Her hope was, that in the poor light, Sneddon would mistake her for a passing badger and reveal his savoury treat for inspection .

:lol:

 

Thanks suggy.

 

Thanks Suggy :lol:

Here we are again and with the Harvest dance only days away, things are hotting up in the bid to snare the sexy new vet as the dance partner to arrive with on their arm. :whip:

 

With only 5 days to go to the Harvest Dance, Will found himself the recipient of some extraordinary attention and little favours.

 

Not a day went by, without some gift or provoking gesture from the Furkle-on- The- Marsh females, who were desperate to be his partner.

 

On Tuesday, he had gone into the village to run a few errands for Linda. The poor girl had looked so down in the mouth recently , he felt it was the least he could do. Besides which, he loved to see her smile, she had a beautiful smile, that creased her freckles and it made him happy just to watch the sunbeams play on her face.

 

He ventured into the butchers, to find Nikki Reef, the butchers daughter as shining and red faced as her wares, standing wench-like behind the counter. She flushed and giggled when she saw him. This and her airborne pigtails, gave her the appearance of a vast, wobbly schoolgirl, somewhat unfortunate as she was 42 .

 

'Hello Nikki, How are you?, I'd like some lamb chops please'.

 

Nikki fingered the moist meat with her chubby digits, as she carefully wrapped them in some paper.

 

'I 'spect you'll be needing some meat to keep your strength up for the dance on Saturday Mr Young. Is there a lucky lady in tow yet?'

 

She winked, creasing up her porcine features as she wiped her bloody, sticky hands over her matronly bosom.

 

God !, he knew what was coming next. He must be polite, but there was no way he wanted to be stuck with a mobile belly of pork on his arm. Nikki was so rotund, she probably had to sit down in shifts.

 

He decided that silence was probably the best policy and smiled at her enigmatically, he hoped, gingerly accepting the chops. As he gave her the money, she thrust a paper bag into his hand,

 

'Jus' a few extras Mr Young. Something for you to nibble on whilst you are deliberating'.

 

He smiled again and hastily backed out of the shop, bumping directly into Jenni Pengelly, the extremely robust PE teacher from the local school.

 

Jenni could out run a cheetah and arm wrestle with a steel worker, without breaking into a sweat. Rumour had it that she could splinter a Brazil nut between her thighs, with very little effort at all .

 

She wore shorts whatever the weather and sported a haircut so severe she looked like she had been in the Stalag. Her appearance was made somewhat more incongruous by the fact that she always wore huge great chandelier earrings, which clashed horribly with the school issue whistle, permanently languishing around her sinewy neck.

 

She slapped Young on the back, making him cough and leaving a large red handprint.

 

'Nice to see you Young, got yourself sorted for the dance yet?' she poked him viciously in the ribs, in a gesture of fun. He was winded for almost 30 seconds.

 

'Well I...'

 

He didn't get a chance to finish, Jenni was a woman on a mission.

 

'Just off to choose an outfit, to glam meself up. Still some single men available you know'.

 

Young smiled tight lipped. He imagined her in sequinned shorts and stiletto's, with a real gold whistle accessorizing. The thought did not entice him. He nodded in a friendly gesture and took refuge in the greengrocers.

 

Evelyn Fudd smiled at him happily as he walked through the door. She was quite pretty really, but impossibly dowdy. A committed vegan, Evelyn was very careful never to be involved with animal bi-products of any description and her clothes were all eco friendly . Today she was sporting a baggy 'Neuter The Strays' t-shirt, which boasted an illustration of a smiling tom cat with a shaven rear . Her floor length hessian skirt was trimmed with sleigh bells and on her feet, she wore biodegrable sandals, of the type favoured as leisurewear by Eastern Block shot put champions.

 

One look at her hairy ankles and Young was tempted to rush back to the surgery and pick up the clippers. Instead he smiled politely,

 

'Hello Evelyn. I'd like some apples and bananas please'.

 

She beamed at him and crossed the room, tinkling like Santa's sleigh.

 

' Are you all ready for the dance Mr Young?'. She asked hopefully, her back still turned.

 

Despite her hairy ankles, Young liked Evelyn and he trusted her enough to be truthful.

 

'Well, actually Evelyn' he confided 'I havent found myself a partner yet'.

 

As she swung round, her joy at this news was short lived. She took one look at Young and fell in a dead faint, cracking her head on a shelf of Jersey Royals, releasing them into a tumbling mass on top of her.

 

As Young brushed off the spuds, the cause of her distress became clear. He looked down at his clothes and saw that he was covered in blood, to the uninitiated he could well have been shot at close range by a Colt gun!

 

Nikki Reef's 'extra's', had leaked from the confines of the soggy bag , two dripping pigs hearts, an ox tongue and some scrag end had made him look like Jack The Ripper after a spree.

 

When Evelyn had regained concsiousness, he gave her a glass of water and in the absence of any medical supplies, cut a large slice of melon and advised her to hold it to the back of her head until the swelling reduced.

 

As he made his way to the car, he reflected that he had done enough damage for one morning.

 

Was he ever going to find a partner for Saturday?. On Sunday just gone, he had approached Cindy Sunflower, the local dancing teacher. Cindy was sultry, petite and extraordinarily supple, she was an excellent choice . After kissing him quite violently against the vestry wall, she had informed him she was in fact betrothed to a Columbian gangster with a very jealous disposition.

 

She said, sorely as she was tempted, Miguel would be sure to slice off Will's manhood with a blunt knife, place it in a shoebox and send it to his parents . Understanably, this dampened his ardour.

