Only just realised that this thread is actually covering the entire list of #1s within the span of one year - I was assuming you were just cherrypicking certain songs from each date, it seems oddly low for certain calendar dates to correspond to only 3 new #1s across the entire history of both charts. But I suppose it adds up over 365 days, with both charts having fewer than 1,500 #1s to date and of course plenty of songs being #1 in both countries.

 

Will you be covering the new #1s as they come in over the year as well? (e.g. RAYE/070 Shake who just hit #1 in the UK which I guess falls under 12th January)

 

Catching up with the last 3 sections ~

 

The Village People song is a camp classic, not super familiar with either of the other two from 6th January but I think I do quite like both of them.

 

A couple of songs from the 7th January batch that I'd give much higher scores than you, I'm a big fan of Coldplay and even defend most of their newer material (their most recent album was pretty unfairly panned imo, I actually thought it was a slight improvement from the previous album but that's a tangent) - I really loved 'Paradise' at the time and while I don't think it's aged as well as some of their other big hits (I prefer 'Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall' now) it's still like a 9/10 song for me. 'Starboy' is an easy 10/10 for me, The Weeknd's best song and one of my favourite songs of 2017, flawless hook, flawless production, flawless vocals :wub: new favourite song in this thread so far. And I'm lying if I say I don't enjoy 'Sexy And I Know It' way more than I should do :ph34r:

 

The 8th January batch is really quite rough - The New Seekers' song is my favourite of the bunch for pure wholesomeness I think but it's not a song I adore or anything. One of the worst X Factor winner's singles, the worst Bruno Mars single (never forgiving it for denying 'Rolling In The Deep' #1 in the UK), and a pretty meh version of 'Twist And Shout' (I do like 'Murder She Wrote' by them though). The Eddie Calvert track is decent as well though iirc, and I don't think I've heard the Marilyn McCoo one.

Pretty much agree with Bre's views on the latest batches, though Too Much Heaven I agree was never The Bee Gees at their ballad best especially coming after a string of monster disco classics. I think they saw the backlash on the wall and turned back to ballads, always their bread n butter.

 

The 5th Dimension were fab in the late 60s early 70s (I even entered Save The Country into BJSC) and Star is a sweet soul track. Carly Simon, Wham!, both classic and I still love the tune to Kylie & jason's million seller. Grenade was a chart-topper for me, still rate it, though Marry You should have been a chart-topper and wasnt. Dont know that Dickie Valentine track!

January 9th

 

Today, we celebrate the 67th birthday of Bobby Z, a former member of Prince and the Revolution, the 45th birthday of AJ McLean from the Backstreet Boys and the 50th birthday of Sean Paul!

Happy birthdays!

 

1961. "Wonderland by Night"

Bert Kaempfert

{US0043/-}

 

 

Well, it's at least interesting to learn how a German classical orchestra conductor managed to top the Billboard charts at one point, but I don't like this song. It sounds flat and lethargic and goes nowhere interesting. It has lush understated trumpet playing and enjoyable choir singing at a certain point throughout the song, but that's really all I could come up with.

 

Bert Kaempfert appears to have unintentionally aided the Beatles' rise as a band when, in 1961, he signed them to a label to be a session band on his recordings, which served them as early promotion, and the rest is history. Good for him! This song is still pretty sucky though.

 

Rating: 4/10

 

--

 

1971. "Grandad"

Clive Dunn

{-/UK0295}

 

Clive Dunn was an actor who was best known for his role in a BBC sitcom. But he did have a brief pop singer career, with "Grandad" being his most notable musical contribution.

 

 

I could see the appeal here; a famous TV grandad (though he was still in his early 50s at the time) sings about very grandad things like being confused about how far the world has progressed and how wonderful the good old days were. There's also a children's choir on the chorus, which is very cute. Having said that, I can't say I'm enjoying listening to this. It's so sugary sweet that it's far too much. It would have diabetes-inducing sweetness! I despise the production's polka rhythm, which is accompanied by a tuba and a banjo to add to the cheese factor. And, while the children's chorus is cute at first, it quickly becomes annoying.

 

Sorry, grandpa!

 

Rating: 4/10

 

--

 

1988. "So Emotional"

Whitney Houston

{US0647/-}

 

It’s Whitney! She had an amazing voice, didn't she? I always liked her aggressively soulful take on the pop music of the time. Even though her lyrics weren't always great, she created some of the biggest pop bangers of all time.

 

 

"So Emotional" isn't a particular standout in her discography, but it's still quite good. It progresses nicely. With her killer vocals and a nice dynamic range, it goes into full euphoria on the chorus. At one point, there's a fun hair metal guitar section.

 

For what is essentially a soft love song though, the production is a little harsh for me, but that's 1988 for you.

 

Rating: 7/10

 

--

 

1999. "Heartbeat" / "Tragedy"

Steps

{-/UK0810}

 

I never understood these CDs being promoted as a double sided single. The whole point of a CD was being less limited in space than 7” vinyl discs were. But marketing purposes I suppose.

 

Anyway here is Steps, one of many many teen pop groups that managed to top the charts in the late '90s and early '00s. Steps, unlike some other British teen groups, seemed to be less confined to sappy ballads, but they were still not a favorite of mine in the genre.

 

 

"Heartbeat" is still your typical teen pop ballad though. It has a lot of innocense and fairly simple lyrics about finding one's true love with fairly generic heartbeat metaphors. It has a fun polished beat-driven production. Very of-its-time, but I do enjoy it quite a bit. The song is mixed a little strangely, with harmonies on the chorus that somehow manage to be quieter than the verses. It also has a bizarre video clip.

 

 

"Tragedy" on the other hand is a more upbeat cover of a Bee Gees song that will also appear on this project. I'm pretty sure this was the disk's main selling point: nostalgic enough for the parents to agree to a purchase while cheery and up-to-date enough to appeal to the kids. It's all right. It has the same urgency as the original Bee Gees song, but it's not as convincing. The production has some good disco touches at first, but overall quickly loses steam, whereas the original did not. Also, did only the female members of the band record this?

 

Rating: 5/10

 

--

 

2020. "Own It"

Stormzy ft. Ed Sheeran & Burna Boy

{-/UK1362}

 

 

A decent rap song with afrobeats influences. Stormzy is best known as a fun "grime meets trap" rapper, but this is a refreshing change of pace for him. It's more understated and atmospheric, but still has a good hook. Having said that, the track takes a while to get going. Also, Ed Sheeran's presence here bothers me. It mostly worked as a nice chill-out track until Ed's loud pop singing appeared out of nowhere and felt completely out of place.

 

Rating: 6/10

Edited January 9, 20232 yr by Telsorrow

Only just realised that this thread is actually covering the entire list of #1s within the span of one year - I was assuming you were just cherrypicking certain songs from each date, it seems oddly low for certain calendar dates to correspond to only 3 new #1s across the entire history of both charts. But I suppose it adds up over 365 days, with both charts having fewer than 1,500 #1s to date and of course plenty of songs being #1 in both countries.

The average number of songs per day does pick up throughout the year. I guess January has historically always been a bit of slow month for the charts. But there are some dates this month that do get crazy on the number of songs as well.

 

Will you be covering the new #1s as they come in over the year as well? (e.g. RAYE/070 Shake who just hit #1 in the UK which I guess falls under 12th January)

Yeah, I will add them to their respective chart date to keep things easy on me.

 

January 10th

 

Today, we celebrate the 78th birthday of Rod Stewart! Happy birthday!

