Ouch, My Last Breath's studio version is one of our better entries and on paper it could have come midtable with a decent jury score and a handful of low televotes, a bit like Germany's Isaak last year. As it is a modern chart sounding/radio song after all like you say.

But I didn't recall or had erased from my memory that live performance. It doesn't sound as good in that lower key and he didn't perform it very well. So maybe it would have just been another bottom five, eek!

Is anyone in the mood for some controversy?! Here comes a double bill!

We have a double A-seed up next! To be honest, when first starting this ranking, I thought that these two would EASILY be bottom five... But there were far worse entries. The thing that both of these have going for them is that they are CLEARLY far-more high budget than almost any other entry we have sent across these twenty six years (with the only exceptions being Blue, Jade and perhaps Sam Ryder).

16: Olly Alexander - Dizzy (2024)

Pros:

Best staging we've ever had, except for maybe Sam Ryder

Current singer

High budget affair

Gracious in defeat

Cons:

Radio fodder pop song

Forgettable

REALLY dodgy and weak vocals

Simulated sex on stage

I find it unbelievable that the BBC complained about Kant - singing in Maltese - sung after 10pm on a Saturday night, with no malice or insult behind the word - after they sent THIS just ONE YEAR before. I've never liked the song. I find it weak, unremarkable, boring, repetitive, and completely uninteresting. It's not that dissimilar to Embers sonically or lyrically. It's nothing that I would ever listen to out of choice. It sounds like a throwaway radio track to fill up some air minutes on a pop station. It doesn't sound like a hit, although it is a modern dance-bop track. The fact that it is modern and current puts it way above a lot of other entries the BBC has sent! But it still sounds like an empty hologram; that is to say, it's almost like it was crafted by AI to be a perfectly acceptable Pinocchio analogue to modern radio tracks, without ever actually hitting the beats or 'realness' of actual tracks. It's empty facsismile, really. That's not to say the ENTIRE song is unmemorable filler; in fact, the middle 8, starting at around 2.05 and continuing until 2.25, gives us about twenty seconds of energy. It breathes life into the song and makes it momentarily interesting and unique. Lamentably, that same middle eight part is marred by what can only be described as a simulated sex scene on stage. I'm not exactly clutching my pearls about it, but it does bring down the performance, and makes the BBC totally hipocritical whenever it now complains about other entires (like the Ich Komme performance and the lyrics of Kant ... when even Germany didn't complain about Ich Komme!)

Whilst the song itself is unremarkable, throwaway pop, and there was some questionable choreography, the entry really gets dragged down by the weak vocal performance, which somehow makes it even more forgettable. I'm not surprised by its televote score, as who would be blown away by the song or the vocal performance? It also feels like a carbon copy of the year before; it's like they took Mae Muller, flipped the sex, and changed the song a little bit. These two entries, side by side, are like when the BBC sent back-to-back ballads. It lacks vision.

It's not all bad, however, Olly Murs was, until fairly recently, a big name on the charts across Europe and the UK. The song itself is current and chart-focused, even if not very good, and there was obviously a lot of money pumped into the staging. The staging was technically impressive, and I'm still shook by the opening shots of it. It is genuinely impactful, impressive, and good, staging, and I can't think of a single UK act that has staging that even comes close to the same level. Even the costume designer put in work on this! It's slick, smooth and professional. The staging alone, and the big budget, elevates this bang-average radio pop song and weak vocal to 16th on the list. I still hate the song, though. If I was just judging based on studio versions, this would be really low.

15: Mae Muller - Tonight I Wrote A Song (2023)

Pros:

Current singer and sound

Staging was better than usual

Used the same Spanish guitar as Jemini

Great ambassador

Gracious in defeat

Cons:

Terrible song that sounds like the Can Can mixed with Cry Baby

Used the same Spanish guitar as Jemini

Weak and bad vocals that were completely drowned out by the mix

The TikTok-trend-style song sounded lost and too mid on the Eurovision stage

Some VERY dodgy dancing (especially at 1:35)

I HATE this song. It's just ... awful. It honestly sounds like a slowed-down, anaemic version of the Can Can (from the 0.43 mark):

This song was doomed from the start. This was the year that rumours were whirling that we were going to send one of: Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding, Birdie, or Rina S. Everyone was hyped to have one of these acts announced, to the point where the videos to their new-at-the-time songs were filled with people commenting, Eurovision 2023, alongside effusions of praise. Following Sam Ryder, hopes were high ... only to be dashed by the announcement of this song. It really caused us to crash back down to earth. The fact that there such great, established artists, with absolute BOPS being suggest, really marred the song before it ever even had a chance. It has permanently coloured the reaction to it.