 

There was always Jez of course, but to be honest, he found her a little bit scary.

 

Just lately, when he had popped into the pub, he always left feeling a little bit woozy and it wasn't the beer.

 

Jez wore this necklace, a little filigree ball on a chain and she fiddled with it constantly when she talked to him. It gave off a strange sweet smell, a bit like that root he received in the post. It really was most odd, but after talking to her for a while, he felt lightheaded, almost hypnotized.

 

He pulled up into the drive, pleased to be back at the surgery. Linda was wearing a pretty sundress and as she bent over to prune the roses, Young noticed just how well she filled it. She really was very pretty indeed, he made up his mind there and then, Linda would be his partner...to be continued...

 

Jezxx

Thanks for the next episode ...brilliant as ever

Thanks suggy -

Is it time for the next one, yet? I'm slightly bored and killing time. :P

Is Linda to be the lucky lady? What a motley crew! :lol:

Sorry I'm late posting up todays installment but I've had such a busy day getting organized etc, :drama: Phew! it's warm today and I'm sat here in my bra and knickers with the fan on and I've just caught a glimpse of myself in the hall mirror, I look like a wobbly pink blancmange. :lol: Anyway, here's the next thrilling episode from the outrageously talented Jezebel. Two episodes today, Friday's and Saturday's as I'll be tear-arsing round London's Hyde Park tomorrow. :yahoo:

 

For the next few days, Linda could barely control herself. She had never been this excited in her life. Every time she had to take Will a cup of tea,her hand shook so violently, there was no tea left in the cup by the time it had reached it's destination .Will felt rather silly drinking his tea from a plastic beaker with a lid, but at least it stopped him from dehydrating during the course of his busy day .

 

By the time Friday evening was upon her, Linda had decided that she needed to keep busy, in order to preserve her sanity.. She had the whole day off tommorrow, so she decided she would do some vigorous chores, to take her mind off smooching, with her head resting on that beautiful chest .

 

As she knelt on the landing, scrubbing, then polishing the lino, she really did feel like Cinderella going to the ball. This time tommorrow, she would be in his arms and WHAT a pair of arms !!.

 

She stood up to stretch her aching legs and saw that there was a light on in Will's room. As she craned her neck to see, she caught her breath, in stunned admiration.

 

He stood there in the lamplight, his gorgeous skin glowing like coffee frappe, his eyes the colour of a tourmeline, as he considered his reflection.

 

He was trying on his dress suit and the effect was dazzling .

 

The crisp white of his shirt, was offset by the sleek black lines of his suit. His sunstreaked hair curled deliciously over his shirt collar and his shirt was undone, revealing a hard, muscular chest and a taut, enticingly curved abdomen .

 

Suddenly, afraid he would catch her gawping, Linda stepped backwards to a slightly more secluded vantage point.

 

Alas, how easily things go wrong!!. She slid backwards on the polished lino and fell awkwardly upon the landing.

 

When Will ran to her assistance, he took one look at her limp and swollen ankle and pronounced it, 'almost certainly broken'. If there had been a dog available, Linda would have kicked it with her good leg.

 

Despite her protestations to the contrary, she was most definitely not 'fine' . When she emerged from the A&E some 5 hours later, she was in plaster up to her calf.

 

Ever the gentleman, Will offered to miss the dance, much as he had been looking forward to some revelry.

 

Ever the atruist, Linda said, no he must go, she would be absolutely fine at home.

 

It was only after she had watched him, lope elegantly to the car and waved him cheerily goodbye, that she allowed herself to sob uncontrollably. It took three boxes of Kleenex For Men (with balsam), before she finally managed to stem the flow.

 

She hobbled to the TV and switched on Opportunity Knocks. There was some silly man in obscenley tight swimming trunks, wobbling his stomach and pecs like tripe in milk. Jesus, she reflected bitterly, opportunity certainly wasn't knocking for her!. Every predatory female in the village would be after him tonight, she had no chance .

 

At times like this, a woman had only one course of action. She pulled open two large bags of Walkers Sensations crisps, oven roasted chicken with thyme and broke the seal on a family sized tin of 'Celebrations'.

 

As she eyed the 12 bottles of Smirnoff Ice on the sideboard, she wondered if the dogs would fetch for a small bribe...to be continued.....

 

Jezxx

 

 

 

Somehow, Will had expected the Harvest Dance to be a bit of a basic affair. He had been slightly bemused to see 'formal dress' as a requirement.

 

However, as he drove up the vast tree lined drive to Brigadier Scowell's estate, he could hardly believe his eyes . A magnificient marquee stood snowy white against the mauve and ochre night sky, surrounded by a myriad of twinkiling coloured lights. It was flanked on either side, by two ornamental fountains, which glittered and cascaded glassily in the crisp night air.

 

Fuller had already warned Young about Scowell, 'a heart of stone, and the morals of an alley cat' had been his description . He was both feared and admired amongst the racing fraternity, for training a string of sure fire winners and showing his competiton no mercy whatsoever.

 

His staff stayed purely for the financial incentives. He was universally loathed by his grooms, who knew how he beat up his horses, when they failed to perform to his expectations .

Tonight however, he was playing the genial host and greeted Young with cordiality, removing an obscenely large cigar from his smirking mouth, to reveal a china white smile.

 

'Good to see you Young. Fuller has given me an excellent report of you. I'd like you to come over next week, to look at a couple of fillies who have been giving me problems'.

 

Young smiled and was about to reply, when words deserted him. The scene inside the marquee was one of decadent splendour.

