Jester

26. Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea – Problem Chart run: 1-2-2-5-7-8-8-12-16-23-31-34-37-40-44-49-52-48-55-59-67-69R(5)-50-65 (24 weeks) Sales at number 1: 112,903 Year End: 23 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None No huge problem with Problem for me! Ariana Grande’s career began in Broadway back in 2008 and then she got her big break being cast as Cat Valentine in Nickelodeon’s Victorious and Sam & Cat – this role kept her busy from 2010 all the way through to 2014. She released her debut album in 2013 (a Billboard number 1 and a UK number 7 hit) but she really didn’t make a singles chart impact here until Problem was released as the lead single from her second album My Everything. Problem features Australian (no, not Austrian!) rapper Izzy Azalea, or Amethyst Amelia Kelly, fresh from her 2014 successes with the rather great Fancy and Black Widow. She is a rather controversial figure to say the least, mainly accusations of racism – her lyrics to D.R.U.G.S. in particular where she was also accused of ‘willfully ignorant’ cultural appropriation as her rapping style was more in the American style without any of her original Australian accent. This was further fuelled by the video for 2021’s Iam the Stripclub, where she allegedly ‘blackfished’ by imitating a black female aesthetic, which she denies after using the same foundation for years. Anyway, back to the actual song. Problem was written by both Grande and Azalea along with other luminaries such as Max Martin (who also co-produced it). It’s a mix of dance, RnB and pop, featuring lots of saxophone and trumpets – the sax in particular stands out as the songs earworm. Interestingly, Problem was more successful in the UK as both artists’ first number 1s than in the US Billboard chart where it peaked at number 2. The song to keep it off number 1? Iggy Azalea’s Fancy! Ooh the irony. This really kick started Ariana’s career in the UK as she continues to achieve number 1s to this day. Iggy Azalea would never remotely reach these heights again though. This was the first UK number 1 to include the dreaded streaming towards its sales. Things have never been the same since! More on Ariana Grande later? Yep. I am now getting past the number 1s I can just tolerate to those I don’t mind. I have never been a massive fan of Ariana, in fact I have barely charted her songs on my own Personal Chart until she starred in Wicked. I guess her pop/RnB is just not generally my thing and there isn’t much that really makes me stop and listen again. So, not terrible, just average.

I guess we all have our own taste - your best ones are not mine (as you noted in your own rate when people commented). Interesting to see your rate though as I count down.

27. Rixton – Me and My Broken Heart Chart run: 1-8-12-20-24-35-42-50-56-63-56-60 (12 weeks) Sales at number 1: 63,478 Year End: 82 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None Here we have another number 1 that I had totally forgotten about and had not heard since it left the chart. Rixton, or Push Baby (or actually push baby in lower case) as they have been known since 2019, comprise vocalist Jake Roche and instrumentalist Charley Bagnall (also Danny Wilkin and Lewi Morgan according to the pic on wiki) and they hail from Manchester. Me and My Broken Heart was their debut single and was impressively an instant number 1. They got together in 2012, Jake being familiar with the business as the son of Shane Ritchie off Eastenders and Coleen Nolan off, erm, the Nolans. Originally known as Relics (they love a name change!), they got a decent social media and video following by covering/lampooning 2013 hits and once they signed with Scooter Braun’s management company they were poised to release their debut. Bang – straight in at the top of the pops. The sound was a bit different to what was more popular at the time – no RnB, dance or pop, rather more softer rock in the vein of Maroon 5 and The Script. Variety is always nice at number 1. A note on the name change – they had a ‘hiatus’ in 2016 then returned as push baby in 2019. Buy this point, the music streaming public had more than moved on and despite releasing 2 further albums they had no real success outside their debut as Rixton. A re-listen though was a fairly pleasant surprise, perhaps I would have this a bit higher if I was much more familiar with it. Its another inoffensive song but again, one that doesn’t stand out in a competitive year. Jake at least got to number 1 where his father failed though (deservedly with the ghastly cover of I’m Your Man) – clearly he takes after his mum!