 

1958. "Great Balls of Fire"

Jerry Lee Lewis

{-/UK0066}

 

 

Simply put, this is one of the most fun party songs of all time. "Great Balls of Fire" contains many great elements of early rock 'n' roll, and much more! It has a stomping rhythm, a killer hook that draws you in, and Jerry Lewis' palpable piano playing. It makes your head spin, makes you want to tap your feet, and gives you an uncontrollable desire to dance it off in a retro diner. Truly a fantastic track, even despite of its short length!

 

Rating: 10/10

 

--

 

1976. "Convoy"

C. W. McCall

{US0385/-}

 

Trucking culture was certainly prevalent in the '60s and '70s in the United States. It was only a matter of time before Hollywood capitalized on the culture. Only this time, the movie came after the song rather than before it, which I suppose is an interesting legacy.

 

 

"Convoy" isn't as bad as it could have been, but it's also not great. It has many interesting beats for intriguing storytelling, but it's hampered by novelty-ish elements. The dinky choir-led chorus makes it impossible to take this song seriously. I'm also not a fan of the vocodor effect. The production is so cheap and generic that it reeks like a radio jingle, which this sort of is anyway because the artist is a pretend country singer played by an advertisement guru.

 

Also interesting to note how a ridiculous time capsule of US culture almost managed to top the UK charts.

 

Rating: 5/10

 

--

 

1981. "Imagine"

John Lennon

{-/UK0473}

 

Oof, where do I even begin with this one? Lennon's untimely death in 1980 was a tragic event in music, and the entire industry was in mourning, with many of his hits, old and new, reentering the charts.

 

 

"Imagine," released in 1971, is another great example of John's musical sensibilities. He makes a beautiful evocative song out of a fairly simple piano ballad. However, those lyrics... It's difficult to take this song seriously when it reads like a very basic Communist Manifesto 101. Especially with lyrics like:

 

"Imagine there's no countries"

 

"Imagine no possessions"

 

"And the world will live as one"

 

It truly appears that John here is rooting for a homogenized world in which no one can truly form as an individual, rather than a world in which we celebrate our cultural differences and respect one another as such.

 

I don't believe John intended any malice with this song. It was mostly intended as an idealistic vision of a utopic world, but it's still pretty clumsily written and can come across as smug (I'm not even going to mention the song's blatant anti-religion theme; you decide whether you agree or not). But, hey, it's still a pretty song at least.

 

Rating: 7/10

Edited January 10, 20232 yr by Telsorrow

I only know 'Convoy' from appearing on The Simpsons, I didn't know it was an actual hit single :lol: 'Imagine' is a great song, I do understand criticism of some of the lyrics but it's never really bothered me. 'Great Balls Of Fire' is indeed a fun track although best not to think too much about the person who recorded it.

 

9th January also not a very high quality bunch, I do think 'So Emotional' is one of the better Whitney songs but not a big fan of her in general. Generally quite like Stormzy but 'Own It' is just ok. My fave of that bunch is Steps' 'Tragedy', mostly for nostalgia.

January 11th

 

Today we celebrate the 78th birthday of Tony Kaye, a former member of Yes, the 65th birthday of Vicki Peterson, a member of The Bangles, the 52th birthday of Mary J. Blige and the 54th birthday of

Tom Dumont, a member of No Doubt! Happy birthdays!

 

1957. "Singing the Blues"

Tommy Steele

{-/UK0054}

 

If you have the impression that you're experiencing a déjà vu, it makes perfect perfect sense! The Guy Mitchell version of this song had actually topped the UK charts just a week ago. British covers of American hits were fairly common in the 1950s, but this may be one of the few instances where the American version managed to top the UK charts before the British one did.

 

 

In comparison to the Guy Mitchell version (which, I might add, was already a cover of a Marty Robbins song), this version retains all of its cheesiness, including the whistling shtick, but adds drunken mumbling singing on top. Tommy Steele does very little to add anything of worth to his version, and the result is only grating to the ears.

 

No thanks for this butchering!

 

Rating: 4/10

 

--

 

1962. "The Young Ones"

Cliff Richard & The Shadows

{-/UK0132}

 

 

Cliff Richard has a great voice, and I'm happy to report that "The Young Ones" makes good use of it. It's not a particularly challenging pop song, but it captures the carefree spirit of fleeting youth very efficiently. I also like the driving surf guitar backing behind the song, which adds some crispness to it.

 

This apparently starred in a film of the same name that I've never heard of, and was later used as the basis for a '80s sitcom of the same name, so that's interesting. It also sounds like a great song to play in a nursing home.

 

Rating: 8/10

 

--

 

1986. "West End Girls"

Pet Shop Boys

{US0596/UK0563}

 

I love the Pet Shop Boys to pieces, so expect to see a lot of praise for their songs throughout this project (although they don't appear nearly as much as I would have liked).

 

 

"West End Girls" is a good song, but it's definitely not my favorite of theirs. It has some strangely uncharacteristically violent lyrics, but they're delivered in such an intriguing way that it's difficult to notice. It has an underlying pessimism that is quite representative of the Thatcher era that was raging in the UK at the time. The deadpan quasi-rap flow was very innovative at the time and did not appear to have aged poorly in this case. Of course, it's a Pet Shop Boys record, so it's produced flawlessly. There are a lot of nice little touches and ideas in the synthpop production. I particularly enjoy the airy ambient section that runs throughout the song.

 

1986 was a bad year for the American charts (we'll see many reasons why throughout this project), so some British synthpop dominating them was more than welcome (even though this originally released in 1984).

 

Rating: 8/10

 

--

 

2014. "Timber"

Pitbull ft. Kesha

{US1032/UK1249}

 

 

Nope! Sorry, but it's too cheesy for me. This whole cowboy yee-haw theme going on just doesn't work for me. Especially since Pitbull barely raps on theme here. What's the point of writing an entire square dance-inspired song if you're going to rap about your material possessions and Miley Cyrus twerking? The harmonica sample is grating, and the fast-paced beat is generic and feels cheap.

 

The Kesha chorus is sort of ok and serves as the song's only saving grace.

 

Rating: 4/10

Edited January 11, 20232 yr by Telsorrow

January 12th

 

Today we celebrate the 64th birthday of Per Gessle, a former member of Roxette, the 49th birthday of Melanie from the Spice Girls, the 30th birthday of Zayn Malik, a former member of One Direction and the 32nd birthday of Pixie Lott! Happy birthdays!

 

1961. "Poetry in Motion"

Johnny Tillotson

{-/UK0111}

 

 

I've always seen this song being ditched as early '60s pop mediocrity by higher music authorities. And sure this song is ridiculously innocent and sugary sweet, and the singer isn't exactly the most charismatic. But at the same time I think the overt sweetness serves this teenybopper of a song fairly well. The production is also well-composed and engaging. I love the little saxophone tootling near the end especially.

 

Oh, and there's a nice call back to an older song called "Love Potion Number 9" (very good song)

 

Rating: 6/10

 

--

 

1963. "Go Away Little Girl"

Steve Lawrence

{US0083/-}

 

 

Now THIS is pure early '60s pop badness. "Go Away Little Girl" is both terrible and creepy. It's hard to hear some dude call upon a "little girl" and not imagine one thousand wrong things going on here. It also doesn't help that the tone is consistently pushy and predatory ("You're much too hard to resist"), and the singer is an unlikeable asshole on the verge of cheating.

 

It really doesn't help either that Steve Lawrence is a flat singer buried under a level of echo and feedback to hide the lackluster note support.

