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Welcome back babes (plural) http://www.moopy.org.uk/forums/images/smilies/disco.gif

 

Last year was widely condemned amongst the fan community as one of the worst contests in a while, lacking in many of the things that make this the contest we know and love - take your pick from any of: artists with even the slightest hint of star power/fabulous performances/glitter/artifice/hot messes/schlager/key changes. Basically, you know a Melodifestivalen's lost its way a bit when the Ukrainian Eurovision entry that year has more key changes in three minutes than all 32 entries put together (for those keeping count: 9 in Gravity vs 5 in MF 2013).

 

But it's OK BECAUSE THAT WAS ALL A ONE-OFF and the schlager dollies are back this year to SAVE US ALL *.*

 

So, for those not well-acquainted with this contest: Melodifestivalen is the Swedish selection contest for Eurovision, but because they pull in some of the biggest artists in the country and go all out on the production it's actually bigger than Eurovision in Sweden. To illustrate, all four heats of last year's Melodifestivalen (and the final, naturally) got higher ratings than the final of the Eurovision they were hosting, with well over a third of the population watching.

 

How it works. 8 artists per heat. The top two go direct to the final in six weeks, held in FRIENDS Arena (traditionally called direkt till Globen, the former venue for the final). Third and fourth go to a second chance round (andra chansen), and the remaining four find themselves condemned to deeply screencappable shame as their careers are extinguished in front of a nation. (It's FABULOUS.)

 

So regardless of whether you're a total newbie who 'just liked that Euphoria song from a few years back', or a full-blown loon who can launch into a debate on the merits of Tusen och en natt vs Stjärna på himlen at a moment's notice: get on board. I'll be hyperbolising, the stage will be delivering fabulosity in concentrated doses, and it's really better than anything any other selection could even begin to hope to offer. I can guarantee to even the most anti-Eurovision of you all that you'll have at least one or two keepers for the iPod, and if you're a pop fan we'll probably be looking at a 75% hit rate - and really, how often do you find 20-25 great songs with associated performances for the ages dropping onto your lap in one go? So yes, JOIN US. NU KÖR VI!

 

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01: YOHIO - To The End

Text och musik: Andreas Johnson, Peter Kvint, Johan Lyander och YOHIO

Best known for: Winning the public vote but finishing second overall last year with

William Hill odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected heat finish): 1.2 / 1/5 / 1st

William Hill odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 8.00 / 7/1

 

YOHIO entered with, uh, a bit of a splash last year. With no hints as to what on earth someone whose music before entering had been a genre of rock best described as 'Japanese My Chemical Romance B-sides c. 2004' (not exactly the most...Melodifestivalen-friendly of genres) would be entering, the general assumption was that YOHIO, a visual kei artist who crossdressed as a doll, was in all likelihood going to be going down the time-honoured path of SELLING OUT *.* Suspicions that this would be the case were only further aroused when we found out 'Heartbreak Hotel' was written by Play Productions, responsible for some of the biggest schlager Melodifestivalen hits of the last decade. Surely he was going to be going pop?

 

 

Still, a captivating and disturbingly watchable introverted stage presence more than made up for the ridiculously ropey vox and a song that was for all intents and purposes a slightly more commercial Poodles entry, and YOHIO sailed through to the final ahead of the heat's big favourite David Lindgren. Indeed, he was only held back from winning the whole shebang by the international juries who lavished their points on the more respectable potential host entry in Robin Stjernberg's You, giving birth to a remarkable FACE OF HATE moment as YOHIO realised that despite winning the televote by some distance, Robin had taken home the crown (and was proceeding to queen out in shock in front of a nation).

 

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Well, like THAT was going to stop him. So, he's back this year, and by the looks of the promo pictures he's more 'dark Final Fantasy character' this year than glittery make-up china doll. In the year since he's had a massive album in Sweden (despite it sounding like a horde of Japanese My Chemical Romance B-sides c. 2004. You just know he was singing through gritted teeth for the entirety of the Heartbreak Hotel recording *.*) and built up quite a fanbase, so sadly the likelihood of him going the same way as

seems low. That said, he did go out last in his heat in Alla tiders hits with an

(the SVT answer to TV4's Så mycket bättre), so his fanbase isn't totally infalliable - though the track did end up doing quite well in the Swedish charts.

