Sunday's chaste episode. :teresa:

 

On Wednesday morning, after early surgery, Young decided to have a proper chat with Linda, about their night of passion. He was embarrassed that he had behaved badly and he liked her very much . However, with Linda living and working at Ivy House, it was a tricky siuation

 

He walked into the kitchen and quietly closed the door.Linda did not notice him at first. she was busy making bread rolls and he thought she looked adorable. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and she had a dab of flour on her cute retrousse nose.

 

She looked up and smiled a smile of pure happiness when she saw him, although inside, she felt as though a food mixer had been switched on in her stomach .

 

He bit his bottom lip. How she wished he would not do that!!, it made her innards melt!!.

 

He bent his head shyly, ran his fingers through his gloriously tousled hair and then fixed her with his ocean coloured eyes,

 

'Linda, can we talk about the other night?, he asked gently.

 

As he drew up a chair, Linda popped the kettle on and decided that however much she liked him, she had to play it cool.

 

They chatted amiably over a cup of tea and Will smiled inwardly at the fact he felt so easy in her company. She was always so sweet and approachable, not to mention fiery in certain situations ...

 

They made a pact to stay 'just good friends' and Young got up to leave. He watched her delicate floury hands kneading the dough and her lightly freckled bosom, spilling out of her dress, like two scoops of Cornish ice cream, smattered with chocolate sprinkles. Suddenly, he thought 'PACT SCMACT'.

 

Without warning, he strode around to her side of the table, lifted her off her feet and began to kiss her so thoroughly, she completely lost her breath.

 

In a flash he had deposited her amongst the flour on the kitchen table, throwing off her apron in the process. This landed unceremoniously on a sleeping Evergreen, who, sensing the excitement, struggled to his feet and began thumping his tail.

 

He responded to his masters panting and growling , with enthusiastic barks and tugged at his cords until they fell to the floor, wrestling with them like a dead rabbit.

 

When some 45 minutes later, Linda walked unsteadily into the living room, to give Fuller a cup of tea,he was amused to see six flattened dough balls, sticking to the back of her dress like large bread buttons. He had already exchanged pleasantries with Young, smirking to see the bottom of his cords chewed and frayed and the floury elbow marks he had left on the easy chair. Still, at least everybody was happy.

 

In fact, everybody was not happy. The kitchen was adjacent to the surgery and whilst Lainey and Lucy had been attempting to work, it was clear that Young's shouts of 'Oh Christ!', were not the discovery of a sudden lottery win .

 

Not only was Lainey desperate for some roughage, following her enforced exile from the greengrocers, she was also desperate for a piece of the action. Jez's party had better yield some fruit, or else she feared that she may self destruct...to be continued.....

 

Jezxx

Jezebel's Party. :whip: :dance: :lol:

 

Jez arranged the brie and cranberry filo parcels on a baking tray and popped a stunning, pink glistening, roasted ham, cocooned in a hot maple syrup crust, to cool on a wire rack.

 

She walked casually over to a massive bowl of extremely poky punch and dipped a mandrake root in it. She then grasped a silver fertility candle, turned round three times and chanted Will's name, whilst pinching her left nipple .

 

Tonight at her 'Bountiful Thanksgiving' party, she had planned an evening of total hedonism , with herself as the glorious goddess at the helm, drawing Young in like a sexily warm zephyr.

 

Jez had selected all the party goers for a variety of reasons. Some were invited because they were true free spirits , who would know how to lose themselves in revelry and make the party go with a swing, others were there for their freak value and some, for their pure aesthetic glory. Will Young naturally fell into this latter category .

 

She looked at her beautiful, diaphanous, white silk and muslin robe, blowing gently on the washing line and imagined it topped off with her willow crown, garlanded with woodland flowers. There was no question in her mind that tonight, she would get her heart's desire.

 

However, all over the village the revellers were preparing, with with similar hopes and desires.

 

The invitation had specified 'pagan dress' and the various interpretations of this, were very interesting indeed.

 

Nikki and Foxy, loved up and friskier than a rabbit colony on viagra, were wearing matching emerald green spandex body stockings, liberally srpinkled with appliqued crepe paper flowers. Neither being svelte, they resembled massive caterpillers that had gorged themselves on an entire privet hedge and were ejust about to burst.