 

Absolutely puke-worthy!

 

Rating: 1/10

 

--

 

1974. "The Joker"

Steve Miller Band

{US0314/UK0650}

 

Let's start with a fun fact: this song reached its peak in the US back when it was released in the mid-'70s, but didn't so in the UK until it was featured in a Levi's commercial in the early '90s. For some reason those darn Levi's commercials will factor in in a mjor way on the backstories of plenty of hits from around that time throughout this project.

 

 

In any case, "The Joker" is a fun little jam. The lyrics are completely ridiculous and nonsensical, to the point where it coined its own words just for fun ("pompatus"). But the song doesn't take itself seriously at all, so why should we? Steve Miller sounds like he was stoned out of his mind while writing and singing this. With its funky descending tone and wah-wah guitar effects, the production fits perfectly too.

 

Just plain ol' fun

 

Rating: 7/10

 

--

 

2019. "Without Me"

Halsey

{US1081/-}

 

 

"Without Me" is... fine? More late '10s pop around abusive relationships... OH GREAT. The production is airy, delicate and actually pleasant in its spaciousness. Too bad Halsey's vocals kind of grate on the ear theoughout. I especially hate the way she sings the "Thinking you could live without me" part on the chorus. It has such an unpleasant piercing tone to it. And the lyrics kind of come off as unnecessarily douchey and unlikeable, especially since the chorus keep teasing her ex-lover while the verses don't really bother to set up what went wrong between the two specifically.

 

This is about as middle-of-the-road as a song can get.

 

Rating: 4/10

 

--

 

2023. "Escapism"

Raye ft. 070 Shake

{-/UK1406}

 

 

This is such a new song that I'm not too sure how I feel about it yet, because I didn't have much time to let my thoughts incubate. But, tentatively, I'd say I like it. The production is quite interesting, as it keeps doing those little switchups. For instance the singer tells her heartbroken misadventures in the club last night in the first verses, which has an authoritarian harsh tone that grips your attention. The "chorus" then enters, and the tone shifts to a more sensitive and desperate cry for help. It's quite lovely. I believe the featured artist adds little value. I'd rather have Raye all the way telling me what's on her heart. And while I said I liked the production switchups, I do think the ending part switched things up a little too much from the rest where it feels like the song is losing itself.

 

Rating: 7/10

Edited January 12, 20232 yr by Telsorrow

January 13th

 

Today is the 69th birthday of Trevor Rabin's birthday, a former member of Yes! Happy birthday!

 

There's also only one song to go through today somehow:

 

2001."Touch Me"

Rui da Silva ft. Cassandra

{-/UK0887}

 

 

A Portuguese DJ's little progressive house jam that spent a single week at number one on the British charts in early 2001. It's accompanied by English singer Cassandra Cox, who definitely gets to show off her vocal chops on this track. She even goes disco diva at times. It's even fairly unique how sad and tormented she occasionally sounds, something that will eventually become very influential? House music isn't exactly my forte in terms of electronica music, particularly this type of deeper club stuff, but I'd say that I definitely enjoyed it.

 

Rating: 7/10

January 14th

 

Today is the 55th birthday of LL Cool J! Happy birthday!

 

Also much unlike yesterday, today there are a lot of songs to go through!

 

1955. "Mambo Italiano"

Rosemary Clooney

{-/UK0028}

 

 

"Mambo Italiano" is a fun little piece of novelty mambo that combines some Spanish and Italiano with a lot of English. Rosemary Clooney has a natural charisma that allows her to sell the song effortlessly. Mambo, on the other hand, has nothing to do with Italy. Instead, it's a Cuban genre with some of the most energetic music in the country, though what's presented here is fairly generic for the style. It still has the genre's trademark big drums, but they're not as prominent as I'd like.

 

The song's premise wears thin quickly though, but it is thankfully short.

 

Rating: 6/10

 

--

 

1965. "Yeh Yeh"

Georgie Fame

{-/UK0184}

 

 

Damn is this song thight. If you ask me, the singing is pitifully bad and thin. However, this is one of those rare instances where a catchy delivery and rhythm more than compensate for the singer's shortcomings. It's super groovy and possibly one of the jazziest mod tracks ever. I adore the interplay between the saxophone and the singer. With how fast the singing is, you'll never get tired of this song, and the instrumental bridge is a nice little break in the middle.

 

Just a cool song.

 

Rating: 8/10

 

--

 

1978. "Baby Come Back"

Player

{US0438/-}

 

 

"Baby Come Back" is very smooth produced, as one would expect from soft rock, but it has some extra slick touches. It could be one of the most polished tracks on this whole project. It has some excellent guitar riffs and sticky keyboard notes. However, the lyrics are bog-standard, and I'm not a big fan of the entire band singing in unison on the chorus. I believe it would have worked better if they had saved it for the final chorus. And the bridge ended on an anticlimactic note. Still, I applaud how enjoyable and buttery smooth this song is. And that guitar solo really slaps.

 

Rating: 7/10

 

--

 

1984. "Pipes of Peace"

Paul McCartney

{-/UK0530}

 

Paul certainly put out some preachy material in the early 1980s. Obviously, anti-war messages are always admirable. However, incorporating those into a pop song for mass consumption is a different story.

 

 

Can't say "Pipes of Peace" did the concept justice. It's a little underwhelmingly made. The progression is monotonous and leads nowhere. The ending arrives at an inopportune time, and the entire song suffers as a result. The instrumentation is also a little odd, with things like table drums appearing out of nowhere and not fitting in. At the very least, Paul and his choir singing cheerfully about people who should stop blowing each other's faces up is kind of nice I suppose.

 

Nice try Paul, better luck next time.

 

Rating: 4/10

 

--

 

1989. "My Prerogative"

Bobby Brown

{US0679/-}

 

Bobby, it should have been your girlfriend's prerogative not to be beaten up by an asshole.

 

 

Aside from the singer's awful context, "My Prerogative," historically regarded as one of the very first new jack swing tracks to top the Billboard, is a monster jam. Bobby, who recently left New Edition, does an excellent job of displaying his entire brand of confidence on this track. The whole thing is about standing on one's own two feet, and Bobby does an excellent job of conveying that message. The big nasty beat also goes hard and does a great job of directing people's attention to where it should be.

 

Rating: 8/10

 

--

 

1995. "Cotton Eye Joe"

Rednex

{-/UK0715}

 

"Cotton Eye Joe" is actually a very old traditional folk song from before the American Civil War. Nobody knows where it came from. Nonetheless, it's a classic song that legends such as Burl Ives and Nina Simone have covered. Unfortunately, this intriguing piece of history will now be forever associated with the cheesefest served by some Canadian novelty group.

 

 

I'll give Rednex this: at least this fully commits to the bluegrass inspired aesthetics despite being full-on Eurodance (something I had a problem with in "Timber" a few days ago). The exhilarating effect is achieved by combining the pumping rave beat with the square dance fiddles. Unfortunately, I find both of the main singers here to be quite annoying, and the song as a whole quickly outstays its welcome. It's also a song that works best when played on the dancefloor. Trying to listen to it as a genuine piece of music without dancing is pointless, which doesn't help me.

 

But I think it's just irritating and tacky.

 

Rating: 3/10

 

--

 

2006. "Laffy Taffy"

D4L

{US0919/-}

 

The ringtone market was on the rise in 2006, and it sure did a number on the rap game. Quickly, a recently emerged club rap style called snap took ahold of the trend and released some of the most repetitive and tuneless rap songs at a rate never quite seen before.

