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And Melodifestivalen season is back in full swing and we're off to SEXY SEXY Göteborg for heat two. Drink in that view - it's known within Sweden as Little London. I can see why, but here's hoping there isn't the standard British curse on the Eurovision fate of anyone in here. Well, Sean Banan aside of course.

 

Anyway, last week saw the second highest viewing figures for a Melodifestivalen heat EVER, with over 3.6 million viewers tuning in to see YOHIO and David Lindgren storm through to the final, Eric Gadd and Cookies N Beans stumble through to get a ticket to the second chance round in Karlstad in a month's time, and Mary N'Diaye, Feiner och Caisa, Anna Järvinen and Jay-Jay Johanson have their careers slaughtered live in front of the nation.

 

Given Sweden's a nation of 9 and a half million, this would be the equivalent of about 23 million people in the UK tuning in for a prequalifier round for the British selection (and let's not even BEGIN to consider how dire that would be considering what typically passes for a national final on our fair isle). So yes, as we can all tell by now, Melodifestivalen is serious business, and despite the growing whines that it's moving away from the sound it was originally famed for, it's still pulling in the punters. What's this week got to offer us all?

 

-x-

 

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Anton Ewald - Begging

Text och Musik: Fredrik Kempe och Anton Malmberg Hård af Segerstad

Best known for: He's not. Well, unless you're a REALLY hardcore MF fan and consider being a backing dancer last year for Andreas Lundstedt - Aldrig aldrig and Danny Saucedo - Amazing to be a claim to fame. Nah, this one's about the writers.

Ladbrokes odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected finish): 2 / Evens / 2nd

Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 15 / 14/1

 

Well, let's face it, it just WOULDN'T be a classic Melodifestivalen year without some twink of questionable vocal ability (selected ENTIRELY for their singing skills, and let nothing else be suggested :hitler:) helming something whipped up in fifteen minutes by Sweden's favourite bald bear daddy, Fredrik Kempe, who should probably be on some sort of list by now. Anyway, formulaic though it all sounds, it's a tradition with QUITE the fabulous pedigree going back to 2007, having given us

,

, Hope and Glory,

,

, and, erm,

in all that time. Though as I'm sure you can all tell from the preceding clips, Fredrik's not a man to shy away from plagiarising himself.

 

However, here comes a saviour in the form of Anton Malmberg Hård af Segerstad! Or as you probably know him (if at all) as the pop mastermind behind Le Kid, so the production on this is likely to be impeccable (Anton was on production and co-writing duties for

in 2011, along with

that year and

last year). Kempe's boys have a habit of going through, so this'll probably muster andra chansen at least, but this might also be a sign of things to come - Kempe and Anton are both teaming up again for Janet Leon in heat 3, one of this year's big favourites, so here's a taster of the magic they could be working together potentially. Or will this steal an early march on Janet and replace YOHIO as the favourite?

 

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Felicia Olsson - Make Me Number One

Text och Musik: Amir Aly, Henrik Wikström, Ingela Pling Forsman och Maria Haukaas Storeng

Best known for: Nothing. Another total newcomer backed up by a solid writing team.

Ladbrokes odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected finish): 13 / 12/1 / 8th

Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 101 / 100/1

 

Get the tissues at the ready ladies - we've got a BIG BALLAD from a fat bird *.* And we don't really know anything about dearest Felicia, other than an unfortunate resemblance to Jordin Sparks (post-career failure induced Ben & Jerry's binge). But what we DO know is the caliber of those songwriters, and WHAT a caliber. Step right up!

 

Amir Aly - responsible for craven Scissor Sisters rip-off

(4th in MF 2008), Shania-esque romp

(4th in MF 2003), and the gayest Bond theme that never was

(7th in Heat 4, MF 2009). All ALONE that would enough of a pedigree for this to be an anticipated comeback, but there's MORE.

 

Henrik Wikström - you thought Amir Aly had pedigree? I present to you

(which DAME SHIRL took to 2nd place behind Lena Ph in MF 2004), Att älska dig (which Shirley finished 4th with the following year), Sanna Nielsen's seventh place outing in 2007 with

, BWO's 3rd placer in 2008 in

, Shirley's Angels epochal

(sadly lost to us all in the schlager massacre that was 2011's andra chansen), and a little track you might have heard of called

. PLUS co-writes on the aforementioned Just A Minute, Killing Me Tenderly, Hope & Glory and Cara mia.