 

Rosemary had mad good use of an old bedsheet, artistically arranged over one shoulder in the Roman style and fastened with a kilt pin. The effet may have been a partial success, were it not for the fact tha the sheet belonged to a Thomas The Tank Engine bed set, unfortunately bearing the words'The Fat Controller across her ample midriff. Added to this, the damp weather hd expanded her hair to new dimensions. Had she not have been a red haired caucasian, Rosemary's mushroom afro would have guaranteed her a role as an extra in 'Shaft'.

 

Feeling very daring, Jenni, had fashioned two old pairs of American tan tights into a knotted, nymphet type bikini, upon which she had attached dozens of wilted dandelions. On her feet were Grecian style sandals, which laced up her sinewy legs and slung low on her masculine torso was a macrame scabbard containing a plastic dagger. Jenni may well have felt like a heathen Ursula Andress, but in reality, she resembled a frightening hermaphrodite alien, from a bad B movie .

 

Lucy, Lainey and Linda, all looked incomparably pretty in matching floral bikinis with sarongs covered in silk bluebells.

 

Ace and Snedders had slightly misinterpreted the term 'pagan' and given it an interesting organic twist. Their straw and manure tabards were peppered with old cigarette cartons and on their feet were knotted dishcloths. It was a sort of 'hellish celtic peasant, meets recycling warrior' fusion, but they were massively pleased with the result.

 

Evelyn looked ravishing in a short white satin toga, perfectly setting off the glossy sheen of her midnight hair.

 

By 9.30pm, all the guests were mingling at Jez's place, enjoying the first few drinks of the evening and waiting expectantly for the games to begin. All that was except Young. He had asked Evelyn to go on ahead as he had a surprise for her .

 

Suddenly a car door slammed and Young walked slowly through the kitchen, into the torchlit garden. Fully aware, for once, of his own breathtaking beauty, he paused at the door for maximum effect.

 

Suddenly, if a feather had fallen to the floor, it would have sounded like an avalanche. Everybody was in total silence and stared at him in awe and disbelief.

 

William Young stood before them, naked, except for a small loincloth and a wreath of ivy in his hair. His blue eyes flashed in his beautiful face, in contrast to the shimmering gold body paint, that covered his stunning form from head to toe........

 

Will smiled mischievously as he took in the dropped jaws and openly lustful stares, he was gorgeous and he knew it and he intended to have some fun .

 

In a dark corner of the garden, Mrs Beest-Broadbottom, began to dribble somewhat unbecomingly and uncontrollably, leaving a trail of carmine red lipgloss dripping from her plump chin.

 

She had dressed in a lavish Carmen Miranda outfit and was literally hanging abundantly in fresh fruit. As she gazed at him, she lightly fingered her satsumas, then she raised her hand to her fragrant and exotic turban.

 

Coincidentally, just as Will shimmered past, she had laid her hand on a large unripe banana . As her palm grazed the unyielding fruit, she absent mindedly tore it asunder and clutched it to her huge sweating bosom, memeories of her recent furkle, overwhelming her with desire.

 

As the drink flowed and Will mingled, small patches of his body paint were removed by eager, over friendly fingers, desperate for some bodily contact with his astoundingly delicious physique.

 

Although Evelyn was supposed to be his partner for the evening, it was fair to say, that she was struggling to get a look in, so it was with some relief that she greeted Jez's announcement of the first party game, 'Pass The Sugared Almond' .

 

Jez slunk forward like an overfed Siamese cat, self satisfied and full of haughty insousience.

 

She held the large pink confection aloft, between her fingers and announced the rules;

 

'OK everybody', she purred, 'You must pass the almond around , by whatever method you choose, but it must not be dropped, have fun!. No prizes I'm afraid, just the sheer pleasure of playing. Now let's form a circle'

 

Surrounded by excitable women, Will had not heard the announcement properly and his slightly tipsy voice cut through the melee, asking coyly,

 

'Can I join the circle?'.

 

Until that moment, interest had been passing. Suddenly, a squealing went up, akin to a herd of starving piglets, scenting a milk laden sow approaching. It was every woman for herself and no trick was too dirty.

