If there’s an audience to be found

He’ll be streakin’ around

Invitin’ public critique

 

8th - The Streak - Ray Stevens

 

 

4th, 1952-1979 heat

 

Average score: 24.53

Highest score:

39 Chez Wombat, coi

Lowest score:

2 Popchartfreak

 

Number One for 1 week in June 1974, this held off “Hey Rock And Roll” by Showaddywaddy. American comedian and country singer Ray Stevens had a fair few hits here including the more serious #2 “Misty” and the less serious “Bridget The Midget”, also #2. In 1974 there was a fad for people streaking at big events which seems to have originated in campus protests and the been part of the sexual Revolution. which inspired the song. Just a week after the release of “The Streak” there was a streaker who caused outrage at the Oscars. Novelty products were created to cash in on the fad, of which this song could be seen as one.

 

So a man runs around naked in public places, various people are shocked, a reporter asks for comments and there’s some canned laughter. They say American humour is more visual and over the top than British - maybe it’s a combination of that and not having been there at the time that makes this a real WTF moment looking back. Still it’s managed to avoid being our least favourite chart topper called “The St…k”.

 

It’s really hotting up now as the remaining 7 all either won or came second in their heat.

Edited November 12, 20222 yr by JulianT

I love Ray Stevens. His career is split between comedy records and serious country gospel ballads. Every voice on the comedy tracks is Ray. This one dated quickly and got annoying but other amusing stuff like Gitarzan, Brigitte The Midget, Moonlight Special still raise a chuckle from me as he parodied various movies TV and pop stars. His first hit Everything Is Beautiful was my all time fave record for most of the 70s cos it reminded me of glorious tropical days as a boy in Singapore and the peace and love everything is beautiful message chimed with me. Misty was even better though, that should have been the number one instead of this, oh the shame!

That was my least favourite discovery of the number 1s listenthroughs, asides from the fact it's not remotely funny, it's just an unpleasant mess to listen to - the fact they actually had to add canned laughter says it all, The Big Bang Theory in song form :basil:

"Hilarious"

 

Both of the songs from my bottom 10 are still in, beginning to wonder if I'm going to be the lowest scorer for the one that's in my bottom 5.

Before it’s bedtime, on her knees

To us a book she’ll read

 

7th - St Winifred’s School Choir - There’s No-One Quite Like Grandma

 

 

2nd, 1980-1995 heat

 

Average score: 25.80

Highest score:

40 chartjack2, Liamski689, Suedehead2

Lowest score:

4 Roba

 

Number One for 2 weeks in December / January 1980, this was the only credited hit for the choir but they had already been uncredited chart toppers on “Matchstalk Men And Matchstalk Cats And Dogs” a couple of years earlier. “There’s No-One Quite Like Grandma” was written for the 80th birthday of the Queen Mother and became a million seller. The choir went on to release 9 albums over the 1980s. A couple of the choir members were later TV actresses.

 

While it’s far from good, I can’t find too much hate in my heart for this really. This is our least favourite Number One of the 1980s, leaving two from each of the 70s, 90s and 20s. But which of our heat winners has just missed the Top 5?

Edited November 12, 20222 yr by JulianT

I only gave this 6 or 7 points. I'm not exactly a fan, it's twee and corny, but it's also somehow nostalgic (despite coming out a good decade more than I started primary school) and the sort of thing that could only ever be released in the UK.

Awww. I don't love it, but I don't hate it. As long as I don't have to listen to it. My grandma was living with us after recovering from a heart attack at the time and she wasn't a fan of it. My grandma was fab.

 

Big Bang Theory, cough splutter the very idea! Fabness! :P Humour is very individual though, everyone has different ideas on what is funny. Some think Del-boy is the funniest thing the UK has ever produced, and some find him annoying :lol: Canned laughter was the norm in America in the 60s and 70's, it was expected. Comedy albums from stand-ups used to sell very well too and chart, recorded with an audience mostly, apart from Bob Newhart and a couple of others. MASH, a brilliant Korean War dark sitcom ran in the UK without a laugh track in 1972, cos UK audiences found in grating, but the USA had canned laughter throughout despite the producers and actors detesting it. Thankfully a thing of the past now! It's either live studio audience or filmed.

 

:D

Well at least 'Grandma' missed the top 5 here now. I don't love it or even like it all that much but it's one of the least offensive for me and considering it's quite disliked by others.. I don't overly mind it.

Being 28 and male, I obviously wasn't alive when this song (Grandma) was released and am not the target demographic for this song. I also was not aware of the initial context behind the song as a tribute to the (then) Queen Mother and, on a surface level, it's a primary school choir singing a saccharine but earnest song in honour of an often overlooked family member.

 

Having said all that, this song topped my personal opinion of worst UK number one with only one other record in the list that has yet to appear coming close to incurring my anger. I loathe this song with a passion. I want to make it clear, the choir themselves deserve no scorn (their children, I'm not a heartless monster. Blame is directed at all other parties involved.) so the worst I'll say here is I wish they'd found a lead vocal that wasn't quite so nails-on-a-chalkboard grating.

 

The main issue I take is how grandma is portrayed with so little personality to speak of beyond a basic crib note description that the record may as well be about a vacuum cleaner and nothing would need to be changed. I get the need to generalise but there should at least be something that makes her stand out from other family members and not a mere stereotype who visits occasionally and exists with perfunctory purpose. I am fortunate enough to still have a grandma alive but hope she would have given me a clip round the ear had I been alive then and by giving this made her feel like I valued her as little more than an object.

 

The production is hideous; so maudlin and trite, as if every flourish and note are being used to tug at the heartstrings. My head canon is advertisers to this day use this song as inspiration to create similar dirges that convince overly sentimental saps to purchase their produce, especially around Christmas to match when this song topped the charts. Speaking of Christmas, I feel sorry for grandmothers that received this as a present ahead of one they may actually have liked.