 

 

"Laffy Taffy" is possibly one of the worst snap songs ever written. Of course, the dinky beat is so ridiculously limb that the entire song reads like a joke. Fabo, the rapper, sounds terrible on this. It's as if he was out of breath the entire time.

 

There's also the song's overall theme, which is completely ineffective. Candy euphemisms are extremely common in rap, but the candy used here is dubious. A laffy taffy is a rectangular, stiff chew candy that is unfamiliar to many people. What kind of body part does that resemble?

 

In fact, I don't want to know. This is an awful song.

 

Rating: 2/10

 

--

 

2011. "Good Feeling"

Flo Rida

{-/UK1184}

 

Well, I suppose "Good Feeling" deserves credit for introducing Etta James to a whole new generation of listeners via sampling. But to be fair, this samples Avicii's "Levels," which in turn samples Etta James, so perhaps I should not give this song too much credit.

 

 

Anyway, "Good Feeling" is almost entirely based on how good "Levels" are. And most of the new elements, such as the Flo Rida stuff and that annoying dubstep break, serve more as a hindrance than anything else. At least Flo Rida isn't as annoying in this song as he is in some of his other songs. There are even some lines like:

 

"No trick plays, I'm Bill Gates,

Take a genius to understand me"

 

Yeah, sure, I suppose you're definitely not phoning it at this point.

 

Rating: 5/10

 

--

 

2021. "Sweet Melody"

Little Mix

{-/UK1382}

 

 

A lovely little song by a now-legacy girl group. "Sweet Melody" works because of its super catchy and enticing afrobeat-inspired production, as well as its chorus that just soars with all of the girls giving their all on it. I still wish it was a little less repetitive (the "dodododo" parts don't really add much) and had a better bridge, but I'll definitely take it as a jam for evening dance parties. Just high-pumping fun!

 

Rating: 7/10

Edited January 14, 20232 yr by Telsorrow

January 15th

 

Today is the 42nd birthday of Pitbull! Happy birthday!

 

1972. "American Pie"

Don McLean

{US0266/-}

 

A song that famously had the honor to be longest song to top the Billboard Hot 100 for the longest time. A record that was broken little over a year ago.

 

 

But is the lengthy length worth it? I'd say so. It's a fun pastiche of pop culture and general life in the mid-century. It works well as a time capsule of the 1950s and 1960s, with numerous references such as the infamous day that music died. It now claims to be a groundbreaking statement of grand coming-of-age storytelling. Perhaps, but the musicianship is competent and even delightful throughout. The chorus really sticks with you and becomes an earworm.

 

Rating: 7/10

 

--

 

1977. "Don't Give Up on Us"

David Soul

{US0420/UK0399}

 

 

I don't despise it. If I have to sit through a shmaltzy ballad, at least make it so ridiculously sugary sweet that it's entertainingly cheesy. This song does it very well. I particularly like the emotional production, which includes cheesy strings and some guitar riffs. It sounds like something out of a Disney film.

 

All of this is to say that the singing isn't particularly good, and David Soul employs the irritating trick of vocal doubling when it's completely unnecessary. And, while the cheesiness is mostly endearing, it does begin to grate at times.

 

Rating: 6/10

 

--

 

1977. "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing"

Leo Sayer

{US0411/-}

 

 

This song starts as a ridiculously bad rip-off of a Bee Gees song, which I absolutely despise. Then it goes into amazing Michael Jackson territory on the chorus. Then it goes right back into absolutely detestable territory right after that.

 

So, in short, this song just flipflops between the good and bad parts and they sort of cancel each other in the end, but since Leo Sayer's falsetto is so bad that it makes me want to rip my ears off, I guess the bad outweighs the whole thing eventually.

 

Rating: 4/10

 

--

 

1983. "You Can't Hurry Love"

Phil Collins

{-/UK0513}

 

Oh look it’s Phil Collins. The guy that either makes amazing music or can be a total square about it.

 

 

Here, he performs a cover of one of the greatest Motown songs by one of the greatest pop groups of all time. It's fine, and there's nothing wrong with covering music that means a lot to you. Phil Collins has made no secret of his love for classic Motown music throughout his career. But, in trying to stay so close to the original, I'm left with the impression that I'm listening to a neutered filler version. And in this case, it just makes me want to just listen to the original.

 

Rating: 5/10

 

--

 

1983. "Down Under"

Men at Work

{US0527/UK0514}

 

It’s possibly the most Aussie song ever brought on earth! At least it’s way up there.

 

 

And do you know what "Down Under" is? It's also a great song. It works fantastic as a self-parodying gagfest that uses Australian stereotypes to its advantage. Of course, the bouncy reggae-inspired production is extremely catchy, and that little dinky flute is in a league of its own. I also like how MaW's frontman, Colin Hay, sings his heart out on the chorus.

 

Rating: 8/10

 

--

 

2000. "What a Girl Wants"

Christina Aguilera

{US0851/-}

 

It’s X-tina! At least in her more innocent days, before she donned the whole allegedly X-rated persona.

 

 

And "What a Girl Wants" is exactly symptomatic of those early days. An innocent love song about being thankful that her boyfriend is... not an asshole? Being patient and encouraging her? It's a little hazy. But one thing is certain: even though I enjoy many pop hits from this era, I'm not particularly fond of this song. The production feels so limp for some reason, and the hook is especially weak. All of these shuffle beats, which are usually great in a pop song, don't seem to add much to this.

 

Rating: 5/10

Pitbull/Kesha's 'Timber' and Rednex's 'Cotton Eye Joe' do have a lot of genre similarities as you point out - I prefer 'Cotton Eye Joe' of the two songs.

 

I assumed Phil Collins cover of 'You Can't Hurry Love' was on the same album as his other Motown-y hit 'Two Hearts' but no 'Two Hearts' is from five years later.

 

'Don't Give Up On Us' is a nice song. 'Laffy Taffy' isn't very good imo - unlike the next years big US #1 novelty rap hit Soulja Boy - Crank That.

 

'My Prerogative' is a good tune and while I like the new jack swing sound, I still prefer the piano house of the K-Klass single version of 'Two Can Play That Game'.

Edited January 15, 20232 yr by TheSnake

11/1: Love 'West End Girls' though not my favourite PSB chart topper, that'd be 'It's A Sin' (intrigued to see which one is for you - unless all their other #1s are also not your fave of their work of course).

 

12/1: Not familiar with the Steve Lawrence song and sounds like I don't want to be! Also didn't know that about Steve Miller Band topping the US charts a long time before making it in the UK. The other fun fact with that song is that it infamously held Deee-Lite off the UK #1 on what was at the time reported as a sales tie (although it was later recalculated to have been an 8 copy gap). Fair rating for 'Escapism.' but it's really grown on me a lot after several listens and I'd give it at least a 9/10 now.

 

13/1: Well it's a good song to have a day to itself :lol: I believe it's also the only song by a Portuguese artist to make the UK top 40 surprisingly.

 

14/1: 'Pipes Of Peace' is certainly not Paul's finest work. 'Laffy Taffy' is squarely in the 'so bad it's good' territory for me. 'Cotton Eye Joe' on the other hand I just unironically love, boo hiss at you rating it so lowly :lol: (I really like 'The Spirit Of The Hawk' by them too, using a slightly different culture gimmick). 'Mambo Italiano' is also a bop. 'Good Feeling' is an example of a Flo Rida song that has not aged as well as 'Low'.

 

15/1: 'American Pie' is brilliant, the US got a much better #1 version of it than we did in the UK though :P Love 'Down Under' too, a deserved highest scorer for you today.