 

Seeking retribution for the Harvest Dance, Evelyn sought out Lainey's bare little toe and ground her heel down on it with all the force she could possibly muster. Although in severe pain, Lainey was not to be deflected and she aimed a judicious karate chop at Evelyn's kidney which sent her reeling, ensuring Lainey a place next to the 'Gorgeous One' in the circle, whilst Evelyn peered in from outside, clutching her back and cursing like a London cabbie .

 

Jez tossed the almond into the circle and it as caught by Lucy, standing on Will's left. Brazen as only an inflamed woman can be, Lucy caught the almond popped it in her mouth took his face in her hands and kissed him with the wanton abandon of Jordan in a seminary. She deposited the slithery sweetie on the edge of his tongue and panted in disbelief at her own actions.

 

Still reeling from the shock, but visibly pleased, Will decided to up the stakes. He dried the almond carefully on his loincloth and lay down in the middle of the circle, carefully and seductively placing the almond in his navel . Then he turned his head slightly to face Lainey and smiled a smile which superglued her thong to her bottom.

 

'Come and get it Lainey' he laughed.

 

Lainey did not need to be asked twice. She launched herself upon him like a panther and after ten minutes of extraordinarily thorough retrieval, had to have an ice cube applied to her tongue to break the vacumn seal she had created... to be continued......

 

Jezxx

:naughty:

 

Thanks Suggy - :lol:

Tuesday, the "party game" continues........ :naughty:

 

It was unfortunate indeed, that just at this moment, Mrs Beest Broadbottom's fruit laden lust overwhelmed her. She burst into the circle like a massive mobile fruit salad, unable to curtail her salacious desires a moment longer .

 

Just as Will was somewhat dizzily struggling to his feet, she launched herself on top of him with the force of a speeding juggernaught and lay atop his seriously winded body,writhing like an upturned stag beetle .

 

This last violation of her date was too much for Evelyn , who quite literally ripped shoulders apart, to join the circle and grabbed Mrs Beest Broadbottom by her Mirandaesque turban. Mrs BB fought a herculean fight, but Evelyn was younger, fitter and her hormones were doing a salsa at the sight of Will's practically unclothed body .

 

In a moment, a social tragedy ensued, which caused Mrs Beest Broadbottom to lead a somewhat reclusive existence for some weeks afterwards .

 

Evelyn tugged viciously at Mrs BB's melon slices, ripping them asunder from her headgear. Always a champion hair puller from school age, Evelyn felt the need to feel round for Mrs BB's fringe and give it a good twisting for the sake of retribution.

 

Alas, both hair and turban parted company with her head, leaving Mrs Beest-Broadbottom as bald and vulnerable as a plucked chicken standing near an oven at Christmas with a packet of Paxo under it's wing.

 

She sat upright in the centre of the circle, her pate like a large shiny brown egg, desperately trying to hide her embarrassment with a handful of raspberries and a slither of the shredded loin cloth that she had managed to wrest from Will, whilst he was at a considerable disadvantage .

 

Will himself had passed out cold,partly due to alcohol, but largely due to the almost fatal asphyxiation which Mrs Beest-Broadbottom's attack had induced.

 

Such was the collective shock at Mrs BB's plight, nobody had noticed Jez pick Will up and throw him over her shoulder, carrying him with care to an upper chamber.

 

When Will started to come round, he was aware of a strange, cloying sweet smell, an aroma he had smelt before at the pub and from that root....

 

He blinked in the golden candle light and lazily stretched his muscular arms, only to notice that his wrists had been expertly tethered to the bedstead with swathes of silk.

 

Jez stood in front of him with a bowl of fragrant foaming water, strewn with rose petals and a small glistening sponge poised in her elegant hand. She smiled lazily as she secured his ankles and dripped some vintage brandy onto his lips from a tiny crystal glass.

 

' Drink up William' she purred 'then I am going to give you a delightful bath and clean off all this paint, so I can REALLY appreciate your lovely skin'.

 

Will attempted to speak, but she placed a manicured finger on his slightly parted lips and with absolute purpose, pulled the end of the loin cloth, so it unravelled and fell away, like leaves blown asunder in an autumn breeze.

 

Jez gasped slightly, then dipped her sponge in the scented water .....to be continued......

