Liamski689

Being 28 and male, I obviously wasn't alive when this song (Grandma) was released and am not the target demographic for this song. I also was not aware of the initial context behind the song as a tribute to the (then) Queen Mother and, on a surface level, it's a primary school choir singing a saccharine but earnest song in honour of an often overlooked family member. Having said all that, this song topped my personal opinion of worst UK number one with only one other record in the list that has yet to appear coming close to incurring my anger. I loathe this song with a passion. I want to make it clear, the choir themselves deserve no scorn (their children, I'm not a heartless monster. Blame is directed at all other parties involved.) so the worst I'll say here is I wish they'd found a lead vocal that wasn't quite so nails-on-a-chalkboard grating. The main issue I take is how grandma is portrayed with so little personality to speak of beyond a basic crib note description that the record may as well be about a vacuum cleaner and nothing would need to be changed. I get the need to generalise but there should at least be something that makes her stand out from other family members and not a mere stereotype who visits occasionally and exists with perfunctory purpose. I am fortunate enough to still have a grandma alive but hope she would have given me a clip round the ear had I been alive then and by giving this made her feel like I valued her as little more than an object. The production is hideous; so maudlin and trite, as if every flourish and note are being used to tug at the heartstrings. My head canon is advertisers to this day use this song as inspiration to create similar dirges that convince overly sentimental saps to purchase their produce, especially around Christmas to match when this song topped the charts. Speaking of Christmas, I feel sorry for grandmothers that received this as a present ahead of one they may actually have liked. It is my least favourite Number One as there is nothing to be gained from listening to it. Every other record has something that justifies its existence, even if I may not appreciate them. There are no salvageable qualities, it is offensively twee and, even with other appallingly bad records that have topped the charts, sticks out as an affront to good taste. I will wrap and conclude with the only "positive"; it could have been much worse (*cough* My Mummy Is One In A Million *cough*)