28. DVBBS & Borgeous ft. Tinie Tempah – Tsunami (Jump) Chart run: 1-5-10-18-24-28-33-38-45-62-63-74-70 (13 weeks) Sales at number 1: 80,476 Year End: 67 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None So, here is the first track that I had zero memory of and needed a spin to help my ailing memory. We have Tinie Tempah again this time joining with DVBBS (I assume this is a take on the word dubbs?) and one Bourgeous. DBVVS are a Canadian EDM duo and Bourgeous an American producer. Many hands clearly make light work. Tsunami (not the Manics version) was originally an instrumental popular at EDM festivals, and is a ‘big room’ house song (apparently). It was the most played song as Belgium’s Tomorrowland festival in 2013 and the track began to be played at more festivals and was championed in the UK by Pete Tong. Fast forward to 2014 and Tsunami was rechristened Tsunami (Jump) with wave riding lyrics when Tinie Tempah was brought in to increase the commercial appeal. This clearly worked as it was re-issued by Ministry of Sound and became an instant number 1 (Tinie’s 4th at the time). This is an alright song, it could be better, bit also it could be a lot worse. For me, Tinie adds nothing special and I think I much prefer the instrumental and I would have had this higher if that version had got to number 1. I just feel like Tinie was cynically added to make it a hit and he’s just a rent-a-rapper instead of being organically involved in the song’s genesis. This is still a popular song at sporting events to this day (mainly in the USA) but it just doesn’t do it for me. However, it is the higher rated of Tinie’s 2 number 1s of 2014 so kudos to that.

That’s the main reason I wanted to rate this particular year 😁

29. Cheryl – I Don't Care Chart run: 1-4-13-23-37-62-75-71R(2) (8 weeks) Sales at number 1: 82,346 Year End: N/A outside the top 100 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None Who doesn’t Cheryl care about? Critics! Previous lovers! Your mum! (erm…) You tell ‘em Mrs Fernandez-Versini! This rather more relaxed and carefree sounding song was Cheryl’s 5th solo number 1 (and second single from the album Only Human), putting her ahead of Rita Ora and Geri Haliwell/Horner for solo female number 1 kudos. She would lose out later to a certain someone else who has yet to appear on this countdown. I like the message of this song, Cheryl certainly attracted criticism of not just her personal life, but her music as well and it’s a decent f*** You song. It’s quite breezy sounding, lighter touch and inoffensive despite the message of the lyrics but in a very busy year for number 1s it doesn’t stand out at all for me and I feel it got to number 1 on name alone instead of any real musical merit. Maybe I am wrong given the 82,000 first week sale although this was pretty much just a hit in the UK and Ireland so perhaps not. This would be Cheryl’s last number 1 and last big hit, with the follow up barely reaching the top 20 and her last charting single after flopping. This didn’t trouble the Year End top 100 making it one of the lowest selling number 1s of the year. Of course, I still find her a national treasure but she has vastly better songs to her name.

Considering the number of number 1s this year, that is not likely :P I guess you see where my 2014 number 1 taste lies already, probably in contrast to most of Buzzjack.

