Torple

I'd LIKE to believe that, but I don't think Madonna's ever really been one of those artists who just chucks out album after album purely for the love of it, and genuinely doesn't care whether it hits #1 or #104. She's a commercial machine. And sadly I have a vivid image of her just looking down at Lourdes and telling her to look up "who's number one on this I-Tunes thingybob".

Well THANK THE LORD. I know Nicki Minaj has the internet gays a-drooling, but let's face it, a collaboration with her isn't going to do ANYTHING to restore Madonna's credibility. For the last few years she's become EMBARRASINGLY desperate to latch onto the latest passing fad (and usually manages to do so two years too late). She grabs Timbaland and the Neptunes for Hard Candy, years after they've peaked. She grabs David Guetta a year too late to fart out a truly TERRIBLE GH tack-on. And then she's chasing after Nicki Minaj, as well as Martin Solveig and MIA. No doubt next year she'll be thrusting her vagina at Rizzle Kicks, or camping out in her leotard on the doorstep of Pitbull's home. She's like the obnoxious aunt who gets horribly drunk at a family party and spends her entire time trying to "get down with the kids" on the dancefloor and pinching the bums of the younger males. The problem is that for years she was a pop trendsetter, and now she's merely a pop trend chaser, eating at the scraps left behind by everyone else. There's NOTHING new or exciting about a Nicki Minaj collaboration because we've already had HUNDREDS of "feat. Nicki Minaj" appearances in the chart in the last 12 months alone. Who HASN'T collaborated with her?

Gamu really is the albatross around the neck that the X Factor will NEVER be able to pull off.

I QUITE AGREE. Amelia was a capable singer, but even had she remained in the contest I'm not convinced she'd be a more deserving winner than Misha B or Marcus or even Kitty. As it is, nobody who has missed FOUR of the live shows should be allowed anywhere near the final.

Gays go wild for ropey girlgroup SHOCKER

It's a strong selection in the sense that there really aren't any DUDS in there (and I think that's the first time that's ever happened at this stage). But at the same time there really isn't anybody that I'm going crazy for; I could in theory get on board with Misha but that ISN'T going to happen, so I guess that leaves Marcus. The other four are decent, but clearly NOT going to be the next Leona Lewis.

I don't doubt the charity's intentions; I don't think this is simply a let's-cry-for-publicity moment. They've already alluded to the fact that they KNOW they can't afford the funds for a legal battle, so going public is the only option they have. However I would be very surprised if Simco really WERE intending to take the name back. Let's face it, if (and there is about a 1% chance of this happening) Little Mix win the contest, they'll be doing so as Little Mix. It would be MADNESS to try and THEN go back and re-market themselves again. In other news, the theme this week has been confirmed to be LADY GAGA and QUEEN. Quite what connection there is there I can't fathom, but I assume it's there for the likes of Janet, who let's face it, ISN'T going to be doing a disco anthem anytime soon again. *Cue lots of internet gays losing their shit and feverishly predicting and suggesting every GaGa album track under the sun, when the reality will be Don't Stop Me Now and Somebody To Love.*

I'm not one to be pre-judgemental, but let's face it, this was clearly DRUGS I wonder if Louis knew it was coming - we all know Frankie was DIRE but even so, Louis was uncharacteristically hostile at the weekend - I don't think I EVER remember him being so damning of a single contestant.

Oh WHY NOT +10 Yasmin - Finish Line +09 Noah And The Whale - L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. +08 Cee Lo Green - Bright Lights Bigger City +07 Kanye West - All Of The Lights +06 Nero - Me And You +05 Take That - Love Love +04 Cee Lo Green - It's OK +03 Martin Solveig & Dragonette - Hello +02 Tinie Tempah & Ellie Goulding - Wonderman +01 Far East Movement - Rocketeer -02 Cherly Cole - The Flood

Nobody brought the CUNT factor quite like Mrs O. I genuinely miss her greatly.

I've actually been feeling a little sorry for him recently; you can see the public outrage and insults are beginning to crush his soul a little. Which is all the more reason to GET HIM OUT. It's not as if he's a Jedward or a Wagner who always KNEW their place and were happy to be novelty/ironic jokes. This one is actually becoming a little cruel.

Well that's a load of HORSESHIT Has Chris Moyles got one of his annual comedy ironic campaigns for Frankie to win or something?

There is NO WAY ON EARTH Florence was born in 1986. Fantastic performace, but what a crone.

This JLS single really is INCREDIBLY DULL isn't it? Number One with a bullet undoubtedly though.

Even in recap, Janet's dancing was pretty bad. And LOLZ at Gary's message to The Risk; what BETTER way to DESTROY a band than to start telling them who the lead singer should be? You'd think Gary of ALL people should know where that road leads...

01. Emeli Sandé - Heaven 02. Katy Perry & Kanye West - E.T. 03. Chris Brown - Yeah 3x 04. Rizzle Kicks - Down With The Trumpets 05. Martin Solveig & Dragonette - Hello 06. Rihanna & Calvin Harris - We Found No Love 07. Dappy - No Regrets 08. Jessie J - Nobody's Perfect 09. Nicole Scherzinger - Right There 10. Cher Lloyd & Mike Posner - With Ur Love

I bring up your applauding of Janet, because it was a useful example of how STRANGE your opinions on the X Factor have been this week. It's as if you've taken on Jark's mantra of being CONTRARY to EVERYTHING. Implying that Marcus is overrated is essentially the same as saying everybody's perspective on him is skewed, hence my comment. Your opinion is of course your own, but I did not at any point say you SHOULDN'T post it. But you should be prepared to justify it. I was merely trying to question on what possible planet Janet, who forgot her words, could be a 9/10, whilst Marcus who was in all objectivity, note-perfect, is "overrated"?