 

It is my least favourite Number One as there is nothing to be gained from listening to it. Every other record has something that justifies its existence, even if I may not appreciate them. There are no salvageable qualities, it is offensively twee and, even with other appallingly bad records that have topped the charts, sticks out as an affront to good taste. I will wrap and conclude with the only "positive"; it could have been much worse (*cough* My Mummy Is One In A Million *cough*)

 

At the end of a storm there’s a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of a lark

 

6th - You’ll Never Walk Alone - Michael Ball / Tom Moore / NHS Voices Of Care Choir

 

 

Winner, 2007-2022 heat

 

Average score: 27.30

Highest score:

39 JulianT, Alex!

Lowest score:

2 Liamski689

 

Number One for a week in April 2020 and enjoying a 1-21-Out run, this is the only chart topper for Michael Ball and came 31 years after he reached #2 with “Love Changes Everything”. Aside from “A Bridge Over You” it’s the only time “NHS” has appeared in any chart hit credit, so it seems such records are destined to be #1s, be publicly backed by the artist they’re in a chart battle with (The Weeknd in this case) and be terrible. Ball sang “You’ll Never Walk Alone” to Captain Tom live on BBC Breakfast to congratulate him for his fundraising walk during the pandemic, and the performance was turned into a single adding the NHS choir and Captain Tom’s spoken words. Moore celebrated his 100th birthday while the single was at #1. It was the third version of the song to top the charts, after Gerry And The Pacemakers took it there in 1963 and The Crowd supergroup in 1985 in the wake of the Bradford City stadium fire.

 

This is one of the few chart toppers I find actively painful to listen to - poor Captain Sir Tom’s parts are exceptionally grating. I am glad that he has been immortalised via popular culture but feel this can’t have been the best way. Surprisingly this beat Ladbaby in the 2007-2022 heat but in the final it was a different story.

I was thinking You'll Never Walk Alone would finish in first place. I gave it 37 points. My top 9 are all out now.

There is no way this should have dropped out before Sausage Rolls For Everyone! That version of You'll Never Walk Alone is easily the worst number one of the 21st century.

Would've been better doing something else for Charity and using Captain Tom than agreeing to this dreadful cover.

Edited November 12, 20222 yr by Roba!

A charity record with Alfie Boe & Ball and an intro from Tom wouldve been much better. Or at least listenable.

It’s also helped his daughter grift even more money I’m sure

Grandma was the one left in my bottom 10 *__ I'm pleased it hasn't won, I certainly can't defend it as a piece of music, but I can't bring myself to hate it, it's really cute. Probably a cynical record exec behind it somewhere that deserves hating, but still.

 

I've only heard the cover of You'll Never Walk Alone for the first time at the number 1s session, I never bothered at the time as I knew it would likely be rubbish, think Captain Tom probably should've left the singing to Michael Ball for the most part, but it doesn't offend me, it was a strange time and there was inevitably gonna be some kind of charity single, it was necessary for the money it made.

It does feel quite harsh to say it given Captain Tom served his country in many ways but I would agree that his parts are unfortunately unlistenable. I agree that had Michael Ball just done the song himself and had a little spoken word intro from Captain Tom so he got an official credit it wouldn't have been so bad, other than being another charity cover with none of the heart of the original.

I agree it is completely unlistenable, however nice the sentiment of it might have been, or the cause it was for. Good for Michael Ball to finally get a No.1 single, and - to be fair - he sounds strong on it - but poor Captain Tom was obviously not going to sound great in a duet with him, or indeed singing on any record. I can't believe it was even given the green light and released. I agree with Popchartfreak that it should have just been an intro or maybe mid song spoken interlude from Tom, but not him joining in on the chorus.

My 38 pointer has gone… agree that is totally unlistenable and also felt like it just cheapened the whole story around Tom.

For the advice and the knowledge

And the costs of your college

No charge

 

5th - JJ Barrie - No Charge

 

 

Winner, 1952-1979 heat

 

Average score: 27.57

Highest score:

40 JulianT, Bré

Lowest score:

6 Jester

 

Number One for a week in May / June 1976 and knocked off by “Combine Harvester” (what a time to be alive), this is the only UK hit for the Canadian singer songwriter. It’s actually a cover originally performed by Melba Montgomery which was an American chart topper, so the song is only really associated with Barrie in the UK. It includes uncredited vocals from Vicki Brown and drums from session musician Clem Cattini who has performed on more than 40 UK #1s. As mentioned earlier Billy Connolly did a parody called “No Chance (No Charge)” which reached #24.

 

A young boy gives his mother an itemised bill for various chores he’s done, and she responds by singing about all the things she’s done for him at no cost, after which he concludes that she’s right. Herlan Howard who wrote the song said “I’ve never written a song that moves people so much. I’ve had guys tell me they almost wrecked their truck when they heard it ‘cause it made them cry”. Well it definitely isn’t happy tears that it brings to my eyes. This would have won easily if it was down to me; utterly horrific record. Nothing wrong with the honour your parents message in itself but it seems a rather passive aggressive way to make the point to the child. And bringing up that he stayed in the womb for 9 months for free, as if it was a hotel? And for some reason the mother’s singing (the only singing) is pushed into the background and the narrator has to speak it over her so you catch what she’s said - an unwelcome feature added in the Barrie cover.

 

This also won its heat but fell slightly short in the final. Nobody placed it in their bottom 5 but it had plenty of low and middling scores - I’d be interested to hear a defence of the record from someone who doesn’t mind it. Oh and don’t bother checking out the Connolly version; it’s also a car crash.

Edited November 13, 20222 yr by JulianT