Jester’s Top Tunes 1074 1 (1) Friendly Fires – Lose All Your Friends // 8-4-1-1-1-1 (6 wks) 4 weeks at number 1 2 (5) Jake Bugg – Never Can Tell // 18-11-8-5-2 (5 wks) 3 (4) Kasabian – SILVER APPLE EYES // 14-9-7-4-3 (5 wks) 4 (6) Dua Lipa – Training Season // 11-4-3-4-7-10-12-16-17-21-24-30-35-39-xx-9-6-4 (17 wks) 5 (3) Sienna Spiro – Great Expectation // 20-10-4-1-2-2-3-5 (8 wks) 6 (2) Chase & Status feat. Debbie – Gone Too Far // 22-13-7-4-2-6 (7 wks) 7 (8) Sienna Spiro – Die On This Hill // 15-11-8-7 (4 wks) 8 (9) Ashe – Stop The Wedding! // 14-9-8 (3 wks) 9 (7) Madonna & Kylie Minogue – Love Sensation (After Hours Mix) // 18-12-4-1-3-4-6-7-9 (9 wks) 10 (10) Becky Hill – Changes // 21-12-10-10 (4 wks) 11 (11) Mystery Jets – Long Lonely Road // 16-11-9-5-3-11-11 (7 wks) 12 (14) Troye Sivan – Party // 16-14-12 (3 wks) 13 (12) Jessie Ware – Sauna (CamelPhat Remix) // 21-15-11-8-5-12-13 (7 wks) 14 (16) Madonna & Charli xcx – Danceteria Afterhours // 16-14 (2 wks) 15 (15) Snow Patrol & Kylie Minogue – These Alarms // 10-6-4-1-1-1-1-3-7-10-12-15-15-15 (14 wks) 16 (-) Placebo – HELEN KELLER // 16 (1 wk) 17 (13) Kolter – Trapped // 16-8-5-2-3-10-13-17 (8 wks) 18 (18) Sombr – My Body Isn’t Ready // 16-11-10-6-5-2-4-6-9-14-16-18-19-18-18 (15 wks) 19 (19) Olivia Rodrigo – The Cure // 9-5-4-1-1-1-1-1-3-5-7-8-12-13-15-17-18-19-19 (19 wks) 20 (21) BICEP – Air // 21-20 (2 wks) 21 (-) Gorgon City feat. Caroline Byrne – Only Love // 21 (1 wk) 22 (17) Overmono – After The Rain // 19-14-5-2-5-6-13-17-22 (9 wks) 23 (20) M83 – Blister Sunrise // 21-20-20-20-23 (5 wks) 24 (23) Madonna – Danceteria // 15-13-12-11-8-3-2-6-10-12-16-21-23-24 (14 wks) 25 (24) Kylie Minogue - Light Up // 12-8-4-1-4-4-6-7-8-9-10-13-15-18-18-19-22-24-24-25 (20 wks) 26 (25) Michael Jackson – Human Nature // 6-1-1-2-5-5-7-8-9-10-11-15-17-19-19-20-23-25-25-26 (20 wks) 27 (26) The Chemical Brothers – Go // 7-1-2-2-3-6-6-8-9-10-12-13-16-18-20-21-22-24-26-26-27 (21 wks) 28 (22) Temper City – Self Aware // 12-10-8-3-9-12-18-19-20-20-19-18-12-10-4-1-3-7-10-17-22-28 (21 wks) 29 (27) Tame Impala feat. JENNIE – Dracula (JENNIE Remix) // 2-1-1-3-5-6-7-7-8-9-12-14-14-14-15-17-19-23-24-25-25-27-27-29 (24 wks) 30 (29) Slayyyter – DANCE… // 11-8-3-3-2-2-5-6-7-9-10-15-17-23-26-28-29-30 (18 wks) 31 (30) Sombr – Potential // 10-7-4-3-1-4-7-8-9-10-12-16-16-16-16-21-23-23-24-26-28-28-30-30-31 (25 wks) 32 (28) Harry Styles – Ready Steady Go! // 20-13-12-11-7-3-2-5-7-12-17-19-23-28-32 (13 wks) 33 (31) Mystery Jets – A Hole To See The Sky Through I // 10-6-2-2-3-5-7-8-9-12-13-17-20-24-27-29-31-33 (18 wks) 34 (32) Keane x Everything Everything – A Very Bad Dream (Remix) // 11-11-2-6-8-14-22-32-34 (9 wks) 35 (33) The Snuts – Defibrillator // 14-10-5-4-3-2-4-5-7-13-23-27-29-31-33-35 (16 wks) 36 (34) Ariana Grande – Hate That I Made You Love Me // 23-22-20-25-33-34-36-37-31-32-34-36 (12 wks) 37 (35) Silva Bumpa – On 2Nite // 14-12-8-4-3-2-4-6-8-9-14-16-26-30-33-35-37 (17 wks) 38 (36) Harry Styles – American Girls // 9-1-1-1-3-5-6-7-8-9-13-14-17-19-19-21-24-24-24-25-26-29-29-30-31-32-34-35-36-38 (30 wks) 39 (39) Madonna – I Feel So Free // 10-5-4-2-7-13-19-24-25-28-29-27-29-29-30-31-32-33-35-36-36-37-39-39 (24 wks) 40 (38) ANOTR & 54 Ultra – Talk To You // 9-6-4-2-2-6-14-15-16-18-23-26-28-25-22-20-17-14-21-25-27-29-32-34-38-40 (26 wks)

Yes, the ‘rent a rapper’ phase.

