I'm sorry Meg, you must be exhausted.

 

I think there comes a point, no matter how much you care about someone when it becomes too much to manage. He is only going to get worse not any better and you have to think about your own health. If taking care of him is making you ill, you'll not be able to look after him.

 

A colleague of mine reached that point a year ago. Her father is ninety and his mind is also going. He was getting aggressive and wandering off on his own. She had to make the decision to put him into a residential home. He settled in quite well, though he keeps trying to leave. She visits him twice a week.

 

 

Well, my father-in-law can't wonder far. His balance has gone. He is getting ruder but, I don't think he realises what he says. His speach is slurred now so, fortunately, other people don't realise what he says.

Meg I think your a star doing what you do.

I know I couldnt do it

You could if it was one of yours. It's like the fact that I'm not at all maternal -except towards a very few.

 

I know things are difficult Meg, but I think you should persevere with looking after

your father-in-law for as long as you can. After all, at his age there can be little time left.

If you put him in a home the change of lifestyle would upset him so much, quite apart

from the fact that finding a good home that you feel happy about is so very difficult.

Can you not get help for an hour or two each day? I know the elderly gentleman near

us had a lot of help before he died, meals on wheels, a lady to clean and shop for him,

and there was a pick-up service to collect his soiled bedlinen each day and return it

next morning laundered and ironed, all through social services. If you're really exhausted

you can always ask for a respite bed for him for a few days.

 

He wont go into respite and a lot of the things available don't seem to be available if you are being cared for by your family. I have to get the doctor to see him tomorrow as his stomach has become very bloated.

How did the doc's visit go Meg?

 

I hope all is well, Meg.

The doctor's visit went well - although she can't do much. The community nurse neither showed up or rang. It just costs so much when someone is in my father-in-law's condition. Other areas of the country seeem to get so much help and free pads and waterproofs. I wish we did here. We'll be bankrupt paying out the amount we need to here.

 

I hope you are claiming your full carer's allowance. I think you get that whether

your father-in-law is in a home or at home. Make sure you claim whatever you

are entitled to, Meg.

That's not right. The help (financial or otherwise) should be standard throughout the country. You must be saving your council a fortune caring for your father in law at home.

My doctor has said that if they still don't get in touch tomorrow, she'd see what she can do to try and get them goig. This is not a good area to be ill in.

 

Can't the doctor give a prescription for pads, as a medical requirement?

It seems that it's covered by community nursing in this area.

Someone I know had a lot of equipment from Medequip.........wheelchair, zimmer frame,

toilet frame, all free on loan. I suppose you have to be put forward by someone, the doctor

or district nurse, or community nurse.

Edited October 30, 200717 yr by Bramley

I have to go in for some tests. While I'm at the doctors, I'll try to move things along. It was a mini stroke that caused the deteriation and he wasn't good before that. Unless he's tired, his speech is back so that we can understand him but, that's as good as it gets.

Hope your tests went ok Meg. I suppose there is a risk of him having more strokes now.

At the age he is, anyone would be at risk. Most of us will never get to 100 - I know I wont. It makes old age seem a dreadful place to be when you see the quality of life degrading.

I don't want to live to 100. Wish they had euthanasia. We don't allow dogs to suffer, yet we do humans. Seems a bit illogical to me.

oooh we're back. I just thought I'd check before looking on the back up