouse: Do any of these boxes have candy in 'em?

Tour Guide: No.

Milhouse: Will they ever?

Tour Guide: No. We only make boxes to ship nails. Any other questions?

Martin: When will we be able to see a finished box, sir?

Tour Guide: Oh, we don't assemble them here. That's done in Flint, Michigan.

Bart: Any of your workers had their hands cut off by machinery?

Tour Guide: No.

Bart: And then the hand started crawling around and tried to strangle everybody?

Tour Guide: No, that has never happened.

Bart: Any popped eyeballs?

Tour Guide: I'm not sure what kind of factory you're thinking of. We just make boxes here.

Homer: (grabbing Principal Skinner by his collar) What do you mean you lost him? He might have fallen into one of these machines! (notices Bart's lucky red hat on top of one of the boxes) Oh my God, that's his lucky red hat! HE'S A BOX! (drops down to his knees) MY BOY IS A BOX! DAMN YOU, A BOX!!!

 

Bart: I'm telling you, I do work on the Krusty show. Look at the credits! (presses "play")

Krusty: Bye-bye, kids! (he laughs and credits roll)

Kent: I'm Kent Brockman. On the eleven o'clock news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm.

Bart: (pointing to his name on the TV) There's my name, right there. Bart Simpson.

Milhouse: Looks more like Brad Storch.

Martin: No! It says Betty. Betty Symington.

Nelson: (punching Bart in the stomach) That's for taking credit for other people's work! (Nelson, Milhouse and Martin leave the Simpson residence)

Bart: Awww...

Homer: It's okay, son. Who cares what a bunch of fourth graders think? You're doing what you want to do with your life. Nothing else matters.

Bart: Thanks, Dad. That's great advice.

Homer: Yep! Well, that's what got me where I am today.

Bart: (dejected again) Awww...

Homer: There, there.

 

 

36TH-

 

S7E15:

 

Bart The Fink

 

 

After Homer and the family inherit some money from his late Great Aunt Hortense upon meeting the stipulation of spending the night in a "haunted" house, Marge asks the kids what they want to spend their money on. However, when Bart intends to take advantage of a TacoMat deal (100 tacos for $100) and Lisa says she will contribute her inheritance to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, Marge puts her foot down and forces them to put their money in a bank account. Bart gets a checkbook that links into his account and starts writing checks to people. When he misses out on Krusty the Clown's signature at a signing event, Bart slips a small check into his pocket reasoning he'll get the autograph when the check is returned to him. When his monthly bank statement comes in, he is upset to find that Krusty has neglected to sign the check, and instead the stamp of a holding company is present.

 

Bart goes to the bank in the hopes that they can force Krusty to sign the check, but is informed that there is nothing wrong with simply stamping the check. However, the stamp makes the teller suspicious. He reports this, and through a network of calls to Springfield IRS, an illegal operation is discovered; Krusty is revealed to be one of the biggest tax cheats in history, who has been hiding assets in an illegal account in the Cayman Islands. Bart is left waiting at the bank for hours, only to be told he's managed to get Krusty arrested

 

To pay for his tax evasion, Krusty's salary will be reduced drastically. The repayment eats into all corners of his empire. The Krusty the Clown Show is scaled back drastically (no money exists in the budget for props, costumes or Sideshow Mel), the IRS takes over ownership of the Krusty Burger chain, and Krusty's valuables are auctioned off.

 

Shortly afterwards, Krusty is seen flying his private plane erratically, causing it to crash. When no remains are found, Krusty is declared dead. Bart is wracked with guilt, feeling terrible that he brought on the death of his idol. However, over the next couple of days, Bart is shocked when he sees a man looking suspiciously like Krusty. With Lisa's help, they soon find out that Krusty had faked his loss, and assumed the new identity of Rory B. Bellows. Confronting him at the Springfield Docks, Krusty claims he is happy being a salvager, but Bart and Lisa convince him about the perks of stardom.

 

Krusty chooses to give up his new life, and scuttles the boat. However, when Bart says what about the problems that will be waiting for him on land, Krusty says that he will commit insurance fraud by cashing in on the policy of the nonexistent Rory Bellows, ending his tax woes.

Best Quotes:

 

 

Bart: Krusty's my hero. How could I do this to him?

Lisa: It is a tragedy for all us kids, but Bart, you can't beat yourself up.

Bart: Yeah. There'll be plenty of people to do that for me at recess tomorrow.