 

Jezxx

 

http://curmudgeon.org/rfmuseum/melons.jpg

That very morning, Susanne Beest-Broadbottom (wig intact)

had carefully prepared her Carmen Miranda melons, blissfully unaware of the events to unfold the same evening

I hope Will's still on one piece after his dinner guests have finished with him tonight, I'd hate to think anyone has pounced on him and forced him into a corner. :lol:

Wednesday and Jez has Will in her grasp, :o can he survive and live to tell the tale? and will he remember anything to tell? :unsure:

 

As the droplets of water fell from the sponge onto Will's burnished skin, they filled his navel and spilled over onto the surrounding skin, fanning out like a liquid starfish, over his taut belly .

 

He giggled slightly nervously, not entirely sure what Jez was planning next and his rapid breathing, showed his hard, flat chest, rising and falling frantically in the flickering candlelight.

 

Jez leaned forward to sponge the full length of his glorious body, licking her crimson lips seductively, in anticpation of the pleasure awaiting her.

 

At that moment, there was a slight movement from beneath the bed and her dog Chuck, leapt onto Will's chest and began growling at his mistress with the ferocity of a chain smoking grizzly bear deprived of it's nicotine patch .

 

Chuck liked Mr Young. He always gave him doggie treats and tickled behind his ears in a very enjoyable way. Once he had even donated an old slipper for him to chew on, a dog knew where he stood with Mr Young . He was kind, gentle, fun and a seriously good stroker .

 

Mr Fuller had never really been interested in Chuck, he knew he was only tolerated because Fuller wanted Jez. On that subject, Chuck was not best pleased with Jez. Most times, she was fine, but she had a filthy temper and he was fed up to his muzzle, of seeing her naked boobies bouncing around like two small spacehoppers. Once Jez started taking her clothes off, he knew that his dinner would at best be delayed and at worst, forgotten completely .

 

He was also sick of trying to hold his wee in when she was up to no good. Didn't she realize that he only had a bladder the size of a peanut, for God's sake ? .

 

No, he was bu**ered if he was going to let her mess around with his friend Mr Young, he simply wouldn't allow it!.

 

Whilst Jez screamed at Chuck and Chuck growled and snapped, Will threw back his head and laughed at the absurdity of his situation.

 

The wrestling between dog and mistress had reached fever pitch, with both of them chewing on opposite ends of the sponge, when the bedroom door opened dramatically behind them, to reveal Evelyn, flushed and glittering like some wild Banshee.

 

She took one look at the semi-naked Jez, through flashing eyes and glanced at Will, beautiful, vulnerable, completely disrobed and spread across the bed and gave full vent to her anger.

 

Grabbing Jez by her blonde ponytail, she swung her backwards, causing the bowl of soapy perfumed water to drench Chuck, who promptly shook himself dry all over Wills gleaming torso.

 

Evelyn turned to Jez in fury and jealousy,

 

'I might have known what you were up to you flighty madam!. Bouncing around like some pagan priestess, when all the time, your 'love herbs' are nothing more than PG Tips and crushed up rose petals!!. God, you even buy your fertility candles in bulk from the discount shop, I've seen Catholic bishops who are more pagan than you!.

 

Jez looked at Evelyn aghast. Was this stunning, fiery predator, really the same meek woman who had served her with runner beans and talked about the dwindling tiger population in India?!!.

 

She felt afraid and humiliated. It was easy to fool the Worral-Thompson's and Foxy's of this world, into believing she was something marvellous and mystical, but Evelyn had exposed her for what she really was, a blousy, suburban dominatrix, who liked to dress up and frolic in the woods . It was time to face the truth and move to pastures new, tomorrow, she would put the pub up for sale.

 

She backed out of the room, leaving Evelyn and a slightly dazed Will to their own devices .

 

Chuck, still on Will's chest, narrowed one eye and studied Evelyn. He decided that she was nice and would make an excellent new mistress. He licked her outstretched hand and scurried off under the bed, sensing shenannigans were about to take place.

 

Will gazed wonderingly at Evelyn and she gazed back, elated and in awe of his stunning

physique.

 

She unhooked her toga, letting it fall to the floor like a silky puddle, but decided to keep her Grecian sandals on, because they made her legs look pretty .

 

Will's face split into a rapturous smile as she walked unsteadily towards the bed... to be continued.....

 

Jezxx

It's Friday :yahoo: and the fun continues at Jezabel's pagan party.