January 16th

 

1953. "You Belong to Me"

Jo Stafford

{-/UK0002}

 

The second UK number one single is also the very first one by a female singer, so there's quite the historically significance to this song.

 

 

"You Belong To Me" is a cute wistful little jazz ballad about someone's longing feelings in a faraway place, a sentiment that must have felt fairly significant at the time, with World War II not far behind. But it works great for me. Just a nice and warm little voyage accompanied by Jo Stafford's dreamy vocals, with just the right amount of world music influences going on.

 

Rating: 7/10

 

--

 

1964. "Glad All Over"

The Dave Clark Five

{-/UK0161}

 

The Beatles-imitation at work here is pretty astounding. I wouldn't be surprised if music buyers of the mid-'60s accidently mistook this for a Beatles record.

 

 

However, "Glad All Over" works as a standalone song as well. The powerful percussive beat is excellent for establishing a foot stomping rhythm. The band's happy little call-and-response dynamic is really fun. Despite being a catchy stomper, the song does a great job of establishing an effervescent happy mood around love.

 

Truly a little gem of the British Invasion era.

 

Rating: 8/10

 

--

 

1982. "The Land of Make Believe"

Bucks Fizz

{-/UK0492}

 

It's hard to look at Bucks Fizz and not see a cheap version of ABBA.

 

 

"The Land of Make Believe" unfortunately follows that cheap knock-off sentiment. It's as if someone wanted to write an ABBA song but didn't know what made the band's music so great. The harmonies, which the Swedish band had down to a science, don't work very well here. None of the voices in this band blend well together. The incredibly sloppy sounding production also doesn't help matters.

 

There's a lot going on in the lyrics, which were written as a subtle attack on Margaret Thatcher by an ex-member of the progressive rock band King Crimson. But I'm afraid the song's message is completely lost in translation due to the song's cheap performative innocence.

 

Not good at all.

 

Rating: 3/10

 

--

 

1988. "Got My Mind Set on You"

George Harrison

{US0648/-}

 

This one is a bit bittersweet as it was the very last an ex-Beatles managed to top the Billboard Hot 100.

 

 

"Got My Mind Set On You" is a cover of an early '60s song. And it actually works much better as an R&B song from that era. The original had a more intricately crafted production that highlighted the singer's yearning sentiment more effectively, especially when the singer did much effectively with his powerful soul vocals. When you remove that and replace it with fairly standard late '80s rock production, the song becomes incredibly simplistic. The lyrics are also very typical of a standard song in every way. And George Harrison doesn't try to do much vocally.

 

It's still a good version, but nothing to write home about.

 

Rating: 6/10

 

--

 

1999. "Praise You"

Fatboy Slim

{-/UK0811}

 

Fatboy Slim is a pretty interesting figure in the world of '90s electronica. As a big beat producer, he's less aggressive than his contemporaries, focusing instead on grooves and vibes (even if he released the occasional huge headbanger).

 

 

"Praise You" is an excellent example of this. It's a fairly laid-back little jam that's not too dissimilar to house music. The sampled soul track works well with the groove-oriented track. I also like how the song picks up speed from time to time. Just an incredibly well-crafted song if you just want to relax, or dance, or both since it's pretty all-encompassing

 

Rating: 8/10

 

--

 

1999. "Have You Ever"

Brandy

{US0837/-}

 

I do love Brandy, she's an incredibly talented and underrated voice within the world of '90s R&B.

 

 

"Have You Ever" doesn't really have much to get excited about though. It starts slowly, but gradually builds up throughout the song's length, culminating in a pretty fantastic final section. Brandy keeps asking rhetorical questions about love the entire time in a fairly engaging way. But I'm quite let down by how standard and generic the production is. It sounds like standard ballad music. Which is unfortunate because it does not complement the singer and does not do Brandy's vocals justice.

 

That being said, I still love this song despite its flaws, and still love Brandy (really wished "Sitting Up In My Room" would have been a number 1 single instead though).

 

Rating: 7/10

 

--

 

2010. "Replay"

Iyaz

{-/UK1119}

 

 

A little sunny R&B jam that sounds very of its time. The lyrics are incredibly juvenile, even a little too much for this song's own good. The "nanana" parts gets grating after a while, they sound like some demo filler parts that got accidently left in. And the one in the bridge is incredibly bad. I also don't find Iyaz a compelling vocalist at all, even if I must admit I quite enjoy the Islander flair he adds to the song. That being said, I can't deny a catchy hook, and the one here works incredibly well. And the production works fairly for it sets out to be.

 

Rating: 6/10

Edited January 16, 20232 yr by Telsorrow

January 17th

 

Today is the 74th birthday of Mick Taylor, a former member of The Rolling Stones, the 63th birthday John Crawford from the band Berlin, the 64th birthday of Susanna Hoffs from The Bangles, the 52nd birthday of Lil Jon, the 45th birthday of Ricky Wilson of Kaiser Chiefs and 39th birthday of Calvin Harris! Happy birthdays to all!

 

1976. "I Write the Songs"

Barry Manilow

{US0386/-}

 

Ugh... Barry Manilow. I was never a fan of this hack's trite sap songs. They always seem to rely on the most tired soft rock cliches delivered in the most obnoxious of ways possible.

 

 

And "I Write the Songs" is all that, plus it adds some smug songwriting into that bad mix. There's nothing remotely charming about this. It's just badly sung, badly composed, and written in a way that makes it think more highly of itself. The production is generic, and I absolutely hate the ending where it pulls a generic climax with a key change. There's just so much pretense and false geniunety in that section that it's insufferable.

 

Also how ironic is this: he didn't actually write this song, it's a cover of some Captain & Tennille track (another '70s act I don't like).

 

Just prententious sludge of a song.

 

Rating: 3/10

 

--

 

1987. "Shake You Down"

Gregory Abbott

{US0618/-}

 

 

Smooth soul wasn't particularly doing great on the mid-'80s pop charts, so it's nice to hear something that's a bit of a throwback to the genre's heyday. Unfortunately "Shake You Down" is phoned in and doesn't work quite well as it was intended. The production for one thing is incredibly cloying, with a mess of generic smooth beats and a cheesy harmonica. Gregory Abbott also doesn't do a convincing job as a soul vocalist, with a poor understanding of how to do his vocal runs ("I've been missing you-OOO-ooh-ooh") and control over his vocal range. Also, I absolutely hate those dinky harmonized vocals. They sound straight of a bad parody.

 

Rating: 4/10

 

--

 

1998. "Never Ever"

All Saints

{-/UK0780}

 

All Saints are a fairly fun girl group that would go on to release some great pop stuff around the turn of the millenium.

 

 

"Never Ever", their very first big hit, isn't quite there yet for me. The song takes its sweet time to get going with that spoken intro, but nothing wrong with a personal touch where the vocalist hightlights her own experiences in love, right? Unfortunately the actual song never gets going. It's instrumentally a bit flat and uninspired. The vocals are decent, but never go into amazing levels. The lyrics get into really embarassing territory for me though, especially with lines like "The alphabet runs right from A to Z". The song also sort of cuts out at very strange point when one of the girls started to sing in a vocoded effect.

 

This is a song that's not really for me unfortunately.

 

Rating: 5/10

 

--

 

1998. "Truly Madly Deeply"

Savage Garden

{US0822/-}

 

 

It's like if "I Write the Songs" was actually good. Just like Barry Manilow, I don't find Darren Hayes a super convincing vocalist, but he sounds geniune and likeable and not unbearable and smug.