 

35TH-

 

S6E19:

 

Lisa's Wedding

 

 

 

 

The episode begins with the Simpson family visiting a renaissance fair. Homer eats eight different kinds of meat and an ashamed Lisa wanders off to discover "Friar Wiggum's Fantastical Beastarium." One of his underwhelming creatures, an "Esquilax" (a horse with the head of a rabbit and the body of... a rabbit) runs off into the forest; Lisa follows it and finds a fortune telling booth. Although Lisa is at first skeptical, the fortune teller manages to name Lisa's entire family and their activities that they are doing, then begins to tell Lisa of her first true love.

 

The story then shifts into a flash-forward, to an eastern University in the year 2010 (at the time, 15 years in the future) where a now 23-year-old Lisa gets annoyed by a British student named Hugh Parkfield. At first, the two quarrel over a book in the library, but the pair eventually fall madly in love. The two realize they have a lot in common and Hugh invites Lisa to come back to his home in England so she can meet his parents, and is impressed with the Parkfield manor as well as their impeccable manners. Hugh proposes to Lisa and she immediately accepts.

 

The next day, Lisa calls home to tell Marge of the news and Marge promises that she will prevent Homer from ruining the wedding. We also learn that Marge is still a housewife, Bart is a 25-year-old who works as a twice divorced building demolition expert (and plans on going to law school), Maggie is a 16-year-old teenage girl who apparently never shuts up (although she never talks in the episode, and whenever she tries to she is interrupted), and Homer still works at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant (in Sector 7G, with Milhouse as his supervisor). When Homer mentions that Lisa is getting married, Milhouse states that Lisa was his 'one true love', a flashback is then shown of Lisa and Milhouse's date where she tells Milhouse that she plans to never get married and Milhouse starts to tear up. Lisa and Hugh travel to Springfield, where Lisa is worried that her family will embarrass her, and things get off to a bad start when Bart and Homer accidentally set a British flag on fire - but by accident, not to offend - only to put out the fire by stomping onto the flag and throwing compost onto it by Marge's suggestion.

 

At dinner, Lisa plans on going for a wedding dress fitting, and Homer decides to take Hugh out on the town to Moe's Tavern. Homer presents Hugh with a pair of tacky pig-themed cuff-links that Abraham Simpson wore on his wedding day, who then gave them to Homer to wear at his wedding to Marge, and Hugh grudgingly agrees to wear them during his wedding. Later that night, Lisa apologizes profusely for the behavior of her family and although Hugh says it was nothing, he loses sleep over it. Lisa manages to find her something old, which is her signature white pearl necklace she wore when she was little, her something new, which is her wedding dress, her something borrowed, which is Hugh’s mother’s antique brooch and her something blue which is a lock of Marge’s blue hair.

 

On the day of the wedding, Homer meets Hugh's parents and, to Hugh's relief, doesn't act too harshly. Meanwhile, Homer talks with Lisa and she discovers that Hugh didn't wear Homer's cuff links. She finds Hugh and asks him to wear them. He agrees, but says that after the wedding they will return to England and never see her family again (with the possible exception of Marge when their children are born). Outraged, Lisa declares that although she complains about her family, she still loves them and can't marry someone who doesn't understand that, calling the wedding off.

 

Back in the present once more, the fortune teller says that Hugh returned to England and never saw Lisa again and that there is nothing Lisa could do to prevent it - although she should "try to look surprised". Lisa questions the fortune teller about her "true love" and the fortune teller reveals that although Lisa will have a true love, she "specializes in foretelling relationships where you get jerked around." Lisa leaves the booth and finds Homer, who brags about his day at the fair and Lisa listens raptly as the pair walk home together.

Best Quotes:

 

Hugh: I've never met anyone who so understood the magic of Jim Carrey.

Lisa: He can make you laugh with no more than a frantic flailing of his limbs.

 

[Lisa and Hugh get a ride in a taxi from the Otto Cab Company, driven by Joe Quimby, whose corruption has finally caught up to him as he has been withdrawn from office]Lisa: Hey, I remember you! Mayor Quimby, right?

Mayor Quimby: I, uh, er, uh, uh, no. Look at this license: Mohammed Jafar.

[Quimby's transistor goes off and he answers it. Otto Mann, now with short hair and wearing a business suit, is on other end]

Otto: Quimby, after this fare, get your indicted ass out to the convention center.

Quimby: [to himself] I cut the ribbon at that convention center.