 

Banks of beautiful, fragrant orchids festooned every possible surface and a buffet table groaned under the weight of succulent meats, savoury tarts of every description, delicious, delicately poached salmon, ripe cheeses, fresh bread and exotic fruits .

 

There was an elabotrate silver punch bowl, swimming with a potent fruity brew, made to Scowell's own recipe and waiters in tailcoats were serving Bollinger from every area of the room.

Young was so seriously impressed, he had failed to notice the eyes of every female in the room, lock upon him and clock that he was ALONE and AVAILABLE.

 

Instantly hands smoothed down or primped up already coiffered hair.

 

Three glasses of champagne and two plates of delicious food later, he was literally surrounded by adoring females. As the band played an up tempo jazz number, Young surveyed the excitable brood for a dancing partner.

 

There was Mrs Beest-Broadbottom, looking like a vast force fed flamenco, in a peachy creation trimmed with ermine. He remembered vaguely that something untoward had happened last time he had danced with her and he noticed that she was dribbling slighty and twitching her fingers...

 

Nikki Reef was next in the queue, poured into a clinging beige lycra dress and sporting some frighteningly garish turqouise eyeshadow and spidery false lashes. She looked like a Cumberland sausage in drag.

 

Jenni Pengelly was wearing what appeared to be a mini dress fashioned out of tin foil, which gave her frigheningly powerful legs and pigeon chest maximum exposure of the worst kind . Dangling from her ears, were two distinctly unseasonal large flashing snowmen earrings. The wire was tucked into the back of her foil sheath and bulged like a long varicose vein. He noticed that she had removed her whistle though.

 

Jez looked intimidating. She was tanned to the colour of melba toast and she shimmered in a plunging gold gown, which pushed her amazing boobies skywards like two magnificent baked alaska's.

 

Although she was appealing, he resisted the temptation to approach her. There was something about Jez which worried him...

 

Lainey and Lucy both looked very pretty indeed, but he was not keen at this stage to mix business with pleasure..still perhaps a dance or two wouldn't hurt, would it?.

 

He was just about to approach Lainey, in her lovely cream, silk gown,, when he stopped dead in his tracks.

 

Surely not?, it couldn't be!!. He studied the vouluptuous raven haired beauty, in the floating black chiffon gown, her tumbling hair a masterpiece of curls, decorated with fresh daisies.

 

Her glossy crimson lips, broke into a charming smile, dimpling her flushed cheeks adorably. On her dainty feet were beautiful high heeled shoes, which flattered her long slim legs. He noticed her ankles were entirely hairless.

 

Yes it was true!!. Evelyn Fudd had turned into EVELYN THUD !!!...to be continued.....

 

Jezxx

 

http://www.andmas.co.uk/the_pictures/lwoman/images/lockwood_1.jpg

I think it's about time to lighten the mood with another slice of country life, from our friends in Furkle-On-The-Marsh. :D

 

As Will gestured in Evelyn's direction, he couldn't believe just how seductive she looked. The way she wiggled towards him!, was this really the same Evelyn, who spent her days immersed in broccoli and cauliflower and 'Save The Whale' literature??.

 

Nervous as she was, a half a bottle of fine champagne had given Evelyn courage. As she put her arms about his neck, she breathed in his delicously 'just showered scent' of his satiny skin and her hands lighly flicked his curling hair. She gazed into a pair of ocean coloured eyes so intense, they burned her balconet bra .

 

After three dances, her eyes were glittering, her cheeks were flushed and she had to go to the ladies for an urgent wee.

 

She stood with her back to the cubicle door, covering her face with her hands in disbelief. Partly at her own transformation, from Knig Edward's shoveller, into smooching siren, but also the incredibly sexy, heady feeling of holding such a gorgeous man close.

 

The feel of him was unbelievable , his slim, muscular athletic body pressed hotly against hers, had almost disintegrated her beautiful dress.

 

But the last dance , dear God , the last dance, had it really happened?. He had moved closer and whispered in her ear how beautiful she was and then lightly kissed her neck. The shock waves that went through her could have lit up the National Grid. Then he looked at her, for the longest moment, he bit his bottom lip in a gesture of uncertainty, but he couldn't hold back. The warmth and the dizziness of that first kiss would stay with her forever. He kissed her so softly and sweetly and his tongue met hers shyly, as his kisses grew deeper and more needy.

 

She had had to break away at this point, partly out of unparallelled lust , but also for a very necessary call of nature.

 

Eager now to rush back, she reached for the loo paper. Bug*er she thought, wasn't it always the way?, none in there, she would have to nip to the next cubicle.

 

However, as she tried to open the door, she found it was stuck fast. Try as she might, she could not open it and the gap into the next cubicle was far too small to traverse.

 

As Lainey checked that the chair was stuck under the door handle and she placed the 'Out Of Order' sign on the outer door, she prayed to God to forgive her. Sometimes, needs outweighed consequences and she needed William Young tonight!!!.

 

As the drink flowed ever more freely, Young became more blase about Evelyn's disappearance, because he had lost track of time. Anyway, Lainey was vey pretty indeed and a mean little mover . She reminded him a bit of a cat, particularly in the way she kept rubbing up and down his leg. He wondered idly, if she liked to be tickled behind the ears....

 

Elsewhere, the evening was in full swing. Always on the look out for new, vulnerable flesh, Mrs Beest-Broadbottom was shimmying with Scowell's new groom, Gareth Gates. What a cutie pie he was she thought to herself, just right for furkling very soon. Gareth was too young and too polite to mention, that the sight of Mrs Beest-Broadbottom shimmying, reminded him of a pyramid of chocolate Angel Delight, quivering in a gentle breeze.