 

So what can we expect this year? Well, here's his other big danger - for someone who's made a big deal of his gothy grimy edge, he's gone and entered a track written by the Swedish equivalent of Gary Barlow, Andreas Johnson. You may remember him from UK hit

, although he's also a serial Melodifestivalen entrant - coming

in 2006 and

in 2007, and coming back to

returns

since. Also on the credits is frequent Johnson collaborator Peter Kvint, who may be the only Swedish songwriter more liable to plagiarism charges than Fredrik Kempe - last year's outright Rolling In The Deep copy

ranks as one of humanity's all-time lows, let alone Melodifestivalen's.

 

Together these two men have typically been responsible for happy clappy plinky plonky piano fare, so god knows what this'll sound like - although I'll hazard a guess it'll be more Radio 2 than XFM (though third songwriter Johan Lyander's sole Melodifestivalen credit is 2006 finalist

by cock rock group The Poodles, so he may have been brought in to roughen things up a little). Basically, expect po-faced adult rock which will probably sail through on YOHIO's name power - though let's not forget how patchy the record of returning winners-that-never-were is. So which will it be for YOHIO performance-wise this year -

or

?

 

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02: Mahan Moin - Aleo

Text och musik: Mahan Moin och Anderz Wrethov

Best known for: She isn't really in Sweden - she finished third on Persian Idol in 2010. Previous single

did nothing in Sweden, so she's essentially a total newcomer.

William Hill odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected heat finish): 9.00 / 8/1 / 8th

William Hill odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 81.00 / 80/1

 

Enough of that.

 

This IRANIAN BEAUTY is almost totally unknown, but echoes suggest an ethnic party track - so keep your EARS PEELED for something that could very well steal Helena's thunder later on, as this promises to be a high tempo FUN 4 THE FERTILE CRESCENT affair from the reviews. Still, ethnic newcomers don't exactly have the greatest of records - let us cast our minds back to last year's

, or the evergreen diaspora pandering entries whacked in to promote immigrant population ratings (OPA, Kebabpizza Slivovitza, Alla - we hardly knew ye!) - although Jalla dansa sawa, by a fellow Iranian Swede, did quite well last year. Will Mahan slaughter Helena's hopes in exotic and deeply danceable fashion, or crash and burn (in exotic and deeply danceable fashion)?

 

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03: Linus Svenning - Bröder

Text och musik: Fredrik Kempe

Best known for: He's one of those YouTube breakout stars.

William Hill odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected heat finish): 3.00 / 2/1 / 3rd

William Hill odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 26.00 / 25/1

 

It just wouldn't be a Melodifestivalen without FAT OLD SLEAZE Fredrik Kempe finding himself a hot young ingenue willing to fuck 4 tracks and spend the entirety of the MF season with a slightly glazed look in their eyes - indeed, it's produced

the contest's

entries *.* After all kids, sex slavery's always worth it if it produces such irresistibly big gay hooks (and verses typically filler at best)

 

So you can only imagine my disappointment when his twink of choice this year turned out to look like, well, THAT http://www.moopy.org.uk/forums/images/smilies/zombie.gif

 

And even worse, that it was a ROCK BALLAD. Which...isn't something that has fabulous form from Kempe, unless six key changes sucked of all semblance of *.* is your thing. This is about Linus Svenning's dead brother. Expect it to be mawkish, cynical, and massively popular. Is there any chance at all this might (insh'allah) flop?