 

Such was the atmosphere of total drunken revelry, the other party goers were in ribald high spirits and completely unaware of the showdown that had recently taken place in Jez's bedroom.

 

It was a sultry evening and the bedroom window remained wide open, but Will's cries of abandonment and Evelyn's gasps and little screams, were carried away on the night air as imperceptably as the fluttering of moths wings .

 

Everybody was now seriously the worse for wear and helpless victims of Jez's almost narcotic punch.

 

Mrs Beest-Broadbottom sat stiffly on the ground, too incapably drunk to move. Her legs were rigid as a sempaphor signaller's arms before her and her back, as poker straight as a keep fit enthusiast about to attempt the world record for sit ups.

 

With glee, she swigged with abandon from a half consumed bottle of Jack Daniels and mumbled confusedly about Joan Collins being a shining example to wig wearers everywhere.

 

She had not managed to recover her hairpiece, which during the fracas with Evelyn, had been borne away by a neighbours rampant Jack Russell. As she swigged, he was in fact, enjoying vigorous relations with her crowning glory, losing himself amongst it's curly warmth . Mrs BB had always been a practical woman however and leapt at the offer of Mr Worral-Thompsons underpants to hide her embarrassment. They were faded brown towelling, with cream piping, a good blend for her complexion and the waistband was a surprisingly snug fit around her shiny head . Once she had got used to the somewhat pungent aroma, she was more than satisfied with her temporary headgear and completely forgot that they had only recently been in close contact with Mr WT's rectum .

 

Elsewhere, the effects of Jez's punch were more than evident.

 

Foxy and Nikki Reef, unable to contain themselves a a moment longer, had sloped off to the shed for a crafty, but very necessary sh*g.

 

This had proved far more tricky than they had initially anticipated, as they were both still encased in their green spandex body suits, rendering intimate access all but impossible.

 

Foxy, ever the pragmatist, hit upon the idea of a discreet cut in the material, courtesy of the hedge clippers. Sadly, the clippers were more vicious than he envisaged and in his drunken eagerness, he snipped far more vigorously than he intended.

 

Startled partygoers tried to be discreet, when some time later, Foxy and Nikki, walked through the garden. Nikki apparently unaware that her entire bottom was exposed to the night air, wobbling unbecomingly like a large milk jelly and Foxy, with his manhood almost entirely exposed, like a hairless dormouse, sleeping soundly in it's dark, wiry nest.

 

Jez stood forlornly in the kitchen, by turns, sad, angry and humiliated, alternately scoffing cold fried potatoes and swigging Tequila.

She was getting horribly drunk and the room had started to spin like a carousel. When Ace approached her, in her organic tabard, smelling like a bear's bottom and asking if she could perform a pagan dance, Jez merely nodded and thanked God that the smell was retreating.

 

She blurily registered Ace and Snedders approaching Joseph and the band stumbling drunkenly towards their instruments. Then she saw THEM. Evelyn and Will strolled through the candlelit garden hand in hand. Evelyns lips, were plump and swollen, the product of manic kissing. There was a small, but just discernible bite mark, above her left shoulder and her eyelids were still half closed with satiated lust. Will moved elegantly, threading through the revellers and occasionally, blowing the ladies kisses. The only traces of gold remaining on his still moist body , were on his ears and the very tips of his toes. Evelyn however, looked like a lascivious Tinkerbell, peppered and smattered with traces of gold everywhere it was humanly possible to be .

 

Everyone had taken their seats on the damp grass and the band was poised.

 

Snedders lurched forward, torch in hand, giggling and snorting like a puerile schoolboy, to announce Ace and her 'fertility dance'.

 

At that moment, there was a collective gasp, as Ace bounded into the torchlight, wearing nothing, but three live, although subdued ferrets, sellotaped to her boobies and privates ..... to be continued...

 

Jezxx

Saturday and Ace does her 'fertility dance' on stage. :o

 

For some, what they witnessed next, was to have a profound effect upon certain areas of their lives for years to come.

At least 70% of the jovial drunken gathering were to develop a disabling, deep rooted fear of all furry creatures.Well over 50% of all females present, spent weeks afterwards, waking feverishly from technicolour nightmares, feeling their boobies, to check that all was well and that the nipples were still intact

 

Shortly after the event, Joseph began counselling in an attempt to destroy the hideously disturbing association between playing his guitar and the nightmarish visage of Ace, frisking through the open bars of 'They Can't Take That Away From Me', whilst the seriously agitated, stirring ferrets had other ideas....