 

Jenni Pengelly had thrown caution and the fact that she hadn't had a tetanus jab recently, to the wind, as she did the twist with Mr Worrall-Thompson . The substantial difference in their heights, became very apparent, as Mr WT, found himself screwed down to the ground after a semi revolution, whereas Jenni had hardly bent her knees.

 

Foxy and Nikki Reef, were having an interesting mutual wobble to the beat, but it was over in a darkened corner of the marquee, that romance, of a sort, was truly blooming.

 

They made a remarkable couple. Ace was in a floor length pink crochet gown and heeled wellington boots. She wished now, she had worn a bra, as her nipples kept sliding into view, like two wooden coat pegs.

 

Sneddon had washed his face and hands for the occasion, but the faint aroma of beef, suggested that the flannel wielding had stopped there. He was wearing a dress suit of sorts, but it had it's variations. The trousers swung about his calves, this impediment was not helped by the fact, that he was wearing knee high grey socks and plimsoles.

 

The jacket stopped short of his elbows and there was a very evident chicken korma stain on the breast pocket, which did not enhance the overall effect.

 

They stared at each other transfixed, well, in Ace's case, she stared at him with one eye, whilst the other eye roamed the room. She knew a pounce was imminent and she prayed she would be up to the task. She had eventually passed the teeth which had been knocked down her throat in the woods and after a wash and brush up, had secured them in her mouth wih blu-tak. She only hoped, that any furious tongue waggling, would not dislodge her temporary moorings.

 

Used to approaching from the rear and catching his intended in an armlock, Sneddon was not entirely sure how to execute a frontal manoevre. He needn't have worried. In an instant, Ace was upon him, with disturbing violence. He hardly had time to register the shock of swallowing her teeth, still attached to the blu-tak, before she had savagely dragged him outside. As she straddled him in her crochet dress, she resembled a tacky ornamental toilet roll holder of the worst kind. It was not long before her gums and nails had made pulp of his suit. He lay there after his 30 seconds of real human intercourse and reflected that he had been foolish to waste his time on wildlife, when the wildest beast he had ever encountered was laying snoring gently by his side.

 

Back inside , a crisis was about to threaten the evening. The band, Joseph & Co, were a fantastically talented and cool trio, but their singer, Darius was a self interested lush, who had spent the evening getting paralytic, prior to his appearance. Joseph, ever the consummate professional, had refused to let him go on stage and was now desperate to find a party goer who could help out. Fired up by champagne and female adulation Young responded to his request and tapped him on the shoulder,

 

'Em, I can sing a bit' he said smiling 'perhaps I could help?'.

 

Joseph chuckled delightedly. If the boy could sing as good as he looked, he would be a sensation ...to be continued.....

 

Jezxx

Thanks Suggy

Thanks Suggy

 

 

Jez looked intimidating. She was tanned to the colour of melba toast and she shimmered in a plunging gold gown, which pushed her amazing boobies skywards like two magnificent baked alaska's.

 

 

:lol:

I think it's about time to lighten the mood with another slice of country life, from our friends in Furkle-On-The-Marsh. :D

 

 

Yep, very much needed that!!

 

Thanks muchly. :) B)

Things are hotting up in Furkle-On-The-Marsh and I'm not talking about the weather, :naughty: this is the installment I posted by mistake at the beginning. :P

 

Will, Joseph and the band had a brief discussion. There were three numbers that Will knew well enough to be confident to sing in public. A decision was speedily reached, Will took another gulp of champagne and hoped to God that he wouldn't make too much of a fool of himself.

 

There was an expectant hush in the room, broken only by the odd female squeak of excitement and a frantic rustling, as the strap on Rosemary's Wonderbra snapped and her left boobie plummeted back to waist level. No amount of re-arranging could disguise the fact that Rosemary had what was known in the boobie world as 'knee jobs' ie.

afflicted by gravity in that general direction .

 

On stage, Will cleared his throat, he smiled nervously at Joseph, who winked in support, then nodded, to signal that he was ready. As the band struck up the opening bars of 'They Can't Take That Away From Me , 'Will's whole face broke into a smile of pure pleasure. From the moment his glorious voice sang,

 

'The way you wear your hat'

 

The audience was eating out of his hands.This boy was a natural singer. He sang with an ease and a grace, which made everybody stop and listen. There was an edge, a quality and a purity to his voice that was sublime. He finished the first number to thunderous applause and eager shouts for more. It was true, there was more than one menopausal lady in the audience, but the hot flushes were not hormonal, they were pure and genuine excitement.

 

He took in the emotion in the crowd and a little surprised, he said shyly ,'Thank you very much' and looked at Joseph to continue.

 

As soon as he started to sing ' I Won't Dance', every female in the audience was swooning and every man, was admiring his phrasing and the tenderness in his voice.

 

One by one, every female in the room, including the waitresse's, formed an adoring crowd at the foot of the stage. They were all inexplicably drawn to him, by the invisible thread of charisma and gradually, he started to become aware of his power and sex appeal.

 

Halfway through, he slid off his bow tie and seductively opened the top two buttons of his heavenly white dress shirt and wiped his sweating forehead with the back of his hand . It did not go unnoticed by disgruntled partners, that hands were clamped to mouths, in order to stop their owners from shouting out very rude and sexually explicit things indeed. The glances of longing were also charged with ill disguised lust.