 

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04: Elisa Lindström - Casanova

Text och musik: Bobby Ljunggren, Ingela 'Pling' Forsman och Jimmy Jansson

Best known for: Frontwoman of Elisa's, Swedish dansband revivalists who've won a couple of TV competitions

William Hill odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected heat finish): 4.33 / 10/3 / 4th

William Hill odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 41.00 / 40/1

 

Well get out the MELTED LINDOR and THE CHAINS, PAM, because we've got ourselves a SCHLAGER REVIVAL http://www.moopy.org.uk/forums/images/smilies/disco.gif

 

Elisa's been trying to enter Melodifestivalen for the last couple of years with her band Elisa's (creative nom de guerre there LISE), who were responsible for the greatest pure uncut schlager moment of the decade so far in

- a schlager track so relentless it can only really be compared to being fisted by a rainbow.

 

Anyway, Elisa's were rebuffed at each attempt, with echoes that Christer Björkman, the executive director of MF, had said that Elisa's music 'wasn't what Melodifestivalen was about anymore' (DROP DEAD CHRISTER). So Elisa took the long way around this year, went solo, won Körslaget (a sort of 'clash of the choirs' reality TV contest. Don't ask me to explain why these concepts become hits in Sweden, they have about forty musical reality TV contests. It's what happens when you spike the drinking water with amyl.) and became so big that Christer couldn't really ignore her anymore. And here we are *.*

 

This is written by Ljunggren and Forsman, two songwriters with BIG pop pedigree in Melodifestivalen in the past (you might know Ljunggren from

and Sanna Nielsen - I'm In Love. Forsman's been entering entries for the last thirty years - her big MF hits are Nanne Grönvall's

and Shirley Clamp's

, plus the greatest schlager song of all time in Linda Bengtzing's

.), and Jimmy Jansson, a pop-punk twink who entered MF in the mid-00s with Vi kan gunga and

(think Busted go Swedish, but bizarrely irresistible). So we're almost certainly in for something uptempo, punchy, impossible to get out of your head, and probably featuring a key change with the force and subtlety of a freight train ploughing into a small child (i.e. a Linda Bengtzing entry in ALL BUT NAME).

 

That said, the last few years have seen schlager die off a lot in Melodifestivalen, which has stung a bit given it's the genre the contest was built on. The last hurrah for the genre to date was Jenny Silver's fun 4 andra chansen affair in 2011,

, with Charlotte Perrelli's The Girl crashing out spectacularly the year after and last year's (otherwise perfect)

heaping the final indignity onto the genre by not even having a bloody key change (and also failing miserably in the bargain). Can Elisa rally the troops again by going back to basics? I certainly hope so. RÄDDA SCHLAGERN!

 

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05: Alvaro Estrella - Bedroom

Text och musik: Jakke Erixson, Jon Bordon, Loren Francis och Kristofer Östergren

Best known for: Nada. A brief attempt at solo stardom outside MF as 'Estello' flopped, although he got himself a

in the bargain. But then, who hasn't.

William Hill odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected heat finish): 5.00 / 4/1 / 5th

William Hill odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 34.00 / 33/1

 

And this year's Anton Ewald is...

 

Alvaro here is following the tried and tested path of being a twink backing dancer-cum-contestant (having done backing duties on Eric Saade's

and Danny's

). However, Alvaro's making a splash by being a twink backing dancer-cum-contestant and not hooking up with Fredrik Kempe. Clearly a man who prizes his analginity. Instead, he's hooked up with a glittering up and coming songwriting team, featuring Kristofer Östergren of one of Sweden's biggest bands Melody Club (who had their own Melodiflop a couple of years back with

) and Jakke Erixson, one of the behemoth team behind Sanna's I'm In Love, and who's worked with Shellback and Max Martin and written for Christina Aguilera in the past on

- high production values will be the order of the day here, so we're probably in for something that would sit very comfortably on the Billboard Hot 100.

 

Being a new pop boy on the scene's never been much of a disadvantage so long as the overall package is up to it, and word is this is going to be a slutty old popfest (well what did you expect with the title Bedroom?) that's not a million miles away from Moves Like Jagger. Definitely one to watch.

