Disappointed that those two have managed to exit so early, both awful.

Seasons will never change

The way that I love you

 

20th: Dana - All Kinds Of Everything

 

 

Average score: 8.52

Highest score:

20 Suedehead2

Lowest score:

1 coi, Alex!

 

Number 1 for 2 weeks in April 1970, this remains 1 of only 4 chart topping non UK Euorovision winners, Johnny Logan, Nicole and ABBA being the others. Dana was only 18 when she won the contest and had a few more UK hits later in the decade. Later she served as an MEP and run as an Irish presidential candidate.

 

I do think this one is sweet, and I especially like the intro with the wind instruments which gives it a very Spring-like feel. However the UK Number Ones blog is less complimentary and makes a good point: who on Earth is reminded of their love by seagulls? https://number1sblog.com/2020/05/06/284-all...ything-by-dana/

At least Dana has been saved!

Going well so far, none of that bottom 5 were that bad for me. Mouldy Old Dough in particular was iconic, the one 'novelty' song from this bunch that actually made me smile.

He got married recently

Though he’s 86 years old

 

19th: Lonnie Donegan - My Old Man’s A Dustman

 

 

Average score: 9.57

Highest score:

23 Adelita, Alex!

Lowest score:

1 …ready for it, Bumblebrë

 

Number 1 for 4 weeks in March / April 1970, blocking “Fall In Love With You” by Cliff Richard and the Shadows and selling over a million. This was the 3rd and final Number 1 for the King of Skiffle, who had 17 Top 10 hits over the period from 1956 to 1962. The single was recorded live and typifies the music-hall style.

 

Now there’s no doubting Donegan’s legacy as a key musical figure on both sides of the Atlantic. It’s just this particular record that’s arguably rather excruciating with the awful jokes and the interruptions while the audience corpses at almost every line. Nonetheless it’s a very well known tune which has been used for various football chants, so it certainly had the memorability factor.

Edited September 29, 20222 yr by JulianT

He painted Salford’s smokey tops

On cardboard boxes from the shops

 

 

18th: Brian and Michael - Matchstalk Men And Matchstalk Cats And Dogs

 

 

Average score: 9.86

Highest score:

21 Mack., Alex!

Lowest score:

1 Suedehead2

 

Number 1 for 3 weeks in April 1978, blocking “Denis” by Blondie and “I Wonder Why” by Showaddywaddy. The song is a tribute to the artist L.S.Lowry who had died in 1976. One hit wonder Brian and Michael are still together but are actually called Michael and Kevin, as Brian left before the hit was even released! And who was the backing choir on this record? None other than our beloved St Winifred’s School Choir of course.

 

This is another one that I’ve grown rather fond of in this process, a one-off and actually a really nice tune. It all feels a bit lightweight but then that’s how Lowry himself was regarded too.

Why is the sky so blue

Since the hour I met you?

 

17th: Petula Clark - This Is My Song

 

 

Average score: 10.43

Highest score:

22 DJ Cheeky Magpie

Lowest score:

3 Popchartfreak, jimwatts

 

Number 1 for 2 weeks in February 1967, this was the second of only 2 Number 1s for Clark, the other being “Sailor”. Charlie Chaplin wrote this track for a film originally and Clark ended up recording a French version, “C’est ma chanson”, alongside the English.

 

Apparently Clark herself doesn’t like the English version of this, and having heard the French version I do think it suits the instrumentation and general feel of the track much better. The lyrics to the English version came across to us as quite banal in the listening sessions and I think that’s why we included it. Still it’s certainly one that has grown on me during the process and I’m happy to see it exit here.

Not too bad a result for Lonnie - the song puts a smile on my face, questionable humour or not x

 

Don't really see much wrong with the Petula song either but that may be down to me not paying attention to the lyrics judging by that description. Not a fan of the Matchstalk song tho.

