Torple

Frankly if 85k is the benchmark for success these days, let's bring QUEEN DES'REE onto the judging panel, sitting alongside Dario G, the skinhead lad of Chumbawamba, and Shelley Nelson of Tin Tin Out fame.

GOOD GRIEF. First Frankie from the Saturdays, and now Pixie Lott? Why don't we just go and fill the judging panel with all the members of Girls Can't Catch and HAVE DONE WITH IT. The Saturdays may be at a peak, but they're A LONG WAY from reaching the same levels of success, and crucially public recognition, as the likes of Girls Aloud, Sugababes, All Saints, Spice Girls etc. before them. 85k? Certainly their sales aren't enough to command a place on the country's biggest TV show. Your average person on the street is simply NOT going to know or care which Saturday is which. That wasn't the case with Cherly, much as I dislike her.

Given Simon's acknowledged that it would be practically impossible for him to have done both, I think it's safe to assume the same applies to Cherly. Katy Perry would be a genuinely great signing, but I can't see it somehow. I'd have thought if Simon could have got her, there's no way the Fox execs would have let him ship her off to the UK whilst the US got lumbered with Cherly.

The only other name I've seen linked with the job is Kelly Rowland. Which still isn't QUITE the ideal, but would certainly be preferrable to Alesha or Tulisa, especially if she's as spazzy as she often is in interviews.

Mel B and Nicole have already been ruled out. Nicole's hosting the US X Factor, and Mel B just signed up to judge the Australian X Factor. Frankie Sandford is surely too much of a non-entity to get the gig. I know in theory Cheryl was just a girlband member before Simon Cowell came calling, but Girls Aloud had already enjoyed MUCH more success than the Saturdays (Wordshaker; 3 copies sold), and Cherly was already a tabloid darling. Frankie, and indeed any of the Saturdays, just AREN'T there yet.

That line-up really is less X Factor and more Must Be The Music.

I've only caught up with the episodes this morning (bad Shoat). And this series is I think already better than the last. Back to form. HURRAH And for the first time in a long while, my favourite contestant is actually one of the males. Irish Jim was AMAZING - has anybody else so calmly and openly ordered his team leader to change the decision to take him into the boardroom and actually got away with it? He was also quite right; clearly he was far from the worst team member during that task, and Leon had simply opted for him initially because he'd spotted a possible opportunity for a Jim/Alex row to take the light off from himself. Edward was an utter car-crash, and as such was brilliant TV. I can't remember who it was, but one of the other contestants summed it perfectly when he said that Edward was so determined to not be "just an accountant", that he actually went out of his way NOT to exercise ANY control over the finances. Which is utterly bizarre logic; if there's one thing worse than being "just an accountant", it is surely being "just an accountant who can't actually do accounting". A complete buffoon. On the females; Melody is clearly the one to watch so far. Edna made for WONDERFUL viewing, but clearly she was a dreadful leader and only avoided the chop by utter fluke. Her presentation to the geek conference was hilarious - her business psychology skills coming in handy there, as she decides the best way to win over the geeks is to sex them to death. She was one step away from donning the leather and bringing out her whip and fluffer. I can't see her lasting long regardless; can anybody really seeing Sirallun having any time for a "business psychologist"? Despite the change in prize, I suspect it won't change things that much, and they'll still focus on the salespeople ahead of everyone else. *Watch now as Jim and Melody go out in weeks 3 and 4, and Edna wins the whole thing*

Well the X Factor is quickly turning into a sinking ship. I fully expect to hear tomorrow that Louis Walsh has "quit" and is being replaced by Professor Green. I'm against Tulisa simply because anything that provides more publicity for N-Dubz (and that FOUL undeveloped ape Dappy) is very much a bad thing. I'd LOVE Lily Allen to do it, but she's already spoken out against the idea so I guess not.

Urban Alanis featuring rent-a-rappers sounds like one HOT MESS waiting to happen.

+15 Eurythmics 'There Must Be An Angel' +12 Dead or Alive 'You Spin Me Round' +10 Jennifer Rush 'The Power Of Love' +08 Foreigner 'I Want To Know What Love Is' +06 UB40 & Chrissie Hynde 'I Got You Babe' +05 Madonna 'Into The Groove' +04 Philip Bailey & Phil Collins 'Easy Lover' +03 Phyllis Nelson 'Move Closer' +02 Whitney Houston 'Saving All My Love For You' +01 David Bowie & Mick Jagger 'Dancing In The Street' -02 Wham! 'I'm Your Man'