 

The last song was 'Feeling Good', a powerful, sultry classic, made famous by the incredible smoky voiced Nina Simone. It was no exaggeration to say, that Will's rendition of this, grabbed the audience by the throat and shook them until they were almost senseless, it was utterly intoxicating and highy charged. Everybody was amazed that such a talent was in their midst and they were in awe of their discovery.

 

All of them except Brigadier Scowell that was...

 

He stood at the side of the stage, mean lipped, watching Will with a mixture of malice and envy.

 

For weeks now, he had been planning a prestigious charity event in the grounds of his estate. The highlight of this, was to be a talent competition, with a prize of £1000 for the winner, from Scowell's own coffers.

 

The fact was, Scowell had already decided that Gates, his groom would win. He had heard him sing and recognized the exploitaive possibilities from the word go. Several big wigs from the music industry, had been invited down from London, ostensibly to support the charity, but ultimately to sign his protege, with Scowell creaming off an obscene percentage as his manager .

 

Now, here was this vet, who had spent the last few years up to his armpits in cow pats and budgies testicles, standing here and blasting out songs like a seasoned professional, but it was worse than that .

 

His voice was exceptional, unique in fact. It hit you right in the heart and made your stomach tighten with emotion. Even more infuriating, he was handsome, witty, charismatic and a consummate performer.

 

Well, no matter, it might be a public competition but Scowell would make sure that Will did not enter.

 

As Will finished his last number, the whole place erupted. When he came down from the stage, there was mass back slapping, drink pouring and autograph gathering. He was unused to this sort of attention and felt giddy with the furore he had created. It had been an amazing experience and he suddenly felt like he had been born to sing .

 

In the midst of all the excited clamour, there was the sound of a door being kicked open, with considerable violence and what walked through it, was not a pretty sight.

 

In order to escape her lavatorial prison, Evelyn had been forced to squeeze herself under a 3 inch gap, into the next cubicle. For anybody present, who had read Jane Eyre, Evelyn was the personificaction of the mad wife in the upper chamber.

 

Her dress was dirty, wet and ripped, she was barefoot, her false nails had come asunder and her hair hung in manic ringlets about her smeared, contorted face .

 

It was noted by several witnesses, that Lainey bid a hasty retreat under the buffet table, as well she might. She was found next morning by the cleaners, clutching the remains of a bottle of Bolly and half a brocolli quiche. It was a safe bet, that she had consumed the latter, to protect herself from the onset of scurvy. After all, she would not be visiting the greengrocers for some considerable time...

 

Outside, Ace and Sneddon were brushing themselves down and preparing themselves for the last dance. Sneddon managed to pull on his mangled trousers with some semblence of dignity and Ace attempted to smooth down her monumental sh*g frizz bouffant, for the sake of appearances.

 

As they walked towards he marquee, Ace was blissfully unware that her crochet gown had snagged on a sharp twig and was unravelling as she walked. She felt chilly, it was true, but she was too loved up to care.

 

Tragically, she made her entrance into the marquee, almost completely naked, apart fom her wellingtons and a crochet bra top. Her dress had unravelled to the point of total indecency. She wished now she had taken a strimmer to her bikini line. Her pubic plaits were to be the talk of the village for weeks.

 

Martin Collins, the vicar, hastily wrapped Ace's nether regions with the end of the buffet table cloth and called for assistance to find her some temporary garb.

 

Sadly for Lainey, her sanctuary was momentarily revealed and Evelyn viewed her through malicious, narrowed eyes, feeling sure she was responsible for her earlier imprisonment. It was a mercy that Will's presence prevented her from acting immediately, but Lainey was going to pay for ruining Evelyn's chances with the gorgeous one and ruined they certainly were .

 

He was now literally surrounded by adoring guests, she couldn't get even the minutest look in.

 

Elsewhere, romance of sorts was blooming.

 

Fuller was schmoozing with Jez and lasciviously eyeing the manacles she had in her handbag.

 

Mr Worrall-Thompson was reclining in a corner seat, his shirt open to the waist, to reveal a pasty barrell chest, smothered in wiry, ear wax coloured hair. Snuggling close was Jenni Pengelly, discreetly, but thoroughly checking through his chest hair, for traces of vermin, before she ventured lower .

 

Reef and Foxy had now been engaged in a snogging marathon, for at last two hours, pausing only briefly, to swallow the odd prawn vol au vent for sustanance. Such was their ardour, that they had to be wheeled out on a drinks trolley and tipped blissfully unaware onto the damp grass. When they finally broke lip contct, Nikki had a mouth like a half inflated dinghy and Foxy had tongue lock, but they were both extraordinarily happy.

 

Despite receiving streams of invitations, for night caps and some more adventurous suggestions , Will was feeling the effects of too much champagne and mass adulation.

 

By the time the cab pulled into the drive of Ivy House, he was relieved to be home and pleased to see that there were still lights on downstairs. Perhaps Linda was still up . He could really do with a nice mug of hot, sweet tea and somebody equally hot and sweet to talk to. The evening's events had excited him and he longed to share them.

 

The crunch of car wheels on the gravel made Linda start from a deep sleep. There was a little white dot and a high pitched wail coming from the TV and discarded chocolate wrappers as far as the eye could see .

 

She awoke feeling disorientated and frankly awful. She had obviously been snoring with her mouth open, because her sinuses hurt and her throat was as dry as sandpaper. As she grabbed a small mirror from her handbag, she was disgusted to see a large dried line of chocolate dribble on her chin and a bright red palm imprint on her cheek where she had rested against her hand.The front of her hair was sticking up in a monster Hoxton Fin and now the object of her desire was putting his key in the door .