 

As it is, you'd have to pretty much HATE the concept of a fab hook to not be on board by this point, but let's continue. Ingela 'Pling' Forsman is one of the undisputed big beasts of Melodi songwriting, with 33 (!) Melodifestivalen entries to her name going back to the 80s. Co-writes on Min kärlek and

should already be telling you to lose your shit by this point, but in case you need a little more help this fab bitch is also responsible for

from Sonja Aldén's schlager days, Bra vibrationer, and the incomparable

(2nd in MF 2005, still mourned). In short, you have three writers already who pretty much between them have defined the classic Melodifestivalen pop sound with the tracks I've mentioned so far (plus many, many more - I just didn't have the space to fit them all in, plus part of the fun of this is going off and discovering a few gems for yourself), but then hold on, for we have a fourth!

 

Maria Haukaas Storeng (these days known as Haukaas Mittet but I don't RECOGNISE that shit): 5th place in Eurovision 2008 with Hold On Be Strong, giving the West its sole great result of that year, but in many ways exceeded that by finishing 7th in her Melodifestivalen heat the following year with Killing Me Tenderly, still a triumph of human civilisation. She's probably providing the blueprint for everything Felicia Olsson will be. So next time you claim to be unexcited by what this year has to offer, just remember it's not all in the names above the door - the classic songwriters are all still here. But can this hope to even make it past the first round of voting?

 

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Joacim Cans - Annelie

Text och Musik: Joacim Cans

Best known for: Lead singer of heavy metal group Hammerfall, big solo artist since about 2004, and winner of 'Körslaget' - a talent competition featuring choirs led by celebrities that's been pretty huge in Sweden.

Ladbrokes odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected finish): 3.5 / 5/2 / 5th

Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 34 / 33/1

 

You've all turned off immediately, haven't you? Well, it could be worse - he has at least apparently 'mellowed with age', and this is reportedly a rock ballad. In all likelihood, we're in for something along the lines of

(8th in MF 2011), so this could be a big, big threat for the top four. Odds of 5/2 to go direkt look a little too long to me...

 

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Swedish Housewives - On Top of the World

Text och Musik: Peter Boström och Thomas G:son

Best known for: Two second-tier Melodifestivalen schlager veterans and the only especially notable female Melodifestivalen schlager newcomer in the last couple of years. This is one where the whole is likely to be far greater than the sum of its parts. Perniila Wahlgren (middle) is probably the best known of the three.

Ladbrokes odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected finish): 4.33 / 10/3 / 6th (This CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN.)

Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 51 / 50/1

 

Gays and non-gay of the Eurovision forum, I present to you the gay highlight of the year and the sole thread in the fine tradition that in many ways encapsulates Melodifestivalen: desperate women singing for their lives and barely-extant careers with top of the range producers. It's a trend which is dying, and in many ways, if the Swedish Housewives are the last of the era, it will be the ultimate send-off - with a combined age of 122, never have bitches been more desperate, yet never have producers been more top of the range.

 

Let's start with the production and the song. Any Melodifan worth his salt will immediately recognise Bassflow and G:son, the collaborative genius behind Euphoria. With that factlet in hand it probably comes as little surprise that this isn't going to be a schlager, but rather a dance stormer. Contain yourselves: I haven't even told you about the sheer desperation that'll be helming it yet.

 

On the left. Housewife #1: Hanna Hedlund. She's practically ancient history when it comes to the contest, with her best known appearance probably being an 8th place finish in MF 2000 with

, a time so distant they only had the contest in one night with just ten songs competing. She's married to the infamous winner of MF 2005, Martin Stenmarck (You aren't getting any links for him.), and her sister, Lina, is also currently in Alcazar - they duetted in MF 2002, and it's fair to say that at least no matter how wrong things go here for the Housewives (and they inevitably WILL) they probably won't be able to match the sheer ropeyness of

, which somehow managed to finish ninth (in the final, not the heats - although it would've been apt had it somehow managed to create a WHOLE NEW negative position).

 

On the right. Housewife #2: Jenny Silver. She's probably the one that has young gay tongues wagging. Somehow 39 years old (marking her out as the only one in the group who actually looks GOOD for her age, although that's clearly not going to still be the case by the time they get on stage), Jenny started off on the well-trodden dansband circuit in the 90s, before moving into Melodifestivalen territory with the mesmerising yet totally Melodinappropriate

in 2010 (which duly finished last in its heat), then winning over gay hearts in the most reliable way possible by selling out SHAMELESSLY with full-on ABBA pastiche Something In Your Eyes the following year, another victim in the schlagercaust roll call that was Sundsvall 2011.