 

Bart: There's more to me than just demolition. I also crush cars into cubes. And in my spare time, I promote local tough man contests. Basically I'm getting out all my aggression till I go to law school.

Principal Skinner: [to Miss Hoover] We've been invited to the wedding of our only graduate to read at an adult level.

Miss Hoover: Mmm, it must be Lisa Simpson, because of course Martin Prince perished in that science fair explosion.

[The camera pans down below the earth]

Martin: [dressed up as The Phantom] Not quite perished, my lady love, although some days I wish I had. [starts playing "A Fifth of Beethoven" on an organ]

 

Bart: Wow, Lisa, looking at you makes me want to get married for a third time. I met a really nice exotic dancer the other night at Hugh's bachelor party.

Lisa: Hugh didn't have a bachelor party.

Bart: We had one in his honor. [Lisa stares at him]I had one in his honor. [Lisa continues to stare at him] I went to a strip club.

 

Hugh: [to Lisa]I must say, you were right. This has been quite trying. You know, I've attempted to enjoy your family on a personal level, on an ironic level, as a novelty, as camp, as kitsch, as cautionary example...nothing works. Frankly, I'll be quite relieved when we get back to England and we won't have to deal with them.

Lisa: Are you saying we won't see my family again?

Hugh: Well, possibly your mother will come when the children are born.

Lisa: I can't believe I'm hearing this. I don't want to cut my family out of my life.

Hugh: Really? But Lisa, you're better than this place: you're like a flower that grew out of a pot of dirt.

Lisa: That's a horrible thing to say!

Hugh: Well, come on, you complain about them more than anyone.

Lisa: Maybe, but I still love them! And I don't think you understand that. [walks out, leaving the ring in Hugh's hand]

 

34TH-

 

S2E11:

 

One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish

 

 

It is meatloaf night in the Simpson home and Homer is excited. Lisa however talks about how their food choices are so predictable and asks if they could try something new to eat. They decide on Friday night they will go out and eat, though Homer points out that's Pork Chop night. They asks Lisa where they could eat and responds by saying anywhere that doesn't have burgers, pizza, or fried chicken, which Homer says they can go to Mars. Marge says the family could go to the new sushi bar, The Happy Sumo. At first Homer refuses but after Lisa's constant insisting they go. The family gets great seating and orders their food, Bart and Lisa even check out the Karaoke bar singing the them from Shaft. After sampling most of the items on the menu, Homer orders sushi made from the fugu. Before placing his order, Akira tries to give Homer a minor warning, but is shooed to the iamspamspamamias he is hungry. Knowing that the fish could possibly poison and kill Homer if not cut properly, one of the apprentices goes to fetch the master chef. Unfortunately, he is busy having sex with Edna Krabappel, and yells at the apprentice to leave him alone, so his apprentice has to slice the fugu himself. The apprentice tries to do it carefully, but Homer starts yelling impatiently, disturbing the apprentice and forcing him to serve it quickly and sloppily. Homer considers it a treat, but the master chef soon returns and finds that the fish has not been prepared correctly and tells Homer that he may have been poisoned. Homer and Marge go to the hospital. After being filled in about the situation, Dr. Hibbert informs Homer that given the story Marge and the chef's had told him, it was very likely that he had accidentally consumed the poison of the blow-fish and if so he has twenty-four hours left to live. At night with Marge by his side, Homer plans not to tell his kids about the bad news and makes a list of all the activities he wants to do before he passes on.

 

It is meatloaf night in the Simpson home and Homer is excited. Lisa however talks about how their food choices are so predictable and asks if they could try something new to eat. They decide on Friday night they will go out and eat, though Homer points out that's Pork Chop night. They asks Lisa where they could eat and responds by saying anywhere that doesn't have burgers, pizza, or fried chicken, which Homer says they can go to Mars. Marge says the family could go to the new sushi bar, The Happy Sumo. At first Homer refuses but after Lisa's constant insisting they go. The family gets great seating and orders their food, Bart and Lisa even check out the Karaoke bar singing the them from Shaft. After sampling most of the items on the menu, Homer orders sushi made from the fugu. Before placing his order, Akira tries to give Homer a minor warning, but is shooed to the iamspamspamamias he is hungry. Knowing that the fish could possibly poison and kill Homer if not cut properly, one of the apprentices goes to fetch the master chef. Unfortunately, he is busy having sex with Edna Krabappel, and yells at the apprentice to leave him alone, so his apprentice has to slice the fugu himself. The apprentice tries to do it carefully, but Homer starts yelling impatiently, disturbing the apprentice and forcing him to serve it quickly and sloppily. Homer considers it a treat, but the master chef soon returns and finds that the fish has not been prepared correctly and tells Homer that he may have been poisoned. Homer and Marge go to the hospital. After being filled in about the situation, Dr. Hibbert informs Homer that given the story Marge and the chef's had told him, it was very likely that he had accidentally consumed the poison of the blow-fish and if so he has twenty-four hours left to live. At night with Marge by his side, Homer plans not to tell his kids about the bad news and makes a list of all the activities he wants to do before he passes on.

