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I think we all know how this works by now.

 

HELLO AND WELCOME TO FABULOUSLY DREARY AND ALTOGETHER FORGETTABLE COLERAINE

 

http://www.yellowtom.co.uk/managed/coleraine/Coleraine%20town%20centre.jpg

 

Birthplace of such luminaries as the divine Michelle Fairley, that blonde skank off Hollyoaks and literally nobody else of note. EVER.

 

MELODI NUMMER ETT - JEM - LOVE TRIGGER

 

http://www.svt.se/cachable_image/1389262580/melodifestivalen/article1719167.svt/alternates/large/jem.jpg

 

Ahh yes, the amazing combination of 3 SUPER COOL YOUNG PEOPLE to make possibly the most modern sounding song to ever enter MF. In reality it made it all the way to AC before falling at the first hurdle. Something tells me it might just have enough steam to make it DIREKT TIL [LOCATION REDACTED] on Buzzjack though.

 

MELODI NUMMER TVA - THE REFRESHMENTS - HALLELUJAH

 

http://www.svt.se/cachable_image/1389263008/melodifestivalen/article1719187.svt/alternates/large/therefreshments.jpg

 

And the winners of most ironically titled song of the year are...

 

In all seriousness this is the kind of old man dansband/rockabilly shit that gets through because old people are too easily pleased. Thankfully in reality this slice of SHIT CAKE was knocked out and we were never forced to listen to, or witness it, again. I would be amazed if it made it any further here, but we shall see.

 

MELODI NUMMER TRE - MANDA - GLOW

 

http://www.svt.se/cachable_image/1389262740/melodifestivalen/article1719173.svt/alternates/large/manda.jpg

 

On paper it seemed like such a good idea. Send a rip off of one of the biggest songs of the last few years (Firework) and you're in. Perhaps helped along by the fact Manda ain't a great performer and has about as much star quality as a member of staff at LIDL this went down like more of a lead balloon with Sweden. Will the Buzzgays be won over by some generic self empowerment lyrics or do they have enough self confidence thanks to the tireless efforts of GAGA to look beyond this sort of thing? I don't know and frankly I don't care.

 

MELODI NUMMER FYRA - PANETOZ - EFTER SOLKEN

 

http://www.svt.se/cachable_image/1389262845/melodifestivalen/article1719178.svt/alternates/large/panetoz.jpg

 

This hapless bunch made it DIREKT in the actual thing. PLEASE BUZZJACK DO NOT DO THE SAME HERE. I BEG OF THEE.

 

MELODI NUMMER FEM - PINK PISTOLS - I AM SOMEBODY

 

http://www.svt.se/cachable_image/1389262901/melodifestivalen/article1719180.svt/alternates/large/pinkpistols.jpg

 

More GAY INTEREST stuff up next. For a song with as much GAY going on in the mix as this it's odd that it ended up being one of the most boring and forgettable songs of the year. It's basically 1 minute on repeat. However I think it has some fans on here so might just do enough to make it further than in the real thing.

 

MELODI NUMMER SEX - SANNA NIELSEN - UNDO

 

http://www.svt.se/cachable_image/1390297955/melodifestivalen/article1719184.svt/alternates/large/sannanielsen.jpg

 

Seventh time proved to be the charm for perennial bridesmaid Sanna, with Undo triumphing in the narrowest of margins over her granddaughter Ace Wilder. Justice was served. However will Sanna be able to sail straight through to the final on here, as she did with such ease in the real world? Quite probably yes, but let's just pretend for a moment this isn't an awful semi and there is some real competition for her. OOH EXCITING ISN'T IT. Yeah, make believe is fun.

 

MELODI NUMMER SJU - LITTLE GREAT THINGS - SET YOURSELF FREE

 

http://www.svt.se/cachable_image/1389262693/melodifestivalen/article1719170.svt/alternates/large/littlegreatthings.jpg

 

I have totally wiped this from my memory. Literally no idea of what it sounds like or what the performance was like. I mean I can GUESS from looking at them that was it kind of worthy shit involving guitars and about as much joy as having intercourse with a cactus.

 

MELODI NUMMER ATTA - MARTIN STENMARCK - NAR ANGLARNA GAR HEM

 

http://www.svt.se/cachable_image/1389262792/melodifestivalen/article1719176.svt/alternates/large/martinstenmarck.jpg

 

Former MF champion Martin returned this year, much older, but with a song that was actually GOOD for a change. Despite being Sweden's worst ESC entrant this millennium this time Martin brought a song that owed more a little too Coldplay and sounded more than a little like Tell The World I'm Here (which also sounded rather a lot like Coldplay). Basically it tried for anthemic and kind of worked in studio form. Live, however, it was all a bit shouty. He did make it to AC though, before losing to Linus Svenning and his array of hideous bodily mutilation. Linus has already fallen on his own ampallang here so he shant be any trouble for Martin this time. Or will someone else cause an upset? Will everyone mark Martin down for inflicting THOSE TROUSERS on us?

 

So yeah, there you have your 8 MELODI'S. Y'all know what the voting is like in this thing by now, but for the uninitiated among us or the especially thick, here it is:

 

12 Poäng [insert ''Undo'' here]

10 Poäng

08 Poäng

06 Poäng

04 Poäng

02 Poäng

01 Poäng

00 Poäng

 

And here is a handy copyable version of the entrants:

 

JEM - LOVE TRIGGER

THE REFRESHMENTS - HALLELUJAH

MANDA - GLOW

PANETOZ - EFTER SOLKEN

PINK PISTOLS - I AM SOMEBODY

SANNA NIELSEN - UNDO

LITTLE GREAT THINGS - SET YOURSELF FREE

MARTIN STENMARCK - NAR ANGLARNA GAR HEM

 

Please PM ME your humble global moderating overlord, Johnkm, before 23:59 on MARCH 17TH, 2014 with your votes and results will be presented the following evening.

 

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Don't worry. SANNA WILL WIN. I will do what needs to be done, I will fight the good fight. I will UNDO HER SAD.
Don't worry. SANNA WILL WIN. I will do what needs to be done, I will fight the good fight. I will UNDO HER SAD.

 

Do you really think you need to do anything for her to win? :lol:

She'll get 12s in drones!

  • Author

I don't want there to be any risk that we REDO HER SAD.

 

Ok. I will stop now, I promise.

I think this just edges Heat 3 as my favourite (it doesn't have the MAIN highlight but it has consistency). Only "Hallelujah" is truly terrible and I managed to appreciate all of the others in some way. JEM, Panetoz and of course Sanna are all highlights of the year.
The Refreshments is why Grandmå should never be given a voice in popular entertainment. ACTUALLY WORSE THAN SYLVESTER.
Rostied! Never realised how much of a CHOOOON Love Trigger was til now.
  • Author
This OFFICIALLY closes in 15 minutes, but if anyone still wants to send votes I can accept them any time until tomorrow evening.

will get mine to you tomorrow evening latest

 

(am such a hypocrite, would never accept this when running a comp)

  • Author
To be fair, I haven't even opened half the PM's yet so a few late votes won't make much difference.
Will the results be tonight? Not that it matters to me because I'm going out I'm just wondering when I should put heat 3 up.

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