30. Cheryl Cole ft. Tinie Tempah – Crazy Stupid Love Chart run: 1-2-4-9-20-25-22-32-33-44-54-59-72-68R(3)-71 (15 weeks) Sales at number 1: 118,145 Year End: 46 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None Hands up if you knew that this song was originally considered by Kylie for inclusion on her Kiss Me Once album but was rejected? My hand is not up, but perhaps the Kylie/Dannii Minogue ‘club’ members is :P I am really finding out some interesting facts about these number 1s for this thread. Interesting though isn’t a word I would use for this effort tbh! Cheryl (Fernandez-Versini) and Tinie is an unusual combination for a song, they don’t seem a natural combination, despite Cheryl collaborating (more successfully imo) with Will.i.am back in the Noughties. Her sound feels more engaging with dance, which is why I am more of a fan of Call My Name which is probably my favorite of her number 1s. This was her 4th number 1, pretty impressive for an ex girl band soloist (though her X Factaaa fame of course helped), but would it be her last? No spoilers in this rate! The song was written by the same co-writer as Fight For This Love, Wayne Wilkins. One of the other co-writers of course being Mr Tempah who contributed his rap (naturally!). It is built around a sample of Ain’t No Way by Aretha Franklin and the lyrics are obviously a gushing outpouring of love about a partner – one can assume Cheryl’s husband at the time Liam Payne. But of course, she didn’t co-write this so it could be a projection of her feelings. Maybe. This sold a whopping (but normal for 2014) 118,000 copies to debut at number 1, becoming Tinie’s 5th number 1 and tying Cheryl with Geri Haliwell/Horner and Rita Ora at the time. It was also the lead single from Cheryl’s album Only Human, was an Irish chart topper and sold around 600,000 copies. I have realised I have barely mentioned Tinie Tempah. I had no clue he had 5 number 1s before doing this rate – I could only remember the excellent Pass Out and this one. Perhaps I shall be more familiar with another before the end of this thread? He was very of the time and I think largely forgotten at the moment. Perhaps a Tinie (in name and not size) resurgence is awaiting us. This track is a bit of a mess tbh. It has so many musical elements thrown at it, saxophone (very in at the time thanks to Ariana Grande), percussion, a kitchen sink, a rap. It just seems a little desperate and begging to be a hit with very little passion and soul considering the title and content of the lyrics. Not one I shall revisit.

Achilles Heel is by far my favourite this week.

31. Sam Smith – Stay With Me Chart run: 1-2-2-4-5-6-7-10-10-13-16-13-13-16-15-16-15-12-16-23-27-23-15-17-18-16-21-29-28-25-19-22-23-27-24-27-31-33-23-25-25-30-33-31-34-41-42-50-50-52-57-52-56-59-63-63-65-74 (58 weeks) Sales at number 1: 108,898 Year End: 7 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None Ah Sam Smith (again). This was the follow up to Money On My Mind and was Sam’s 3rd UK number 1 and arguably his signature song – certainly his most popular in terms of sales and longevity. The song was written by Sam, James Napier (AKA Jimmy Napes apparently) and William Phillips (AKA Tourist also apparently) in around 30 to 40 minutes. It is about the feeling after a one night stand leaves you and although there is no long term connection you just ant them to stay with you longer to stave off loneliness. Its gospel flavoured and is technically a decent song well sung by Sam (before their voice frankly started to sound like a woodwind instrument of its own). It was massive worldwide hit, making number 2 on the Billboard charts and set Sam up nicely for his In The Lonely Hour album which was again massive. This also has his longest stay in the top 75 of 58 weeks though the far superior La La La has their biggest pure sales at over a million. Interestingly, and I have only discovered this after researching this song, Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne were retrospectively added as co-writers due to an alleged unintentional similarity to Petty’s 1989 track I Won’t Back Down. The similarity was a complete co-incidence and it was deemed that Stay With Me was an interpolation of I Won’t Back Down (which seems a nicer way of saying it sampled it or ripped it off!) The issue I have with this is a combination of massive overplay and that it just drags on and on. Sam is fantastic for me with dance tunes and they fit their voice well, but Stay With Me is just dull and boring. Sorry not sorry.

32. Meghan Trainor – All About That Bass Chart run: 75-67-53-33-1-1-1-1-2-3-5-11-10-11-13-10-7-7-10-11-14-17-21-30-27-36-40-41-43-49-54-64-64-68-69-74R(2) (36 weeks) Sales at number 1: 143,750; 100, 942; 108,857 & 82,163 Year End: 8 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: Taylor Swift – Shake It Off (Year End 14) For the longest time, I thought the lyric was ‘no trouble’ instead of ‘no treble’ which makes more sense given the song is about that bass. Silly me. I guess this song struck a chord as it sounded so different for the time in a doo-wap retro1950s/1960s way, I admit to being baffled by its success – it spent 4 weeks at number 1 and tied for the longest runner of 2014 with another song that is yet to come. Remember when having 4 weeks at the top was considered a long runner?! Trainor started her career as a songwriter and she released three albums of her won between the ages of 15 and 17 - pretty impressive actually. She then signed with a Nashville based label and moved into producing music, mainly country and pop, eventually co-writing a song with Danish artist Aya Katrine in 2013. This proved fateful as she wrote All About That Bass with Katrine, the song was inspired by Trainor’s lack of body confidence (we have all been there I am sure!) to actually promote body positivity and self-confidence. The song, needless to say, was a massive hit worldwide and was a chart topper in the UK, USA, Australia and throughout Europe, making it the 8th biggest seller in the UK by the end of the year. Not bad for a slice of retro. She followed this up with the number 2 peaking song Lips Are Movin’ (I prefer this track actually, it feels more instant) and a number 1 album, titled, erm, Title. She is still recording to this day, but has yet to repeat her 2014 success aside from that song with Charlie Puth of course. 2014 is a very strong year for music and number 1s in particular imo and in most years this would be a bit higher for me. Its just not my sort of thing, I find the bubble gum pop doo wap very cloying and a bit false and it just doesn’t grab me like some cheesy music does. So what did this deny a number 1 to? Only the mega Shake it Off from Tay-Tay. Looking back, it is hard to see how such a great track didn’t make number 1, but All About That Bass was the song of the moment and that won out. It’s a shame Shake It Off missed the top spot, its so darn catchy. Plus it is much more worthy than some of her subsequent number 1s. Remember – no treble.

