09 ;; La Roux, 'Let Me Down Gently'

10 ;; La Roux, 'Sexotheque'

 

 

 

'I hope it doesn't seem like I’m young, foolish and green

Let me in for a minute

You're not my life but I want you in it'

 

'Never knowing if he's given you up

Or if you're just not good enough'

 

Oh, fuck this woman's label. Who on earth wastes all the hype for a long-delayed comeback on a buzz track (with a video!) only to not release it as a proper single when it actually goes down well?

 

But also, fuck the charts and radio playlisting in 2014. The arguments have been long rehearsed since the infamous Guardian piece on Radio 1's playlisting policy back in May, but whatever its merits, the feedback loop nature of pop radio now (with one or two very rare exceptions) which makes and breaks albums on the basis of bollocks like Instagram followers is profoundly depressing, and unsurprisingly turned out to be the kiss of death for the notoriously social media-shy Elly Jackson.

 

But anyway, more's the public's loss when they're missing out on tracks like these - and despite the polar opposite tones, I've put them together as I think they're two sides of the same coin thematically.

 

First up, the better of the two (by a hair): Let Me Down Gently. It's understandable why the label didn't go with the courage of their convictions and make this a full blown single, because when was the last time a mournful organ lament touching both into the confessional booth and golden-era Breakfast Club nostalgia became a hit, Radio 1 backing or not? And yet it's understandable why it went down so well, all moody synth huffs and emotional fracturing as Elly sets down a maturity sophomore piece. Out with the falsetto, in with relationship nuance - the self-aware ingénue begging for her lover's tutelage despite knowing it probably won't work, or asking to at least have heartbreak with kidgloves if nothing else.

 

On the other side in Sexotheque, a counter-study in awareness: all jaunty sea shanty puffs and naive guitar noodling as a less self-aware main character gets caught in with a scumbag daddy figure disappearing to the brothel each night with wads of cash. Out with the plaintive acknowledgement that she might be too young and naive - in with the confirmation as she idly wonders whether she's the problem as she tries to settle with an emotionally illiterate partner incapable of staying with one woman. Yet the instrumental's more bedroom farce than heartbroken tragedy, sounding more like an ending which flicks through Closer for a new Wonderbra to win him back than one pondering an ultimatum like Let Me Down Gently.

 

Barely scratching 50,000 sales (if that) for the album I doubt Elly has much of a future left with Polydor, but with an album that felt far more cohesive than the half killer half filler affair of the debut which plunged off a cliff after Cover My Eyes, it would be a massive shame if this was the last we heard from someone who's come on bounds as a vocalist, writer and performer since briefly touching the zeitgeist in 2009. Fingers crossed for a change in playlisting policy by 2019.

08 ;; Alcazar, 'Blame It On The Disco'

 

 

'Blame it on the disco

Blame it on the drugs!'

 

It was almost as if Alcazar knew the horrors that had descended on us. The endless drone of barrel-scraping deep house. The scourge of soft rock hell. Ed. Fucking. Sheeran. All hope was truly lost.

 

But lo! On the horizons! DESCENDING TO EARTH in GLITTERED CATSUITS via GIANT DISCOBALL to SAVE us ALL! With a potent mix of a poppered-up last minute rewrite of Stay The Night, 500mg of Truvada for Andreas and 40 units of gin direct to Tess Merkel's bloodstream, Alcazar reminded a weary world that had ungratefully ignored the invitation nine years prior to become an Alcastar exactly what they were missing - pyrotechnics for every chorus! Ready-made lyrical excuses for bringing shame unto your self/family/nation (delete as inappropriate)! A woman the wrong side of 35 off her cunt and stumbling at the same one minute mark of each performance! Why EXACTLY would you say NO?!

 

Frankly that bollocks like this has no place in the charts anymore has made us all worse off as a species and brings eternal shame to the pink pound that can neither be blamed on the disco nor the drugs. SORT IT OUT.

 

DISCO! DISCO! DISCO!

07 ;; Madonna, 'Rebel Heart'

 

 

'So I took the road less traveled by...'

 

The great irony here being that as a rule, Madonna post-Confessions has not by any stretch of the imagination taken the road less traveled by. Long gone is the Madonna of old who would create trends. Not even present is a Madonna that keeps up with them. Instead we have an artist who is the musical equivalent of a +1 channel. Want to hear the hottest sounds of two years ago? Here's the desperate sight of what was formerly the greatest artist in the world, serving them up microwaved, parched of flavour with swearing and references to drug taking passed off as edginess and character. I could let it slide if it were on its own, but it comes at the same time as the latter-day Empress's New Clothes tale that has been Madonna's adoption of Twitter and Instagram. Gone is the mystique, the image of a calculated, intelligent woman who may have caused storms with crassness but seemed as if she knew at all times exactly what was doing. Now we have the eyebrow-raising spectacle of a woman referring to her thirteen year old son with the n-word, mixing up their and there in apology statements, and crassly Photoshopping bondage strings onto the faces of great historical figures. As implicit statements placing yourself in the company of greats go, it isn't exactly up there with the Vogue middle eight.

