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[Jupiter9]

I'm rather concerned about this story. His errant cock must be traced!


From Robin Galloway's column in the Scottish Sun

Link
http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/ho...rs-in-flap.html

Bono’s cock gets neighbours in flap

Published: 24 Jun 2011

BONO, who's headlining mud-soaked Glastonbury tonight, will appear at the legendary festival the toast of the crowd - yet the scourge of his neighbours.

You see, back home in the Emerald Isle, Bono's wandering cock has severely peed off the folks living near his Dalkey mansion.

Occupants of this exclusive enclave just outside Dublin have been searching high and low for this renegade flightless bird that somehow managed to escape from the U2 frontman's heavily fortified pile.

But try as they might, they still haven't found what they're looking for.

It's a little-known fact here in the UK that the Irish rock star keeps these exotic 'pets' in his garden - not even celebrated birdwatcher Bill Oddie had an inkling.

But people living close by certainly did, as any number of residents who've been woken by this clearly angry cock at the crack of dawn will testify.

Our sister paper, The Irish Sun, splashed the story on its front page with the quite brilliant headline "Bono's cock is driving me nuts."

And a popular and respected Irish radio show dedicated almost an hour of its prestigious phone-in to the story. Obviously a slow news day over there. To be sure.

When anxious neighbour Susan rang her local police station to report the stray cock in her garden, you couldn't have made up the response she received.

The textbook "thank you for alerting us Mam, we'll send one of our officers straight away" was fired straight out of the window as the local Garda went off on one, claiming the bird belonged to Bono and that they'd received numerous complaints about the singer's straying cock.

Most complaints were from proud gardeners, furious at the wayward cock leaving a nasty mess on their pristine lawns. At one point during the call, the cop apparently said nonchalantly: "Oh, for God's sake, it's Bono's." Like it was pure matter-of-fact.

The cock is described as having a tiny head and a huge body. Susan, who claims to have clapped eyes on it, described it as being "quite ugly" though when she caught a glimpse, it was "not fully grown."

Local residents are keeping an ear out for its interminable early-morning screeching and some are even said to be sleeping with one eye open just in case they encounter Bono's now-infamous cock.

Glastonbury will rock, but feathers continue to fly as Bono gives his neighbours the bird.