Torple

This was OKAY, started off slow but definitely became more interesting near the end. Only small gripe is that the characters and plotlines have started off all a little too obvious and one-note. Older experienced motherly one GOOD, bratty teenage princess BAD, dictatorial father BAD. Sweet and innocent blonde in a relationship with long-haired punk (who in the first 2 minutes had been identified as the BAD BOY), but is clearly going to be spending the series exchanging dewy-eyed looks with the SAPPY and WORTHY guitar guy. On the plus side, Jonathan Jackson is LOVELY, despite playing one of the show's designated arseholes and having all of 3 lines.

I think we can quite do without Lisa, the walking advertisment for chronic depression. Izzy was marvellous, although if they'd just use Annalise a bit more, they'd have a more than adequate substitute for that one.

If we must travel back in time to 2006, then I also demand the return of MAD OLD BAT Kathy Barnes, pretend rubbish-gai Craig Dean, and fit fireman Ben Davies. But not Ravi Roy or Katy Fox. EVER. Also Kirkwood will NEVER succeed in ridding the show of the deadwood actors whilst the actually OFFENSIVE Liberty and Theresa remain.

So some faintly LUDICROUS news.

It's true the vampire stuff is ridiculous and needs to be curtailed soon, although I can understand why they felt the need to address it what with half of the Port Charles cast now on General Hospital. The one area that the new writers have vastly improved upon is they seem to really understand and be respectful of show history, and they've brought back near enough every historical "legendary" character in some form or another. All they need to do now is dial down the campness a bit (bye-bye to vampires, and Olivia the town psychic needs to stop screaming at imaginary dogs).

Replace the WOEFUL 911 with QUEEN DEETAH, and I'm there with you.

Now 41 was definitely the best one - the Malteser look is bizarrely something I associate with that era. A CD cover is a strange thing to inspire nostalgia but hey.

I'm going to be a grumpy old git and mourn for the days where the artwork was often quite LOVELY (particularly from mid-90s to mid-00s) where they went to pains to ensure each had their own identity/colour scheme. Now covers these days just look a child was vomited up paint of every colour known to man. And seriously, bunnies? Awful. I would feel embarrassed to take that to a counter.

That's a genuine shame, albeit no great surprise. It's definitely a loss for Hollyoaks though, because I just can't see that any of the newer characters introduced over the past couple of years are ready to fill the shows of the recently and to-be departed. I have a horrible feeling they will continue to try and push the Savages, Texas and Theresa as leading characters.

She hasn't yet f***ed 18 year olds or dressed onscreen as a slutty haystack, as General Hospital is a daytime soap. But she's got the same sharp and irreverent wit, likes to get trolleyed and play strip pool, and is usually a healthy dose of comic relief amidst a sea of angsty tragic heroines, warring Alexis Colby caricatures, and tortured gangsters. She plays a defence attorney called Diane Miller who spends her time helping outright criminals escape the law in order to fund her fetish for Jimmy Choos - she's not a leading character and tends to disappear for large chunks of time in a go, alas. Hennesy has a lot of fingers in a lot of pies and spreads herself quite thinly (I believe she's also in the current series of True Blood, and she's carving out a career as an author - one of her books was actually a novelised spin-off of General Hospital). In all truth, General Hospital is also an APPALLING show (despite the decent actors, it shares the same dodgy low-budget production values and amateur scriptwriting as every other two-bit American soap), but it appeals to the side of me that has remained nostalgic for Sunset Beach.

It's an absolutely APPALLING show (which from what I understand has spent the past few years edging their veteran stars out the door so that they can focus on one repetitve love triangle). As far as trashy American soaps go, it's all about General Hospital, which genuinely has a cast that are much better than the soap format itself (Carolynn Hennesy who may be known to others as Barb from Cougar Town is a highlight)

Interesting tidbit possibly relating to the bullying outcome...

It's hardly the first time they've done that (Ricky? Lesbain Jodie? Wheelchair Pete? Sinead's little brother who got a girl pregnant at 12?), but it IS an incredibly lazy and disrespectful practice. Apparantly Carli Norris (Martha) has also stated she has not filmed any scenes for a long time. Not looking good for the Kanes, which is a shame, because I thought they were a very promising family unit. Certainly more so than the DIRE Savages (wtf is Liberty still doing in employment?)