 

Frantically, she grabbed the corner of the dog blanket, spat on it and wiped her chin. This was an unwise move, because a mass of dog hair became trapped in the chocolatey saliva . If there was a circus in town Linda could have passed muster as The Bearded Lady . All in all , her sh*agabilty rating had reached an all time low.

 

In desperation, she decided darkness was her only salvation and reached behind her to turn off the lamp. In her urgency, she reached too far, pulled the lamp onto the floor where it smashed and died and worse still toppled the sofa over, trapping herelf twixt sideboard and coffee table in a most undignified position.

 

When Will stumbled into the darkened room and took in the upturned furniture, smashed lamp and general disarray, his initial fear, was a burglary and with Linda helpless, he was franticlly worried for her safety.

 

He groped for the overhead light and switched it on to assess the damage. He was somewhat startled to find Linda, legs akimbo, trapped in a semi backward roll position, like an upended flailing beetle, with her skirt over her head.

 

Linda could only thank God, that a least she was wearing her best crepe de chine panties .

 

When he had gently pulled her and the sofa upright, he threw his head back and laughed out loud at her hairy chocolate chin and hand imprinted cheek. He had a wonderful laugh, but Linda was too despondent to notice .

 

She felt utterly desolate . Mortified to the point of despair, the tears begain to roll down he flushed cheeks. Suddenly, all the disappointment of the dance and her excruciating predicament engulfed her and she didn't even care when her nose started to run and she had to cuff it.

 

Gently, Will popped some cushions behind her head. He disappeared for a few moments and returned with a bowl of warm soapy water and a clean flannel. Slowly and with infinite care, like he was stroking a newborn lamb, he began to wash her face and Linda felt the misery drain out of her and her hands started to tremble.He looked at her with absolute seriousness and she saw the tenderness and intensity in his lovely turquoise eyes and watched the gorgeous curve of his bottom lip.

 

When he had finished, he patted her dry with a soft towel, took her brush from her bag and tidied her hair.

 

Linda tried to speak. She was so overwhelmed with humiliation, longing and confusion, she felt desperate to say something. As she tried to open her mouth, Will rested his finger on her lips and stood up in front of her, gazing directly into her eyes.

 

He threw off his dinner jacket, then slowly unbuttoned his shirt until it fell open, all he while, smiling at her, shyly.

 

One look at those broad, sun kissed shoulders and the sleek, hard muscular chest and Linda had lost all power of speech. As he bent lower to kiss her and she touched the nape of his neck, she suddenly felt that she could crack her plaster cast off with her bare hands and compete in a decathalon to Olympic standard ...to be continued.....

 

Jezxx

:lol: Thanks, Jez and suggy.

 

That was funny, and it's getting a little hot. :w00t: Bless Will. :wub: Gosh, I hope Will doesn't visit this forum. :blush:

 

Toni xxx

Thanks Suggy - :P

The morning after the night before. ;)

 

Linda awoke at 5.30am, alone in her bed. In the brief moment, beween sleeping and waking,when reality has not kicked in, she yawned nonchalantly and plumped up her Mrs Tiggywinkle pillow. Suddenly, as though burnt with an electric shock, her heart was racing like an express train, and even her fingertips were tingling.

 

It had happened, it had really bloody happened !!, and even if it never happened again, she would live off her memories forever.

 

She struggled out of bed and hobbled to the window, she needed fresh air. As she sat gazing onto the fields, she was assaulted by a series of flashbacks so vivid and evocative she could barely breathe. She remembered him, his beautiful face gazing down on her, with a mane of tousled, streaked hair. She could still feel the velvet of his skin, stretched over his perfect muscular body. She put her hand to her throat as she recalled the way his tongue had flicked into the little hollow there and she heard his soft laughter in her ear, before he kissed her gently behind it.

 

But most of all, she remembered the tenderness and the wildness of him , she had truthfully never experienced anything like it. It was like being made love to by an exquisite painting, only, infintely more exciting . No wonder her plaster cast was cracked in three places.

 

Across the landing, Will was waking up with a monumental hangover, but a self satisfied smile on his beautiful face nonetheless. Linda really was a lovely little thing, but Evelyn was still very tempting too....

 

In different rooms across the village, there were several other dawn couplings stirring to a bright new day.

 

In the butchers shop, two of the largest, livliest looking carcasses, ever to grace the butchers slab, were twitching slightly, as sunbeams broke through the shutters.

 

Foxy eyed Nikki, plump, pink and slumbering in all her make up. She looked like a glamorous lady jelly baby and he nestled closer to her astounding, bountiful bosom.

 

As he gazed upwards, he was surprised to see her jewel encrusted thong, dangling from one of the larger meat hooks and he noticed that the left sleeve of his dinner jacket had been severed from it's moorings and lay oddly amongst some rissoles.

 

What a prime cut Nikki was!!. He felt very lucky to have her and vaguely excited about the possibility of free extra pork chops.

 

Nikki was awake, but too exhausted to move. She was in post coital heaven. Foxy had such wonderful hands, all those years of milking cows, had made him very talented indeed .

 

In Jenni Pengelly's spartan flat, Mr Worrall-Thompson was picking at his prune museli, whilst wearing Jenni's tin foil dress.

 

When they had got back last night, she had immediately insisted he strip and had burnt all his clothes on the fire. This had been quite upsetting, as his suit had been hired and now it was roaring up her chimney.

 

She had then run him a very hot bath indeed and instructed him to scrub with an extremely stiff brush and a bar of Wright's Coal Tar soap.

