I know a few others have been doing #1's rankings/ratings, but I've been wanting to do this for a while. With my birthday being this Friday, it seemed appropriate to do it now. I'll be covering 22 years worth of UK chart toppers here; needless to say this is a LOT of songs. From "ABBA-Esque" to "Sing," which is 588 to be exact (but I'm skipping out "My Sweet Lord" and the 3 Elvis re-issues as they already went #1 well before my birth; and I don't even know where to begin rankings those classics in the first place. "Amarillo", "Young At Heart" and "Are You Ready For Love?" will be in this list, however.) So, this list will be 584 songs long; and will probably take several months to complete.

 

We don't really start getting to the songs I like til around #400-ish; so we get go through some utter dirge for a while!

 

I shall start off with the worst #1 of my lifetime shortly.

 

^_^

 

Warning: May contain unhealthy amounts of Westlife

Edited October 14, 201410 yr by n4yr

So, trying to figure out the worst #1 of my lifetime was fun, and was actually a lot easier than I anticipated. There was just one turd that seemed to stink the most...

 

 

#584. Cliff Richard - The Millennium Prayer

3 weeks at #1 in 1999 (#35 of 35 for '99)

 

 

So, out of all of the #1's in my lifetime, this takes the honour for being the absolute worst. This features Cliff singing The Lord's Prayer to the tune of "Auld Lang Syne." You don't even have to listen to the song to know it's going to be absolute cringe. I'm not a religious person, so already it's not going to appeal to me in that aspect. But even if I was, I still would find this too corny. This somehow manages to be worse than his 1990 Christmas chart topper. Needless to say I find this awful. Doesn't help that it spent 3 weeks at #1, nearly became the Christmas #1, and nearly sold a million copies. It's really saying something when this is the ONLY #1 of my lifetime I can't bare to listen to. Also, it blocked “Re-Rewind” from #1. >:(

 

May be a predictable choice for last place; but a deserved "winner."

Edited June 9, 201411 yr by n4yr

#583. Will Young & Gareth Gates - The Long And Winding Road

2 weeks at #1 in 2002 (#29 of 29 for '02)

 

 

Picking the second worst was way tougher than picking the absolute worst. In the end, I decided to go with the most boring #1 of my lifetime. The Beatles version is really epic. Paul sings it with emotion. This... is incredibly bland. No emotion whatsoever. It's one of the few #1's that actually make me want to fall asleep. I don't have much else to really say on this one.

 

And since these three are all kind of the same..

 

#582. Shout For England feat. Dizzee Rascal & James Corden - Shout

2 weeks at #1 in 2010 (#34 of 34 for '10)

 

 

So Dizzee, it's come to this?

 

Unfortunately, this was my 18th birthday #1 (and easily my worst birthday #1). Way to ruin a classic song. This features James leading a crowd of football fans singing the lyrics to the Tears For Fears song with Dizzee Rascal rapping over. It went #1 during the 2010 World Cup season... and plummeted out of the charts once England lost. This is trying too hard to be a "Three Lions '10" (and there already was a "Three Lions '10" if I recall correctly). Which brings us to...

 

 

 

#581. Baddiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds - Three Lions '98

3 weeks at #1 in 1998 (#30 of 30 for '98)

 

 

As if the original wasn't bad enough, they had to make everyone endure it AGAIN two years later. Ugh. It's the same tune as the original, but the lyrics were adapted for the '98 World Cup. So I have to consider them separate songs for that reason. Refer to the next entry on my thoughts on these songs...

 

 

 

#580. Baddiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds - Three Lions

2 weeks at #1 in 1996 (#24 of 24 for '96)

 

 

In case you can't tell, I don't like football songs. Three down, one more to go. I only rank this above the '98 version because it's the original. The two versions are practically interchangeable for me. Anyway, I'm not a sports fan in general, so that's one of the reasons why these songs don't appeal to me. The references get lost on me. Any song with the lyrics "three lions on the shirt" is going to be cringe. Other than that, I feel like any dislike towards these songs is almost self explanatory. lol.