The track is a tik-tok coded, modern pop song ... but of low quality. The beat is restrained and never breaks out of its monotonous pulsing, which is why it sounds like a slower Can Can. It feels too slow and repetitive, and it quite frankly isn't a patch on Space Man. It sounds similar to Jemini's song, and even uses the same Spanish guitar! Which is ... both a good and bad thing. It does make it obvious that the song was crafted with Eurovision in mind, which actually comes across as pandering. If I had to choose between listening to this or Dizzy on repeat, I'm not sure which one I would go for! Maybe Dizzy, as it goes sliightly harder than this one.

The monotonous, restrained beat affects the vocals, too. Mae Muller has never been a good vocalist, but the way the rhythm just repeats upon itself, in short beats in the chorus, forces the vocals into a breathy chant. That was never going to be a good mix with mae Muller's typical vocals. The live performance was even WORSE; her vocals were almost completely lost in the mix, overpowered and drowned out by the backing music. Her dancing was not great, and the introduction of HAVING TO WALK DOWN STAIRS whilst singing did the vocals no favours. You think they would have learned that from Madonna a few years earlier, but I guess not.

Not all bad, though. It, like Olly, is obviously high-budget. The staging, though it has its problems, has evidently had more splashed on it that most of the other modern UK entries, and it is, once again, tik-tok coded, which matches the song itself. It is also quite unique. Mae was a GREAT ambassador for the country, too; like some on here said, her promo felt like a giant group chat. She seemed to do a lot more promo and performances across Europe than most of our other entries, probably following on from Sam's cue. She wasn't arrogant, she seemed genuinely thrilled to be representing the country, and she also got backs up at the Daily Mail, which is always a good thing. She did way more for the reputation of the country in the contest than most other acts (except Sam0, even if the weak song worked against her here.

Another thing that doomed this entry was ... this:

Mae Muller was the 25th and last singer to perform on the night. Usually, that would be a good thing ... except for the fact that she was IMMEDIATELY followed by the UK's interval act. Who was that interval act? None other than Sam Ryder, the most successful UK act in LITERAL DECADES. And he REALLY went for it. Whilst Mountain is no Space Man, it is still an energetic, euphoric bop, fronted by his incredible vocals. Not only that but, by being the interval act, Sam was not constrained by time, or by the six people on stage rule, that actual Eurovision entries are bound by. The performance was HUGE, Sam's vocals were arena-filling, and the staging was bursting at the seams, full to the brim with dancers and performers. This was all happening mere minutes after Mae. People who were watching were asking why we didn't just send Sam again, that this performance would have won, and that he was showing up Mae. Her entry was totally overshadowed, even if the average viewer didn't realise that Sam wasn't exactly constrained by the same ruleset, and so it was comparing apples to oranges. However, Sam is a far more competent and seasoned performer, with top vocals.

Basically, nothing worked for Mae; the entry was almost like a comedy of errors. Following Sam, there was a lot of pressure ... and this entry just didn't match it. It comes a respectable 15th thanks to most of the other entries being WORSE, and because it was clear as day that this entry had a LOT more effort put into it, there was money behind it, and because Mae Muller was such a good ambassador for the country in Eurovision. Interestingly, the song was also a hit in the UK, getting a week in the top 10. I can't tell if it was because it was a genuinely popular sound, or if it was based on the hype of hosting and from following on Samy Ryder's top three finish, however...

i wrote a song was a banger naurrrrrr

also not the sex negativity about dizzy

No, seriously, you MUST be erasing "Even If" from memory now if Olly and Mae have both been.

Agog (but not as appalled) that Electro Velvet have yet to appear either!

obsessed with "used the same Spanish guitar as Jemini" being both a pro and a con

this has been a great read so far!

I don’t care for Dizzy much and really have nothing to say about it apart from why would you enter an album filler with no oomph to a competition.

But I do genuinely love I Wrote A Song!

Granted it wasn’t very good live - maybe difficult to pull off a TikTok-aimed pop hit on the live stage, but I think the studio track is very good and the video was strong. I’m glad it wasn’t a nul pointer on the televote and that it managed a few weeks in the top 40 and a top ten peak, it was a popular song on the radio at the time although sure, the Sam hype the year before helped her get onto those playlists.

Agreed on the surprise at Andy not being up yet, one of blandest entries we ever sent and Terry Wogan quit half in protest at it doing badly didn’t he? Despite it having no relevance to late 00s Eurovision at all and sounding like Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough with an undeveloped melody and bassline. Maybe it would have worked better in 1978 than 2008.

“Hold On To Our Love” is a Cliff style ballad and there was nothing interesting at all about the staging or anything: I don’t really rate it at all but yes a relief to have a competent performance.

I do like the studio version of “My Last Breath”: it would surely have scored some points but it’s hard to escape the feeling that the whole package still wouldn’t have been that inspiring.