 

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06: Ellen Benediktson - Songbird

Text och musik: Sharon Vaughn, Johan Fransson, Tim Larsson och Tobias Lundgren

Best known for: Nothing, if you're normal. If you're a Eurovision geek to a higher level than even I, she did backing vox and was the understudy for the

William Hill odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected heat finish): 8.00 / 7/1 / 7th

William Hill odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 51.00 / 50/1

 

(Sally Bowles is looking ALRIGHT for a lady in her late nineties)

 

OLD ELLEN here caught VOX QUEEN Christer's attention when she subbed in for lazy old moo Amandine during the rehearsals for the French entry last year. Given L'enfer et moi wasn't exactly HAPPY BIRTHDAY in the range stakes we're probably in for some hot vocals and a big ballad. And what WRITERS we have on that ballad. Fransson, Larsson och Lundgren are from PLAY Productions, who wrote some of the big Melodifestivalen pop hits of the 00s (and...Heartbreak Hotel), and Sharon Vaughn's the lady behind Agnes' indomitable

. Still, slow ballads aren't really a recipe for success, especially in heat one (forever mourning for

and its gossamer perfection), and Ellen's a total unknown. Can this even begin to hope for something beyond 6th place?

 

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07: Sylvester Schlegel - Bygdens son

Text och musik: Sylvester Schlegel

Best known for: Former drummer for The Ark, one of the biggest Swedish groups of all time and Melodifestivalen winners (and Eurovision flops) in 2007 with

William Hill odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected heat finish): 5.00 / 4/1 / 6th

William Hill odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 81.00 / 80/1

 

I'l ADMIT loves, I don't even have to be having a weaker moment to get on board with a spot of the relentless glam odyssey that was The Worrying Kind, even though it should technically represent everything I hate in Melodifestivalen (file next to:

).

 

However, that was then, this is now, and I have far too many qualification priorities to give this the time of day unless we're getting another glam stomper - and the likelihood of that seems low given that unlike Ark lead Ola, Sylvester doesn't exactly look like the kind of bloke who'd be AMENABLE to an evening in with RuPaul's Drag Race on season record and a chalice of spunk.

 

What of the track? Uptempo, about his life story - Bygdens son translates roughly as 'the district's son', though I doubt we're in for a new Hometown Glory - and how he can't escape his past. Not that you'll understand a word of it of course. The Ark still have a big fanbase, but will they really turn out for the drummer? Even Ringo never mustered a number one. Can this hope to win over Sweden, let alone Buzzjack?

 

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08: Helena Paparizou - Survivor

Text och musik: Bobby Ljunggren, Karl-Ola Kjellholm, Henrik Wikström och Sharon Vaughn

Best known for: Eurovision royalty. Rose to fame as the lead vocalist for ethnopop group Antique, who got big in Europe in the early 00s and finished third for Greece in 2001 with their Shirley Clamp collaboration Die For You, giving Greece their best result ever at that point. Came back solo in 2005 and did it again, winning the whole shebang with

.

William Hill odds on going direkt till finalen (decimal / fractional / projected heat finish): 2.00 / Evens / 2nd

William Hill odds on winning Melodifestivalen (d / f): 10.00 / 9/1

 

Now THERE'S a pair of norks you'd GIVE A TROPHY

 

Christer's been trying to get Helena on board for years - not as odd a move as it looks, given Helena was born in Sweden, claims dual nationality and had her biggest success with Antique there - and countless max tracks have been

on

over the years that were

for the big comeback of la GRAND DAME HELÉNE. So fair to say, this has a hell of a lot of anticipation behind it, with years of expectations loaded on top of Helena's stellar performing credentials - just compare and contrast Javine's

and

to see how a masterful performer can make all the difference between two songs aiming for the same thing, and to see exactly how excellent a popstar OLD ELLEN (II) was at her peak.

of

since (plus the

in Sweden) would

make this look like a done deal too. So what's the worry?