 

 

 

That's it for tonight; I think 5 a day might be a good pace for this.

YAY!

 

(for this thread, not these songs)

Ah we have the same birthday number 1. Good idea for a thread I'm looking forward to these reviews.

#579. Leon Jackson - When You Believe

3 weeks at #1 in 2007 / 2008 (#17 of 17 for '07)

 

 

So the first of our X Factor winner's singles to drop out. When you spend most of the song wanting to scream “JUST END ALREADY”, you know you have an awful cover. Leon's voice is so mediocre, and I'm still bewildered as to how he even won this show. His voice just falls flat in so many places on this. So they take someone with limited vocal capabilities, and give him a Whitney and Mariah song? Yeah, that makes sense. He's totally out of his element here. Not to mention the song itself is pretty over the top corny.

#578. Sam & Mark - With A Little Help From My Friends

1 week at #1 in 2004 (#29 of 29 for '04)

 

 

This song has been covered so many times already that Sam & Mark's version just feels forgettable by comparison. It's just really average. I don't have much else to say on this one.

 

#577. Vanessa Jenkins & Bryn West feat. Sir Tom Jones & Robin Gibb - (Barry) Islands In The Stream

1 week at #1 in 2009 (#32 of 32 for '09)

 

 

I thought the purpose of Comic Relief was to be funny. Or maybe I'd have to watch Gavin & Stacey to get this. I don't know. It just does nothing for me. But that's kind of the problem too: when you have to watch the TV show to get the song, then it's always going to have limited appeal. I don't get what Tom Jones has to do with anything, either. Poor "Just Can't Get Enough." :(

#576. Robson & Jerome - What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted / Saturday Night At The Movies / You'll Never Walk Alone

2 weeks at #1 in 1996 (#23 of 24 for '96)

 

 

So, just when you couldn't get enough of Robson & Jerome in 1995, and began to sorrily miss them the following year, they spoil us with this TRIPLE A-Side (!). In case you can't tell, there's some sarcasm in that last sentence. :P I feel like I'm on a cheap cruise ship here. I've listened to all three tracks to give a better judgement on this (and wishing I got that time of my life back.) "What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted" and "You'll Never Walk Alone" are the epitome of a boring, faceless, pointless cover songs. "Saturday Night At The Movies", at least, tries to be a bit more fun, but still has the same faults as the other two. This whole thing just screams rushed lazy cash-in. Nothing creative is added to these covers. And it's like they tried to make these sound as middle-of-the-road as possible.

#575. Steve Brookstein - Against All Odds

1 week at #1 in 2005 (#25 of 25 for '05)

 

 

The next of our X Factor winners, and the original one! Much like his entire music career, this version is pretty forgettable. This Phil Collins classic is a bit too ubiquitous to be a winner's single. Not to mention that this was just covered (and went to #1) four years prior. In order to take on such a well-known song like this, you have to make it stand out in some way. Nothing about this does. All we have here is bland karaoke.

 

And I'm just realizing everything I posted today has been cover songs. Oh well. :lol:

#574. Manic Street Preachers - The Masses Against The Classes

1 week at #1 in 2000 (#42 of 42 for '00)

 

 

So, this might be the first shock in this list. Or maybe not. Well, anyway, I find this to be an awful preachy mess. A song that does nothing more than promote their socialist political ideologies. Coupled with jarring instrumental and vocals. Lyrically, this song speaks about encouraging the majority to start a revolution against the elitists in power.. which is basically communism (or is it populism? I can never remember what's what). I'm not going to get into a political debate here, though. I don't mind socially concious songs, it's just this one is too political for me. It's no different than if a song encouraging people to vote for Tony Blair went to #1.