Best Quotes:

 

Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.

Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!

Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.

Homer: Why, you little...

Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.

Homer: [cringing] What's after fear? What's after fear?

Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.

Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!

Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.

Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.

Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me. If you have any more questions, feel free to look at this brochure.

Dr. Hibbert hands Homer a brochure and departs office. The brochure shows the gates of Heaven opening.

Homer: (reads title) So You are Going to Die... (he looks at Marge)

 

[Homer makes a videotape.]Homer: This is a videotape for my daughter, Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. [making ghost noises] Woooo! Heh, heh, heh. Hope that didn't scare you. [now serious] Anyway, you're all grown up now. And unless you taped over this, you probably wanted to know what type of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, who loved his children and...

[The phone rings, interrupting Homer.]

Homer: D'oh!

[No one is home, so Homer answers the phone. As he does so, his rear end is visible to the camera and Homer is seen scratching it.]

Homer: Hello! Yes, who is this? Bart's friend Milhouse? [shouting] BART! Get your butt down here!

 

[Homer is in jail, after being pulled over for speeding and then getting into an argument with the cops.]Homer: [talking to himself] Oh no, I can't call Marge. It's our last day on earth together. I can't drag her into this mess. Oh, I know, I'll call Barney!

[Homer dials the Gumble residence, but gets an answering machine that sings "Nobody's Home" to the tune of Beethoven's Fifth.]

Homer: Damn those novelty telephone answering machine tapes! [Leaving message] Thanks a lot, Barney! I just wasted my one phone call on your stupid ans--

Barney: [in his apartment] [picks up phone] Hello! I'm home, I'm home! Oh, hi, Homer.

Homer: You gotta help me, Barney. I'm in jail.

Barney: You are? Hey, Homer, go to the window. [waves across the street to Homer] Hiya, neighbor! I can see you!

Homer: D'oh! Ju-Just get over here and make fifty dollars for bail!

Barney: FIFTY BUCKS?! Whadja do, kill a judge?

 

Homer: I'm sorry, officer. I know I was going too fast. Just give me a ticket.

Eddie: I beg your pardon?

Homer: Just give me a ticket!

Lou: Oh. Well, that sounded like an order.

Homer: I paid my taxes and they pay your salary! So when I say "give me a ticket," just give me a ticket!

Eddie: Uh-huh. Maybe we don't wanna give you a ticket.

Lou: Maybe we wanna haul butt in, wise guy.

[suddenly, they pushed Homer in prison.]Eddie: Hey, look what else your tax dollars pay for, huh?

[Cell door shuts as Eddie and Lou laugh.]

 

[barney gives Homer a ride home and Homer grumbles about not having time to do all the things on his list. Then he sees Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers girl-watching.]Homer: Hey, my boss!

Mr. Burns: [looking through binoculars] Smithers, Check out the luscious pair on that redhead. [The view through the binoculars reveals that he's staring at her red stiletto shoes.] That's it, baby, work those ankles.

Smithers: Ring-a-ding-ding, sir.

Homer: [shouting] Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts!

[barney drives away at high speed]

Mr. Burns: Who the Sam Hill was that?!

Smithers: Why, it's Homer Simpson, sir, One of the schmoes from Sector 7-G.

Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at 9:00 Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts.

 

Marge awakens and is shocked to see Homer is not next to her.

Marge: Homer? Homer!

Marge puts on bathrobe and goes downstairs. She sees a motionless Homer slumped in the armchair and thinks Homer has died.

Marge: Oh, Homer.

Marge sits in front of Homer, and touches his drool.

Marge: His drool--it's warm.

Marge gasps and starts to shake Homer awake.

Marge: He's alive!

Marge: Homer! Homer, wake up! You're alive.

Homer: Marge, stop it. Cut it out.