 

"Truly Madly Deeply" is a nice flowy love ballad with stronger pop tendencies and a slight shading of that late '90s downtempo sound. Very of its time. The chorus soars quite nicely and I appreciate the duo's main vocalist's likeable vocal chops. It's a bit basic on the whole, but definitely better than the typical run-of-the-mill big adult contempo shmaltz. It's airy drifting shmaltz!

 

Rating: 6/10

 

--

 

2004. "All This Time"

Michelle

{-/UK0969}

 

The show may be Pop Idol, the actual pioneering program whose monster success would influence many copycat shows to follow, but that doesn't change how bad the coronation singles still are.

 

 

"All This Time" is embarrassingly saccharine and sounds incredibly dated, even for the year 2004. It's decently sung at least, but otherwise it's everything you'd expect from a bad and generic coronation single. Whether it's the obligatory lyrics about overcoming obstacles or the dreadful final section with key change and choir that sounds far too forced.

 

At least it's sort of nice to see how unconventially conventional a Pop Idol winner looked at some point, but beyond that there's practically no merit to this whatsoever.

 

Rating: 3/10

 

--

 

2009. "Just Dance"

Lady Gaga ft. Colby O'Donis

{US0968/UK1087}

 

Hey, it's the debut single of one of pop music's most intriguing figures in the last two decades! Say what you want about Lady Gaga, but she provided a much-needed boost to the otherwise struggling pop scene in the late '00s.

 

 

"Just Dance" is suprisingly lowkey for a singer that went on to be known for her over-the-top and extravagant persona. It's a pretty straightforward dance track about letting loose on the dancefloor. However, it is also very well produced, with an extremely catchy beat and memorable buzzing synths. I find it amusing that the majority of the lyrics here depict a fairly horrific situation "Where are my keys? I lost my phone ". And the solution for all these icky problems? Just dance of course!

 

I also love how weird the whole "Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic" section really is, where the synths slow down and Gaga's vocals sort gets into a vocoded effect. Truly feels like some sort of robotic fever dream.

 

It's definitely not her most original song, but still a strong start to a tumultuous career.

 

Rating: 8/10

Edited January 27, 20232 yr by Telsorrow

I didn't know Truly Madly Deeply was a US #1, I much prefer 'To The Moon And Back' I must say.

January 18th

 

1960. "Running Bear"

Johnny Preston

{US0025/UK0098}

 

 

Ouch... I'm not even going to get into the issue of exploiting Native American tropes in a very cartoonish and insensitive way. Unfortunately, this is to be expected from the late '50s in the United States. But even so... What a terrible and irritating song, coupled an awful imitation of tribal chants and sloppy sax on the chorus parts. Not to mention Johnny Preston's lazily delivered vocals on the most tired of melodies. And, of course, he thought that combining the trend of the teen death ballad that was popular at the time with a Native American setting was a good idea, but it only exacerbated the exploitative feeling.

 

Almost everything about this screams laziness and cheapness.

 

Rating: 3/10

 

--

 

1975. "Down Down"

Status Quo

{-/UK0363}

 

Status Quo aren't a particularly well-remembered rock band for most, but they do have some beloved classic rock songs like "Pictures of Matchstick Men". Though their only number one hit in the UK is a bit of an unexpected one.

 

 

Although "Down Down" isn't my first choice for a single by this band, it positively rocks. It has some groovy guitar riffs that ascend into their signature boogie rhythms. Completed with an incredible guitar soloing. The lyrics are a little too repetitive and simplistic for the style, but they work.

 

Rating: 8/10

 

--

 

1975. "Mandy"

Barry Manilow

{US0350/-}

 

Ugh... More Barry Manilow, so shortly after too...

 

 

"Mandy" isn't exactly Bary's worst song, and it is easily his most remembered in fact (in fact it will later again in cover form). However, it too is hampered by tepid, ineffective verses and an over-the-top, saccharine chorus that tries far too hard. And the final key change with the soaring note certainly doesn't feel warranted. The entire composition is exaggerated to the point of ridiculousness. But, to be honest, this sap is also marginally entertaining and overly emotional. As a result, my final note will be extremely charitable.

 

Rating: 5/10

 

--

 

1986. "That's What Friends Are For"

Dionne & Friends

{US0588/-}

 

Dionne Warwick was a ridiculously talented soul singer of the '60s. But unfortunately by the '80s she quite fallen.

 

 

I mean, it's nice that she brought together so many of her equally talented friends, and for such a good cause as AIDS research too. The lineup is nothing to scoff at. Stevie Wonder, Elton John, and Gladys Knight are all phenomenal singers who left indelible marks on the music landscape with some of the best music of the '70s. But my god is this song terrible. It has all the characteristics of a bad charity single. It's both irritatingly cheesy and nauseatingly sappy. The melody is extremely bland and unmemorable. Combined with a hockey production and harmonica, the song sounds more like a campfire song than a proper pop song. Not to mention that none of the singing here is cohesive or meshes well together.

 

It may have been for a good cause, but this is shockingly bad for all of the artists involved.

 

Rating: 2/10

 

--

 

1997. "Professional Widow (It's Got to Be Big)"

Tori Amos

{-/UK0756}

 

 

That is not your typical Tori Amos song, that's for sure. She's a very talented and underappreciated piano rock artist (though she's well-known in alternative circles). Here's a house remix of one of her songs, though. The original is quite good, a slightly unusually sung piano rock thing. But I have to admit I don't find this house remix all that interesting unfortunately. It's a bit flat and repetitive. I like my house to be more energetic and accompanied by more anthemetic vocals. But it's not bad I suppose. It still features a strong groove and a pumping rhythm.

 

If you're interested in her more typical work, I highly recommend checking out the devastatingly beautiful "Winter" if you haven't already.

 

Rating: 6/10

 

--

 

2020. "The Box"

Roddy Ricch

{US1096/-}

 

 

I'm guessing that the viral quality of that "eeh-ooh" adlib is largely responsible for the song's success. Something I personally dislike and find even actively annoying. Aside from that, this is a pretty good trap song, albeit slightly by the numbers. Roddy Ricch is a decently charismatic rapper who raps with a nice cadence even if very reminiscent of Young Thug (as many young rappers are these days). I also like how luxurious the production sounds, especially with the dramatic orchestral samples. The lyrics are fairly violent, with "the box" referring to where he's been stocking his weapons and drugs, but they were performed with a bit more aggression as such rather than the more typical trap nonchalance.

 

Rating: 6/10

Edited January 18, 20232 yr by Telsorrow

Enjoying this thread and I very much admire the detail in these commentaries!

 

Just Dance is still my favourite Lady Gaga song and I also love that middle 8 section as well as the production. Not so keen on consecutive days of Barry Manilow but you can't blame the UK for that :kink: Perched to see how many points you'll give to Pointless!

January 19th

 

Today is the 77th birthday of Dolly Parton! Happy birthday!

 

This is one of the busiest days of the year, so hold on tight because there are a lot of songs to go through today:

 

1959. "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes"

The Platters

{US0009/UK0082}

 

 

This is simply breathtaking in every way. From a lyrical standpoint, "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" is pure poetry. Even so, the Platters, particularly their main singer Tony Williams, take this single to the next level. These vocal runs soar and are absolutely stunning. It's also very lovely on the instrumental side, with a wonderful use of strings to create a buildup and satisfying emotional climaxes.

 

I'm not sure if soul music was alreayd a thing in 1959 yet, but this is definitely pure soulful music.