 

Which makes Rebel Heart all the more unexpected, especially amongst the company it keeps. Where elsewhere on the album she opts for trap slut-dropping and braggadocio, here Madonna opts for a genuine road less traveled by - a wistful reappraisal of her career which musically steps away from the 2014 trend for playground chants for choruses (if they even exist to begin with) and follows the lead of lush late-00s pop productions from the likes of Robyn and Girls Aloud, a sound barely popular at the time and a dim and much missed memory now. The crowning achievement is the bridge though - a surging, life-affirming mantra of success against the odds backed by euphoric strings and swimming in sky-high melodies. Good God, somewhere, somehow, she still has it. Left with a glistening fadeout, you wonder exactly how long it will be until we hear this Madonna again.

fabulous stuff hun. love all the music and the write-ups just as much

 

bravo *.*

06 ;; Kyla LaGrange, 'Cut Your Teeth [Kygo Remix]'

 

 

'Well I've bled words onto a page for you

And you never knew my name.'

 

The original of this is top-drawer stuff: a creepy, Bjork-via-Florence brooding, bubbling affair, but one which totally fits the lyrics of an exhausted woman trying in desperation to spurn a lover one last time who won't take no for an answer.

 

The Kygo remix pushes the track in true and tested Scandinavian fashion, co-opting my favourite trick in music of setting world-weary and depressed lyrics to some of the most uplifting music possible while still retaining that poignant edge, replacing the original's slurring, hungover synth drone verses with a mystical journey through the forest, and relegating the original's chorus to a mere bridge for a candy-bright confection bouncing riff so immediately fucking brilliant it can only be the signature track for the new Tropical House trend. The euphoric synth riff choruses of the EDM LOLpop phase had gotten passé, and the comforting fuzz of the synths in PBRnB choruses never caught on. Tropical house marries the two, taking out the roided up predictability of EDM's four to the floor doubletracked beats and pairing up what's left with the wholesome laidback feel of the parts PBRnB inherited from Balearic house.

 

After two years of the most fundamentally depressing music scene I can recall in my life, I'm hoping tropical house will save 2015, and the initial signs are good - half-brothers to the genre Years & Years are on the verge of breaking out, and Kygo's remix of Seinabo Sey's Younger is getting a proper push-out towards the end of this quarter. Both are utterly superb, but neither come anywhere near reaching the drugged-out sense of wonderment Cut Your Teeth's chorus inspires.

From this point onwards, genuinely any of these five tracks could have been my #1 this year - and indeed over the last three weeks all have at some point.

 

05 ;; Hozier, 'Take Me To Church'

 

 

'There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

In the madness and soil of our sad earthly scene

Only then I am Human, only then I am Clean.'

 

What a calling card of a debut this is - and how impossible it's going to be to follow up. I'm not much of a man for grungy garage rock, but Hozier's voice is remarkable enough that it could have probably caught my attention in any genre: a gospel/blues-flavoured smoked whiskey roar of an instrument on outstanding form here, burning with righteous indignation and pure control as Hozier tosses off a poison evisceration of the hypocrisies of the Catholic Church, trading them in for the pleasures of the flesh. Best part? That primal blues middle eight, up there with the likes of Criminal and Dance Your Pain Away in pure satisfaction, BVs bellowing as he reflects on how his deathless death (that wonderful euphemism for 'la petite mort' being the track's giggle at the funeral) is the one time he feels truly alive. Superb.

Where were you when I needed that 12 points in BJSC to lift Take Me To Church into the top ten!?!

 

That Madonna write-up was so on point *.* Rebel Heart is gorgeous, a real surprise from a woman who I really thought would never deliver a great song again.

 

Blame It On The Disco is obviously amazing. Also, Michelle Visage = a bustier Lina Hedlund.

very good choice of La Roux there~ LMDG and Sexotheque were both sublime (would've been nice to see the latter as a single at some point, regardless of the very miniscule difference it would've made to the era's success)

 

Where were you when I needed that 12 points in BJSC to lift Take Me To Church into the top ten!?!

