Well these results suddenly took a drastic turn for the worse <_<

 

'I Wanna Sex You Up' and 'Deeply Dippy' are both utterly skin crawling. Didn't necessarily expect them to get through but I'm disappointed they're this near the bottom. Boo you all. x

 

'Do The Bartman' as the 'best' novelty song I can get behind though ~

Don't feel any real hatred towards any of those three tbh. I agree with Julian about IWSYU, the worst part is right there in the title because that lyric is cringe af but that's probably it's worst sin. Bartman is pretty inoffensive novelty and Deeply Dippy is a fine little tune. A bit silly maybe but I can't see anything that wrong with it to even justify the list tbh, my only complaint is it standing in the way of On A Ragga Tip getting to #1.

19th - Seven Tears - Goombay Dance Band

 

 

Average Score - 11.24

 

Highest Score - 23 (Jason)

 

Lowest Score - 1 (gooddelta)

 

#1 for 3 weeks from w/e 27/03/82

 

Kept off #1: Just an Illusion (Imagination)

 

“Here I stand, head in hand, lonely like a stranger on the shore”

 

1982 was without a doubt the time of a Teutonic explosion at the top of the UK Charts, with three German acts getting to #1 (the same number as American artists that year). Oliver Bendt’s group neither pioneered electronic music nor won the Eurovision Song Contest, so they find themselves in this rate. “Seven Tears” only reached #13 in West Germany, but we clearly fell for the soca sound in Blighty. Follow up “Son of Jamaica” made #50 two months later so they technically escaped official one-hit wonder ignominy.

18th - The Lady in Red - Chris de Burgh

 

 

Average Score - 11.41

 

Highest Score - 23 (Dot Mirrorball)

 

Lowest Score - 1 (Bjork)

 

#1 for 3 weeks from w/e 02/08/86

 

Kept off #1: So Macho / Crusing (Sinitta)

 

“I have never seen that dress you’re wearing, or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes”

 

Quite possibly the only Argentine-born UK chart-topper and the only #1 artist to father a Miss World, De Burgh released his first album, “Far Behind These Castle Walls” in 1974, but this was his first top 40 hit. Inspired by Chris’ wife and his own inability to remember what she looks like, this song helped Ian Moor win the Stars in Their Eyes Champion of Champions in 1999, gaining almost half a million votes in the process! The record continue to divides opinion with as many falling for its obvious attempts at “a little romaaaaance” and those that think it’s sickly saccharine to the point of Type 2 diabetes.

Edited September 24, 20222 yr by chartjack2

17th - Do They Know It’s Christmas - Band Aid II

 

 

Average Score - 11.52

 

Highest Score - 25 (Chez Wombat)

 

Lowest Score - 1 (Suedehead2, Alex!)

 

#1 from 3 weeks from w/e 23/12/89

 

Kept off #1 - When You Come Back to Me (Jason Donovan)

 

“There’s no need to be afraid”

 

The production trio of Mike Stock, Matt Aitken and Pete Waterman had already bagged 11 #1s in a little over four years, so what fitting way to round off the 1980s than for SAW to have a go at the then highest selling track of all time? The crisis in Ethiopia that led to the original Band Aid record was ongoing and as such this version was made at the request of Bob Geldof. Notably, the opening verse is split in two giving a more traditional structure than the 1984 single.

 

Of course that wasn’t the only difference as there is a reason this record has sold slightly less than 3 million copies and isn’t played on rotation every Christmas. Only Bananarama returned from five years previously, and God bless Big Fun, The Pasadenas and Glen Goldsmith, but Duran Duran, Sting and George Michael they ain’t.

Edited September 24, 20222 yr by chartjack2

All of my top 3 are now out, I demand a recount.

 

I enjoy all the other versions of 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' but the 89 version is pretty awful.

 

'Seven Tears' is too high here but at least it's out now.

Seven Tears is so cheesy in a bad way imo. Germans had better taste than Britishs in 1982. :angel

For me those 3 are worse than what’s gone before but still just about deserved to escape.

 

The vocals on Lady In Red really aren’t great, but then it’s a song that’s almost impossible to sing well. Very funny seeing someone trying to do it at Karaoke and realising when they get to “this beauty by my side” that it’s way too high.