 

When he had finished, he stood before her rotund, pink and steaming, like a warm pig in fog. Jenni blew her whistle and he leapt onto the bed, where she laid him out like a suit of clothes....

 

'Right' she said with determination, 'I want no messing about'. It was fortunate that Worrall-Thompson had been concealing a secret weapon in his old Airtex combi's, he was going to need it ...

 

Fuller had spent an exhausting night of role play with Jez.

 

She was currently reading Far Fom The Madding Crowd and he had donned a regimental uniform and waved a sword around with panache, whilst calling,

 

'Bathsheba, here madam!!!.', with convincing Troy-like menace.

 

As a reward, he had some criss crosses cut in his bottom with the point of the sword and had spent a chilly, uncomfortable night, manacled to the washing line in Jez's garden.

 

This morning, she sat in the kitchen, eating toast and lavender honey, regarding him with vague interest. She would keep him there a while longer, she may even administer the odd correctional spank with her late husbands cricket bat, then she would release him back into the community, whilst she opened up the pub. Men, they were such strange creatures....

 

Will threw on his jacket and popped a piece of still warm toast into his gorgeous mouth. He was so late for his appointment with Brigadier Scowell, he barely had time to exchange a word with Linda, he did however notice, that the toast was a perfect golden brown.... to be continued...

 

Jezxx

Will pays a visit to Brigadier Scowell's stables. :arrr:

 

As William approached Scowell's stables, the Brigadier was eyeing him with ill disguised envy.

 

Having always regarded himself as something of a ladies man and a major catch, Scowell had previously poured his oily charms on practically every nubile female in the village. Most of them had initially been flattered by his lavish attentions and promises, but they soon discovered, that he had an extremely low boredom threshold and he ultimately treated them with less regard than one of his stable cats .

 

He was primarily a predator,cold, calculating and turned on by the thrill of the chase. Once he had his teeth into somebody, they rarely held his interest for longer than a few hot nights.

 

As a consequence, Scowell's reputation preceeded him and he was running out of fresh conquests. Now this bloody vet had appeared on the scene and he was seriously scuppering Scowell's chances.

 

He studied Will, loping elegantly across the stable courtyard, his jacket thrown nonchalantly over his shoulder, his crisp, white shirt sleeves rolled back to reveal taut, muscular forearms. A flat cap covered his unruly streaked hair and he had the sort of smile that would make a nun renounce her vows and hastily start changing into some La Perla lingerie .

 

Scowell extended his leather gloved hand as Young approached and gripped him like a boa constrictor,

 

'Good to see you Young' he looked at him slyly, his cold eyes unsmiling .

 

'You are just in time, I have a sick horse here, I'd say it was colic'.

 

He led Young into a stable, where a stunning chestnut mare was wild eyed with pain, her gorgeous coat lathered in distress.

 

Young looked at Scowell gravely,

 

'I'm going to need some assistance please' he said firmly.

 

As he scrubbed up, Tiggy and Patience, two young grooms, tried desperately to keep their mind on steadying the sick horse.It was an arduous task, as they watched William carefully soaping his delicious arms. Tiggy ached to catch the droplets of water on her tongue , as he held his soaking arms aloft to be dried. He was so beautiful, he made her heart flutter like a trapped bird.

 

The examination was difficult and tense. Young soothed the mare with his soft voice, every now and again breathing,

 

'It's OK my lovely'

 

But it wasn't OK. When he had finished, he looked at Scowell gravely.

 

'I'm afraid this animal will have to be destroyed. This horse is in agony Scowell, she has a twisted gut, why the bloody hell didn't you call me out before now?, I'd say she has been suffering for hours'.

 

If the truth be known, Scowell had ignored the entreaties of his head groom, because he had been too busy, pleasuring Patience in his leopardskin clad four poster.

 

He stared at Young irritated by his audacity and sang froid.

 

'I happen to have been attending to some urgent business last night, Young'. He said through gritted teeth. Patience blushed and hung her head.

 

Scowell continued,

 

'I want a second opinion, I still say it is colic. I want Fuller here now!.

 

By now, his entire staff had gathered to witness the confrontation.

 

With quiet resolution, Young faced Scowell and looked him directly in the eye. His own stunning eyes were flashing with anger and determination, as he spoke calmly and eloquently,

 

'In my professional judgement, this horse needs to be destroyed immediately to prevent any further suffering. I am not prepared to wait for Fuller and I accept full responsibility for the consequences. I suggest you let me do what is necessary, unless you are happy to witness this animal die in agony'.

 

As he finished, the assembled crowd, broke into spontaneous applause. Scowell turned on his heels and glared at them until they dispersed.

 

He looked a Young maliciously,

 

'Alright Young, as you wish, but I warn you, I am going to order a post mortem and if you are wrong, both you and Fuller will never practise again .

 

Destroying an animal was always disturbing and upsetting and as Young drove into the village, he felt in remarkably low spirits.

 

He could only hope that his instincts were right, it was clear that Scowell meant business.

 

Down in 'Soozie's' hairdressers, a frisson of excitement had been in the air since Will Young's name had appeared in the appointment book and everybody was looking their best.

 

Once word had spread, Soozy was booked solid. The entire female population of Frolick- In-The Marsh, were suddenly desperate for demi-waves, shampoo and sets, trims and cut and blow drys.

 

By 3pm, William's ETA, Ace was already in the chair, resembling a bacofoil Medusa. Her 'Turn me into Marilyn Monroe' request, executed by a smirking H, the head colourist and stylist.