 

That Madonna write-up was so on point *.* Rebel Heart is gorgeous, a real surprise from a woman who I really thought would never deliver a great song again.

 

Blame It On The Disco is obviously amazing. Also, Michelle Visage = a bustier Lina Hedlund.

Take Me To Church was TWELVE POINTS AWAY from the top ten?! SCANDAL!

 

http://www.moopy.org.uk/forums/images/smilies/grin.gif! at Lina Hedlund's MYSTERIOUS BETITTED alter ego. That said, I have NEVER seen them in the same room together...

very good choice of La Roux there~ LMDG and Sexotheque were both sublime (would've been nice to see the latter as a single at some point, regardless of the very miniscule difference it would've made to the era's success)

Oh I'd have LOVED a video, if only for some CERTIFIED OFFICIAL dance moves for 'ALLLLLLL THAT MONEYMONEYMONEY ON HIM'. I don't suppose it being for all intents and purposes a sexy sea shanty would have helped much with playlisting, but then it's not like ANYTHING ELSE did...

04 ;; Sia, 'Chandelier'

 

 

'Amna wan fuaguh tahm kull

fonz blone uh bringen maehduhbeh

Fildalow vildaloooh.'

 

I know I said anyone who's anyone has this at number one for the year, but frankly I'm not anyone.

 

Post-Gaga, all too few album campaigns come with any concept at all attached - the artists in question too scared of being mocked or discounted by idiot 14 year olds insisting 'why are they trying so hard? I just want a pop song!!!!!!!'. Well that's how you get the likes of Meghan Trainor and Rita Ora becoming world beating popstars though kids, so fucking well think on.

 

Saying a good 'fuck RIGHT off' to that this year though, was Sia. Reinventing previously held notions of what popstars and vowels could be, the Chandelier campaign was a tour de force - the signature image of the wig (possibly the only truly iconic look pop gave us this year - Iggy recycling Clueless doesn't count), the wonderful oddness of Maddie Ziegler as the dancing surrogate with Sia bellowing away in a corner, and all topped off with the tropical trap of the verses leading into a gargantuan, soaring sky-high chorus that almost makes the label 'vocal acrobatics' feel redundant. Who else could have done this track? On a technical level very few, but the few that could would've taken away from the raw, damaged vulnerability only Sia's voice brought to an anthem of drunken escape from self-hatred - Christina too empowered and showboaty for it, Beyoncé too prim and controlled to ever believably reach this state. And the genius of the concept was that it all tied together so perfectly - on a song about using alcohol to hold back and hide from a part of yourself and to put on a show to disguise it from everyone else, the metaphor of Maddie dancing wildly for the crowds as Sia herself screamed her pain to a wall hit painfully on the mark.

 

At a time when the one other artist still going concept seems to peddle art for art's sake, thank fuck for someone else who can do pop and concept and hit the mark just as much with both.

Take Me To Church was TWELVE POINTS AWAY from the top ten?! SCANDAL!

 

http://www.moopy.org.uk/forums/images/smilies/grin.gif! at Lina Hedlund's MYSTERIOUS BETITTED alter ego. That said, I have NEVER seen them in the same room together...

 

Only five actually, but I'd have accepted anybody's 12 graciously.

 

*.* I imagine Michelle and Tess would get along handsomely.

Yesss Kyla. I can never decide whether I prefer the original or the remix, the original on its own isn't her greatest song but is still very full of emotion and power, yet the remix is very happy like you say. Stuff like it becoming big would be quite a joy, more so if it's Kyla herself.

 

I very much approve of Take Me To Church (continues to be fabulous) and Chandelier up here (as well as most of the other stuff), it is wonderful how authentic they feel as hits, especially next to some of the tripe there.

03 ;; Grimes; Blood Diamonds, 'Go'

 

 

'Happy scenes, a stupid dream when I dream of you

They don't stay, it might all be delusion but I couldn't say'

 

No, seriously - how the fuck was this not one of the biggest hits of the year worldwide? No other track felt as appropriate to what was happening in 2014 as this - a manic general's howl of a track with a whirling dervish production set to a thousand ticking time bombs, which worked just as well as a backdrop to a VICE documentary on ISIS or the Ukrainian civil war as it did on a grungy Red Stripe-stained underground club.

 

Written for Rihanna (and just IMAGINE...), this rather predictably got the mother of all backlashes from pop-phobic hipsters who accused her of selling out. But then, when was the last time any of them wrote a song so hard-hitting it left everything else from its genre totally superfluous and irrelevant in its wake?

02 ;; Lykke Li, 'Gunshot [The Shoes vs San Zhi Remix]'

 

 

'I was hoping you'd save me.'