I’d also put “I Wrote A Song” a bit higher and “Dizzy” a bit lower. The latter was always boring long before we knew it was going to have weak vocals and divisive staging. But “I Wrote A Song” is one of the few songs on this list that would still get a reaction in the Euroclub - even in the Swiss Euroclub 2 years later it was played. I don’t personally love it and think it’s pretty basic, but it definitely achieved something.

Agree “Even If” would be long gone now in my version.

I'm going to do an I'm a Celeb/ X Factor moment here:

The song going out in 14th place will be one of the following: Mollie, Scooch, Andy Abraham, Blue, or Electro Velvet.

Find out ... after the break!

But before that...

(WHAT IF? 14th PLACE): Hyrise - Leading Me On (2004)

Pros:

This could have easily been in the charts ... in the late 90s, very, very early 00s

Good vocals

Representative of the music landscape of the UK

Unique

Cons:

Probably wouldn't have done better than James Fox

It was a bit dated by 2004

Not a ballad

A quick, What If? moment here! Hyrise would probably have done really well at the Eurovision ... in an alternate universe, when the song had been prepared for the 200/1 Eurovision cycles. I'm not sure how well it would have done in 2004, following Jemini, and I don't think the BBC would have wanted anyone who wasn't a tried and tested safe pair of hands, but it is a bit of a bop. It's not a ballad, either! It's a solid pop song, though a little bit dated.

36 minutes ago, Big Fat Sue said:

I'm going to do an I'm a Celeb/ X Factor moment here:

The song going out in 14th place will be one of the following: Mollie, Scooch, Andy Abraham, Blue, or Electro Velvet.

Find out ... after the break!

If you've put "Children of the Universe" this low

And it's...

14: Andy Abraham - Even If (2008)

Pros:

Funky fresh!!!

Very different sound from the BBC

Funky staging

Competent performance and vocal

Sounds like Don't Stop (Till You Get Enough)

Jahq must be breathing a sigh of relief

Not a ballad!!!

Cons:

Feels a little unfinished/ half-baked

Needed a touch-up

The back-up singers sound a little out of tune

Totally out of sync with the charts and music scene by a few decades

Jahq gets his wish, as Even If goes out in 14th place. Gooddelta mentioned that this sounds like Don't Stop (Till You Get Enough), which is my favourite from Michael Jackson, so that's probably why I love this song

Whilst there are some glaring issues with this entry, which is why it is 14th - namely that it has got absolutely NOTHING AT ALL to do with the UK music scene in 2008, and that it looks like it was all done on a budget of about 50 pence - I still think it's a good effort! It's unique and different to most of the safe pop songs that the BBC sends to the Eurovision. To me, this entry really stands out amongst the crowd of slow ballads and chirpy pop songs. We have a good vocalist with dad disco moves, a brightly-lit, disco dancefloor as the staging with a live band theme, and the track is a bouncy slice of retro disco! What's not to like?

Well, to be fair, if you're not into dated disco-funk, I can see why you wouldn't like this, and see it as another bland pop entry from the BBC. But I like the genre, and I think it lends itself so well to live performances (which is why the live band-theme in the staging works so well). I can also see why it flopped, because of how divorced it is from 2008's music, because it was in the death slot, and because disco-funk isn't for everyone. The song could pribably benefit from having a bit "more" going on, especially in the instrumental. There is something missing, and a stronger beat, with more dissonant chords running alongside the main chord progression, would probably have given it a fuller, more interesting sound, and enhanced it. Of course, the out-of-tune back-up singers do NOT count as dissonant chords!!

Anyway, I really like this one, and I think, given a few changes, it could have really stood out in the competition.

I quite like 'Dizzy', and I don't even think the performance was that bad when I've seen him do some seriously shaky televised performances! (although oddly enough, both times I saw him live in person he's been top notch). One criticism I do have though, this song really needs something to elevate it towards the end - a key change or some kind of crescendo. It's a bit one-note throughout.

I still really like 'I Like a Song'! It was never going to be the type of song to do really well at Eurovision though, and bless her she truly flunked that performance on the night. I knew exactly where it was going by the end of the first verse. ☹️

Yeah we've really stepped up a gear since Sam Ryder even if Dizzy and I Wrote A Song aren't the best examples of that. That seems contradictory but it does feel like a change in our attitude to the contest, they're more professional modern, aiming higher entries (than say, Even If, for example), just each had very specific, notable reasons why they didn't do as well as we'd want them to.

respect for putting the hopeless funky Even If above both of them. Just because it's funny.

Much better:

Rave.dj

If Video Til You Get Even - RaveDJ

Mashup featuring Michael Jackson & Andyabraham made at rave.dj

Crap, I had a post saved with two songs. Came to edit it, and it's gone