Well we had to disagree before long so at least it’s out of the way early 🧐

33. MAGIC! – Rude Chart run: 50-2-1-2-2-3-6-9-9-9-10-15-17-24-20-24-30-36-41-41-49-54-54-36-40-46-45-45-53-63-70 (31 weeks) Sales at number 1: 85,169 Year End: 12 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None MAGIC! With a ! All in capitals so they are shouting! How exciting (!) MAGIC with an exclamation point and in CAPS are from Canada and they fuse reggae, pop and rock for their ‘sound’. I think the reggae puts me off from the get go. They were singer/songwriters in Toronto before hitting the big time with Rude, writing songs for Chris Brown (hmm) and US band The Messengers. Rude tells the story of a young man seeking approval from his girlfriend's father to marry her. Clearly the father was rude. Or the young man? Rudeness aplenty either way. In reggae fusion. Rude was a huge smash worldwide and was a US number one – I was a bit surprised by this, but in hindsight it does sound like something the US audience would lap up. They are another true one hit wonder in the UK, the second on this rate already, although not an instant number 1 which was becoming rarer in 2014, taking 3 weeks to hit the top of the charts. The song itself is alright – its totally inoffensive but this just brings it into bland for me. Over time, I found it grating and annoying and reggae is really not my thing so that doesn’t help. I can understand why some like it though and how it became a huge hit, its very radio friendly. As Paul Daniels would say - That's MAGIC!!!!

34. Sam Smith – Money On My Mind Chart run: 1-2-5-10-10-12-14-16-18-22-25-29-36-30-26-29-38-39-45-37-39-40-46-55-56-59-64-60-57-55-61-68-75R(5)-71-61-70-67R(4)-59-46-53-61-68-75R(5) (43 weeks) Sales at number 1: 108,013 Year End: 18 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None Up to this point, Sam Smith had impressed me with star spots on Latch with Disclosure and on La La La with Naughty Boy. So, I had high expectations around their second solo single in the hope that it would be of the same high quality of the collaborations and not akin to the debut single from In The Lonely Hour, Lay Me Down which I found (and still find) dull and plodding, especially when John Legend is in the mix! However, I was let down somewhat to say the least. I wont rehash what has already been said about Sam in the 2013 rate thread, but give some facts and stats on this song before my justification of this lowly position in my rate. Money On My Mind is not, as first appears, about thinking of cash all the time, more of a critique of greed and materialism. I am sure Sam would happily donate all of their riches given this of course (?!). Interestingly given my musical preferences, it was co-written by Howard Lawrence of Disclosure and the song did have some success elsewhere by reaching number 4 in Ireland. Despite being so low on my rate, this does mark where I kind of don’t mind the song, its just Sam’s vocal is so whiny and grating especially in the higher parts of the chorus when singing the song title. I guess I just prefer Sam’s dancey vibes instead of ballads and whatever this is!