I simply REFUSE to believe that Dandu* doesn't have Neil Diamond and Justin Bieber at pride of place on his CD shelf.

I'm actually quite surprised with the route they've taken, I had assumed that as soon as the suicide attempt happened, that would be the end of it and everybody (Ruby and Sinead included) would be falling over themselves to repent. As uncomfortable viewing as it all is, I guess it's quite responsible that Hollyoaks haven't used a suicide attempt as a method to wrap everything up nicely or portrayed it as an easy way of acquiring sympathy and love. The actual suicide attempt episode was outstanding - that final minute in the hospital with Esther yanking the tubes out was quite harrowing (and the use of Silent Hill-esque music was inspired). Esther's scream of anguish upon realising she was still alive was also a masterstroke. Absolutely heartbreaking. I can see this story ushering a fair few characters out of the show now. Jen's clearly f***ed (especially if spoilers for next week are to be believed). And I can't see any way back for Ruby or Sinead (and with no Sinead, that pretty much leaves Diane out in the cold as well). I still think the implication is that Ruby genuinely believes Esther is the evil murderess she claims her to be rather than simply being Maddie Mark II, but nevertheless there's no way she can feasibly continue with the Osborne family once it all comes out. And Sinead will be without boyfriend, baby daddy, and friends - and presumably now Bart's gone she's also fair game for the wrath of Jacqui once more.

Nonsense. Who hasn't smacked Mercedes over the past few years?

Although Teardrop did make the top 10, it's also a fantastic example of a track whose true status as an all-time classic far exceeds its chart performance (if I remember right, it only scraped top 10 behind the likes of Steps, the Mavericks and All Saints' abysmal RHCP cover - a travesty!) Although you're right that Alanis had already shifted a shedload of albums before Ironic was released as a single release, the strange thing is that the fifth single (Head Over Feet) DID make the top 10, so for me Ironic is still a little bit of an anamoly.

The first VERY GOOD TV show of the year. I loved the contrast of the bright and garish visuals, and the dark and sinister plot. Enough mystery to ensure you want to watch the next episode, the creepiest TV villains for a long time (I'm genuinely sorry they've already dispatched the Spandau Ballet time-traveller), and for all the critics hand-wringing over the eye-gouging scene, it wasn't really anything you wouldn't see in a 15 Hollywood action-movie.

I'm sure she has the potential to be QUITE GOOD, but that potential is far from realised yet, and in truth I don't think Nikki Sanderson is as good an actress as Rachel Shenton who has been one of Hollyoaks' top finds these past couple of years. I'm not arguing that she's a terrible character, merely that it's early days and far too soon for her to be rated a Hollyoaks legend.

On a more positive note,

Fields Of Gold is ABSOLUTELY a classic, and a stunning one at that. Massive Attack - Unfinished Sympathy (#13) Alanis Morissette - Ironic (#11) Undertones - Teenage Kicks (#31) Iggy Pop - The Passenger (#22) Des'ree - What's Your Sign? (#19)

So RATHER INEVITABLE NEWS

Judging from officially-leaked album track, Let Us Move On, she's gone back to basics and embraced the trip-hop-lite again. Which I'm pleased with as worthy as her attempts to play authentic musician on Safe Trip Home were, the majority was also utterly drab (albeit with moments of utter beauty - Grafton Street and The Day Before The Day rank amongst her very best). It's not the most dynamic of listens, but then that's not why people listen to Dido records in the first place. I do think her time of commercial success is long over though. Although her music isn't a million miles removed from Emily Sandy, where Dido comes up short is that unlike Emily and Adele, she doesn't quite have THE VOICE. She's not a powerhouse performer and she hasn't sounded engaged with her own music for a long time, and it doesn't help that she took five years off when as it was most people hadn't even realised she'd continued in existence post-2003. I think she'll find her place is now strictly on Ministry of Sound Chillout compilations rather than Radio 1 drivetime. Sadly. PREDICTION: Single not top 100. Album scrapes top 10 if she pulls her finger out of her arse, but even then will drop like a stone thereafter, which in this climate will equate to roughly 52 copies sold. Hdbvb8slvSM [

Rather shamefully, only Pink Floyd. I do plan on getting my arse in gear and obtaining more, but I'm really not fussed on Abba or The Beatles.