 

Seven Tears would be OK if it was a deliberate Boney M parody, but no I think they meant it!

 

Band Aid II just kills all the magic of the original record entirely.

16th - Every Loser Wins - Nick Berry

 

 

Average Score - 11.66

 

Highest Score - 21 (Popchartfreak)

 

Lowest Score - 1 (Mango, CJK)

 

#1 for 3 weeks from w/e 18/10/86

 

Kept off #1 - In the Army Now (Status Quo)

 

“The road was right, we must have read the signs wrong”.

 

So Wicksy manages to do what Angie (Anyone Can Fall in Love, #4) and Sharon and Kelvin (Something Outta Nothing, #12) cannot and score a 1986 chart topper! This remarkably both became the second best selling single of the year (after Don’t Leave Me This Way), and won an Ivor Novello Award. Berry would almost return to the summit in 1992, but his cover of Bob Montgomery’s “Heartbeat” from the TV show of the same name couldn’t dislodge Erasure’s ABBA-Esque EP.

 

Incidentally, other, non-charting singles from the EastEnders cast in 1986 include Pete Beale’s “Can’t a Get Ticket for the World Cup”, Andy O’Brien’s “Jigsaw Puzzle”, Tony Carpenter’s “Love Riding High” and Lofty Holloway’s “Subterranean Homesick Blues. Google at your peril, folks…..

15th - Ebony and Ivory - Paul McCartney / Stevie Wonder

 

 

Average Score - 11.79

 

Highest Score - 24 (AH Gold, Julian T)

 

Lowest Score - 1 (Adelita, DJ Cheeky Magpie, King Rollo)

 

#1 for 3 weeks from w/e 24/04/82

 

Kept off #1 - One Step Further (Bardo), This Time (England World Cup Squad)

 

“We learn to live when we learn to give each other what we need to survive, together alive”

 

Remarkably, this was the first time McCartney was specifically credited with a #1 (Mull of Kintyre / Girls’ School was technically a Wings hit and he’d had 17 #1s with his other band). This was also his first single release since John Lennon’s death 16 months previously. Quite what Dr Winston O’Boogie would have made at such a hamfisted plea for racial unity is anyone’s guess, but hey he was responsible for “Imagine”. This was Wonder’s first #1, having previously made #2 with “Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yester-Day”, “Sir Duke”, “Masterblaster” and “Happy Birthday”. In turn, he was blocked by “Sugar, Sugar”, “Free”, “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” and “Green Door”

 

Famously Paul and Stevie weren’t able to film the video together and I have to say you can’t see the joins 40 years on. You can certainly hear them, however.

 

 

 

14th - Don’t Stop (Wiggle Wiggle) - Outhere Brothers

 

 

Average Score - 12.38

 

Highest Score - 25 (coi)

 

Lowest Score - 1 (Daan)

 

#1 for 1 week - w/e 01/04/95

 

Kept off #1 - N/A

 

“Ooh that booty drives me crazy”

 

Well that’s probably the only part of the lyrics I could reproduce without a forum ban! The radio edit was certainly cleaner and enabled the Chicago duo (not brothers IRL nor born to Mr and Mrs Outhere, but in fact called Keith Mayberry and Lamar Mahone) a debut #1 after two false starts earlier in the year on two separate labels.

 

The follow up, “Boom Boom Boom” also made the top spot in 1995 this time for four weeks in July. Three more top 20 hits followed, but sadly the Great British Public had no time for “Pass the Toilet Paper ‘98” - we just don’t appreciate high culture when it’s presented to us do we?

These are the remaining songs left in this heat.

 

However 13 into 10 doesn’t go, so tomorrow I’ll reveal which three have just missed out on the final.