 

Helena's been on downtime a lot since her father died in 2008, going public recently about her difficulties with depression and weight gain since, and she's not quite the name she once was. The possibility is that she's left it maybe a couple of years too many to make her big hyped entry in Melodifestivalen, and going out last in Sweden's version of Strictly Come Dancing in 2012 doesn't herald well. As for the song, early reviews suggest Survivor's going to be a classy midtempo affair which doesn't play to the same crowd as My Number One, which is a package that sounds like it could go either way - either turning off fans by not being the big ethno anthem most would expect from Helena, or bringing back the same crowd by playing to matured tastes. And let's not look past those WRITERS. Vaughn, Ljunggren, Wikström - what more could a boy want?

 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for OUR LEN, if only because the story of the aged female pop icon crashing out to a sea of Swedish apathy is one I've seen far too often in this contest. Can Helena reclaim the throne ahead of sodding YOHIO?

 

-x-

 

Here's the timetable for the week if things go the same way as last year:

 

Thursday: Minute long rehearsal clips will be uploaded to SVT, along with rehearsal reviews from the media (take it with a pinch of salt however - in 2012 Loreen's clip underwhelmed hugely, with only the media hype going into overdrive post-rehearsal giving any hint as to what lay ahead, and last year the schlager lovers all lost their shit en masse at the Swedish House Wives' clip before most (NOT I) abandoned ship after watching the whole thing)

Friday: Reviews of the second rehearsal will be released, along with the notoriously hit-or-miss results of the gen-rep poll of audience members at the rehearsal

Saturday: In the afternoon, we'll get 2:30 clips of the songs (to deter piracy) uploaded to SVT. A livestream of the heat will start at 7pm GMT on svt.se/melodifestivalen

 

So FLY AWAY my pretties - start predicting, speculating, and spurting amongst yourselves until we get to my personal HIGHLIGHT EACH YEAR: the SNIPPETS *.*

My PRE-LISTEN PREDICTIONS

 

DTG: YOHIO, Linus Svenning

AC: Helena, Alvaro

05: Elisa Lindström

06: Sylvester Schlegel

07: Mahan Moin

08: Ellen Benediktson

 

*Sylvester wins heat*

I'll reserve predicting anything until I've heard the music but I wouldn't be at all surprised if Helena and/or YOHIO fall on their face in favour of somebody like Elisa.

Can't help but think Helena Paparizou will do a Janet Leon/Amanda Fondell... She is a much bigger name, granted, but I'm getting that vibe :(

That torrent of information. *.*

 

Umm.. pre-knowing anything predictions:

 

DTG: YOHIO, Alvaro

AC: Helena, Linus

5th: Elisa

6th: Mahan

7th: Sylvester

8th: Ellen

 

What even IS that look of Linus'? Repulsive.

 

YOHIO and Helena aside this doesn't seem like a particularly strong heat to kick us off (which is why I think they will go through along with the tipped solo males), but I'm always open to having my mind changed.

Ooooooh Tirren, you spoil us! Proper excited now. Linus Svenning could be interesting and one I'd say that's definitely progressing (probably to AC though). I'm hoping Mahan isn't another 'Gosa' because there was enough ethnocringe in that to last a lifetime.

Sylvester better be going DTCareerDeath.

 

 

Baby It's Over is a 13/10 moment if ever there was one so I have high hopes.

Here for mahan moin and Elena *.*

Here for mahan moin and Elena *.*

why يعقو my dear, i had you down as a linus svenning lady!

Ooooooh Tirren, you spoil us! Proper excited now. Linus Svenning could be interesting and one I'd say that's definitely progressing (probably to AC though). I'm hoping Mahan isn't another 'Gosa' because there was enough ethnocringe in that to last a lifetime.

Gosa :wub: I am pretty much a whore for even a hint of ethnopop though so I, expecting to love Mahan's track.

Schlagerprofilerna initial track reviews:

 

1. YOHIO "To The End"

 

Review: Andreas Johnson is one of the songwriters behind this slightly more guitar-driven cousin to Munther's song last year Tell The World I'm Here. Yes, it is certainly on. But I am surprised, because it sounds unexpectedly softened and bleached. And can YOHIO manage to sing this live?