35. Band Aid 30 – Do They Know It's Christmas? Chart run: 1-2-12-3-17-40 (6 weeks) Sales at number 1: 312,928 (highest of the year) Year End: 29 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: Clean Bandit feat. Jess Glynne – Real Love (Year End 89) I know, it’s the 30th anniversary of the original Band Aid. Band Aid 20 worked, hmmm, let’s do another version! I am sure this sounded like a winner on paper, even if it was released earlier in December to avoid a drubbing by the X factor winner. To be fair, Band Aid sold 312,000 copies on download and would have given Haenow quite the drumming. Plus it would have been a better Christmas number 1 imo giving Band Aid a fourth Xmas chart topper, although at just 6 weeks on the chart, its hardly an endearing classic. So, the idea was there, who would be asked to take part? What would be the cause? It must be WORTHY. The West African Ebloa crisis was the worthy cause (not be confused by the musical Ebloa, Drake). As to who was involved, why it was a veritable smorgasbord of chart lunminaries of the time such as One Direction, Sam Smith, Ed Sheeran, Rita Ora, Emelie Sande and Ellie Goulding. And erm, Seal, that chap off Elbow and Olly Murs. So what lets this version down? I think for me, it feels so impersonal and insipid. I feel that the public are more attuned to how patronising and ‘oooh look at singers being worthy’ the song is and this version really doesn’t add anything to the original (Band Aid 20 at least tried something different with Dizzee’s infamous rap). The singing seems over stretched and drawn out so each singer can get the most out of their lines and it feels a tad downbeat overall and a bit depressing. I suppose that the reason for the song isn't the cheeriest, but that doesn’t mean the uplifting side of things needs to be ignored. They did at least trundle our Bono for his infamous line this time, something Band Aid II missed – although I do love Band Aid II’s version and I will die on that hill! This version is a display of the laws of diminishing returns - its by far the worst version. Altogether this could have been much better and I am glad that we have yet to be ‘treated’ to a fifth version of the song. Famous last words, but we will see. A note on the song that peaked at number 2 behind this, it’s a follow up of sorts to the track that ended up as the year end number 2. I wont say too much as both artists are still to come but I really like Real Love and it’s a shame it didn’t reach the same heights as their previous collaboration.

I suspect I do have what you’re thinking of next. At least I hope so for the sake of my taste reputation 🧐😂

36. Gareth Malone’s All Star Choir – Wake Me Up Chart run: 1-7-54 (3 weeks) Sales at number 1: 120,312 Year End: N/A outside the top 100 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None If there was one song on this list that I had completely forgotten existed at all, it was this! This added to the Avicii omnipresence in 2013/2014 and added to the trend of the time of choirs/ensembles doing a charity record (see the Military Wives etc). I suppose it was only a matter of time that a well-known choir master stuck his nib in. The worthy cause then for this ‘All Star’ effort? Children In Need. This added to an impressive line of number 1s for CIN, which has included the wonderful Perfect Day, S Club’s Never Had A Dream Come True & Have You Ever, Girls Aloud’s I’ll Stand By You, Peter Kay’s Medley and some gubbins from JLS. Gareth Malone’s The Choir ran for 10 years from 2006 to 2016 on BBC 1 and was responsible for the previously mentioned Military Wives choir and a Sport Relief choir amongst others. Clearly, he had form before forming the ‘All Star’ choir (I have said choir too many times and now it sounds weird). So, who were the ‘All Stars’? Well, Mel Giedroyc, Alison Steadman, Jo Brand, Craig Revel Horwood, Larry Lamb and Linda Robson to name but a few. The point being, I am guessing as I never watched it, that people with little or no singing experience were transformed by the choir master to a decent standard? This adds literally nothing to Wake Me Up, it is what it says – a choir doing a cover of a dance song. It’s not massively awful, but its instantly forgettable (the terrible chart run and it being outside the Year End top 100 attests to its lack of musical merit) but it raised money for charity so what else can be said? End of.

I can see why some of you would have It’s My Birthday last, but at Will.i.am has some talent and is an actual artist, unlike the X factor karaoke dirge. Both are awful in summary 🤣

37. Will.i.am ft. Cody Wise – It's My Birthday Chart run: 1-3-7-9-10-12-24-29-35-40-44-53-57-64 (14 weeks) Sales at number 1: 74,034 Year End: 51 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None To be fair to this song, I gave it a further listen when planning my rank as I hadn’t willingly heard it since it left the top 40. The further listen did not change my mind on this and made it go lower down my rate. This ‘effort’ was Will.i.am’s 10th UK chart topper, proving he was firstly able to take any old tripe to number 1 and secondly that he was literally everywhere from the late noughties to the mid 2010s – helped of course by being a coach on the Voice UK. Researching this song I have discovered that it was originally called just ‘Birthday’, it samples an Indian song called Urvasi Urvasi (composed by AR Rahman of Jai Ho fame) and Fi Di Jockey, a Jamacian track (no, not Balegde!) and lyrically it is about every day being your birthday. Cody Wise, the feature on this song, was a true one hit wonder in the UK and his follow up didn’t chart. He was signed to Will.i.am’s label so I assume the got the gig by who you know instead of talent. This is a utter mess of a song and ranks a near bottom in terms of Will.i.am’s musical output - possibly on par with the awful Time of my Life from the BEPs. I think he could release any old crap and get a number 1 at this point, and this was clearly true. Non-number 1? Yes.