01. The Naked And Famous - Young Blood 02. Plan B - The Writing's On The Wall 03. Katie Melua - Twisted 04. Lady GaGa - Born This Way 05. Two Door Cinema Club - What You Know 06. Magnetic Man & John Legend - Going Nowhere 07. Clare Maguire - The Last Dance 08. Ellie Goulding - Lights 09. Gabriella Cilmi - Glue 10. Noah And The Whale - L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. 11. The Pierces - You'll Be Mine 12. Cee Lo Green - Bright Lights Bigger City 13. Kanye West - All Of The Lights 14. Take That - Kidz 15. Yasmin - On My Own 16. McFly - That's The Truth 17. The Wombats - Jump Into The Fog 18. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs 19. Adele - Someone Like You 20. Guillemots - Walk The River 21. OneRepublic - Secrets 22. Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield - What Have I Done To Deserve This? 23. White Lies - Bigger Than Us 24. White Lies - Strangers 25. Glasvegas - Euphoria, Take My Hand 26. Jessie J - Who You Are 27. Hurts - Sunday 28. Toploader - Never Stop Wondering 29. Scala & Kolacny Brothers - Every Breath You Take 30. Brandon Flowers - Jilted Lovers, Broken Hearts 31. JLS - Eyes Wide Shut 32. Nicole Scherzinger - Don't Hold Your Breath 33. Slash & Fergie - Beautiful Dangerous 34. Alex Gaudino & Kelly Rowland - What A Feeling 35. N-Dubz - Morning Star 36. Ironik & McLean - Killed Me 37. Arcade Fire - City With No Children 38. Chris Brown - Yeah 3x 39. Britney Spears - Till The World Ends 40. Beth Ditto - I Wrote The Book

Cora and Fatboy would be a BIZARRE mix. I didn't realise Cora was going to be sticking around beyond the wedding.

You know it IS possible not to actually be either. Just a thought. Loons tend to do their cause far more harm than good, because they achieve nothing but winding everybody else up. On the issue of replacement judges, surely there is NO way in hell Frankie Sandford would ever have been a serious consideration. A faceless member from a faceless girlgroup who have NEVER really enjoyed the same levels of commercial success as their predecessors. At least when Cheryl was appointed, she was already a tabloid favourite, and Girls Aloud were a #1 selling act. I'd love for them to bring Sharon O back, but there's no way she and Dannii will ever work together again.

So DS are reporting that

Point swiftly taken.

I will be joining you in the Eminem hate, just as soon as O-Zone are voted out! Just Lose It really was an utterly lazy record. It was almost like he was parodying himself.

Well one LUCKY person is going to end up with my compilation. To whomever that is, I apologise. My taste is NOT particularly alternative, and few of the acts themselves will be genuine discoveries (there is a reason I have never entered Unknown Pleasures), but I'm hoping that some of the tracks themselves will be new to people. I guess if mine had a theme, it would be has-beens and also-rans.

+15 Police 'Every Breath You Take' +12 UB40 'Red Red Wine' +10 Rod Stewart 'Baby Jane' +08 Michael Jackson 'Billie Jean' +06 David Bowie 'Let's Dance' +05 Bonnie Tyler 'Total Eclipse Of The Heart' +04 Phil Collins 'You Can't Hurry Love' +03 Men At Work 'Down Under' +02 Spandau Ballet 'True' +01 KC & The Sunshine Band 'Give It Up' -02 Culture Club 'Karma Chameleon'

Nelly will actually have decomposed into dust before you get around to starting this.

An affair? How predictably tedious. Laziness really on the part of the writers who couldn't come up with anything more original for Tanya, and who didn't know what to do with Vanessa. I expect Greg will be axed soon as well.

Oh bollocks. I finally get my tracklisting all up and sorted, and now Mediafire has decided it really does not like my zip file :( CUNTSTICKS

It really says something about the standard of chart music in 2004, when 11 rounds in and we STILL haven't shifted all of the novelty crap.

But they have to do this anyway with ANY new character they introduce into the show; find a way of integrating them in. The fact that they haven't already done this with Vanessa is the fault of the writers; they had a promising character with plenty of potential portrayed by a familiar face...and they did nothing with it. It's a shame that a relatively decent actress is now losing her job because of it.

It's OK. Bland and watery upon first listen; it's not the most immediate of songs, but the chorus does sink in after a while. The video's pretty bad. Obviously budget, and Andrea herself looks like she can't really be arsed. The first big rousing chorus, and we get a shot of Andrea...walking dead-eyed through a subway?

That's wonderful, but we have a devoted Elvis forum where you can post links like this, and also partake in challenging games such as A-Z or What Song Are You Listening To?