With the greatest of respect Bray, you're saying this at the same time as championing someone who forgot their words and by all accounts put in a very mediocre performance. I would suggest it's not so much the rest of us, but your perspective that's skewed.

Well that was a CAR CRASH I counted two GOOD performances out of 9, another one that could be classed as half-decent just about, and the rest was utter SHIT. Big LOLZ though at the fact we'd all been hyping ourselves up to the high heavens about the prospect of a Club Classics week, with predictions of storming covers of Rhythm Is A Dancer, Ride On Time and Dreamer GALORE (with last year's Show Me Love and You Got The Love renditions setting the standard). Only for us all to find out on the night that the X Factor producers' idea of Club Classics had very much REGRESSED back to the bad old days of DISCO WEEK (I really was expecting someone to bust out Young Hearts Run Free at any point). Very much Club Classics in the HEART FM sense of the term. 01. MARCUS Is this really a club classic? Dreadful song, albeit one that was performed very well with a near-flawless vocal. Only now does Marcus seem to be emerging as a real candidate, and I'm beginning to think that in the wake of the Misha B meltdown, Marcus is the only contestant left who could viably maintain a recording career. 02. MISHA B Yes she probably is an utter cunt, but this was DAMN GOOD. The weird into didn't work, but there was a real energy there that most of the others lacked completely. She threw herself totally in. ============================= 03. LITTLE MIX Quite solid, if a little unremarkable. They remain more likeable than the other girlbands in the history of the show. I think they're safe tonight. Big LOLZ at Tulisa's half-hearted endorsement - "There's something for everyone to relate to - we've got GEORDIE, we've got ESSEX, and...er...High Wycombe." Can a Buckinghamshire-based ITV2 show be far behind? ============================= 04. KITTY Disappointing. A weak week for her. I think it's probably just disappointment on my part though. The way she'd be talking through the pre-performance VT had me thinking she was going to be firing herself from a cannon, or indeed nailing a black man onto a wooden cross onscreen. The fact that in the end, her big "stunt" amounted to her quietly taking off her coat, and it was an absolute anti-climax. The first time I found her dull. 05. THE RISK The fact that I can't really remember their performance or even what they sung says it all. They can't have been good enough or terrible enough to stick in the mind. Rapidly going downhill. ============================= 06. CRAIG GOD for one horrible moment I really thought Gary had fulfilled everyone's tired expectations of how-will-the-judges-flout-the-theme-this-week with a Candlelight Remix rendition. He remains solid vocally, but I just can't see him being anything but a Leon Jackson / Joe McElderry reincarnation. 07. JOHNNY After the last two weeks, how INCREDIBLY disappointing that Louis has reverted back to treating him as novelty act. Hung Up in particular was screechy, and he became the joke gay act again but without any of the previous fabulousness. I suspect a lot of people will have the same reaction as Gary and my own parents; any fans he may have gained in the last two weeks have just been lost. 08. JANET OH DEAR. Club Classics was always going to be her stumbling point, and she proved everyone right who suspected she DIDN'T have the versatility of Diana Vickers; this was no Call Me. Half-hearted karaoke with half the lyrics missing; FATAL. ============================= 09. FRANKIE OMFG Louis Walsh had a genuine QOL moment there, and in ten seconds flat justified his place on the X Factor judging panel for the rest of eternity (of course he dirtied it straight away afterwards by rather petulantly and childishly trying to order Gary and Kelly to shut up). I, as with everybody else, applauded every word he said. That was possibly THE worst non-ironic performance ever seen on the history of the show. I watched this with my parents last night, which was quite the novel experience, as I would assume they're a LOT closer to general public opinion than I am. Which means that NOBODY LIKES FRANKIE, Misha B looks like a "voodoo priestess and her family are the local cannibals" according to my slightly racist father, Johnny is GENUINELY POPULAR, Kitty has "strange eyes", and Craig is going to win and consequently become the third X Factor winner in a row to fall flat on his face.

I'm also VERY DISAPPOINTED by that spoiler.

The whole Silas plot has really highlighted the GULF between the older cast and the sixth formers/students. Jeff Rawle, Karen Hassan, and even Rob Norbury (who I was never a fan of) have been outstanding these last few episodes. And then we suddenly switch to GAZ and MADDIE and the other sixth formers whom I can't actually name, and it's AWFUL.

Actually that's the other downside to the forthcoming end of Silas. I'm sure Smug Lynsey will be a JOY to watch after a year of waiting, but at the same time I will also miss CRAZY LUNATIC Lynsey running around the streets of Chester bellowing at random girls that they're going to be murdered because they're SLUTTY.

The HUGE downside to the climax of the Silas storyline is that it means there's literally NOTHING ELSE LEFT to keep watching for. Judging from spoilers, next week is ALL about It's all very well smashing rating records, but all to no end if you then make no effort to KEEP those new and returning viewers enticed.

I have to say her comeback photos as shown on Digital Spy are NOT GOOD. She's aged to about 67 years old. She needs to start shagging Grant Mitchell again, she looked FAB then (and was a little more interesting).

Do The Pipettes play their own instruments? I have no idea.