I have included one song that was number 1 in 2013, one in 2015 as well, so unsure where the other one is?

38. Ben Haenow – Something I Need Chart run: 1-2-4-8-8-10-19-26-35-39-58-67-73R(4)-74 (14 weeks) Sales at number 1: 214,239 Year End: 58 Number 2 peaks behind the chart topper: None So, who do we have last then? Not really a shock that it is this year’s limp X Factor winner effort. I suspect he is more Ben Whonow then Ben Haenow these days. A word on the 11th (!) series of the X Factor. Remember the categories singers were put in? Well, once Ben made it through bootcamp (the memories are trickling back now), he was put in the Over 26 categories (he was 29) and ‘mentored’ by Simon Cowell. He was suitably bland an inoffensive enough to never make the bottom 2 and ended up in the final with the wonderful Fleur East. Its clear that Fleur was by far the better winner, but hey ho, this was the X Factor after all (Fleur championed a certain song that will appear much later!) So onto the inevitable crushing winners single that was still a depressing guarantee of the Christmas number 1 (for how long though? And also not in Ireland, a first for 9 years). Something I Need was chosen, a One Republic cover which sold 214,000 to be the Xmas chart topper. It’s a decent enough song, it does suit Haenow’s voice, but it is oh uninspiring and magnolia. A well-deserved bottom place. What happened to Haenow I hear you say? Well, his follow up with Kelly Clarkson peaked at number 21 and his album of limp covers peaked at number 10. You can almost still hear the dropping noise from SyCo.

So, onto 2014 for a rate of its number 1s – a whopping 38 to get through! 2026 could never (though 2000 could!) Thank you to the mods for letting me rate what is imo the best year for music in the 2010s. A word first on where I was at in my life in 2014. I had, over the previous 2 years, lost over 8 stone in weight so I found myself feeling much more body confident than I ever had. Although I was the grand age of 38 that year I went to London several times to visit the GAY bar on Old Compton Street then go to Heaven after for their cheesy night. The music at the GAY bar was mainly the current dance hits and this time and place coincided with some fantastic tunes being released. I also went abroad with friends for the first time to Barcelona that year, paving the way for future trips around Europe. This really cemented an affection from me for the big tunes of the day that happened to be chart toppers – this has rarely happened before and has not since! The songs that will do well here are rose tinted and I had a great time enjoying them. Plus I met a couple of Buzzjackers in London – more on that much later! Away from me, what was going on in the world? Well, being 12 years ago, I had to use t’internet to help me find what the big UK news was – Scottish Independence Referendum (least said soonest mended on referendums in the 2010s!), severe winter flooding, the 100th year anniversary of the start if WW1 and the Tower of London poppies, the rise of UKIP and Glasgow hosted the Commonwealth games. Outside in the big bad world, Russia annexed Crimea, there was an Ebloa pandemic, Malaysia flight 370 disappeared and record temperatures were recorded worldwide. In hindsight, there were signs of things to come – a pandemic, a referendum, the rise of far right, the invasion of Ukrainian territory and drastic weather. Still, simpler times than we live in now. By 2014, I had been co-hosting the Sunday chart show thread for 8 years, so I listened to the whole chart show in full every week so I am pretty familiar with nearly all the number 1s (a few needed a refresher and one had completely left my memory). The other big news with the chart this year was the introduction of streaming counting towards ‘sales’ in the latter part of the year – the first number 1 to include streaming will be rated in due course. On with the rate of the 38 number 1s – sorry if my write ups aren’t as long as some are (I have never been good with essays), but they are not written by AI, all stats and facts have been looked up and opinions are my own. Apologies in advance for any errors! Thanks to Gezza for the number 1 sales & YE stats and Polyhex for the chart runs and Jaz for helping me source the above.

