*leaves coat on seat and goes to look for hotel*

Edited September 23, 200915 yr by Tombliboo

Kele wasn't invited :arrr:

*Grabs seat in the front row*

you might wanna come back an grab that in a week :heehee:

SNA's new TV show set to obliterate Ashtonise records

 

Afternoon Bitch with Keisha Buchanan [Morithhavenja Lorova avec Keisha Buchanan] is set to set new Ashtonise records when it's explosive premier on Wednesday. Keisha has promised to speak honestly and let her motor mouth run wild on the show. Giving opinions on entries, her former bandmates and general goings on. The songstress who is currently staying in Morpeth Cove is said to be very excited about the show.

 

Tune in on Wednesday afternoon on SNA|1 and SNA|1HD from 2pm.

 

[source:AshGuide - Ashton's best selling weekly TV guide]

Can Kate Miller-Heidke make a special appearance? :kink:

 

:heehee:

 

Trying to up the promo to ensure she doesn't DNQ. Totally deserving song and sad we're not in the same semi... again.

seeing as it is Kate MH we'll ask Keisha,

If you want to postpone Numayania until the second show it's OK tbh.

were just having the one show, wednesday should be epic

Was sure you said two? :unsure: Don't want to miss out totally... :drama: Did you hear my song yet?

no, just the one during semi week. but my opening post wasn't amazingly clear tbh

 

 

 

not yet

True dat :kink:

Afternoon Bitch with Keisha Buchanan || S01E01

 

Hello and welcome to Afternoon Bitch with Keisha Buchanan, give it up for your host, the one, the only KEISHA BUCHANAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

*Keisha walks out to the microphone at centre stage, rest of set in darkness*

 

Hello! How are we all today? *audience roars*

 

So, i'm pretty sure by now you'll have all heard that i was fired by the management of my former band the Sugababes, I can honestly say that there was no bullying on my behalf in the band, i was never jealous of Amelle's number 1 and solo BJSC quest. I was forced out because the management couldn't keep me under their thumb like they do the other too and because the others couldn't keep up with my work ethic. Good news starts here! I've told my former manager to f*** off and go play in traffic. Preferably on the AR1. *AshRoute 1 - Main Motorway between Morpeth Cove and New England Harbour. Longest and busiest motorway in Buzzjack* And i've been writing for my solo album with some amazing writers. I'm thankful that i'm getting to co-write these, i hated being a puppet for someone else on Sweet 7. Now we've got that outta the way lets have a song before the news!

 

Performing the Abba-esque Run To You it's Fibes, Oh Fibes! featuring 80's legend Kim Wilde!!!

 

 

*camera pans to K sitting at the BitchDesk*

 

Run To You is the entry from Numayania and has AutoQualified for the XXI final. Thanks for that stunning performance guys!

 

Onto the news fresh from the BitchDesk.

 

Lindsay Lohan was spotted being dragged out of Morpeth club Gravity last night by the bouncers in what is truly a crime of fashion

 

http://www.poptherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/lindsay_lohan_drunk_00.jpg

 

The hammered i'm-lezzer-coz-it's-cool staggered to a nearby take away propositioning customers and was removed by police [above] LiLo spent the night in the cells at the Villabrooke detention centre and is fighting deportation as well as drunk and disorderly charges. I say good riddance to bad smells.

 

Talking of bad smells, Amelle the skank was seen having one of her episodes in the back of a Morpeth Cab.

 

http://www3.pictures.fp.zimbio.com/Drunk%20Amelle%20Berrabah%20Leaving%20Mahiki%20Nightclub%20-6OOIg6yM0Tl.jpg

 

Amelle flew into a scathing drunken rage in the back of a cab, and her companion flew for the door to escape the lunatic.

 

 

90's 'Girl band' B*Witched are set to reform as a 3piece. This news has been met with dread bewilderment and excitement across Ashton. Those who were young in the late 90's like myself and our president are quite excited, those older than us are dreading being tormented by hours of C'est La Vie once more while those too young to be around for them the first time or too old to be tormented the first time are confused at the mass media attention being given to the irish 3peice. Don't worry Ashton, apart from Blame It On The Weatherman i'm failing to find a reason to be excited too. The 4th one couldn't even be arsed. Even the Spice Girls were all desperate enough to put the effort in to the reunion. Shame the same can't be said about the new tracks.

 

Time for some more music, this time from a lying ginger bitch who has spend the last 8years in a Japanese toilet, representing BaNG with Don't Give It Up. The one that left first:

 

 

Unfortunately that was the smallest corner i could find for it. Shame she's being a class one bitch, she actually has talent and Don't Give It Up is a fab track. BaNG and Siobhan are in Semi Final 2 with Ashton. You can vote for the track by calling 03000 BJSC19 or texting SF219 to BJSC.

 

 

Next up we have a sensational artist from Australia, taking Ashton by storm since her debut BJSC entry and Ashtonise #1 Words it's Kate Miller-Heidke with Last Day On Earth!