Most of those did or would have topped my charts at the time. I still love them, while maybe recognising they appealed to me when I was quite young, except Rod. The appeal of that one is the riffs and tune, always has been. Petula Clark's in French would bring out the melody more, which is just gorgeous. Charlie Chaplin was quite old when he wrote it and he belonged to the early 20th century tradition of song lyrics which tended to the romantic imagery cliche at a time when lyrics were undergoing a massive upheaval, so it appealed to the older music fan and the younger, where lyrics didnt matter so much. And slightly-more-classy than lyrics about what so and so is going to put where and how big and n and b and f word satisfying it's going to be which of course is the modern pop lyric cliche. So everything is relative, I'll take twee and old-fashioned anyday :D

 

 

Please tell them it isn’t fair

To take away my only dream

 

16th: Donny Osmond - Puppy Love

 

 

Average score: 10.95

Highest score:

20 jimwatts

Lowest score:

4 …ready for it, Alex!, Suedehead2

 

Number 1 for 5 weeks in July / August 1972, blocking “Rock And Roll Parts 1 And 2” by Gary Glitter and “Sylvia’s Mother” by Dr Hook and the Medicine Show. This cover of a 1960 Number 33 hit by Paul Anka was further covered by the S Club Juniors in 2002. It became the 3rd biggest seller of 1972 and was the first of Donny’s 3 chart toppers.

 

Is this even Donny’s worst Number 1? It’s his most notorious for sure, but the vocals and production could be worse. He was just a bit too young to pull it off I think, though of course being 15 he was positively ancient compared to his brother who reached Number 1 aged 9 later in the year. Stay tuned to find out whether the latter has made the final.

 

My pride and joy

My life, my boy

 

15th: Vera Lynn - My Son, My Son

 

 

Average score: 13.48

Highest score:

25 chartjack2

Lowest score:

4 Bumblebrë

 

Number 1 for 2 weeks in November 1954, amazingly this is Vera Lynn’s only UK Number 1, though she would have had others since 1940 judging by the unofficial Missing Charts, including wartime favourite “We’ll Meet Again”. She also became the first UK artist to reach Number 1 in the Billboard Chart in 1952 with “Auf Wiederseh’n Sweetheart”.

 

It’s a shame this is Dame Vera’s only chart topper as it’s so very far from her best work. The song just doesn’t really get going. I’m not why Ed has quite such a strong antipathy to it but I’m guessing it’s the lyrics and the slightly toxic implied macho expectations. I’m certainly glad my mum never said to me “in my heart I’m sure you’ll face life like a man”.

I love your face…

It’s in the right place!

 

14th: Esther and Abi Ofarim - Cinderella Rockafella

 

 

Average score: 13.62

Highest score:

24 coi

Lowest score:

4 chartjack2

 

Number 1 for 3 weeks in February / March 1968, this novelty song was the first of two hits for the married Israeli folk duo and remains the only Israeli chart topper. The song was a 1920s parody imitating yodelling, and was first performed on a comedy TV show.

 

Record World described this as a “Hilarious parody duet that is camp enough to connect with the populace”. I guess for the listener more than half a century later the parody element is somewhat lost. Still there were clearly different views from voters over whether this is a bit of fun or a rather unpleasant listening experience - for me it’s a bit of both.

Let’s take a look at what’s left:

 

Stargazers - I See the Moon (1954)

Pat Boone - I’ll Be Home (1956)

Mike Sarne & Wendy Richard - Come Outside (1962)

Ken Dodd - Tears (1965)

Clive Dunn - Grandad (1971)

Chuck Berry - My Ding-a-ling (1972)

Little Jimmy Osmond - Long Haired Lover From Liverpool (1972)

Ray Stevens - The Streak (1974)

Telly Savalas - If (1975)

Windsor Davies & Don Estelle - Whispering Grass (1975)

Billy Connolly - D.I.V.O.R.C.E (1975)

JJ Barrie - No Charge (1976)

Lena Martell - One Day at a Time (1979)

 

The big question is will either the 50s or the 60s be wiped out entirely before the final? :o

Puppy Love is the first song to drop out which was in my 'top 10' for this round, although it's just not my thing to want to listen through - I realise it's something of a kitsch classic. The Vera Lynn song is fine, although long before this rate was conceived, in another thread I gave her as an example of an act whose highest charting hit is not their signature song. Cinderalla Rockafella is one of the most deserving recipients of the "so bad it's good" tag here, with that "yodelayee" interpolation and every line more hilarious than the last, intentionally or not.