Marge: Wake up, you're alive! You're alive! You're alive!

Homer: What are you talking about?

Marge: You're alive!

Homer: I'm alive, and I couldn't be happier! From this day forward, I vow to live life to its fullest.

As credits crawl, Homer is shown sitting on the couch watching bowling tournaments while eating a bag of Pork Rinds Lite.

33RD-

 

S7E7:

 

King-Size Homer

 

 

Mr. Burns organizes an exercise program at the power plant. Though many of the workers are impressed by this program as it keeps them fit and motivated, Homer hates it. He tries to lock himself in the bathroom but Smithers figures out where Homer is and has the security guards bring him outside despite Homer's wails (Smithers cannot believe Homer doesn't want to exercise). After learning that those on disability get to work at home (and not take part in the exercises), he tries to injure himself from objects falling on him to trying to slip and slide on oil. When he discovers that hyper-obesity counts as a disability, he chooses to put on weight until he is 300 pounds. In this way, he can be legally disabled and force Burns to let him telecommute. Despite Lisa's protests that this could endanger his health and he is abusing a program that most people would want to be a part of. While Doctor Hibbert won't help Homer, he does recommend Dr. Nick who will help him. Homer engages in nearly unprecedented gluttony. After a mass eating spree with Bart, he tells Homer that they're out of food, including the basics. Faced with the prospect of another day at work, Homer eats a Play-Doh donut that Maggie made. This manages to push him over the 300 pound goal due to the Play-Doh being non-toxic (much to his excitement), but Bart notices that Homer's gut is caught on the towel bar. Once Homer lets his gut hang down, the scale readjusts to 315 pounds, much to his amazement.

 

A computer work station is set up in the Simpson home for Homer's position. Homer enjoys working from home and he thinks that he will get a can of Tab if he presses the "tab" key due to his stupidity. He teases Bart and Lisa because they have to go to school while he gets to stay home. Lisa says she wishes she could live at school Bart on the other hand wants to be overweight so he could stay at home and work. Lisa is starting to get annoyed by this and even goes to Marge insisting that she talk to Homer. Marge tells Lisa that while she does want to put a stop to Homer's obesity she tells Lisa that Homer can be sensitive at times and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings, but by now she may have to. Lisa tricks Homer to see Marge who then tells Homer they must discuss the pros and cons of his obesity. Homer names a few pros such as being stout and not going to work. Marge names several cons: he's endangering his health, setting a bad example for the kids, running the AC all the time and Marge is finding herself less attracted to Homer physically. While this almost changes Homer's mind, he refuses to budge and go back to normal. He then goes back to work and ends up typing "yes" to everything. Then, he realizes that all he had to do is to press "y" to answer "yes" on the computer but does not read the command correctly, so he impatiently constantly presses the "y" key. However, he soon ends up tired of the repetitiveness of the situation and begins to get distracted. Some of the kids at Bart and Lisa's school start to make fun of him and Lisa does try to defend her Dad but to no avail. Later, Homer leaves a drinking bird pressing the "y" key while he goes out to see a movie at the movie theater. After being refused to be seated due to his large 315 pound size and due to getting heckled by some people outside the movie theater, Homer returns home and is vowing to show that overweight people can be important. Upon his return, he finds out that the drinking bird has been knocked aside and that a nuclear meltdown at the power plant is imminent. He tries to turn it off, but it's so overheated he has to go to the plant to shut it off, so Homer rushes to the plant and bravely tries to take charge. He ultimately saves the day when the ladder to the manual shut-off switch collapses due to his weight. He then falls into the release tube where his enormous gut gets stuck and prevents the toxic gas from escaping. As a reward and upon Homer's request, Mr. Burns guarantees that he will make Homer slim again. Later that night, after Homer fails with his exercise program, Burns chooses to just pay for the liposuction, much to Homer's joy.

32ND-

 

S8E2:

 

You Only Move Twice

 

 

One sunny morning, Mr. Smithers is walking to work when a mysterious black car pulls up and a woman offers him a job. Smithers refuses, but later because of his time with the plant, Homer is approached by the same woman to which he accepts the job at Globex Corporation and the family agrees to move to Cypress Creek. Homer meets his new boss, Hank Scorpio and takes to him really well, and it soon becomes apparent that he has a do-nothing job completely suited to his skills. Unfortunately, the rest of the family isn't enjoying their new surroundings as they had originally hoped. Marge finds her new house requires a fraction of the maintenance of their old dump (everything cleans itself and the plants are watered for her), and is hopelessly bored, so she spends the day drinking wine. Bart gets put in the remedial class at school with some really messed up kids (mainly because he couldn't read cursive and hadn't learned fractions yet), and Lisa is allergic to all of the plants in the area.