 

Rating: 9/10

 

--

 

1974. "You Won't Find Another Fool Like Me"

New Seekers ft. Lyn Paul

{-/UK0342}

 

 

Well, at least it's not exactly as bad as their other big jingle, uhm I mean single, but that’s not really a high standard. It’s kind of annoyingly cheery still though despite the bitterness of the sentiment. The main melody line in "You Won't Find Another Fool Like Me" highly bothers me. It has a polka rhythm to it, and it reads like second-rate schlager music as such. The use of a saxophone throughout does not help to dispel the feeling of cheapness. The "lalala" bridge is also quite annoying.

 

It's quite pretty vocally at the very least, and I like how Lynn Paul gives her all despite the song's shoddiness.

 

Rating: 4/10

 

--

 

1974. "Show and Tell"

Al Wilson

{US0315/-}

 

 

Not exactly a well-remembered soul song. This track works mostly on the behalf of the luxuriant soul production. It’s not that the singer is bad, he just doesn’t do much vocally impressive on his like his peers would have done. And the lyrics too are quite unconvincingly generic.

It’s fine overall, it doesn’t really stand much in any way.

 

Rating: 6/10

 

--

 

1980. "Brass in Pocket"

Pretenders

{-/UK0449}

 

 

"Brass in Pocket" is a fun little slice of early new wave. It also works as a female empowerment song, sexy and tastful without going overboard. It sounds strong, confident, and, most importantly, it truly rocks. Chrissie Hynde does an excellent job of selling us on her sexual confidence throughout the song. That guitar riff that plays during is truly enjoyable and memorable from the early Mtv era. I think the chorus is a little forgettable, but that's a minor quibble.

 

Rating: 7/10

 

--

 

1980. "Rock with You"

Michael Jackson

{US0481/-}

 

Oh uh, it's none other than the King of Pop himself. I believe we can all agree that this guy had a very complicated and messy career. And it's heartbreaking to consider not only how he was treated by the general public, but also all of the heinous allegations leveled against him over the years. It's almost become its own rabbit hole at this point. One I will only acknowledge without delving into, and for the sake of this project, I will instead concentrate on the music for the time being. Because yes, the guy had a brilliant career at one point.

 

 

"Rock with You" features some fantastic vocal prowess. Michael's vocal runs are appealingly sensual without ever becoming overbearing. Everything about the song is tasty and appealing. The production is funky and pleasantly groovy, without ever feeling forced. It clearly tries to be both a catchy dance jam and a silky sex jam at the same time, and it does so admirably. It's beautifully constructed. That said, in attempting to be two things at once, it also lacks the strong memorable hook that I would have expected from a Michael Jackson, which is this song's minor flaw. But nothing too serious really.

 

Rating: 7/10

 

--

 

1985. "I Want to Know What Love Is"

Foreigner

{US0562/UK0544}

 

No, thank you. I don't! At least, that's how this song puts it.

 

 

"I Want to Know What Love Is" contains a great idea for a power ballad, in my opinion. However, this song simply pulls out every cliché of the genre and lazily struts around them. The quieter verses aren't bad, and I like how sad and dejected the lyrics are. But once that chorus soars in, things get really bad for me. Lou Gramm's throaty vocal delivery is obnoxious, and he just sounds whiny. The song also employs the irritatingly cheesy trick of dolling out the choir for the final section.

 

Both the '90s Tina Arena and '00s Mariah Carey versions are better than this one, so clearly the song itself isn't the main issue here.

 

Rating: 4/10

 

--

 

1991. "Sadeness (Part I)"

Enigma

{-/UK0657}

 

The series of weird 1991 singles on top continues, and this one is an especially peculiar one.

 

 

"Sadeness (Part I)" is a spatial downtempo track with religious church singing, a pan-pipe playing the main melody line, and some flirtatious French vocals on top. It's a strange and random combination that shouldn't work, but it does. It successfully crosses the admittedly tangible line between spiritual relaxation and sultriness. All of the elements work together to create a sense of mystery rather than come into conflict with one another. It also manages to have a catchy and memorable rhythm for a downtempo track.

 

Very cool chart topper.

 

Rating: 7/10

 

--

 

1991. "Love Will Never Do (Without You)"

Janet Jackson

{US0737/-}

 

Janet makes her debut on this project the same day as her brother Michael.

 

I really like Janet; she's charming and sweet, and she's had some major jams throughout her career. "Love Will Never Do (Without You)" was still part of the Rhythm Nation 1814 cyclus, an album released all the way back in 1989 to demonstrate Janet's dominance on the Billboard Hot 100 charts in the early '90s.

 

 

"Love Will Never Do (Without You)" is a bold and exuberant little new jack swing jam crafted by R&B genius heads Jam and Lewis, who provided us with some of the best hit songs on this project. The incessant booming percussive beats perfectly depict the jubilating feeling of love. Janet sounds appropriately and convincingly exhilarated about this. A totally positive and lovable hit song.

 

Rating: 8/10

 

--

 

2002. "More Than a Woman"

Aaliyah

{-/UK0917}

 

From one R&B queen to the next. It's no secret that Aaliyah was taken from us far too soon, and we may never know how much great music she would have continued to release had she lived longer. I'm glad the UK at least gave her one more posthumous number one single. The more Aaliyah goodness I can cover, the better!

 

 

"More Than a Woman" has all the makings of a classic Aaliyah song. For starters, it's produced by Timbaland, so it's bound to be good. All of these shuffle beats and deliriously rhythmic drums take this track to a whole new level of futuristic. The lyrics are sexy and slick while also being subtly empowering. They're a little more simplistic than I'm used to hearing from excellent Aaliyah material, but they're still good. And then there's Aaliyah, whose cool, sweet, and confident demeanor is all over this. She simply rules.

 

Rating: 8/10

 

--

 

2008. "Now You're Gone"

Basshunter ft. DJ Mental Theo's Bazzheadz

{-/UK1067}

 

"Boten Anna" is a perfectly charming slice of poppy euro-trance from the mid-'00s, albeit a little lame and cheesy.

 

 

So take that song and replace the euphoric clubbing joy with sadboy whining, and you've already made it a lot worse. When the bright trance arpeggios completely contradict the sad sentiment, this attempt at seriousness falls flat. You just cause emotional whiplash, especially when silly elements like "Ready for takeoff" are left in place. Furthermore, Sebastian Westwood is a completely unconvincing vocalist.

 

Simply avoid this version and seek out the original Swedish version, which is superior in almost every way.

 

Rating: 5/10

 

--

 

2013. "Scream & Shout"

will.i.am ft. Britney Spears

{-/UK1219}

 

It’s Britney Spears bitch!

 

 

Well, uhmm… Where to even begin with this? Oh, perhaps the fact that will. i.am is a mediocre producer who has gotten progressively worse over time. He wrote one excellent song, which we'll get to later, but his other contributions are pretty shoddy. And "Scream & Shout" is pretty indicative of that. The production is simply a jumble of random electronic bleeps and bloops. It manages to be both irritating and boring at the same time. Worst of all, we're subjected to will.i.am's horrible singing, as well as his terrible sense of use of the autotune. The bridge may be the worst part of the entire project so far. And poor Britney truly feels like a random session singer who got lost in the mix.

 

Not to mention this song has aged incredibly poorly.

 

Rating: 3/10

 

--

 

2017. "Shape of You"

Ed Sheeran

{US1061/UK1319}

 

What else is there to say about "Shape of You"? When it comes to pop music, I find the argument of overplay really lazy. But with this song, I have no choice but to say it was way too freaking overplayed.