#573. Fatman Scoop - Be Faithful

2 weeks at #1 in 2003 (#22 of 22 for '03)

 

 

Taking the honour of being the most annoying #1 of my lifetime is quite an accomplishment. I don't even care what Fatman Scoop is shouting about in this song, it's just beyond obnoxious. He just repeats the same phrases over and over again too. I'm not sure who's noises are worse, his or Lil Jon's. At least the latter never had a lead single go #1. The only thing I like is the song this samples (“Love Like This” by Faith Evans).

Edited June 10, 201411 yr by n4yr

#572. Limp Bizkit - Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)

2 weeks at #1 in 2001 (#30 of 30 for '01)

 

 

I believe this went #1 due to it's use on wrestling. Limp Bizkit have got to be one of my least favourite artists ever. Their only decent song is their ballad “Behind Blue Eyes.” This is another rather annoying song. I hate Fred Durst's whiny vocals. This tries to be a badass song, but it just becomes an anthem for twats.

No "Killing In The Name" in bottom :o :o :o :o :o :o

#571. Westlife - The Rose

1 weeks at #1 in 2006 (#24 of 24 for '06)

 

 

The first of Westlife's 14 entries here. Their final #1, and in my opinion, their worst #1. This is just so boring and emotionless and Westlife-by-the-numbers. The choir is so predictable. Though I don't think there's a key change. And by late 2006, I'm just utterly sick of them getting #1 hits so easily. And with boring ballad after boring ballad. But I guess they found a formula that worked. The Bette Midler version is amazing, and Westlife just suck all the life out of it. Though, I do find the song itself interesting because it's not even a song. It's a poem... just sung to a tune. I really like the lyric "It's the heart afraid of breaking; That never learns to dance."

#570. The Proclaimers feat. Brian Potter & Andy Pipkin - I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)

3 weeks at #1 in 2007 (#16 of 17 for '07)

 

 

Well.. I guess it's cool to see this be #1 in some form. The word "walk" was changed to "roll" due to the characters of Brian & Andy being in wheelchairs for the event. I know this version isn't meant to be taken seriously, and it's surely not supposed to be sung in tune or anything. But my ears can only take so much. Especially when they do the back and forth bit on "Just to be the man who rolled a thousand miles", and then the ensuing "Da lat da (Da lat da), da lat da (Da lat da)" bit is just atrocious. At least The Proclaimers come in for the final part to save this dreck from being any worse.

Edited June 11, 201411 yr by n4yr

#569. Bob The Builder - Mambo No. 5

1 week at #1 in 2001 (#29 of 30 for '01)

 

 

How one can manage to make this song worse is beyond me. But Bob The Builder did just that. This song takes Lou Bega's womanizing lyrics and replaces them with references to the show itself. Almost like a parody of the song ("A little bit of timber and a saw; A little bit of fixing that's for sure..." etc.) Though, Disney already did a parody version of this. And this came out two years after the original; it's like if a parody of "Call Me Maybe" came out now. It would already feel old. Bob getting the Xmas #1 in 2000 was funny, but it really wasn't nearly as funny the second time around. It just doesn't have the same magic. And I believe this was #1 when 9/11 happened too, which is bit.. random.

 

#568. James Arthur - Impossible

3 weeks at #1 in 2012 / 2013 (#36 of 36 for '12)

 

 

I detest this man's voice. He sounds like a dying goat. Especially when that key change and final chorus kicks in. He sings it a bit monotone too. He completely ruins this song; Shontelle's version is amazing. Most overrated X Factor winner ever; never once got the hype. I just attribute his win to lack of competition.

 

Ha, three X Factor winner's singles out already.

Edited June 11, 201411 yr by n4yr

#567. X Factor Finalists 2009 - You Are Not Alone

1 week at #1 in 2009 (#31 of 32 for '09)

 

 

More X Factor! Ranking these 4 collaborative X Factor Finalist singles was tough. Mostly because there's not really much to comment on. I don't particularly like any of them, though. But I chose this as my least favourite of the 4 just because it's the dullest of the 4. I don't really like the Michael Jackson original that much either (more on that one later.) But this version just drones on and on and it's too monotonous.