'Cinderella Rockefella' is the first one of the songs I rated as 'intolerable' to drop out - that remaining list of songs is mostly a parade of horrors with the notable exception of 'Whispering Grass' which, unless it was poorly represented by the 90 second iTunes preview, sounded fine. (I have long forgotten what I said about it in the actual listenthroughs, if I was even there for it). Likewise I didn't hear anything wrong with the Vera Lynn song at all so quite surprised it's this high!

Puppy Love is quite sweet, unlike his post-voice-breaking follow-up chart-toppers which have no charm to them at all.

 

Cinderella Rockafella was regarded as a bit of retro fun, tongue-in-cheek, and they hammed it up on TV accordingly. As was the follow-up One More Dance, it's clearly not serious! It's about a flirty young soon-to-be money-grabbing widow :)

Yeah I gave Vera Lynn +25 not only because of its relentless heteronormativity but also because of how dull it is! I don’t think there’s another #1 that’s quite as boring!

I just can’t believe you could forget me

After all those happy hours we spent!

 

13th: Ken Dodd - Tears

 

 

Average score: 13.86

Highest score:

24 King Rollo

Lowest score:

4 Adelita

 

Number 1 for 5 weeks in October / November 1965, blocking “Almost There” by Andy Williams (a fitting title for a song that spent 4 weeks at #2). It was the 3rd biggest selling single of the whole 1960s, breaking up an otherwise all Beatles top 5. It was the second of only 2 Top 10 hits for Dodd, the other being the similarly serious “Love Is Like A Violin”.

 

This was originally a 1930 song, so Dodd’s version must have had nostalgia value even at the time. But my goodness it’s a dull record. A bit like Gary Barlow’s “Forever Love” there isn’t even that much to complain about - the vocals are competently delivered, the lyrics are reasonably poetic and the songwriting is all present and correct but it’s all terribly drab. You’d think a comedian might have produced more lively records but it seems this was all part of proving that he was credible as a musician and not just an entertainer.

Ain’t right to wanna keep on dancing

There won’t be any time left for romancing!

 

12th: Mike Sarne and Wendy Richard - Come Outside

 

 

Average score: 13.90

Highest score:

24 Mack.

Lowest score:

2 DJ Cheeky Magpie

 

Number 1 for 2 weeks in June / July 1962, blocking “A Picture Of You” by Joe Brown. Unsurprisingly this was the only time “Eastenders” and “Are You Being Served?” actress Wendy Richard appeared in the charts, though Mike Sarne had a few other smaller follow up hits. A cover of “Come Outside” involving Frank Bruno, Sam Fox, Bruno Brookes and Liz Kershaw became the Children in Need single for 1991, as if having “The Stonk” that year wasn’t bad enough.

 

Congratulations to the male protagonist here who does indeed ultimately manage to lure his little doll outside. To me this is like a really terrible version of “Baby It’s Cold Outside”, already a slightly sinister record that I don’t care for much but “Come Outside” has even less musical appeal and is even more seedy. I know PCF will say it’s just good natured fun though!

Don’t you tell it to the breeze

‘Cause she will tell the birds and bees

 

11th: Windsor Davies and Don Estelle - Whispering Grass

 

 

Average score: 14.67

Highest score:

25 DJ Cheeky Magpie

Lowest score:

3 …ready for it

 

Missing qualification just by a whisker is this one, which was Number 1 for 3 weeks in June 1975, blocking “Three Steps To Heaven” by Showaddywaddy. “Whispering Grass” was originally a 1940 track and this was a comedy version of it performed in the sitcom “It Ain’t Half Hot Mum”.

 

Maybe this worked when it was part of the sitcom but as a record it is really quite jarring, mainly thanks to Windsor Davies’ spoken parts not really adding anything from a musical or humorous point of view. For me the redeeming features here are firstly that it’s a very nice melody and secondly that Don Estelle actually has quite a lovely voice, but it’s certainly an odd one to revisit.