 

(CASSANDRA: sounds like an underperformer loves *.*)

 

2nd Mahan Moin "Aleo"

 

Review: When it starts, it sounds like YOHIO's song again ... I think it's three songs at the same time, and of course it has absolutely no harmony in the melody. Hopelessly choppy and weird. No chance! Roma, came back - all is forgiven!

 

(CASSANDRA: NO. And what do you mean 'OF COURSE' Schlagerprofilerna you SHIT)

 

3rd Linus Svenning "Bröder"

 

Review: Think Time To Breathe crossed with Takida and throw in a dash of musical drama. I think it's nice and effective. Slightly disturbing pronunciation in the song but it's also charming. It is clear that this will go down well in the Swedish cottages. The first Melodifestivalen breakthrough!

 

(CASSANDRA: UGH)

 

4th Elisa Lindstrom "Casanova"

 

Review: Hmmm. This would be sooo good: Elisa! Bobby! Pling! Schlager! But the first verse is too long, the chorus ridiculously obvious, and there's a weird saxophone that ruins the chorus. What I would not give for schlager to make a comeback in Melodifestivalen, but I doubt it'll be with this. I would like to dissect the whole thing and send it to Thomas G:son who would come back with a real schlager chorus.

 

(CASSANDRA: UGH)

 

5th Alvaro Estrella "Bedroom"

 

Review: Moves Like Jagger clone that is sexy efficient and have a wonderful did-it-did-it-did-it-hook. It's modern, and sounds like a big poppy hit. I just hope that Alvaro can deliver on stage. Definitely the kids' favourite on Saturday. And actually, mine.

 

(CASSANDRA: ! at 'sexy efficient')

 

6. Ellen Benediktson "Songbird"

 

Review: Delicate Dusty Springfield ballad. I'm very ambivalent...it is partly wonderful and partially Anna Bergendahl-ish. Could just as easily be sixth as an andra chansen qualifier.

 

7. Sylvester Schlegel "Bygdens son"

 

Review: Okay, this was not my bag. The lyrics don't work well in rhythm with the music. Plinky-plonky piano and oooh-chorus. Is this the ticket for Sylvester? Have no idea.

 

8. Elena Paparizou "Survivor"

 

Review: Stylish midtempo that matches Elena's hoarse voice perfectly. Big Kelly Clarkson style chorus, and I hope that it goes really well on Saturday. But it is soooo far from Die For You and My Number One. Could it disappoint people? Hmm.

Swedish cottages eh. I thought he had the LOOK.

I'm assuming we're talking the cottages in the ROUGHER areas (i'd had my money on alvaro -)

I'm thinking Alvaro and Helena will probably save this heat from being awful for me, but I'm sure that there will be alot of suprises this Saturday. I have a strong feeling that YOHIO will disappoint the Swedish people, and I'm predicting that he will go to andra chansen or maybe even DNQ. I'm afraid that the expectations for Helena might bring her to andra chansen together with YOHIO.

 

My pre-listen (and hopeful) prediction that Helena will make it to the final.

 

DTF: Alvaro, Helena

AC: Linus, YOHIO

5th: Sylvester

6th: Ellen

7th: Elisa

8th: Mahan

all us outsiders wanna know is is there another euphoria?

all us outsiders wanna know is is there another euphoria?

No. Not in this heat.

No. Not in this heat.

But we haven't even heard the songs :o

But we haven't even heard the songs :o

On expressen.se and aftonbladet.se they are not amused by this heat, the Expressen expert goes so far to say that any of the melodies won't survive at Eurovision :o

Perhaps but I'd reserve judgement until I hear the songs myself :o

 

I don't think Jake meant if there's something that would smash at Eurovision like Euphoria but if there's anything as good as that song :o

Perhaps but I'd reserve judgement until I hear the songs myself :o

 

I don't think Jake meant if there's something that would smash at Eurovision like Euphoria but if there's anything as good as that song :o

I'd love to be proven wrong, but by the 'looks' of it I don't think there is any good songs like Euphoria in this heat.

 

JAKE: You should watch it yourself, you might like something that others don't like. That's Eurovision in a nutshell. Just ask AlexRange