 

Indeed, from the moment the band struck up, it was clear that disaster loomed for Ace..

 

Once her initial nerves had been deadened by 16 cans of Fosters, she had begun to caper, like a grotesque, belching fairy queen, blissfully ignorant to the awakening creatures taped to her stringy body.

 

Snedders, slightly more sober and intimately attuned to the ways of all furry animals , noticed that the ferrets were waking up far too quickly from the massive dose of guinness he had administered to them earlier, through a large eye dropper.

It was only when Ace's moves became somewhat more frenetic and she ran up and down, howling on tippy toes like a demented banshee, that the full extent of her plight started to become apparant .

 

Not only had Reg and Ronnie cleaved viciously onto both nipples, but Violet was mounting a frenzied assault upon her pubic region.

 

Whilst Ace beat her chest, in what some members of the audience mistook as a primitive gesture of abandonment, Violet was sinking her razor sharp teeth ever deeper into Ace's important little places.

 

It was a mercy indeed, that Ace sported a bikini line akin to an eskimo's parka, because otherwise, even restorative surgery may not have been an option .

 

Whilst Will ran for his bag, to administer a powerful opiate, Fuller leapt to his somewhat merry feet and drunkenly pulled the gnawing beasties from Ace's throbbing boobies. Sadly, Fuller misjudged the force with which he mounted his rescue attempt and gazed down to see Ace's severed right nipple resting in the palm of his trembling hand, like a withered fig. Thinking of the preservational properities of alcohol, Fuller immediately deposited the sad little mound into a large whiskey and coke on the rocks , at that moment in the possession of a somewhat startled Mr Worral-Thompson.

 

For Mr WT, the evening had not so far been a huge success. Not a sh*g in sight and now he was suffering the legendary 'dirty trouser itch' as a result of somewhat gallantly volunteering his underpants to cover Mrs Beest-Broadbottom's baldness.

 

Will rushed forward pushing Fuller out of the way and with ultimate bravery, delved into Ace's dense and tangled bikini area to retrieve the last ferret.

 

This moment was not without it's benefits for the stricken Ace . Although she was in shock and accute pain, the sight and sensation of the gorgeous, golden, Mr Young, touching her privates, meant she achieved instant satisfaction and promptly passed out .

 

Leaving Fuller to administer the hypodermic to the still writhing creatures, Will sensed the need to calm the crowd and turning to Joseph, he whispered some instructions and faced the stunned villagers.

 

'Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll just give me a few moments to make myself half decent, I am going to sing a new song for you, it's called 'Alibi Of Love'

 

An immediate frisson of excitement ran through the crowd, almost causing them to forget the horror they had just witnessed. So much so, that Mr WT, took a large slug of his whiskey and coke, consuming Ace's severed body part with ease. The full trauma of this only began to reveal itself later that week, when despite a diet of bran and brussel sprouts, Mr WT's bowels refused to be forthcoming, lest he had to face the evidence of his folly and return it to it's rightful owner.

 

Meanwhile,Lainey, Lucy and Linda were all standing staring at the shed window, with their hands over their mouths. For there, in the dusky reflection, they could see Will, hastily removing his loincloth and pulling on a pair of faded baggy jeans.

 

The women gazed at him with total longing, a gilded God, running his hand nervously over his flat, hard belly, his sculpted arms and luxuriant hairy armpits glistening with moisture in the flickering light. This sumptuous visual feast was made all the more tantilizing by their shared knowledge that only a pair of old jeans separated them from him and total, ravishing nakedness.

 

Only Evelyn smiled contentedly, what a lucky Tinkerbell she was.... to be continued.....

 

Jezxx

 

Any more? ;) Many thanks, anyway. :)

Any more? ;) Many thanks, anyway. :)

 

I'm having a bit of bother locating the last few episodes of this story Toni, I've found tommorows, which I'll post in the morning but I've got a horrible feeling that the rest have been deleted, :cry: I think the O/S has had a few pruning sessions and so tommorow's episode will probably be the last one. I've really enjoyed reading them though.

The party goes on despite Ace's traumatic ferret episode.