 

Mrs Beest-Broadbottom, was quite unnecessarily having her false hairpiece coiffered, Jenni Pengelly was having a GI Jane and Evelyn had closed the greengrocers early to have glossy blue/black highlights put through her raven mane.

 

Rosemary had unfortunately opted for a bubble perm, despite entreaties from H that this was an unwise decision. With her carrot coloured frizz, Rosemary was doomed to emerge as Ronald McDonalds big sister .

 

As the bell above the door tinkled enticingly, all heads turned to see Will, resplendant in a sleeveless black tank top and beige cords.

 

He smiled shyly,

 

'Good afternoon ladies, I've come for my trim'.

 

It was noticeable, that H had suddenly removed her bra and Mel, the junior stylist, was emptying a bottle of Charlie enthusiastically down her cleavage.

 

Soozie showed Will to a chair and lightly touched the top of his head,

'Now then Mr Young, let's make you look even more handsome, shall we?....to be continued.....

 

Jezxx

Thanks suggy

Thanks suggy

 

You're welcome munchkin, I thought nobody was reading it. :lol:

Will's at Soozie's hairdressing salon for his hair trim. :D

 

Young gazed around him, Soozies certainly was a remarkable place.The decor was principally bubblegum pink, with zebra skin accessories and a remarkable chandelier, dangling spangly coloured glass willies, which glinted spectacularly in the spotlights .

 

The hood hairdryers had been specially commissioned, depicting voluptuous nude female forms in various glamorous poses. Young had to admit, that it was a somewhat surreal experience, to see three ageing villagers, happily thumbing through Readers Digest, with sizeable breasts emanating from their rollered heads .

 

Although Soozie had clearly gone to town on the interior design, she desperately needed help with the cleaning.

 

Young glanced at an extraordinary ashtray,which appeared to be fashioned from an unidentifiable, empty crustacean. Closer inspection revealed that it was in fact, the hollowed out crust of an ancient cornish pasty, the odd shrivelled cube of carrot, still clinging gamely to the sides .

 

The exotic cacti lining the windowsill, were actually rising domes of festering mould, growing gangreneously from a variety of spore ridden receptacles.

 

Young remembered what Soozie had held in her hand when she had answered a call of nature in his surgery . He reflected wryly, that despite her sub-Jordanesque appearance, this place needed a woman's touch.

 

Actually, Soozie did look rather extraordinary today. She was wearing a fluffy pink bra top with a sequinned slogan pronouncing 'Cycle $l*t' across her massively surgically enhanced breasts. To complete the outfit, she wore tiny pink spandex cycling shorts, with the words 'Pedal Hard' emblazoned across her decidedly masculine bottom. Young tried not to wonder where Soozie might have tucked her "apparatus," it really was a conundrum.

 

'Mr Young' purred Soozie, in her husky smokers drawl 'as you've had a stressful morning, perhaps H could give you her special Indian head massage. What do you think?'.

 

Young looked at H and winked mischieviously. She was very attractive, why not?, he could do with some relaxation.

 

H licked her lips and flexed her fingers, she really was going to enjoy this very much indeed. She rested his head back against her quivering boobies and began to massage his scalp, luxuriously and sensuously.

 

The others watched in lust filled silence, as he threw back his head, sighed deeply and slightly parted his full, moist lips.

 

The words 'ecstasy moment', remained unspoken, but were on the lips of every flickering female tongue present .

 

When H suggested he remove his tank top and have a neck and back massage too, Jenni began to cry and Mrs Beest-Broadbottom, bit clean through her coffee cup, crunching the china as easily as an arrowroot biscuit.

 

He raised his stunning arms and his tanned muscles flexed enticingly as he reached to pull off his top. Just as he had lifted it past a dear little sexy tuft of hair under his navel, to reveal his taut and rippling abs, Mel let out a scream,

 

'Jesus, H, quick, over here!!!'.

 

They all swivelled around, to see Ace looking forlornly, at a pile of tin foil parcels containing her hair. Sadly, they were sitting in her lap. :o

 

Completely distracted by the gorgeousness of Will, H had left Ace's bleaching head unattended. She was now completely bald, save for the odd straggling tuft, dotted sporadically like frayed cotton wool over her reddened scalp.

 

Ace was stoic in the face of disaster, but nevertheless, rejected suggestions to transfer some hair from her remarkably furry legs onto her shiny pate, as a temporary measure.

 

After some deliberation, she opted to wear the salon mop head, skifully braided by Mel. Already two sheets to the wind, Ace was surprisingly pleased with her startling new look.

 

Running late, Will had passed on the neck and back massage and had opted for a dry cut instead. He kept glancing at Evelyn and when she rose to leave, flicking her shiny hair, he caught her arm and asked to speak to her.

 

He was all smiles, as he stroked her shoulder and told her how much he had enjoyed dancing with her.

 

She let her sooty lashes drop seductively, and smiled sexily back at him, wishing to God she had not just put a cough candy in her mouth a few minutes earlier. It was now stretching her cheek like a coat hook and it was difficult enough to act casually as it was.

 

Will spoke softly, taking her hand,

 

'Evelyn, Jez has invited me to a party on Saturday, I wondered if you'd like to come?'.

 

Such was her shock and pure joy, Evelyn opened her mouth to accept and immediately deposited her wet, sticky sweetie on his boot, amidst a trail of orange dribble .

 

He took her urgent nods and bent head to be a yes and made arrangements to pick her up at 8pm on Saturday evening.

 

Evelyn walked off totally mortified, thinking that she had obviously never been meant to be a femme fatale...to be continued.....

 

Jezxx