 

I might be alone in this, but I actually find the original of this a bit of a bore. Oh, I get the churchy vibe crossed with the grungy 50s girl group throwback in the chorus, but honestly the whole thing wasn't a patch on the seminal Sadness Is A Blessing from a few years back.

 

But forget the original. The remix is countless leagues apart, the spiritual daughter of the two great remixes of the last twenty years -

and

, both transforming longing yet staid originals into apocalyptic do-or-die dancefloor sagas by the overwhelming threat and drama of the instrumentals.

 

And so it is with The Shoes & San Zhi's retelling of Gunshot, tearing out the shoegazing of the original and draping it with chastising tribal clatterings and an adrenaline rush of a middle eight, revving beneath Lykke's broken cri de coeur before shattering in a burst of pure, transcendental http://www.moopy.org.uk/forums/images/smilies/disco.gif delight. Bliss.

01 ;; Helena Paparizou, 'Survivor'

 

 

'Have to be a fighter.'

 

So here we go then - my song of the year came out thirty days in. Cheers to the rest of 2014 for turning up I guess.

 

It came down to this being one of the ultimate marriages of song and performer - a track that could only be done so well by someone who had been through life's wringer as Helena has, going from one of Europe's pre-eminent pop performers and sex symbols for much of the 00s to the low of collapsing into depression after her father's death and being mocked by a nation for her weight gain on entering Sweden's version of Strictly and sent home early. All of that experience brings itself to the fore on one of the all-time great diva readings on an anthem of adversity and comeback, shattering an emotionally abusive relationship with the holy trinity of vox, stage presence, and star power atop a cavalcade of drums - and to hell with any microphone stands that got in the way.

 

On lyrics, is this the best song of the year? No, that's probably Take Me To Church. As a full package? Probably Chandelier. And as a song, well, Survivor's for all intents and purposes a Sia cowrite anyway, so if she at all cared about the year end countdowns of a 20-something gay in a Lincoln houseshare she'd probably be feeling a bit cheated now.

 

But all of that aside, there isn't another song I've cared as much about on this list - even the unfiltered fabulosity of Olé didn't get me screaming, gasping and mincing at a laptop screen in a basement bedsit quite like this did as Helena strode forth in the second chorus, serving empowerment and deliverance from heartbreak with each sceptred heelclick. To state after that that it isn't objectively the best feels like it misses the point. Were any of the all-time great gay anthems the greatest song of all time? Probably not - but they were close enough, and meaning and context took them the rest of the way. As it did here for Survivor: for my money the greatest gay anthem since the diamanté days of Gloria, and the most essential moment of 2014.

And after all those essays I'm TAKING NAMES of the people I know who are coming in and SAYING NOTHING

Well then i'd better comment ~

 

I didn't read ALL essays but i did read La Roux's, Sia's and Madonna's as i am biased towards them and dare i say i love them all a tiny bit more after reading :o so maybe in time i will go through this all. Maybe.

 

I agree entirely about the release of 'Trouble in Paradise' and all of its components. I stopped caring about the SUCCESS of it once i knew it was going anywhere and only then did i really open my eyes to it all and let the music soak in. I also agree that it's a far more cohesive/consistent album that the debut, which is one of my all times faves, so you can only imagine how dear this new one has become to me. I've started appreciating 'The Feeling' as one of the big highlights now (so that's now NO FILLER for me), and knowing it was the first track written for the album (when they were disbanding i believe?) and is now used to close this chapter, gives it so much more significance. I adored the music, the visuals (those that we got at least), the live performances... It's truly an expert way of making a comeback and silencing the critics. Here's hoping the follow up doesn't take as long, but if it takes this long to create something so PERFECT then i am willing to wait again <3

Cheers babe! *.* As accoutreménts for the standard homosexual songbook I suggest you at least read and watch #8 and #1, if nothing else.

 

La Roux's another one who fits alongside Helena for me in how to REALLY nail a comeback - even just seeing her reaction at live performances you could tell how much she appreciated the support after the few years she's been through (even with the smaller crowds - yet it meant that much more because of how far she's fallen compared with where she was, and the crowds were far more passionate than the 'here for the singles and check our phones and chat during the rest' lot for the first album's tour), and the album feels a lot more like one from someone who's lived and hurt than the debut did. A class act all round.

A fine countdown with superb commentary as always!

 

Of course I am fully ON BOARD with your number 1 choice. A real journey for Helena like you said, made all the more with her route to the final in the contest itself. I can't believe it's 10 years since 'My Number One' already.