 

The ambulance drew to a halt outside Jez's garden gate and Snedders threw the still unconscious Ace over his shoulder like a bag of ripe manure.

 

As he carried her through the moonlit pergola, her mop head wig unfortunately got caught on a stray rose thorn and hung there forlonly like a long dead Yorkshire terrier .

 

She may have lost her hair, but the ecstasy expression still etched on her face, indicated that Ace would not have cared a jot. Her mouth was slightly open, revealing a toothless dark tunnel, in which her vast pink tongue curled to the side like a split saveloy.

 

Now and again when the ambulance jolted, she murmured the words, 'lovely long fingers', whilst Sneddon gritted his pointy little rodent teeth and thought dark thoughts about the divine Mr Young, which involved rabbit snares .

 

Meanwhile, back at the party, the audience were mesmerised. Not only was Will truly wonderful to behold, but his vocal talent was beyond compare.

 

Although he was still slightly drunk,the voice that broke from his lovely mouth, instantly sent shock waves into the ecstatic crowd, and they found themselves covered in goosebumps, despite the heat of the evening.

 

He stood there like Pan, radiating warm golden light, brimming with confidence and charisma, the slinky jazz tinged bars washing over the audience as his unbelievable voice controlled the intricate melody.

 

Gentle, vulnerable and beautiful;

 

'Strange how this language that I have known

still remains with me'

 

Rising with power and emotion;

 

'Terms of endearment, rules of engagement'....

 

Always disguised, behind these eyes'

 

It was jaw droppingly good and incredibly moving. Foxy, still unaware that his manhood was exposed to the night air, dropped to one knee and forced a Coca Cola ring on Nikki's pudgy finger, he had already decided that he wanted this to be 'their song' and was still humming it when 8 hrs later Nikki and he sat in casualty, waiting for the temporary ring to be sawn off of Nikki's by now purple, throbbing digit.

 

He thought it entirely unnecssary that the big, hirsute matron had grappled him to the floor and covered his inadvertently exposed groin, with a large hot apple turnover she had been carrying through to the rest room for her teabreak. How was he to know he had been exposing himself, when he only had eyes for his little pork pie?. Now as the same matron roughly applied Germolene to his scalded organ with her beefy hands, he wondered idly if she had a charge card at Burtons and called herself Bert at the weekends.

 

 

For all of the women in the audience, the beauty of Will's voice merely added to his impossible glamour and they were stupified with admiration and lust .

 

So entranced was Mrs Beest-Broadbottom, that she had failed to notice Mr Worrall-Thompson sidling up to her in the darkness and slipping his pudgy, ginger tinged arm around her substantial shoulders.

 

He didn't know why exactly, but the sight of her, big, bountiful frame, topped by his warm underwear, had a strangely aphrodisiac effect upon him and he suddenly longed to loose himself in her Grand Canyon cleavage.

 

Recently, things had not been going well with Jenni Pengelly. It was true that she was instiable, but she was like a string bean on heat, there were no warm, wobbly surfaces anywhere on her. Jenni herself was also smarting from an unfortunate culinary faux pas, which Mr WT had committed the week before.

 

In an attempt to impress, he had exercised his considerable cooking skills , to produce a mouth watering lamb casserole. In the candlelit atmosphere of the fuggy kitchen, whilst removing his tasty dish from the oven to sample, Mr WT had plucked what he mistakely thought was a stray moist dark button mushroom stuck to the work surface and popped it back in the casserole, before resuming cooking. If only her had sniffed his fingers at this point, a tragedy could have been averted!. Alas, Windy Lindy, his obese, flatulent Persian had been sitting upon that very spot on the worktop and clearly had not been very thorough with her personal grooming . When Jenni forked the mushroom out, as the dish steamed on the table, she greedily teamed it with a large chunk of meat and despite being vegetarian, wolfed it down with a nut cutlet eaters zeal; the taste remained with her forever and from then on she became a fruitarian with an extreme suspicion of small ginger people.

 

For Mrs Beest-Broadbottom, a diminutive, carrot-thatched gnome was better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick and she grabbed the opportunity with both hands....quite literally.........to be continued

 

Jezxx

I can't find the last chapter for this, so if you're about Jezabel, maybe you'd like to finish it off for us pretty please. B) :D