 

There’s No One Quite Like Grandma - St Winifred’s School Choir

Shaddup You Face - Joe Dolce Music Theatre

Save Your Love - Renee & Renato

We Are the World - USA for Africa

The Chicken Song - Spitting Image

Star Trekkin’ - The Firm

Let’s Party - Jive Bunny & the Mastermixers

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini - Bombalurina

Turtle Power - Partners in Kryme

The Stonk - Hale & Pace / The Stonkers

Mr Blobby - Mr Blobby

Come On You Reds - Manchester United Football Club

Unchained Melody - Robson & Jerome

Edited September 25, 20222 yr by chartjack2

Hoping that T.U.R.T.L.E POWER is saved

 

Glad to see the outhere brothers out in the heats, yes the lyrics are unnecessary but it’s built around a pretty catchy dance track

I wouldn’t have minded if all 3 of those had qualified really but not to worry.

 

I must be one of the only ones who find Ebony and Ivory utterly ghastly then. Terrible song quite apart from the embarrassingly delivered message.

 

The original Outhere Brothers is guaranteed to give me a headache and I judged it based on that, but I appreciate that the remix is a much better track.

 

Nick Berry - not much to say there. Just the dreariest thing ever.

The lyrics of the Outhere Brothers song are a little much for sure but if you can ignore them the song does sound good.

 

Nick Berry is a total snoozer. The Paul & Stevie song is fine.

 

Come On You Reds to make the top 10 xx That and Robson & Jerome are now the only remaining songs I particularly dislike oops...

Band Aid II is too low, with poor vocals and a messy structure. The video is jarring too with them laughing and smiling while recording juxtaposed with footage of people dying.

 

I hope at least one novelty song is safe but I'm doubtful, I'd much rather listen to these than a few of these pieces of blandness x

Can we save The Chicken Song please?

13th - Mr Blobby - Mr Blobby

 

 

Average Score - 12.48

 

Highest Score - 25 (Mango)

 

Lowest Score - 1 (Jason)

 

#1 for 1 week - w/e 11.12.93 and for 2 weeks from w/e 25.12.93

 

Kept off #1 - N/A

 

“And as far as he can see he’s the same as you and me”

 

Aside from hosting Top of the Pops for six years, Noel Edmonds only directly darkened the charts once, when as a member of Brown Sauce, he took “I Wanna Be a Winner” to the non-victorious heights of #15 in 1981. Twelves years later, Noel’s representative on Planet Blobby had rather more success becoming the first act to return to #1 within the same chart run since Marmalade with “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” almost a quarter of a century previously. Those plucky upstarts from Take That couldn’t deny Blobby with “Babe”, meaning they had to settle for a Christmas #2 - a position they would repeat in 2006.

 

This is also the first fully eponymous #1 - Doop swiftly repeated the feat four months later - and we’ve have nothing since. The video features a cameo from Jeremy Clarkson - and I thought it was Richard Hammond who was involved in a catastrophic car crash. Mr Blobby isn’t a one hit wonder - Christmas in Blobbyland reached #36 in 1996 - obviously the Spice Girls had better PR in order to defeat the pink and yellow aberration!

 

 

 

Today is a blessed day for Blobby fans - not in the top 10 here and not leading in the first round of the 1993 EOY poll in the pre-00s forum :lol: (I told you Whitney Houston should have been in this xx)

12th - Star Trekkin’ - The Firm

 

 

Average Score - 13.28

 

Highest Score - 25 (readyforit)

 

Lowest Score - 1 (Bumblebre)

 

#1 for 2 weeks from w/e 20/06/87

 

Kept off #1 - N/A

 

“It’s worse than that, he’s dead Jim!”

 

The Firm were the musical brainchild of John O’Connor - specialising in novelty songs, they had one previous hit is 1982 with “Arthur Daley (E’s Alright)” getting to #14. “Star Trekkin” originally was based on the melody of “The Music Man” folk song, but this was dropped for what is certainly a more original sound. Understandably major record labels were reluctant to take a chance on such a piece of innovation and the single was released independently, but nevertheless it shot up the charts perhaps in part due to hype surrounding the forthcoming Next Generation TV Series.

 

Whatever the reason, its jump from 13 to 1 was the one of the largest at the time - Captain Sensible’s Happy Talk held the record with 33 to 1. Star Trekkin’ boldly went where the real life Captain Kirk had not gone before (or since) as despite his legendary rendition of Rocket Man, William Shatner is yet to register a UK chart hit.