 

In the middle. Housewife #3: Pernilla Wahlgren. Total cunt and schlager demi-icon, never QUITE reaching the levels of Lena Ph and Carola - and she TOTALLY KNOWS IT. Her biggest hit,

, finished 4th in MF 1984, and she's never really lived up to it since - she got thrashed in MF 1991 by Carola (whom she has a famous unconcealed loathing for), although she did manage to finish second in MF 2003 with a duet with Jan Johansen. Her finest moment for my money came a couple of years back in 2010 though, when in her mind she had the sole schlager entry of the year in

and ended up having to take the long route to the final through andra chansen. Understandably SCARED SHITLESS of having her career slaughtered by unceremonious failure in the second chance round (after all, she saw how a nation turned on her nemesis when the same happened to Carola in 2008), Pernilla went on an all-out campaign to 'SAVE SCHLAGER' in the week leading up to andra chansen, and as a result promptly booted Sanna Nielsen out of the way to become my seventh favourite schlager icon of choice. I mean, just WATCH.

 

 

*.*

 

And it WORKED. And then she finished last in the final. But that's BESIDES THE POINT.

 

These three ladies are a dying breed. Will they be the last of their kind, or will they indeed RÄDDA SCHLAGERN come Saturday?

 

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Erik Segerstedt och Tone Damli Aaberge - Hello Goodbye

Text och Musik: Robin Fredriksson, Mattias Larsson och Måns Zelmerlöw

Best known for: Him - finalist in Idol 2006 and one third of E.M.D. along with Mattias Andreasson (MF 2012) and Danny Saucedo (MF 2011 + 2012), most known for Baby Goodbye (3rd, MF 2009). Her - second only to Alexander Rybak in Norway's Melodi Grand Prix 2009 with Butterflies, totally huge in Norway now.

Ladbrokes odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected finish): 3 / 2/1 / 3rd

Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 26 / 25/1

 

Yet while an endangered genre's fate hangs in the balance in this heat, that's probably not what you were all here for. So, it's with a great sigh (and a nod towards Silas, who's probably only going to bother with this heat and maybe the final if this makes it through) that I introduce the fifth track of the heat, Hello Goodbye, a 'friendly' guitar midtempo with country influences that I can pretty much already play in my head, but for those who can't it probably won't be a million miles away from

or indeed

. Anyway. Erik's the last of the three of EMD to make his own way, so I'm hoping he'll follow in his bandmates' footsteps and get his tits out at some point - although given he's the last one to go solo I'm assuming he's the shy one, so that probably puts paid to that. Tone's pretty much nailed her own niche of MoR pop that prefers to pretend that music hasn't really moved on since 2002, so how this will do is a bit of a mystery - it'll probably be huge on Swedish radio whatever happens, but the audience for this isn't immediately obvious given both are fairly well-known stars, but neither has the sort of name power that draws in 'vote for your hero forty times' loondom (outside of bedrooms in Fife at least). Shock exit, or all the way to the final?

 

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Louise Hoffsten - Only The Dead Fish Follow The Stream

Text och Musik: Louise Hoffsten, Sandra Bjurman och Stefan Örn

Best known for: Her 1993 hit

, and a critically acclaimed career as a country-folky-bluesy-rocky singer-songwriter. Better than she sounds from that description.

Ladbrokes odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected finish): 3.25 / 9/4 / 4th

Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 26 / 25/1

 

Near-impossible to predict given the total clash on offer here between artist and songwriter. Her - an Alanis-y singer-songwriter with a huge amount of respect in Sweden (this one's another Eric Gadd-style coup of an entrant in terms of name power); her songwriters - the two Swedish writers behind every Azeri Eurovision entry since 2009. But then, given Always, Drip Drop, Running Scared, and When The Music Dies are all wildly disparate within themselves, who can call what on earth this will sound like, especially with a song title like that?

 

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Rikard Wolff - En förlorad sommar

Text och Musik: Tomas Andersson Wij

Best known for: Famous stage actor in Sweden.