Jester’s Top Tunes 1073 1 (1) Friendly Fires – Lose All Your Friends // 8-4-1-1-1 (5 wks) 3 weeks at number 1 2 (4) Chase & Status feat. Debbie – Gone Too Far // 22-13-7-4-2 (5 wks) 3 (2) Sienna Spiro – Great Expectations // 20-10-4-1-2-2-3 (7 wks) 4 (7) Kasabian – SILVER APPLE EYES // 14-9-7-4 (4 wks) 5 (8) Jake Bugg – Never Can Tell // 18-11-8-5 (4 wks) 6 (9) Dua Lipa – Training Season // 11-4-3-4-7-10-12-16-17-21-24-30-35-39-xx-9-6 (16 wks) 7 (6) Madonna & Kylie Minogue – Love Sensation (After Hours Mix) // 18-12-4-1-3-4-6-7 (8 wks) 8 (11) Sienna Spiro – Die On This Hill // 15-11-8 (3 wks) 9 (14) Ashe – Stop The Wedding! // 14-9 (2 wks) 10 (12) Becky Hill – Changes // 21-12-10 (3 wks) 11 (3) Mystery Jets – Long Lonely Road // 16-11-9-5-3-11 (6 wks) 12 (5) Jessie Ware – Sauna (CamelPhat Remix) // 21-15-11-8-5-12 (6 wks) 13 (10) Kolter – Trapped // 16-8-5-2-3-10-13 (7 wks) 14 (16) Troye Sivan – Party // 16-14 (2 wks) 15 (15) Snow Patrol & Kylie Minogue – These Alarms // 10-6-4-1-1-1-1-3-7-10-12-15-15 (13 wks) 16 (-) Madonna & Charli xcx – Danceteria Afterhours // 16 (1 wk) 17 (13) Overmono – After The Rain // 19-14-5-2-5-6-13-17 (8 wks) 18 (19) Sombr – My Body Isn’t Ready // 16-11-10-6-5-2-4-6-9-14-16-18-19-18 (14 wks) 19 (18) Olivia Rodrigo – The Cure // 9-5-4-1-1-1-1-1-3-5-7-8-12-13-15-17-18-19 (18 wks) 20 (20) M83 – Blister Sunrise // 21-20-20-20 (4 wks) 21 (-) BICEP – Air // 21 (1 wk) 22 (17) Temper City – Self Aware // 12-10-8-3-9-12-18-19-20-20-19-18-12-10-4-1-3-7-10-17-22 (20 wks) 23 (21) Madonna – Danceteria // 15-13-12-11-8-3-2-6-10-12-16-21-23 (13 wks) 24 (24) Kylie Minogue - Light Up // 12-8-4-1-4-4-6-7-8-9-10-13-15-18-18-19-22-24-24 (19 wks) 25 (25) Michael Jackson – Human Nature // 6-1-1-2-5-5-7-8-9-10-11-15-17-19-19-20-23-25-25 (19 wks) 26 (26) The Chemical Brothers – Go // 7-1-2-2-3-6-6-8-9-10-12-13-16-18-20-21-22-24-26-26 (20 wks) 27 (27) Tame Impala feat. JENNIE – Dracula (JENNIE Remix) // 2-1-1-3-5-6-7-7-8-9-12-14-14-14-15-17-19-23-24-25-25-27-27 (23 wks) 28 (23) Harry Styles – Ready Steady Go! // 20-13-12-11-7-3-2-5-7-12-17-19-23-28 (12 wks) 29 (28) Slayyyter – DANCE… // 11-8-3-3-2-2-5-6-7-9-10-15-17-23-26-28-29 (17 wks) 30 (30) Sombr – Potential // 10-7-4-3-1-4-7-8-9-10-12-16-16-16-16-21-23-23-24-26-28-28-30-30 (24 wks) 31 (29) Mystery Jets – A Hole To See The Sky Through I // 10-6-2-2-3-5-7-8-9-12-13-17-20-24-27-29-31 (17 wks) 32 (22) Keane x Everything Everything – A Very Bad Dream (Remix) // 11-11-2-6-8-14-22-32 (8 wks) 33 (31) The Snuts – Defibrillator // 14-10-5-4-3-2-4-5-7-13-23-27-29-31-33 (15 wks) 34 (32) Ariana Grande – Hate That I Made You Love Me // 23-22-20-25-33-34-36-37-31-32-34 (11 wks) 35 (33) Silva Bumpa – On 2Nite // 14-12-8-4-3-2-4-6-8-9-14-16-26-30-33-35 (16 wks) 36 (35) Harry Styles – American Girls // 9-1-1-1-3-5-6-7-8-9-13-14-17-19-19-21-24-24-24-25-26-29-29-30-31-32-34-35-36 (29 wks) 37 (36) Troye Sivan – She’s The Best // 22-11-9-6-13-36-37 (7 wks) 38 (34) ANOTR & 54 Ultra – Talk To You // 9-6-4-2-2-6-14-15-16-18-23-26-28-25-22-20-17-14-21-25-27-29-32-34-38 (25 wks) 39 (37) Madonna – I Feel So Free // 10-5-4-2-7-13-19-24-25-28-29-27-29-29-30-31-32-33-35-36-36-37-39 (23 wks) 40 (39) Taylor Swift – I Knew It, I Knew You // 12-11-9-7-14-15-15-17-23-26-34-35-37-38-38-39-40 (17 wks)