 

 

But, okay, I'll try my best to not let lazy radio programmers cloud my judgment by relying so heavily on safe bets. For a song that tries to be sexy, this song sure is incredibly un-sexy. The way Ed Sheeran repeatedly sings the line "come on be my baby come on" with grace of a drill sure is hilarious. The vocal doubling in the chorus is also quite annoying and entirely unnecessary. Ed Sheeran isn't a particularly pleasant singer on this, so there's no need to suffer doubly in the process. After a few verses, the never-changing and uninspired dancehall beat gets on your nerves too.

 

Really, this song is just way-too-try hard and vacuous for its own good. Please, Ed Sheeran never attempt this type of music ever again. 

 

Rating: 4/10

 

--

 

2019. "Sunflower"

Post Malone & Swae Lee

{US1082/-}

 

 

A pleasant and surprising pop single from two rappers (I mean, it's for a family-friendly film, but still). The beat has a retro sheen to it; it's all cleanly produced, but the abundance of reverb makes it quite charming, and it has enough bounce to be memorable. The two performers do an admirable job of singing this empowering refrain. I prefer how sweet Swae Lee sounds on this to Post Malone's bark-tone singing, but he still does a good job.

 

Overall, this is a very solid song throughout.

 

Rating: 7/10

 

--

 

2023. "Pointless"

Lewis Capaldi

{-/UK1407}

 

 

Lewis Capaldi, or the guy who sounds like he's from the post-grunge era, may be self-conscious when naming his songs, but that doesn't excuse them from existing at the same time. This song is as formulaic and trudging as ever. The ascending chorus arrives with as much grace as a brick thrown in your face. Lewis' singing is once again forced and throaty, which is deeply irritating.

 

Not only is it pointless, but it's also pretty bad.

 

Rating: 3/10

Edited January 19, 20232 yr by Telsorrow

January 20th

 

Today we celebrate the 54th birthday of Nicky Wire from the Manic Street Preachers, the 52nd birthday of Gary Barlow from Take That and the 44th birthday of Will Young!

Happy birthdays!

 

1956. "Sixteen Tons"

Tennessee Ernie Ford

{-/UK0041}

 

 

Ernie Ford truly does a fantastic job on covering "Sixteen Tons". The original Merle Travis version is a pretty good tongue-in-cheek country song about the working-class man exploitation in coal mines with fun talking blues sections, but this cover truly elevates the song even further. This is a pretty difficult song to categorize it when it comes to a genre; it reminds me of a beatnik finger snap poetry reading out of all. It has killer jazz drumming and muted trumpet playing, and Ernie Ford's tenor vocals perfectly complement the rhythmic performance and yet manages to invoke the cold harsh reality in the lyrics very convincingly. Truly a pop song ahead of its time.

 

Rating: 9/10

 

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1966. "Keep On Running"

The Spencer Davis Group

{-/UK0208}

 

 

More solid stuff from the British Invasion era. It starts off with some thunderous drumming. Spencer Davis does a very convincing job at African American R&B imitation singing. he '60s British obsession with covering black genres like '50s rock 'n' roll and rhythm 'n' blues always came off as amusing to me, if a little perplexing (can't blame them for adoring such great, revolutionary music though). As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Many British imitators, in my opinion, were not very good however, but the Spencer Davis Group, thankfully, do not make the mistake of watering down the sound. It also helps that Spencer Davis' voice has a naturally bluesy tone that works very well in this context.And the distorted guitar that occasionally pops up is also f***ing incredible.

 

Rating: 7/10

 

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1968. "Judy in Disguise (With Glasses)"

John Fred and His Playboy Band

{US0196/-}

 

Is this title a play on "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"...?

 

 

Whatever it is, it's pretty annoying. It has a fairly catchy rhythm, a driving bassline, and some fun brass, and those elements are pretty much the song's only saving grace. I enjoy the comedic pauses at the end of each chorus section. But the goofy singer truly takes me out of it. It doesn't help that the lyrics are dreadfully dumb. Just look at these:

 

"And cross your heart, yeah, with your livin' bra

Chimney Sweep Sparrow with guise"

 

What it is going on here?

 

It shoves cryptic and strangely flirty imagery in its lyrics, but that just doesn't mesh well when it also tries to be this quirky and lighthearted funny pop song at the same time. And regardless of the themes, it quickly gets on my nerves anyway. I didn't need to hear John Fred randomly moaning throughout the song, either.

 

Rating: 4/10

 

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1990. "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You"

Michael Bolton

{US0711/-}

 

Michael Bolton always seemed like an ex-glam metal guy tried his shot at a blue-eyed soul career. A horrifying combo that I really don't think ever needed to exist.

 

 

And yeah, it's as terrible as it sounds like. Everything here is in bad taste, starting with the dinky keyboard notes that were all over late '80s adult contempo radio that I absolutely hate. There's nothing more cheap sounding than that. Michael sings almost exclusively through his throat, which sounds about as pleasant as a scraping fork on a plate. He has a poor sense of note support and frequently slurs his lyrics. Said lyrics are just more overwrought cliché heartbroken rocker guy stuff that comes across as both forced and unappealing.

 

Everything about this is just laughably bad, and there's very little redeemable about it.

 

Rating: 1/10

 

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1996. "Jesus to a Child"

George Michael

{-/UK0732}

 

George Michael here to show how to do proper blue-eyed soul to these amateurs.

 

 

This song has a very sad backstory. George Michael's Brazilian boyfriend had just recently passed away of AIDS. And this was an attempt to cope with that loss, with some slight bossa nova rhythms thrown in as a tribute. The song production is muted and atmospheric, but it retains an engaging texture thanks to some slick Spanish guitar.

 

I'm not sure if it's because I just heard something absolutely horrible last, but I really liked this. George Michael sounds truly in pain and does an excellent job of displaying a sense of vulnerability, but his singing is extremely measured and manages to maintain class and retain. One of those songs that sends a shiver down my spine, but in a good way.

 

Rating: 9/10

 

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2001. "Love Don't Cost a Thing"

Jennifer Lopez

{-/UK0888}

 

 

Jennifer Lopez truly was on a roll in the early '00s. "Love Don't Cost a Thing" is enjoyable, but I can't say I really love it. My main beef with J-Lo has always been her flat singing, and this song is a prime example of that. This song has a nice chorus that tries to soar over the verses, but she can't quite hit the notes to really bring it all together. The production is a little sloppy, and there isn't a particularly memorable melody going on here. The dance break middle 8 is quite strange and feels pretty unnecessary. The song also goes downhill in its final section due to how many times she repeats the goddamn chorus.

 

Well, at least a pop star singing about how she isn't supeficial in love is always kind of fun, even if a little doubtful.

 

Rating: 6/10

 

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2022. "ABCDEFU"

Gayle

{-/UK1394}

 

 

I don't think you can get more Gen Z anthem than this. I read a lot of vitriol about this song online, particularly about its singer being an industry plant or something. And, to be honest? Overall, I don't think it's all that bad. Yes, the lyrics are dumb and cringe-worthy, and her vocals are rough around the edges, but I think the sloppiness works fairly well in tandem with the song's raw teenage rage.It feels like it tries to be obnoxious on purpose, and such succeeds. And the chorus is kind of catchy. But of course being a song made for TikTok it's mercilessly short, and the verses are pretty bad still.

 

Mixed feelings on this!

 

Rating: 5/10

Edited January 20, 20232 yr by Telsorrow