Ladbrokes odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected finish): 4.75 / 15/4 / 7th

Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 67 / 66/1

 

We've been here before. Sort of. This is a repeat of the Thorsten Flinck/Björn Ranelid trick SVT have taken to pulling of getting in someone without any background in music at all but who's nonetheless a big celeb in Sweden to helm an entry - although I doubt this will end up being quite the headmaster does DISCO DETENTION (with extra remedial Swedish homework) that Mirakel turned out to be. Especially given the writer - Wij - is most well-known for opening the final of Melodifestivalen 2007 with his stripped-back emotional cover of Carola's winner the year before,

. Expect a more tolerable Jag reser mig igen. But can it compete in such a packed field?

 

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Sean Banan - Copacabanana

Text och Musik: Sean Banan, Ola Lindholm, Hans Blomberg och Joakim Larsson

Best known for: Hugely successful Swedish-Iranian 'comedian', getting his arse out, and

(AC, MF 2012)

Ladbrokes odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected finish): 1.84 / 5/6 / 1st

Ladbrokes odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 21 / 20/1

 

I think my thoughts on this tit are more than clear by now, yet somehow he's gone from success to success since crashing out to Thorsten Flinck in andra chansen last year - releasing a smash movie just after Melodifestivalen, spending most of the summer with a packed touring schedule, and managing to sell more albums than Loreen in Sweden during 2012.

 

Can somebody please tell me the appeal? I thought we grew out of nose-picking and showing off your arse at the end of primary school, but it would SEEM NOT. This will probably be tropical and catchy as crabs to boot, and the least we can pray for is that he steals the chord progression from Copacabana and gets disqualified in the process. God help us all, but this is almost certainly sailing into the final. Is there any chance at all of divine intervention sending the man with by far the most punchable artist picture of them all this year through andra chansen once more, or will the corpse of schlager in Melodifestivalen be danced upon in colourful and (hopefully not) irresistible fashion by Banan as he slays the Housewives in Globen or Bust?

 

-x-

 

Begin your predictions. I can sense the inevitability of gay tears incoming in my waters.

DTG: Sean Banan, Anton Ewald

AC: Louise Hoffsten, Joacim Cans

5th: Swedish Housewives

6th: Erik & Tone

7th: Rikard Wolff

8th: Felicia Olsson

 

It could go any way really though. The only thing I can call for certain is that Banan is going direkt whatever happens.

I Think if we just accept the inevitability of 8th-5th for Swedish Housewives then it shouldn't feel too bad.

 

Anyway, going on names alone, I thinks:

 

DTF: Sean Banan, Anton Ewald

AC: Erik/Tone, Joacism Cans

5th Louise Hofston

6th Swedish Housewives

7th Felicia Olsson

8th Rikard Wolf

 

My internet has recently decided that it is incapable of live streaming anything so I shall be relying on Torrents to tune in sometime next week :( Tone had better bloody qualify.

Thinking on it, Anton could just as EASILY flop. He isn't a name at all, especially compared with everyone else in the heat (Felicia aside). And he's pretty SHIT when it comes to Kempe twink status (he's only better than Daniel Mitsogiannis and 3/5ths of Youngblood). I think he could well easily be a 'shock' failure.

Hmm, Felicia and Joacim sound like interesting acts, especially given how their songs have been described. As does Louise with that title. And of course, intrigued to see what the SHW have come up with, despite it screaming 5th before we've even heard it.

 

DTG: Sean Banan (sigh), Joacim Cans

AC: Erik & Tone, Felicia Olsson

5th: Swedish House Wives

6th: Louise Hoffsten

7th: Anton Ewald (He looks like a possible flop)

8th: Rikard Wolff (I fear what this could be)

 

It looks very nice and wide open though.

DTG: Sean Banan, Joacim Cans

AC: Erik & Tone, Swedish House Wives

5th: Anton Ewald

6th: Louise Hoffsten

7th: Rikard Wolff

8th: Felicia Olsson

 

Joacim Cans' song sounds AWFUL and I have faith the housewives can make AC at least!

Tone's pretty much nailed her own niche of MoR pop that prefers to pretend that music hasn't really moved on since 2002, so how this will do is a bit of a mystery - it'll probably be huge on Swedish radio whatever happens, but the audience for this isn't immediately obvious given both are fairly well-known stars, but neither has the sort of name power that draws in 'vote for your hero forty times' loondom (outside of bedrooms in Fife at least).