 

Back at the workplace, Homer is oblivious that his boss is in fact an evil genius bent on world domination. Homer however enjoys his work as it's the best job he has ever taken, and Hank Scorpio honestly shows an interest in Homer's hopes and dreams. However, the family tells him one night that they want to move back to Springfield as they have found one thing about their new lives that doesn't feel like home. Stuck with a difficult choice, Homer plans to visit Scorpio at his office. Homer arrives in the middle of an assault by government forces on Hank's fortress, similar to the James Bond film You Only Live Twice.

 

 

When Homer explains his dilemma to him, Hank advises Homer to do what he feels is best for his family, and Homer reluctantly decides to resign. He slowly walks out in the middle of a raging battle. When the Simpsons return to Springfield, a newspaper on their doorstep says that Hank Scorpio has seized the East Coast. Homer then picks up a letter saying that Hank Scorpio has given him a farewell gift. "It's not the Dallas Cowboys but it's a start." Homer had admitted that his lifelong dream was to own the Cowboys, and Scorpio gives him the Denver Broncos. Homer is vaguely disappointed as he watches the rather inept team practicing on the front lawn.

Best Quotes:

 

 

Marge: It does seem nicer than Springfield.

Lisa: Yeah... did you notice how the people weren't shoving or knocking each other down? I've never been to a place like that before...

(Bart shoves her aside.)

Bart: Me neither.

 

Scorpio: By the way, Homer. What's your least favorite country, Italy or France?

Homer: France.

Scorpio: Heh-heh. Nobody ever says Italy.

(Changes weapon target)

 

 

[When Bart is in the "Leg-Up Program"]

Bart [to Gordy]: So what are you in for?

Gordy: I moved here from Canada and they think I'm slow, eh?

Dot: I fell off the jungle gym and when I woke up I was in here.

Warren: I start fires.

 

Homer: I tackled a loafer at work today. (silence) Hey! What's with your sad sacks?

Lisa: (with her voice muffled because of the allergies) I'm allergic to everything here! My nose is so stuffed up, I can't even taste Mom's delicious boiled celery. Achoo!

Marge: I've been so bored since we moved here I found myself drinking a glass of wine every day. I know doctors say you should drink a glass and a half, but I just can't drink that much.

Homer: Well, the Simpson men are doing fine, right, Bart? You haven't even gotten in trouble at school!

Bart: I can't get in trouble at school. They put me in the remedial class. I'm surrounded by arsonists and kids with mittens pinned to their jackets all year round. (they stare at each other) Hey, Dad:

Marge, Bart and Lisa: We want to go back to Springfield.

 

Good batch there. I like all of those! My favourite is the Krusty one

31ST-

 

S8E1:

 

Treehouse of Horror VII

 

 

 

The Thing and I

 

In a parody of The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Basket Case, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie begin to hear strange noises coming from the attic one night. The next morning, after they mention this to their parents, Marge reminds Homer to feed the "thing". The kids spy on Homer climbing to the attic feeding fish heads to something. They are still curious as to what this is, and Homer accidentally lets slip that he works his butt off to feed "you four children", until Marge covers it up. That night, while Homer and Marge are out, the kids sneak into the attic, where Bart discovers the unsold copies of Homer's autobiography. They find a shadow, see a figure with a maniacal laugh, and run out of the attic scared. Homer and Marge come home disappointed to find out that they entered the attic when they specifically said not to. When they climb up into the attic, the weird shadow escapes, with marks left on the front door. Marge calls Dr. Hibbert to inform him that Hugo is loose. Bart asks who Hugo is, and she then tells Bart that he has a twin brother. Dr. Hibbert suddenly appears, scaring Marge, and explains the story of the evil and cruel Hugo. When the beautiful Bart was born, he was a Siamese twin (though Lisa tells Dr. Hibbert that "conjoined twins" is the more politically-correct term. Hibbert brushes it off by saying that hillbillies want to be called "sons of the soil," but it's not going to happen). The only problem was that the left twin was evil. So after they were separated, Homer and Marge planned to chain Hugo up in the attic and feed him fish heads. Bart believes this story when he discovers his scar. Everyone except him exits the house to find Hugo,