 

 

*camera pans back to K sitting on a curved sofa near the BitchDesk as Kate walks from stage to join K*

 

That was amazing, now Kate, you've got a bit of a cult following within Buzzjack following representing Dalisska with the utterly amazing Words. What's it like being back in BJSC and in Ashton again? It's great, i had a laugh doing the last BJSC, i met some great people. I'm thankful to have been asked back. And Ashton is just amazing, such a beautiful country and the fans here are amazing. I was shocked to see Words go to number one, but to have my following singles and the album go to number one as well is amazing. Indeed you've sold over 100million records here in the space of just one year, second album Curiouser comes out next week doesn't it? Yes it does, hopefully i'll be in the final as well. We here in Ashton hope so too. Kate is representing Britmasu, a firm Ashtonise favourite in Semi Final 1. Good Luck Kate!

 

Also in Semi Final 1 is our next performer. Get Far and H Boogie are representing the Kingdom of Shadow with The Radio.

 

 

H Boogie/Get Far performed last week in Ashton and we are grateful they could find the time to return for the Show.

 

We've got two more performances left to squeeze in before our 45mintues is up, so we'll crack on! Next up is another Semi Final 1 track, this time it's from FNT Nickodonia. Emmy The Great is here to perform entry We Almost Had A Baby.

 

 

Onto a highly anticipated performance of dear friend's FSR Rontvia's new entry. Fabio Lendrum with Don't Wait For Me.

 

 

Amazing performance! Thanks! Now this one you can vote for. To help ensure that FSR Rontvia once more deservedly receives Ashtonise points call 03000 BJSC13 or text SF213 to BJSC.

 

Thank you for sticking with me through this tough time, your support and love keeps me going. Thank You Ashton and my fans across Buzzjack. To close the show i have Mutya Buena and Heidi 'the silent assassin' Range waiting on stage for me *walks to centre microphone on stage at back of set, facing Morpeth Heights Meiáda Square [Morpeth Heights is a burgh of the City of Morpeth Cove]*

 

We were Sugababes 2.0 and this is the first Sugababes track that i wrote without the other girls and it's Ashton's latest BJSC entry! This is Whatever Makes You Happy!!!!!!!

 

 

Thank you! Have a great day!

Great show :wub: The English version was screened live on NTV2 (reaching 1.9 million viewers of an available 2.2 million) and will be shown in the Numayanian dubbed version (Biche D'Aprenoune avec Keisha Buchanan) on NTV1 on Friday :)

A statement released from Siobhan Donaghy about Keisha's 'bitchfest' live on "Afternoon Bitch with Keisha Buchanan"

 

I'm not ginger, I'm auburn!

Keisha apologises to ginger people on behalf of Siobhan for denying her true colour stating in Ashton we welcome all hair colours an none are discriminated against. Most Ashtonise people don't know siobhan by name so it is easier to call her the ginger one.

 

SNA and producers on ABwKB laughed at claims that Siobhan was Auburn

 

One insider said she sure as hell looked ginger to me, and i was standing next to her. I had to get my sunglasses out to protect against the glare!

 

The Federal Government does not condone gingerism and the Federal Police is investigating claims that the show was being Gingerist by refering to Siobhan as the 'lying ginger bitch'. The AFP believes Lying Bitch would have been enough for most Ashtonise viewers to know who Keisha was on about.

 

Source:AshtonSun

amazing show, no official viewing figures in FSR Rontvia have been revealed, as indeed they never are, but 94.7% of the available television audience were watching at the peak, whilst nearest competition, Car Booty with Lorne Spicer, attracted 2% of potential viewers. 93.6% of the audience were watching Keisha's Sugabitching, 91.3% were watching Kate Miller-Heidke and 94.7% watched during Fabio Lendrum and Sugababes performances :cheer:

:cheer:

 

Keisha promises more bitching next time, as she should get an full hour long show. The pilot has won over network chiefs with an estimated 626,981,843 viewers watching. A new Ashtonise/Buzzjack record :cheer:

wow :o amazing figures :cheer:

LEGENDARY - Great show from the Keish

 

ABwKB >>>>> Loose Lingerie :kink:

 

Bitching ftw

Queen Bjork's official spokeswoman Barbie has released this statement:

 

 

The citizens of Bare and Naked Gardens are disgusted by the comment made by 'bully' Keisha Buchanan about B.a.N.G's entrant to BJSC21, Siobhan Donaghy. Queen Bjork has been a keen supporter of Ashton for many years, however after the disgraceful behaviour in which has been shown by the chat show host, Queen Bjork no longer wants to have any ties with Ashton.

"We don't like bullies, and neither do we like nations that glorify gingerist views."

After Siobhan's performance and the comment made about her, made a status update on her "Barebook" (B.a.N.G's answer to Facebook):

 

Keisha's certainly shown her true colours, she's not only a bully, but also a gingerist. She needs to get over the fact no one actually gives two $h!ts that she's left the Sugababes. She won't ever make it as a solo superstar

 

It has been reported that 9,761 people have 'liked' her status, including Heidi and Amelle, in the first 4 minutes of it being posted.

Edited September 30, 200915 yr by Bang_