 

I was wondering if Phil would get a mention here, it was inevitable really :lol:

 

I'm looking forward to this heat, Swedish House Wives and Erik/Tone in particular. Really can't stand Sean Banan, but his place in the final is all but secured already.

Tone have one of Norway's most difficult dialects, I can imagen alot of Swedes ' :unsure: ' if she is gonna talk on Saturday :lol: Swedish people have a struggle to understand Norwegian, for some reason it's easier for Norwegians to understand Swedish.

 

Wish to god that it was my name and not Segerstedt that was going to preform with Tone :lol:

 

EDIT: Can you hear all the heat 2 songs already? as I see alot of people have predicted it already

This heat looks like it could be potentially very good (well, most of it anyway)

 

I'm going to take a stab and predict this:

 

DT: Sean f***ing Banan, Joacim

AC: Anton Ewald, Erik/Tone

5th Swedish House Wives

6th Felicia

7th Rikard

8th Louise

 

really anything above LAST for SHW and I'll be happy.

Not gonna lie, my favourites are almost always from pop males in MF - so I am most looking forward to Anton Ewald's song here. And probably alone in also looking forward to Banan (Pav aside).

BANAN FTW <3

 

(duh)

http://www.dingsme.info/avatar8.jpgI Think if we just accept the inevitability of 8th-5th for Swedish Housewives then it shouldn't feel too bad.

Surely Army Of Lovers next week will be the gay moment of Melfest 2013, or is that the "gay of a certain age" moment?

Surely Army Of Lovers next week will be the gay moment of Melfest 2013, or is that the "gay of a certain age" moment?

Because of the latter, it's not quite the former (although objectively it probably will be the ultimate gay moment)

OH MY SHITTING CHRIST I CAN BARELY TYPE THAT IS HOW EXCITED I AM

 

Apparently On Top of the World 'Sounds like Show Me Heaven by Lili och Susie mixed with Papi by Jennifer Lopez, plus a dash of Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga.'

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and some other people who we don't care about.

 

First out: @antonewald ! This is no Manboy. This is modern RnB electro, with a "ah-oh" chorus. And extremely danceable. It's not a direct dance tune like Danny/David. It's more sophisticated. And maybe more dificult at a first listening? Definitely in the top 4.

 

Felica. A dramatic "Bond-ballad" smelling like a schlager-Dusty. I like this. R is more sceptical mumbling about Jennifer Brown. Minimal chance of progressing.

 

Joakim Cans. This make me think about Jacob Hellman, and songs like that. Guitarr-based with harmonica in background. It's a bit like if you cross Kalle Moareus with Lars Winnerbäck. We don't like this but we fear the public will.

 

SHW: Wow, this ain't no schlager. Modern girly club-pop with a chorus like glue. G:son, no doubt. And Boström. Swedish Housewives is very much a hands-in-the-air-while-the-confetti-is-falling kinda song with the room for a key change... This has to go to the final. AC at the very least, we hope.

 

Erik&Tone: Middle of the road guitar based P4-music.Erik sings the first verse and Tone the second. Classic grown up radio pop. Like 'Anything But You' by Andersson och Gibson mixed with Hey Soul Sister by Train.

 

Louise Hoffsten: Bluesy pop-rock with a warm chorus. A faster Wicked Games? More guitar based P4 music. If indie songs was last week's theme, that is this week's. Probable 5th placer.

 

Rikard Wolff: A beautiful, delicate ballad. If you heard songs from Andersson-Wij this is exactly like that. But "sung" (or talked) with Wolffs strange voice. Wolff is later in the song joined by Sara Isaksson. So we actually got two duets this week. Her sweet, delicate voice provides lovely contrast with his harsher tones.

 

Sean Banan: Basically the same as last year but with a more carnival feel. He 'sings' the verses, and the chorus reminds us of ' Dragostea Din Tei'. References to Babsan and Danny ("Everybody wins. Danny comes second") Tries to cram too much into 3 minutes, but the kids should lap this up.

BUMP because NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT GREECE WHEN POP IS ABOUT TO BE UPGRADED BY THREE FORTY-SOMETHING WOMEN

Edited February 6, 201312 yr by Kanduälska

BANAN HAS JUST LOST A FAN IN ME WITH THAT DANNY COMMENT.

 

(is quite funny)

BUMP because NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT FINLAND WHEN POP IS ABOUT TO BE UPGRADED BY THREE FORTY-SOMETHING WOMEN