 

leaving Bart behind, who knows that Hugo is in the house. He soon realizes that he is right, as Hugo confronts him. Hugo ties him up on a table in the attic planning to sew them back together in hopes of becoming sane again (and to prove he is ready, he practiced on a pigeon and a rat). Before the operation begins, Dr. Hibbert appears and shows Hugo a mirror to see his own face in, but Hugo becomes confused as it has no glass, and Dr. Hibbert punches Hugo in the face, knocking him out. After the family returns, he then notices that Hugo's scar is on the left side. Remembering that the twin on the left was evil, he reveals that Bart was the evil one and that he gave them the wrong twin. Bart responds by telling them not to look so surprised. The next scene shows a failed attempt to correct their wrong, Hugo rejoining the family while still somewhat demented from years of living in the attic, Bart who has taken Hugo's place in the attic asks for some turkey through the air vents in the dining room but Marge says for him to finish his fish heads then they will talk.

 

The Genesis Tub

 

In a parody of the Twilight Zone episode, The Little People, Lisa places a tooth in cola as part of a school science project showing the damage that soda does to human teeth. After being shocked by static electricity from Bart, Lisa touches the tooth, and the spark causes life to evolve in the Petri dish where the cola and tooth are. The tiny people evolve from the stone age to the far future in less than a few days. However, Bart playfully destroys some of their tiny buildings, causing them to launch a counterattack, sending a small fleet of aerial vehicles to attack him. Bart wants to destroy them for attacking him, but Lisa intervenes. He leaves, threatening that he will get revenge on them. Shortly after this, a strange beam from the petri dish hits Lisa, shrinking her down and into the tooth city, where she finds she is hailed as a god and Bart as the devil. The citizenry ask her for many answers, to which she promises she can help if she were big again. However, the people have not figured the technology to enlarge objects. Matters become worse when Bart claims the petri dish and the civilization as his own, winning the school science fair. Realizing that she is trapped with the tooth city's inhabitants forever, Lisa settles in to become their leader, beginning by ordering them to bring her some nice shoes to replace her now gone slippers, and some socks, too (as one inhabitant suggests).

 

Citizen Kang

 

Homer is out fishing one night when the two aliens Kang and Kodos capture him and ask who his leader is. Homer tells them that the election is next week so the new president may be either Bob Dole or current (at the time of the episode's premiere) president Bill Clinton. Upon hearing about this, the two aliens plan to kidnap the candidates and take their forms. Before dumping Homer off of their ship, Kang sprays him with rum so that no one believes him. On the day of the election, Homer stumbles upon Kang and Kodos' ship and goes inside to set the real Bill Clinton and Bob Dole free, but he accidentally pilots the ship into outer space. Clinton and Dole agree on leading the country together and ask Homer to let them out. However, Homer accidentally ejects them from the ship and they die from the lack of oxygen while floating into the dark void of space. Having failed to rescue the candidates, Homer then crashes the ship into the White House, climbs down, and exposes Kang and Kodos to be aliens, much to everyone's surprise. Despite not being the real competitors, the people have to vote for one of them anyway. One of the citizens suggest a third-party vote, and Kang replies, "Go ahead, throw your vote away." Eventually, Kang wins the election, and as the new president, he and the Rigellians enslave the entire country to build a giant laser cannon to fire at a planet the humans have never even heard of before. Marge complains why they have to do so, and Homer replies, "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos", but is whipped by a Rigellian.

 

Best Quotes:

 

Leader: Welcome to our world, most gracious Lisa.

Lisa: Your world is incredible. And you speak English.

Leader: We have listened to you speak since the dawn of time, O Creator. And we have learned to imatoot you exarktly.

Lisa: Oh, dang it. I'm stuck in this lousy tub for the rest of my life forever!

(People stare at her)

Lisa: Shouldn't you people be groveling?

(Everyone starts groveling)

Lisa: (noticing that her slippers have gone) And bring me some shoes. Nice ones.

Man: She'll want socks, too. I'll get socks.

 

Lisa: What's up there?

Bart: Is it a monster?

Lisa: We have to know.

Bart: Tell us what's the secret.

Homer: No more questions. I work my butt off to feed you four kids and all you do is--

(Marge stares at Homer.)

Homer: What?

Marge: Three. We have three kids, Homer.

Homer: Yeah, three nosy kids. And you know what happens to nosy kids who ask too many questions?

Bart/Lisa: (talking quickly) No, wait what? Does something happening for this? Does something happen to nosy kids who ask questions? What happens next?

Dr. Hibbert: That means the evil twin is and always has been...Bart.

(They all turn around and stare at Bart.)

Bart: Oh, don't look so shocked

 

Kodos: It's a two party system! You have to vote for one of us!

Man: He's right, this is a two-party system.

Man 2: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate.

Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away.

Kang: (as Bob Dole) Abortions for all!

(Crowd boos)

Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone!

(Crowd boos again)

Kang: Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!

(Crowd cheers and waves miniature flags.)

30TH:

 

S6E10-

 

Grampa vs Sexual Inadequacy

 

 

The marriage of Marge and Homer comes under threat due to their fading sex lives because of number of things. One night, Homer wants to watch a movie but tells Marge that they can have sex tomorrow night. A month later, Marge wants to snuggle again but Homer is too full from an enchilada dinner. Later that year when they are finally able to suggle, it gets interrupted when one of the kids comes in their room out of fear: Bart thinks he saw a UFO out his window, but Marge tells him it's a golf umbrella. Bart begs his mom to let him sleep with them she says no, but when he asks if he can sit on the roof with a baseball bat, she allows it. Marge comes back in to pick up where they left off but Homer is asleep. She eventually tells Homer after waking him up that they need to fix the marital difficulties they are having. Homer tells her that with all that's been happening it has been hard and while he does promise when all that stuff ends, they'll snuggle, Marge however tells Homer she is not going wait that long. In need of a quick fix, the couple decides to get something to spice up their marriage. The next day they and the kids go to the bookstore, when the kids check on them, they bury themselves in two books one about military machines and one about body (an erotic book). Homer and Marge eventually get a book on tape called Erotic America narrated by Paul Harvey. They try the different suggestions, including a bath which causes the candles to go out when Homer pushes the faucet out the wall with his back. Next they try a romantic weekend away at a romantic hotel, unfortunately the only room left is the Utility room which is not romantic. After every failed attempt they throw the tape out the window during the drive home. After they arrive home, Grampa pieces together a tonic that is guaranteed to help the bad situation, Homer drinks the tonic sends the kids off to the movies and makes love to Marge. Within one night, Homer and Marge's love life is back on track. Since the tonic was incredibly helpful, Homer and Abe begin selling it at a mall, and then in Spittle County. They begin visiting multiple towns to cure frigidness and become quite successful. Before long every couple in town has bought a bottle. However, with all the parents and couples of Springfield spending more time with each other, the children are banished from the house and the town is practically deserted during the day. Bart and the other kids believe their parents are acting peculiar, under the influence of aliens or the government. They are unaware of the fact that the tonic Homer and Grampa are selling, so they continue to believe that their parents have turned into reverse vampires: they have to get home before dark, which in the children's view explains the adults' behavior of running inside and closing the blinds as soon as they get home.

 

 

During one sales trip, Homer and Grampa visit the farmhouse where the family used to live. Grampa reminisces about the time the family lived in the house, but Homer asks why his father never gave him any encouragement when he was growing up but Abe points out his son is treating him in a similar way. They keep talking as they drive off, and the conversation turns into an argument. Grampa says he never encouraged Homer because he was a screw-up, and Homer says he has had too much of Grampa and the tonic and they are going home. Grampa then becomes ticked off and says that Homer was an accident and wouldn't even exist if it weren't for the tonic, and adds that he wishes Homer had never been born. Furious with his father, Homer stops the car annd tells Abe to get out, he tries to apologize but Homer sends him out and abandons Grampa on the roadside.

 

Grandpa tries to apologize again to Homer but to no avail, he tells Marge he cannot believe his father called him an accident. He tries to be a better father to his kids, but fails as he is more over possessive than actually being a good parent. Homer shows terrible parenting as he carries Maggie around in a baby bag, gives Bart a girl’s bike (even though he owns a bike) and gives Lisa a dirty tire swing. While Homer tells the kids he's using his full assed parenting, Lisa states that too much of him is scary. Grampa, for his part, tries to keep selling his tonic (with Barney Gumble standing in for Homer), but it doesn't work. The two of them return to the old farmhouse, each unaware of the other, and both of them realize that they really do care for each other. During this, they manage to accidentally start fires which quickly spread through the house. As the house burns, Grampa and Homer agree of being screw-ups, and they forgive each other.